Poetry on life

[osho]

Life is a journey and we all are journeymen
Always with our hustle and bustle,
Life is compartmentalized
Into so many schedules and programs
We forgot ourselves in pursuit of our end
We have a towering success and mountain of wealth
But amidst our abundance and achievement
We live a poor life buried by our rewards and laurels
And there are only the rewards and laurels
Not ourselves;
Forget your glory and achievement for a while
And be “yourself” without your “externals “
For you’re not the success nor your titles and laurels
You are yourself with them and without them
all
Sojourn for a moment and take the feel of life

[Buh4Bee]

I enjoyed the conclusion of your poem:
Sojourn for a moment and take the feel of life


I think it can be hard to write these types of "life lesson" poems, if you will, because the 'topic' of life is so vast that to generalize it across our everyday life does not address some much of what we do.

The poem assigns meaning to those that have, but not the have-nots. You state we are all journeymen, but the journey is defined by material and wealth. If this is about life, many don't follow this journey. As defined by the poem, life is a journey for the busy, wealthy and educated. Are they the ones that should take the suit off and walk in the grass? It can be concluded that only certain of us are on this journey of life.

[hillwalker]

I also felt this was aimed at a particular sector of society (the 'haves') yet seemed to judge and attempt to enlighten us all, and a little too glibly.

Not my favourite style of poem I'm afraid.

H

[Silas Thorne]

This does speak to a very specific audience. It is also rather more like rhetoric than a poem, as you will see by joining the lines together and adding some more punctuation.

Have you read W. H. Davies by the way? You might like it:
http://www.englishverse.com/poems/leisure

[osho]

I am just happy that all you have first read my poem and wrote a few words then after. I did not deserve any applause since I have yet to learn the craftsmanship of poetry. I have no mastery over English since this is not my first language.

I am just overwhelmed to read your words, rather than not hearing anything, your comments are really stirring.

I will have to go a long way to deserve appreciation

[hillwalker]

You say you have no mastery over English but this is not particularly noticeable in your poetry. You write well enough.

But the subject matter is what lets you down. It's quite old-fashioned - almost preaching in tone. On reading this I felt you were setting yourself up as a moral arbiter on society. Addressing the world as someone who knows better than everyone else how to live life is unlikely to gain much favour amongst most readers.

Perhaps you need to 'lighten up' as they say - share your thoughts by describing how they affect your life rather than passing on a moral lesson from someone presumably no more qualified in life than the rest of us.

Please keep posting...

H

[osho]

You say you have no mastery over English but this is not particularly noticeable in your poetry. You write well enough.

But the subject matter is what lets you down. It's quite old-fashioned - almost preaching in tone. On reading this I felt you were setting yourself up as a moral arbiter on society. Addressing the world as someone who knows better than everyone else how to live life is unlikely to gain much favour amongst most readers.

Perhaps you need to 'lighten up' as they say - share your thoughts by describing how they affect your life rather than passing on a moral lesson from someone presumably no more qualified in life than the rest of us.

Please keep posting...

H


I second your opinion. In fact I have yet to master the craft of writing poetry. This is a trial, an experiment seeking comments from someone like you and this fuels and stirs me to practice more and more. Maybe a day will come soon I may expect wows from you. Of course I have to go a long way for that.

I was always afraid of finding apathy and feel elated at the fact that it attracted comments from you and some other posters here on this form.

[blazeofglory]

Osho, I may sound blunt, but I find your poem full of rhetoric, some parable, not poetry. I do not mean I did not enjoy, I did enough, but by standard yours fall a little below the average. With that said I do not want to daunt and dispirit a budding poet like you.

You can keep on writing poetry and do not fear since as long as people can enjoy it will work, if not artistically

[osho]

Thank you Blazeofglory. I am not so good at writing and I have yet to hone my style of writing poetry. Since I come from a non English background I lack the confidence the rest of poets have.

[blazeofglory]

Osho, do not worry. You sound skilled at writing. I have no comment on .

What I want to say is it is not poetry. It is a moral lesson, a parable, a teaching and that is why it lacks the beauty of a good poem. However do not be disheartened. Keep on writing and you will prove yourself in due course