Top Tips for a Happy Life

[Paulclem]

Tip 146: Don't burst into other's conversations like a simple minded goat on the assumption that you know what they're talking about.

I have done this often - much to my embarrassment, shame and physical retribution...

[Snowqueen]

Tip 146: Don't burst into other's conversations like a simple minded goat on the assumption that you know what they're talking about.


I did the same once and I know how it feels.

Tip 147: Listen to your elders.

[MarkBastable]

Tip 147: Listen to your elders.


I'm not so sure about this.

The world is full of middle-aged and older people who are ill-informed, vindictive, bitter, crazy or just stupid. In other words - all the things they were when they were young, but with force of habit thrown in. Experience does not necessarily teach anything. In some people, it just calcifies wrong-headedness.

So I'd say

Tip 148: Don't listen to your elders, unless the elder in question has a demonstrated history of saying things that are worth listening to - which very probably means it's nothing to do with them being your elder, and has a lot to do with their personality.


You might say that this is rubbish. In which case, as I am the elder of about ninety percent of LitNet Members, I refer you to Tip 147.

[hoope]

Be who you are.. not whom others want you to be ..
Be simple. and be honest with everything you do

[Maximilianus]

Be who you are.. not whom others want you to be ..
Be simple. and be honest with everything you do
You have to number them, hoopie. I'll number them for you :)
Tip 149:

Be who you are.. not whom others want you to be ..
Be simple. and be honest with everything you do


http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/good2.gif

[ftil]

135 - Trust yourself.

I like that. I would add, “trust yourself no matter what, especially when others try to convince you otherwise”

Tip 148: Don't listen to your elders, unless the elder in question has a demonstrated history of saying things that are worth listening to - which very probably mean it's nothing to do with them being your elder, and has a lot to do with their personality.

It is so true. Wisdom doesn’t come with age. LOL!

Tip 150:
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Only dead people don’t make any mistakes.
Be creative and dance as if nobody is watching you.

[Paulclem]

Tip 151: Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.


Tip 152: Do at least one crap job. You can then look back and think "at least I'm not working there" in the future.

I've done several crap jobs in the past - checkweighman in a slaughterhouse, labourer in a prawn factory, and I've been a hod carrier. They each had theri own allure I suppose - the slaughterhouse was colourful, I acquired an interesting aroma in the prawn factory, and hod carrying made me fit, (there's no future in hod carrying. I does your back in eventually). But now I really do think - I'm so, so glad I don't work there anymore.

[Delta40]

Tip 153 - If you're going to fail, fail spectacularly

I may have posted this tip already but its worth mentioning again....

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 151: Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.


Tip 152: Do at least one crap job. You can then look back and think "at least I'm not working there" in the future.

I've done several crap jobs in the past - checkweighman in a slaughterhouse, labourer in a prawn factory, and I've been a hod carrier. They each had theri own allure I suppose - the slaughterhouse was colourful, I acquired an interesting aroma in the prawn factory, and hod carrying made me fit, (there's no future in hod carrying. I does your back in eventually). But now I really do think - I'm so, so glad I don't work there anymore.

I'm not really sure what "hods" are but I'm sure I've heard of them before. Have to turn to Google. I wonder what people did before Google (or other search engines, but we mean Google really)?


Tip 154 - Never get above yourself, because in the grand scheme of things, we are always little more than children.

Or something like that, we know nothing etc, etc...:smile5:

And something a little less "heavy" but still as important:

Tip 155 - When buying cheddar, always buy (extra) mature cheddar, as there is really no point in mild cheddar at all, as it tastes of absolutely nothing...

Plus get some onion or chives on there; they marry cheese so, so well.:cornut:

[cafolini]

Be a total failure, since from then on, breathing can make you happy.

[NikolaiI]

I read these on someone's blog last night and I can't remember the person's name. The second one the wording is changed - I can't remember how they said it. ...

That was my blog, and I am glad I am not the memorable. Really!


135 - Trust yourself.

I like that. I would add, “trust yourself no matter what, especially when others try to convince you otherwise”

...

Tip 150:
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Only dead people don’t make any mistakes.
Be creative and dance as if nobody is watching you.

Yeah, everything in life is built on it. I really feel that it is the most important thing, to trust yourself. How can you have love, trust, or peace without it? But if you trust yourself then . . I don't know how to describe it, it's just that everything is a helluva lot easier!

Realizing that changed my life, along with realizing to take responsibility for my own life, and for all the good and bad that comes in it. Even the bad things I seemingly could have no control over, if I accept responsibility for them (It was my choices that brought me wherever I am), then I feel free of a huge burden - the burden of blaming others, the feeling that I can't control my destiny. I don't know if it's that way for everyone, but it was for me.

Next one is straight from the Dhammapada:

Tip 157. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Being free from such thoughts banishes hatred forever.

[Hurricane]

Tip 158: A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

Obviously a quote taken out of context and stolen from someone else, but I think it's a good philosophy. I'm a big believer in a well-rounded person having a working knowledge of just about anything

[NikolaiI]

Haha I love it. So true.

[hoope]

You have to number them, hoopie. I'll number them for you :)
Tip 149:

Be who you are.. not whom others want you to be ..
Be simple. and be honest with everything you do


http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/good2.gif

Oh .. missed that .. !

Thanks Max ;)

Tip 151: Prepare for the worst but hope for the best
Nice one !



TIP 159 - LOVE ALL BUT TRUST FEW

[Paulclem]

I'm not really sure what "hods" are but I'm sure I've heard of them before. Have to turn to Google. I wonder what people did before Google (or other search engines, but we mean Google really)?




http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8145288.stm

The "hoddie" in the picture is using the hod to carry bricks up the ladder. Hard job.

[LitNetIsGreat]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8145288.stm

The "hoddie" in the picture is using the hod to carry bricks up the ladder. Hard job.

Oh yes, I know what you mean then. Yes it doesn't look easy work at all.

Tip 160 - Always buy/bake 'proper' bread and make sure you have enough of it in the house.

Otherwise you end up getting stuck with that cardboard rubbish and having to eat it tomorrow for your sandwiches.:cuss::mad2: Not happy at all.

[MarkBastable]

Tip 154 - Never get above yourself, because in the grand scheme of things, we are always little more than children.

I'd like to offer a corollary to that, which may sound like a contradiction of it, but it's not.

Tip 161: Don't worry if you constantly feel like you're just barely getting away with pretending to be a grown-up. Everyone feels like that. That's what being a grown-up is. So a) don't use it as an excuse and b) get rid of all but one of the teddy-bears, because frankly that collection on the shelf in your bedroom is an embarrassment to all involved, including the teddy-bears.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Yeah the teddy bear thing has to be some sort of strange security blanket...(Your tip was 161.)

Tip 162 - Make sure have always got more beer (wine if you must) in the house than you need for the night.

You can never have enough beer. I very rarely run out by making sure that I rush out and buy reserves.

One of the worst things in life is running out of quality beverages...

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 163 - Don't try to please everybody all the time.

It just doesn't work. Be yourself and leave it at that...no stress.

[MarkBastable]

Tip 163 - Don't try to please everybody all the time.

It just doesn't work. Be yourself and leave it at that...no stress.

I find that being myself does please everybody all the time. You only have to look at the reaction I get to my posts. Everyone is just fizzily overjoyed by my very presence, I can tell.

[LitNetIsGreat]

I find that being myself does please everybody all the time. You only have to look at the reaction I get to my posts. Everyone is just fizzily overjoyed by my very presence, I can tell.

Ha, ha - I spot irony!

Running around after the wife, the neighbour, work evil, the father-in-law, your two friends, dad; brother, sister, cat, gardening equipment and sausages only means that get you tired, please nobody and get further away from your true wisdom and inner peace. Don't do it! Just don't. Drink coffee and think sod it.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 164 - When you are on the bus make sure you take everything with you.

Oh my god, I left a bag of shopping today with a pizza and a block of mature cheese in it - I can't believe it, £5+ down the drain, adhere to the tip or be sorry!

[MystyrMystyry]

165 - Soluble Fibre

Very important this - shouldn't be underestimated

[Silas Thorne]

Tip 166: If you are going on someone's boat and you can't swim, don't get drunk. And wear a bloody lifejacket, you damn fool!

[Delta40]

Tip 167: There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

(I stole this one because it made me smile!)

[MarkBastable]

Tip 167: There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

(I stole this one because it made me smile!)


Yeah, fishing. What's that all about? I mean, for God's sake, either get yourself a shed or tell her to record Downton friggin' Abbey and watch it while you're at work.

[JuniperWoolf]

Tip 168 - Always listen to the lab instructor no matter how boring (s)he is, because while you might feel invulnerable in your stupid little white coat, you really could get sick or injured if you decide to play Kirby on your DSi instead of paying attention to instructions.

[Paulclem]

Tip 169: Eat porridge and cook your porridge in water first and add milk after. It cooks better.

Sterp away from those salt and sugar laden cereals! What sustains us can also kill us in the long run. I'm a sucker for Frosties myself... but I had porridge today, and yesterday, and the day before that ..... I'm a regular bloke.

[prendrelemick]

I've had porridge for breakfast for the last 5 years.


Yes! you too could have a body like mine - eat porridge!



(is there a 'd' in porrige?)

[hoope]

Tip 170. Never regret what have happened nor decisions u have made .... Just move on!

[PoeticPassions]

Tip 171: Sometimes, when you feel really stressed at work, take a moment and make a paper airplane, and shoot it across to a colleague. Then proceed to have an office competition of whose plane will fly farthest.

[PoeticPassions]

Tip 172: Eat chocolate, without guilt.

[Paulclem]

I've had porridge for breakfast for the last 5 years.


Yes! you too could have a body like mine - eat porridge!



(is there a 'd' in porrige?)

I think it looks right with a d, but I get the feeling I'm wrong.

I, too, have long eaten porrige. You too could have a mind like mine! - eat porridge/ porrige.

[MystyrMystyry]

173 - Eat Muesli with Fresh Fruit

(Bacon and Eggs is nice too)

[Silas Thorne]

174- If someone looks like they are about to go for you, hit them first.

[prendrelemick]

I think it looks right with a d, but I get the feeling I'm wrong.

I, too, have long eaten porrige. You too could have a mind like mine! - eat porridge/ porrige.

According to my packet of Scott's its porage!

[TheFifthElement]

Spend a little time everyday doing something that you enjoy.

Life's to short to spend it just fulfilling duty.

Keep a dictionary handy

[Paulclem]

According to my packet of Scott's its porage!

I feel better about it now. It must be the porridge/ porrige/porage.

[Paulclem]

Spend a little time everyday doing something that you enjoy.

Life's to short to spend it just fulfilling duty.

Keep a dictionary handy

I've often been a work my dic in my hand... I'm sorry. Shall I just quietly go now?...yes... that's the best thing...

[NikolaiI]

176. Learn how to spell porridge. ;)

[Vonny]

I've often been a work my dic in my hand... I'm sorry. Shall I just quietly go now?...yes... that's the best thing...

What??? :lol: ACKKK!!!!

[cafolini]

It makes me extremely happy to be able to laugh and be an idiot in a world with so much prescribed wisdom and misery and obvious smarts. There is nothing like sucking thumb and running away from any impediment to do it.

[Pensive]

177. If you aren't happy then fake happiness by all means. Anyway there's a chance you become so adept at faking it that it begins to feel real.

[Taliesin]

There was this little flowchart (in Russian though, but still contained useful advice) that I think I need to share.

http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee446/taliesintoomas/stuff/nenoi.jpg
My Russian's not very good, but it vaguely translates to

Universal problem solving, version 1.0

Is it very bad/Are you feeling very bad? (No) ---> Good
(Yes!)
|
\/
Are yo doing anything to improve the situation? (Yes)------>Good
(No)
|
\/
Then don't whine! DON'T WHINE, *****!

[Paulclem]

176. Learn how to spell porridge. ;)

It is a d! I looked it up on wikipedia to check. Also porage.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porridge

[Paulclem]

What??? :lol: ACKKK!!!!

Can I just say that I am an English Tutor and I often have cause to handle one in the classroom. :lol:

[Vonny]

Can I just say that I am an English Tutor and I often have cause to handle one in the classroom. :lol:


I'm not sure I'm convinced Paul.... it followed this tip:



Spend a little time everyday doing something that you enjoy.

Life's to short to spend it just fulfilling duty.


Sounds more like mischief than an attempt to fulfill duty to me! ;)

[Paulclem]

I'm not sure I'm convinced Paul.... it followed this tip:


Sounds more like mischief than an attempt to fulfill duty to me! ;)

I can do my duty too...:lol:


Tip 3746: Do your duty.

I duly do my duty
I'm not being smart or cutey
And certainly not fruity
I just do my duty.

[Vonny]

I can do my duty too...:lol:


Tip 3746: Do your duty.

I duly do my duty
I'm not being smart or cutey
And certainly not fruity
I just do my duty.

I'm convinced of this! You've got a weird little facet to your personality, which when I see it makes me think that people were not so intellectually deprived who grew up before all the technology - dutiful and clever, too! :)

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 180 - (I think!:hat:) don't forget to check out your local amateur theatre groups.

People often do and there are a few little gems there sometimes, certainly better than being stuck in the house trying to avoid trash TV! Had a good night last night watching a good amateur production of Chekov's Three Sisters.

[prendrelemick]

It is a d! I looked it up on wikipedia to check. Also porage.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porridge



And are you happy now?

[Vonny]

And are you happy now?

I imagine he is. If you watch Paul, isn't it funny what he can so creatively entertain himself with? (and us, too!) He must have learned early on to entertain himself with what was readily available to him. He puts "do your duty" way down the list at 3746 because duty doesn't feel like duty since he's having fun at the same time.

Tip 181 - Entertain yourself

[Paulclem]

And are you happy now?

No! That would be triumphalist.

I'm merely exuding a self congratulatory confidence.:smile5:

[Paulclem]

I imagine he is. If you watch Paul, isn't it funny what he can so creatively entertain himself with? (and us, too!) He must have learned early on to entertain himself with what was readily available to him. He puts "do your duty" way down the list at 3746 because duty doesn't feel like duty since he's having fun at the same time.

Tip 181 - Entertain yourself

I learnt early how to creatively play with myself. :smash:

[NikolaiI]

I learnt early how to creatively play with myself. :smash:

Yeah, big win there.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 182 - Find time for at least one quality meal every day or every other day at least.

Feed your soul as well as your belly!

[Paulclem]

Tip 182 - Find time for at least one quality meal every day or every other day at least.

Feed your soul as well as your belly!

I had a pot noodle and jaffa cakes today. I'm living it up...hopefully not bringing it up.

[Paulclem]

Yeah, big win there.

I occupy myself constantly...

[ftil]

Tip 183 - Have good belly laughter every day.

[Vonny]

I learnt early how to creatively play with myself. :smash:

An indispensable skill!!

[NikolaiI]

I think the phrase you're looking for is "play by myself," no?

[Paulclem]

I think the phrase you're looking for is "play by myself," no?

No :biggrin5:

Tip 184: Always wash your trousers before you put them away in the wardrobe - especially after a couple of weeks - and don't leave them there and forget they need washing and pack them in your workbag a year or so later having forgotten the state they're in.

I did this today and had to make a special trip home to get some suitably clean ones. They were so sticky and shiny that they nearly looked two-tone. It's been another warm day today and I thought I might attract flies...

Tip 185: Make sure your trouser pockets haven't got big holes in them.

The ones I got out today had holes in the pockets which I had forgotten about until I put my change in there and it fell down my trouser leg. Annoying...

[MarkBastable]

No :biggrin5:

Tip 184: Always wash your trousers before you put them away in the wardrobe - especially after a couple of weeks - and don't leave them there and forget they need washing and pack them in your workbag a year or so later having forgotten the state they're in.

I did this today and had to make a special trip home to get some suitably clean ones. They were so sticky and shiny that they nearly looked two-tone. It's been another warm day today and I thought I might attract flies...

Tip 185: Make sure your trouser pockets haven't got big holes in them.

The ones I got out today had holes in the pockets which I had forgotten about until I put my change in there and it fell down my trouser leg. Annoying...

Heartwarming to see you taking your first hesitant steps back into the community though.

[Paulclem]

Heartwarming to see you taking your first hesitant steps back into the community though.

:lol:

It's the realising that does it.

[Delta40]

Tip 186: Have complete faith in placebos

[LitNetIsGreat]

Heartwarming to see you taking your first hesitant steps back into the community though.

:lol:What with his pot noodle and jaffa cake business lunch?

Tip 187 - Refuse to eat pot noodles.

:yesnod:

[Paulclem]

:lol:What with his pot noodle and jaffa cake business lunch?

Tip 187 - Refuse to eat pot noodles.

:yesnod:

I had no time - I was changing my trousers. (Not as bad as it sounds if you're just on this page).

Tip 188: Impress your relatives with a Christmas Pot Noodle.

http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/845514-pot-noeldle-taste-test-of-the-christmas-pot-noodle

It really does have an edge of stuffing. (They were selling them off in the summer at the shop near where I work. If you carefully peel off the lid, it can be used as a Christmas bauble for the tree). Mmmmmmm

[Vonny]

Tip #189 - If you come on the forum and say, "I have brain cancer," and someone responds, "The perfect cure is to have your entire head amputated," - rather than expecting that poster to prove to you that this is most effective method of treatment, even if he is a neurologist or oncologist who can provide you with some kind of data to support his claim, it's best to assume that, even having the best of intentions, a poster could be mistaken.


I had no time - I was changing my trousers. (Not as bad as it sounds if you're just on this page).

This isn't bad, but funny. "Trousers" is one of the funniest words you British use. We don't say trousers, we say pants. Very occasionally someone will say "slacks." And short pants are capris. But trousers is just so funny! No one would ever, ever use the word trousers!

[MarkBastable]

No one would ever, ever use the word trousers!


If by 'no one', you mean 'no American', I think I'd disagree. I have heard Americans use 'trousers' but they tend to mean formal wear of some kind - though even then, not exclusively. I think there's a lot of regional variation on this within the US.

[Vonny]

If by 'no one', you mean 'no American', I think I'd disagree. I have heard Americans use 'trousers' but they tend to mean formal wear of some kind - though even then, not exclusively. I think there's a lot of regional variation on this within the US.

True. Americas think we're the only ones. Even for those of us who are glad to discover we're not the only ones, the speech forms are habit.

But where I live anyway, if someone spoke of "trousers" they would get a very strange look, especially if they were under 70. Mostly, it's jeans here. But I like seeing "trousers" on the forum - so funny!

[MarkBastable]

True. Americas think we're the only ones. Even for those of us who are glad to discover we're not the only ones, the speech forms are habit.

But where I live anyway, if someone spoke of "trousers" they would get a very strange look, especially if they were under 70. Mostly, it's jeans here. But I like seeing "trousers" on the forum - so funny!


So you're laughing at the way foreigners speak. Isn't that a bit...you know...racist? I mean, I don't care myself, but apparently there are people with scary avatars policing the forum, and you might find that you're drawing some attention.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Hey stop picking on Vonny you bad man...
------------------------------------------

Tip 190 - Women, don't nag your man.

:smilewinkgrin: There's nothing more annoying. (After a hard day's work he needs to relax.)

[Paulclem]

Tip 191: Go to work by a different route sometimes.

I discovered a park I'd never been to before right by the city centre, but in a depression surrounded by terrace houses. It's a small park, but nice and surprisingly quiet. You never know what you'll find.

[Vonny]

Tip 190 - Women, don't nag your man.

:smilewinkgrin: There's nothing more annoying. (After a hard day's work he needs to relax.)

Aw, poor Neely.

Tip #192 - Audio books and earphones may be worth a try. And never forget the beer.

[Ecurb]

Tip 193: The police are not your friends. Never let them capture you alive.

[Paulclem]

This isn't bad, but funny. "Trousers" is one of the funniest words you British use. We don't say trousers, we say pants. Very occasionally someone will say "slacks." And short pants are capris. But trousers is just so funny! No one would ever, ever use the word trousers!

My daughter, when she was small, would say troufers - which I prefer, but find unuseable outside of the family.

We aso have a kind of poor man's fish they sell in chip shops here in the UK. Scallops, (pronounced scollops here), is a big slice of potato covered in batter and fried, (as opposed to the seafood scallops). My son used to call them scollocks - which we still use.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Aw, poor Neely.

Oh I was thinking generally really, mostly anyway. I think I get a slightly better deal than the average chap.

Tip 193 Revisit (visit) Chekhov.

Such melancholic sadness will make you happy in a strange way - besides he is quality and needs to be read.

[cafolini]

Tip #189 - If you come on the forum and say, "I have brain cancer," and someone responds, "The perfect cure is to have your entire head amputated," - rather than expecting that poster to prove to you that this is most effective method of treatment, even if he is a neurologist or oncologist who can provide you with some kind of data to support his claim, it's best to assume that, even having the best of intentions, a poster could be mistaken.

Vonny. That's brutal and detectable right away. You are known for having some good humor. But it could happen more subtly. It could be an achaelogist who has worked with the Incas. After convincing you that they were very advanced in medicine, he could send you to Peru to get a brain operation.

[Vonny]

Vonny. That's brutal and detectable right away. You are known for having some good humor. But it could happen more subtly. It could be an achaelogist who has worked with the Incas. After convincing you that they were very advanced in medicine, he could send you to Peru to get a brain operation.

Tip #194 - c'est la vie

[Drkshadow03]

Now that's my sort of tip. I couldn't tell you the jobs I have put off, I would get repetitive strain injury from typing.

Good tips all round - keep it up folks. I'll collate them at 50/100, if we get that far, (hence the bold to see easily) and we can sell the list to unhappy people and make lots of money and split the profits...

Tip 28 - Eat nice bread and drink real coffee.

It makes all the difference.

What's fake coffee?

[Silas Thorne]

Tip (What number are we at now?) - Don't teach your partner to drive. Let the professionals do it.

[PoeticPassions]

Tip 196: Don't wait to always have company to go to the movies, or the theater, or ballet, or opera. Just get dressed up and go on your own when you feel like it.

[LitNetIsGreat]

What's fake coffee?

Instant coffee. It certain circumstances it is OK as a substitute, but to drink it exclusively is not a good show in my book. Tea bags are fine.


Tip 196: Don't wait to always have company to go to the movies, or the theater, or ballet, or opera. Just get dressed up and go on your own when you feel like it.

Absolutely. I went to see a top production of Othello last night and I've booked a ticket for a classical concert for Sunday night. Good tip. I find it better to go with company, but I would rather go on my own than to not see it at all.

Getting obsessed with theatre productions. I'm doing two/three per week for this and next month, both amateur and professional productions - it's also fun dragging my brother along to a few of them!

Tip 197 - Introduce people to the theatre.

It's fun.

[Alexander III]

Tip 196: Don't wait to always have company to go to the movies, or the theater, or ballet, or opera. Just get dressed up and go on your own when you feel like it.

So very true. I have had some great nights going to London to watch an opera alone. You meet new people and enjoy a great opera without the bother of having uninterested friends or girls with you.

[Paulclem]

What's fake coffee?

There's the stuff made from acorns, and the stuff made from dandelions. There's also some vegan stuff - which i forget the name of - and camp Coffee made from chicory which is quite nice.


Tip 196: Don't wait to always have company to go to the movies, or the theater, or ballet, or opera. Just get dressed up and go on your own when you feel like it.

As a middle aged bloke there are some problems associated with going alone to the cinema.

Tip 198: If you are a bloke and you go to see a movie alone - then sit right at the front and not the "creepy" back.


the naughty kids at the back may target you though.
The last film I went to see alone was Lord of the Rings The Return of the King. No-one will go with me now even though I've stopped laughing too loudly...

[qimissung]

Tip (What number are we at now?) - Don't teach your partner to drive. Let the professionals do it.

Or your offspring either! :eek:

Tip 198: Don't own too many things lest they begin to own you.



Tip 199: Embarace both calm and chaos, for they are brother and sister to one another.

Now if I was only half as wise as I sound. :p


Tip 200: Read a good book once in awhile. :D

[Scheherazade]

Tip 201: Do not ignore moderator's warnings.

Hmm, maybe we should have a separate thread for "Top Tips for a Happy Online Life"...

[Emil Miller]

Tip 202: Here's one that has stood the test of time.


Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

[qimissung]

Tip 201: Do not ignore moderator's warnings.

Hmm, maybe we should have a separate thread for "Top Tips for a Happy Online Life"...

(Shiver) Yes, ma'am! We could never ignore our moderators, the kindest, the best, the goodest moderators in all the land! :)

[Delta40]

Tip 203: Never discount a compliment by dressing it down. Just say 'Thank you!'

[Emil Miller]

Tip 204:

Never reach for your revolver, unless it's in the cause of blowing away self-righteousness.

[Ecurb]

#205 Never hire an accounting firm run by a man named "Frenchy" or "Pete".

[Paulclem]

Tip 206: Never eat illicit chips. You can guarrantee that it'll be chips for tea as well.

In fact I've had three lots of chips today. 2 illicit ones and a legit teatime/ got home late portion. Call me Mr Fat from now on...

[Ecurb]

Tip 207: If a pretty girl asks you what kind of music you like, don't say, "Death Metal."

[Drkshadow03]

Instant coffee. It certain circumstances it is OK as a substitute, but to drink it exclusively is not a good show in my book. Tea bags are fine.



Hmm, do the Keurig K-cups count as instant?

[Ecurb]

Tip 208: Con-men, bunco artists, prevaricators, nimmers, flim-flammers and thieves are not trust-worthy. However, they are a lot of fun to hang out with.

[Silas Thorne]

Tip 208: If you are out drinking, keep enough money for a taxi home folded into a very tight small bundle and hide it someplace on your person, in case you get mugged and your wallet gets stolen.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Hmm, do the Keurig K-cups count as instant?

I've never heard of those. I'll have to look them up.

[PoeticPassions]

As a middle aged bloke there are some problems associated with going alone to the cinema.

Tip 198: If you are a bloke and you go to see a movie alone - then sit right at the front and not the "creepy" back.
.


haha, touche.

And yes, Neely, the theater is fun!

Of course having company can sometimes be better, but one shouldn't be afraid to go alone, or be alone, and agreed that sometimes it is easier not having to worry about someone you are with being uninterested, bored, etc. The only sad part of going alone is after the show... when there is no one around to exchange opinions with.


Tip 208: If you are out drinking, keep enough money for a taxi home folded into a very tight small bundle and hide it someplace on your person, in case you get mugged and your wallet gets stolen.

Good tip! Except that if you hide it too well, you might forget where you hid it while drunk... :)

To go along with that tip:

TIP 209: If you are going to throw up in the cab on the way home, and you choose to do it in your purse, make sure you remove all of your stuff out of the purse, if possible, before doing so. :puke:

[Paulclem]

Tip 210: If you buy clothes from a charity shop, check that there isn't a name label sewn int the collar. If there is, it means that you've bought something donated from a nursing home when a "dribbler" has passed away.

(It's not the fact that it once belonged to a "dribbler", just that it means you have the same post lucidity fashion sense).

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 211: Don't sit next to two women during concerts. This way you avoid all sorts of 'jibber jabber' prior to the performance and during the interval. :nod:

If you can, also try to avoid sitting close to 'pseudo types' (usually men trying to chat up women)..."oh the Parthenon was so, so evocative, such a wonderful construction. Can you believe they had concrete in AD 150? Oh and Paris, yes Paris, wonderful, wonderful. We went there last year again and it was such a fabulous trip - such atmosphere".:frown2:

[Delta40]

Tip 212: Avoid absolutes like 'never, ever, always'

[MystyrMystyry]

[B]Tip 211:

If you can, also try to avoid sitting close to 'pseudo types' (usually men trying to chat up women)..."oh the Parthenon was so, so evocative, such a wonderful construction. Can you believe they had concrete in AD 150? Oh and Paris, yes Paris, wonderful, wonderful. We went there last year again and it was such a fabulous trip - such atmosphere".:frown2:

Sure they weren't a pair of poofs?


Tip 9,046.285 - Join Twitter and follow famous interesting people (like me)

(I mean I've joined it and am following famous interesting people I mean - and if you've ever felt the need to send a personal disparaging message to an overstuffed someone whose apparently having more fun than you are, you may)

[cafolini]

tip #10. If you get a headache, hammer your big toe.

[Hurricane]

Tip #215: Sometimes it's worth the wait to ride in the front row of the roller coaster.

[Scheherazade]

Tip 212: Avoid absolutes like 'never, ever, always'Agreed! I never use those and always, ALWAYS try to avoid them!

I don't think I will ever use them, really...

[Emil Miller]

Tip 211: Don't sit next to two women during concerts. This way you avoid all sorts of 'jibber jabber' prior to the performance and during the interval. :nod:

If you can, also try to avoid sitting close to 'pseudo types' (usually men trying to chat up women)..."oh the Parthenon was so, so evocative, such a wonderful construction. Can you believe they had concrete in AD 150? Oh and Paris, yes Paris, wonderful, wonderful. We went there last year again and it was such a fabulous trip - such atmosphere".:frown2:

Don't sit next to two women anywhere except when it's unavoidable:jibber jabber being their raison d'etre. Unfortunately, it's not even possible to avoid senseless chatter from them even at a distance these days. Every few weeks I get my ear bent from one of them in New York and a couple of days ago another telephoned with the wonderful news that she can now get a cheap rate form the Swiss telephone service and will be calling me once a month henceforth. Don't you just love modern technology ?

[Scheherazade]

Don't sit next to two women anywhere except when it's unavoidable:jibber jabber being their raison d'etre. Unfortunately, it's not even possible to avoid senseless chatter from them even at a distance these days. Of course! Women are to be seen; not to be heard!

[Emil Miller]

Of course! Women are to be seen; not to be heard!

Ah.....if only.

[Scheherazade]

Ah.....if only.That oddly explains why even the links you post in the classical music thread do not have any sound.

[Emil Miller]

That oddly explains why even the links you post in the classical music thread do not have any sound.

To the best of my knowledge they all have sound.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Don't sit next to two women anywhere except when it's unavoidable:jibber jabber being their raison d'etre. Unfortunately, it's not even possible to avoid senseless chatter from them even at a distance these days. Every few weeks I get my ear bent from one of them in New York and a couple of days ago another telephoned with the wonderful news that she can now get a cheap rate form the Swiss telephone service and will be calling me once a month henceforth. Don't you just love modern technology ?

Oh dear. I hate it when the phone rings no matter who is on the other end.


Of course! Women are to be seen; not to be heard!

:biggrin5:


That oddly explains why even the links you post in the classical music thread do not have any sound.

Try the volume button.:ihih:


tip #10. If you get a headache, hammer your big toe.

Tip 9,046.285 - Join Twitter and follow famous interesting people (like me)

Tip 216 - Follow correct procedure.


Thank you. :nod:

[Scheherazade]

To the best of my knowledge they all have sound.It was a joke, Emil.





Try the volume button.:ihih:What do I do? The + and - signs on it often confuse me.

[Emil Miller]

It was a joke, Emil.

What do I do? The + and - signs on it often confuse me.

Well when they are playing a musical instrument as brilliantly as they often do, or singing divinely, I would never complain, but jibber jabber all to often takes precedence. :nod:

I think Neely might detect a slight note of sarcasm.

[LitNetIsGreat]

What do I do? The + and - signs on it often confuse me.


Well when they are playing a musical instrument as brilliantly as they often do, or singing divinely, I would never complain, but jibber jabber all to often takes precedence. :nod:

I think Neely might detect a slight note of sarcasm.

Yep, reminds me of the brilliant Harry Enfield sketch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

:biggrin5:

[Vonny]

Yep, reminds me of the brilliant Harry Enfield sketch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

:biggrin5:


But what if there's a woman who really doesn't process information well and really isn't hard core?

[LitNetIsGreat]

But what if there's a woman who really doesn't process information well and really isn't hard core?

Well then, that leads on to the text tip:

Tip 217 - Women (and sometimes men) know your limits.

[Vonny]

Well then, that leads on to the text tip:

Tip 217 - Women (and sometimes men) know your limits.

But what about Yu-Na Kim? Was that her name? The sky has been the limit, only she needed that coach because she was shy.

Also, if Yu-Na is gentle on the ice, is that a limitation?

[Paulclem]

Tip 217: Don't assume that raising your voice has the same effect as a simultaneous translation of your language into someone else's.

It is embarassing to be with people who do this.

[Vonny]

Tip #218 - Don't derail a lighthearted thread.

As I've had a habit of doing lately, with all of my sincerely deep questioning and thinking, almost like the woman in that "limitations" video. The only difference between her and me is that I don't know all the answers.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip #218 - Don't derail a lighthearted thread.

As I've had a habit of doing lately, with all of my sincerely deep questioning and thinking, almost like the woman in that "limitations" video. The only difference between her and me is that I don't know all the answers.

:lol:

None of us know the answers.

[Vonny]

:lol:

None of us know the answers.

Oh please ignore me, please forgive me! I don't know why I spontaneously write things here, and they come out different than I mean it. I don't intend to mess up your thread or the forum.

[Emil Miller]

But what about Yu-Na Kim? Was that her name? The sky has been the limit, only she needed that coach because she was shy.

Also, if Yu-Na is gentle on the ice, is that a limitation?

No, she needed the coach because he was a former champion skater whose expertise was essential to her development, in exactly the same way that Yuja Wang needed Gary Graffman, a former famous concert pianist, to develop her skills. Orientals know that the best education in a particular sphere is in the West but, when they have learned it, they will eventually use it to overtake the West.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Oh please ignore me, please forgive me! I don't know why I spontaneously write things here, and they come out different than I mean it. I don't intend to mess up your thread or the forum.

Relax, you haven't messed anything up.:thumbs_up

Tip 219 - Don't work with teenagers.

Jesus, what a day! Headache factory.

[Emil Miller]

Yep, reminds me of the brilliant Harry Enfield sketch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

:biggrin5:

Ah, those were the days.

[Vonny]

No, she needed the coach because he was a former champion skater whose expertise was essential to her development, in exactly the same way that Yuja Wang needed Gary Graffman, a former famous concert pianist, to develop her skills. Orientals know that the best education in a particular sphere is in the West but, when they have learned it, they will eventually use it to overtake the West.

Yes, that last sentence is exactly what my brother says. Here's one I got from my brother:


Tip #220 - Enjoy today because tomorrow we're Chinese.

I mean Chinese citizens.

[cafolini]

If you cannot move your ears, you are concentrating on the wrong part of the body.

[Scheherazade]

Tip #220 - Enjoy today because tomorrow we're Chinese.

I mean Chinese citizens.And we are supposed to "enjoy today" because we are all American, I guess.

:skep:

[Vonny]

And we are supposed to "enjoy today" because we are all American, I guess.

:skep:

If you're British or Canadian, you can be American today. Just keep racking up the debt. Buy the latest techy device for $500 on your credit card and keep your head stuck in video games 24/7.

[Delta40]

Tip 221: Pay no heed to prejudice and patriotism

[Vonny]

Tip #222 - The way to end discrimination is not to reverse it.

[cafolini]

# 223- When a woman screams at you, think of all the ones she probably met before you.

[Vonny]

# 223- When a woman screams at you, think of all the ones she probably met before you.

Tip #224 - It stops with the individual.

They say that an abused person will become an abuser, so where does the cycle stop? It stops with the individual.

[TheFifthElement]

Tip 225: don't read up on diseases you think your kids might have just before you go to bed.

Tip 226: keep ear plugs handy (for those nights when the hubby's snoring just gets too much, or you're sick of listening to the stupid bloody wind wafting around like it's lunchtime or something outside).

Tip 227: if all else fails, there's always vodka.

Tip 228: tip 225 revised - never look up illnesses, diseases, syndromes or medical conditions of any type on the Internet. It'll only make you crazy (which you should also avoid researching).

[cafolini]

#229 - Trust the media. They indeed do a bad job many a time.

# 230- If it looks really stupid as poetry, put music to it and sing it.

[Silas Thorne]

Tip 231- Shouting loudly does not usually make people who do not speak your language understand you any better.

[MarkBastable]

Tip 231- Shouting loudly does not usually make people who do not speak your language understand you any better.

Sorry?

[Silas Thorne]

Tip 232- If someone you don't know comes up to you and greets you like a close friend, chances are they want you to give them money to buy alcohol, want to convert you to their religion, or want to sell you insurance.

[JuniperWoolf]

Tip 233 - Don't get too riled up when you read the opinions of old British men concerning women; they don't seem to be aware of how irritating and insulting they're being.


Tip #220 - Enjoy today because tomorrow we're Chinese.

I mean Chinese citizens.

:rolleyes5: Yeeees... the Chinese have no concept of joy. *sarcasm*

[Silas Thorne]

Tip 233 - Don't get too riled up when you read the opinions of old British men concerning women; they don't seem to be aware of how irritating and insulting they're being.

:biggrin5:

[Vonny]

Okay, here I am getting self-absorbed again. Tip #233 is personal for me. I'm curious about Scher's new avatar, which is a skinny but tall and powerful-looking woman in a skimpy, sexy outfit dragging behind her, by the hair of the head, a man wearing a shirt and tie.

What they are wearing may not be of consequence. But there's a woman dragging a man behind her by the hair of the head. Beneath the avatar it says, "Sweet, little and fragile."

I just wish I understood this.


Tip #233 - Try to figure out what is really going on in the world (without watching the news, because that can kill you.)

[Silas Thorne]

Orientals know that the best education in a particular sphere is in the West but, when they have learned it, they will eventually use it to overtake the West.

I think there's a bit of overgeneralization going on here...

Tip 234: Try the really hot chillis, at least once.

[Vonny]

Tip 233 - Don't get too riled up when you read the opinions of old men concerning women; they don't seem to be aware of how irritating and insulting they're being.



:rolleyes5: Yeeees... the Chinese have no concept of joy. *sarcasm*

What I said was Chinese citizen... and no I don't want to be one.


old men... irritating and insulting ...And as Silas has it copied it says "old British men"... must be that the "British" was edited out before I copied it.

What is going on in the world?

But make sure you don't overgeneralize.

[JuniperWoolf]

What I said was Chinese citizen... and no I don't want to be one.

Chinese culture isn't better or worse than American culture, it's just different.

[Vonny]

Tip #236 - To thine own self be true

I've been thinking this one from the beginning. I'm not sure if it's turned up as a tip already or not.

(I think this is 236 because there are two 233's?)

Tip #237 - If you're a pot you really shouldn't call a kettle "blackie"

(I think this is an old saying from when things were made of iron.)

[JuniperWoolf]

..."Blackie?"

[Vonny]

..."Blackie?"

An iron pot and an iron kettle are both black.


Tip #138 - Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.

This is the whole Bible in a nutshell as far as I'm concerned.


Tip - #139 There may be a couple of perfect people in the world - but mostly, we're all human and mess up on Tip 138.


Tip 233 - Don't get too riled up when you read the opinions of old British men concerning women; they don't seem to be aware of how irritating and insulting they're being.



:rolleyes5: Yeeees... the Chinese have no concept of joy. *sarcasm*


Oh, that does say "old British men." I'm not sure why it didn't copy that way before. The one I think you refer to seems quite mannerly to me.

And you're the one saying that the Chinese have no concept of joy. I didn't say that. I said I don't want to be under their government.


I do wonder what goes on in this world. I really do wonder about posts 390 through 394 on this thread.

Aw well, I can figure it out myself. Sorry about your thread Neely. I hope it can be salvaged again. :) I hope it can be like a cat and have 9 lives. It should have a couple more left.

[PoeticPassions]

Tip # 238: When you are tasked as the note-taker at a meeting, make sure you actually listen/pay attention to what people are saying. If it's too late, doodle.

Tip #239: Don't over-analyze what people say.

[Lokasenna]

Tip #240: Amazon is evil. It parades around all these nice shiny books with a big glowing 'Buy Now' button hovering near them - and before you know it, you have loads of awesome books but no money for food/rent/booze etc.

[Abookinthebath]

Tip #241 Don't leave loose ends

[MarkBastable]

Tip #241 Don't leave loose ends

I think there should be some punctuation at the end there.

[Emil Miller]

Tip 233 - Don't get too riled up when you read the opinions of old British men concerning women; they don't seem to be aware of how irritating and insulting they're being.

Oh but they do my dear. :lol:


[QUOTE=Silas Thorne;1079260]I think there's a bit of overgeneralization going on here...QUOTE]

Possibly, but not much of one according to a report on the Chinese military I was reading a few days ago.

[Scheherazade]

I think there should be some punctuation at the end there.Maybe she was demonstrating how dangerous it was to leave things unfinished!

:D

[MarkBastable]

Maybe she was demonstrating how dangerous it was to leave things unfinished!

:D

...sometimes I think that there's no point making little jokes on forums unless you're prepared to flag them with bloody smileys.

[Scheherazade]

...sometimes I think that there's no point making little jokes on forums unless you're prepared to flag them with bloody smileys.I know, right?

I had to explain that I was joking twice in the last 24 hours so I am playing it safe for a while.

:smilewinkgrin:

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 242 - Don't spend your days searching for a better way because there isn't one.

(If you find that I am wrong them please PM me with "the answer" thanks.)

[Emil Miller]

Tip 243: If you are moving house and you have a cat, keep it indoors for two weeks after relocating. They have a strong homing instinct and will almost certainly try to find their way back to where they came from unless they have been given a chance to get used to their new surroundings. Every time I walk through a nearby area that has as transient population, I am constantly noticing messages attached to trees, lampposts etc etc., asking for people to look out for missing cats.

[MarkBastable]

Tip 242 - Don't spend your days searching for a better way because there isn't one.

(If you find that I am wrong them please PM me with "the answer" thanks.)

Which way are you using at the moment?

[Paulclem]

Which way are you using at the moment?

Would it be one of the many ways to disgruntlement? ... he comes down the club sometimes.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Which way are you using at the moment?

Spending hours a day with grumpy, lazy teenagers sort of way when I would rather be of the leisured class.:nod:

[Paulclem]

Tip 244: Develop a network of escape routes and bolt holes when at work. Time is an amazing healer, and things often develop, storm and blow over if you can absent yourself from potential problems.

Being psychic helps ... unfortunately I'm not...

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 245 - Choose your partner wisely.

(The link below will help women do that...Why do I think of Scher at 0.43?:biggrin5: I'm sure she'd approve...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ0jRuASVEQ&feature=related

[Vonny]

Tip 244: Develop a network of escape routes and bolt holes when at work. Time is an amazing healer, and things often develop, storm and blow over if you can absent yourself from potential problems.

Being psychic helps ... unfortunately I'm not...

:)

Tip #246: If you've been running all of your life, simply stop and listen to the music.

[Scheherazade]

(The link below will help women do that...Why do I think of Scher at 0.43?:biggrin5: I'm sure she'd approve...)Hey, that is me all right... Every evening.

I kid you not.

Tip 247 ~ Don't be a book discriminator. There is a time and place for almost everything.

[Emil Miller]

Tip 248: When leaving home to take some photos in the country, make sure your rucksack is closed before swinging it onto your shoulder. Otherwise your camera will fly out and crash onto the floor, jamming the lens cap into the lens filter and smashing it.

[MarkBastable]

:)

Tip #246: If you've been running all of your life, simply stop and listen to the music.

What if you stop running in order to listen to the music, and it turns out to be that dee-dah-dee-dah-dee-dah horror-movie music that means "Run! Run!"?

[Paulclem]

:)

Tip #246: If you've been running all of your life, simply stop and listen to the music.

I'll still be in the bolt hole.

[PoeticPassions]

Being psychic helps ... unfortunately I'm not...

It's ok, I'm psychic. So you can ask me next time :biggrin5:

[Paulclem]

It's ok, I'm psychic. So you can ask me next time :biggrin5:

I will. What's the charge these days?

Tip 249: When you find yourself in any situation repeating the same story to the same people, don't give that tired afterthought response of "Have I told you this before?" and continue regardless. Just stop straight away. Take yourself off to a quiet corner and have a jolly good word with yourself. You say very firmly, " I will not become one of those bores that tells, without any apparent self consciousness, the same old stories again and again. Reinforce it if you will, with good hard slaps to the face - if you are practiced in giving them to yourself. (They can go wrong if you are a novice - a bit lke those people who horribly maim themselves when trying to commit suicide shooting themselves in the head). Thus chastened, you can then return to normal society, sure in the knowledge that your boringness has not grown today, but, if anyone caught you slapping yourself, your interestingness has.

I haven't put this already have I?....slap slap...

[cafolini]

Tip # 250- If you think you are great, it might be so if you think a lot about it.

[Delta40]

Tip #738: Don't skip ahead to the parts that you think are more important. There might be a lot of worthwhile stuff you miss inbetween :party:

[PoeticPassions]

I will. What's the charge these days?

Tip 249: When you find yourself in any situation repeating the same story to the same people, don't give that tired afterthought response of "Have I told you this before?" and continue regardless. Just stop straight away. Take yourself off to a quiet corner and have a jolly good word with yourself. You say very firmly, " I will not become one of those bores that tells, without any apparent self consciousness, the same old stories again and again. Reinforce it if you will, with good hard slaps to the face - if you are practiced in giving them to yourself. (They can go wrong if you are a novice - a bit lke those people who horribly maim themselves when trying to commit suicide shooting themselves in the head). Thus chastened, you can then return to normal society, sure in the knowledge that your boringness has not grown today, but, if anyone caught you slapping yourself, your interestingness has.

I haven't put this already have I?....slap slap...

The charge? Well, depends. I'm all about fairness, so the charge is anything you can give at a given moment. Could be nothing :)

and good tip... being boring is the worst. More so than being bored. I think I repeat myself quite often, but I also try to act erratically to keep people on their toes.

[Paulclem]

The charge? Well, depends. I'm all about fairness, so the charge is anything you can give at a given moment. Could be nothing :)

and good tip... being boring is the worst. More so than being bored. I think I repeat myself quite often, but I also try to act erratically to keep people on their toes.

Super. I'll send you a list of divinations. :biggrin5:

You should put your erratic point as the next tip. Keeping people on their toes is good.

[PoeticPassions]

Tip #252: (as per Paulclem's suggestion) Keep people on their toes by acting erratically. Mix things up. And stay interesting, and thus interested.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 253 - Don't eat too much in one go.

It can make you feel sick.

[Paulclem]

Tip 253 - Don't eat too much in one go.

It can make you feel sick.

Yours made me think of this important one:

Tip 254: Be a good vomiter. Bad vomiters allow the convulsion of the stomach to get the better of them with a chaotic spray effect. Good vomiters are accurate and calm. Be a good vomiter. It's much less cleaning after.

[MarkBastable]

Yours made me think of this important one:

Tip 254: Be a good vomiter. Bad vomiters allow the convulsion of the stomach to get the better of them with a chaotic spray effect. Good vomiters are accurate and calm. Be a good vomiter. It's much less cleaning after.

Nah - just don't vomit. Don't do things that might lead to vomiting. Certainly don't learn to do it well.

I drink quite a bit - I can easily put away three bottles of wine in an evening. But I have never in my life thrown up because of drinking. Or eating. Or for any reason but illness. I hate it. Actually, I have a bit of a phobia about it. So - after years of experience - I can tell you that it is possible to lead a full, active, gluttonous life without vomiting at all. So why would you accept that you must?

[Paulclem]

Nah - just don't vomit. Don't do things that might lead to vomiting. Certainly don't learn to do it well.

I drink quite a bit - I can easily put away three bottles of wine in an evening. But I have never in my life thrown up because of drinking. Or eating. Or for any reason but illness. I hate it. Actually, I have a bit of a phobia about it. So - after years of experience - I can tell you that it possible to lead a full, active, gluttonous life without vomiting at all. So why would you accept that you must?

There have been times when I have had to. Also, my brothers and I are able to make ourselves vomit fairly easily. This is useful if you realise that you really shouldn't have eaten that. Practice makes for a good vomiter.

[MarkBastable]

... my brothers and I are able to make ourselves vomit fairly easily. This is useful if you realise that you really shouldn't have eaten that. Practice makes for a good vomiter.

Dude, none of that is anything to be proud of. It would be much better for all involved to practice not eating stuff you shouldn't.

[qimissung]

Lol, not to be insulting, Paul, but isn't that what dogs do? Eat whatever they encounter, then throw it up?

[Scheherazade]

There have been times when I have had to. Also, my brothers and I are able to make ourselves vomit fairly easily. This is useful if you realise that you really shouldn't have eaten that. Practice makes for a good vomiter.Hope this is not something like bulimia...

[Paulclem]

:lol:

Vomiting is rare for me. I just like to be prepared.

[qimissung]

A little over-prepared, more like. :D

[prendrelemick]

Plunging the depths still further:-


Tip 255. When approaching the toilet suffering from sickness and diarrhoea, get your priorities right.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Oh, oh dear lord!!

Tip 256 - Gentlemen in polite society should never descend to converse on the vulgar.

There may be ladies present.:eek2:

[qimissung]

Plunging the depths still further:-


Tip 255. When approaching the toilet suffering from sickness and diarrhoea, get your priorities right.

Tip 257-Always have a trashcan handy for emergencies.

Lol, Neely, your response is utterly priceless.

[Paulclem]

Oh, oh dear lord!!



Neely Old Chap. I had no idea you had such delicate sensitivity. I shall thus refrain from making the post of my advice on using cling film and baby oil.

[MarkBastable]

Neely Old Chap. I had no idea you had such delicate sensitivity. I shall thus refrain from making the post of my advice on using cling film and baby oil.


Just as well - we were only about five posts away from a Top Tip about how to handle prolapsed farmers.

[prendrelemick]

tip 258 - Be prepared.

[MystyrMystyry]

Tip #259 - Always buy little gifts for that someone special, so that if you miss their birthday you'll get less of a bollocking

(Retweeted, plagiarised and paraphrased from Ozzy Osbourne)

[LitNetIsGreat]

Ha, ha like it.

Tip 260 - Go with your instinct.

It's usually right.

[NikolaiI]

Ha, ha like it.

Tip 260 - Go with your instinct.

It's usually right.

Definitely!

This one's a Japanese proverb...

Tip 261. Head cool, feet warm, stomach 80%


Tip 253 - Don't eat too much in one go.

It can make you feel sick.

Dude, you don't even know. Or maybe you do. But yeah . . eating less prolongs life. Actually - a low calorie, high nutrient diet turns on a gene in the body that affects most of the other genes; makes them waste as little as possible . . also a reduced calorie, high nutrient diet in mices was found to increase their lifespan by like 30%. . the scientific basis for fasting. But also, it just makes you overall so much healthier.

[qimissung]

Gah, Nik, I know this is true, but why are we drawn to those dratted high calorie foods???

Tip 262-Moderation in all things. I think someone else said this first, but it is a good one, maybe all we really need.

[Vonny]

Ha, ha like it.

Tip 260 - Go with your instinct.

It's usually right.

I don't know Neely - this has really gotten me in trouble lately!

Tip 263 - Practice makes perfect, I really hope.

And I hope I don't get fired or banned before I learn. What do you do if you're socially inept? I go into a room and think, "I love the women here!", and I say it. Then I realize that there's 3 and I only like 2 of them, so I say, "What I meant was, I love 2 of them!" Then I realize: ooops, got that wrong! The forum is great because I can sometimes edit. In life I can't edit. In life it's the supervisor I exclude, and there's no edit. Thankfully, she's not the employer, though.

[Paulclem]

tip 264: (From a Zen saying) 80% is perfect. So don't go worrying about the other 20.

[prendrelemick]

Tip 265. Aim for perfection, but settle for excellence.

[Paulclem]

Well put.

[MarkBastable]

Tip 265. Aim for perfection, but settle for excellence.

However, should the settled-for excellence ever bring the subject up over breakfast, don't mention the one that represented the aimed-for perfection.

[NikolaiI]

Gah, Nik, I know this is true, but why are we drawn to those dratted high calorie foods???

Nothing but habit, Qi.

Tip 266. Meditate daily.

[LitNetIsGreat]

I don't know Neely - this has really gotten me in trouble lately!

No, no I'm sure you're fine on that.


Dude, you don't even know. Or maybe you do. But yeah . . eating less prolongs life. Actually - a low calorie, high nutrient diet turns on a gene in the body that affects most of the other genes; makes them waste as little as possible . . also a reduced calorie, high nutrient diet in mices was found to increase their lifespan by like 30%. . the scientific basis for fasting. But also, it just makes you overall so much healthier.

Oh really? I've ate less this weekend, due to eating too much Friday and being a tad ill, but I vow to continue with the eat less philosophy, but that also comes with the following:

Tip 267 - Eat more vegetables.

Yes, yes I am fresh from seeing Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall talk and watching his new series, but I think it is a good idea anyway. Tomorrow, I'm having vegetable stir-fir for tea with nuts and orange!

[NikolaiI]

Oh really? I've ate less this weekend, due to eating too much Friday and being a tad ill, but I vow to continue with the eat less philosophy, but that also comes with the following:

Yep, the little mice really and truly lived like 30% longer.

[Vonny]

Yep, the little mice really and truly lived like 30% longer.

But what percentage fun did they have? Because that's all that matters.

[NikolaiI]

I thought literature was all that matters.

[Vonny]

I thought literature was all that matters.

Having a great life is what matters. Hey do you still live in Pullman? You're my neighbor. Oops off topic! You could come over for a couple of drinks!!

Edit: I mean some meditation.

never get on the internet when you've been drinking!

[NikolaiI]

Thanks for the invitation, but no, I don't live in Pullman anymore. Sometimes I miss it though. It's a lovely town.

[Vonny]

Thanks for the invitation, but no, I don't live in Pullman anymore. Sometimes I miss it though. It's a lovely town.

Aw that's too bad. It's across the WA border, so quite bohemian to me actually. Well, I'll find somebody, there's a sweet one in Illinois, near Chicago I think, no I'm kidding, LOL!

For a good time call Jenny 867-5309 :lol:

Too much time on the boat!



edit: I think I'll go ahead and accept that friend request I got a couple of months ago.

edit again: area code: 208!

[Vonny]

Tip 268 - Don't mix drugs (even prescription drugs) and alcohol

For an hour I was clinging to the bathroom floor face down, with people threatening to call 911, and me swearing I'd never forgive them if they did!

[prendrelemick]

Tip 268 - Don't mix drugs (even prescription drugs) and alcohol





Although it can lead to some interesting posts!

[Vonny]

Although it can lead to some interesting posts!

HaHa! I still haven't looked at everything I wrote tonight - too embarrassing! I never used to get into trouble because I never drink in public, but now that I go online it's possible to get myself into all kinds of trouble from home. :lol:

[NikolaiI]

Tip 269. Don't drink alcohol. It's everywhere in our society, but in my experience I learned it's not a good thing. I see my friends drink and see how it affects them negatively. Our society pressures us to drink, it does, in so many ways; and it makes it seem normal, sociable, acceptable, preferable, but the fact is that alcohol is a hard drug. It's better not to do any hard drugs, including alcohol, in my opinion - however unpopular that opinion may be.

I'll put this up as a Serious Dicussion thread as well, since it would probably generate some heat.

[Delta40]

Tip 270: When you realise you're on a rollercoaster ride, it will be less painful if you relax, breathe and laugh the whole goddam way!

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 270: When you realise you're on a rollercoaster ride, it will be less painful if you relax, breathe and laugh the whole goddam way!

Nothing on earth would possess me to go near a rollercoaster ride.

Tip 271 - Don't bother changing your fuel supply.

With the onslaught of the coming winter and energy companies continually hiking up fuel costs (in search of record profits) people are encouraged to switch energy suppliers all the time. Don't bother. You often have to wait a full year to see any saving by which time the other energy company will have also hiked up their prices above the supplier you switched from. This means that you will find yourself back at square one having saved next to nothing.

Instead, you should just realise that there is nothing you can do about and just accept that you are being ripped off, yet again, by big business. I also suspect that the constant advice to switch is just a way to deflect the real issues involved.

[MarkBastable]

Top Tip 272: Introduce criminal law that leads to severe punishments for those who use clichés.

I'm also happy to chair some kind of quango to identify, categorise and publicise clichés that will fall within the auspices of the new legislation. I know, I know - you don't feel that any human being should be subjected to the kind of relentless horror for which I'm volunteering. But - hey - my own well-being is of no consequence, given the crisis.

[Paulclem]

Top Tip 272: Introduce criminal law that leads to severe punishments for those who use clichés.

I'm also happy to chair some kind of quango to identify, categorise and publicise clichés that will fall within the auspices of the new legislation. I know, I know - you don't feel that any human being should be subjected to the kind of relentless horror for which I'm volunteering. But - hey - my own well-being is of no consequence, given the crisis.

It's great to get a good example from someone who thinks outside the box.

Top Tip 273: Don't stick the end of your tongue into the cavity left by a tooth pulled a moment ago to see what the naked bone feels like. There is a risk of infection which outweighs the introduction to your skeleton.

[MarkBastable]

It's great to get a good example from someone who thinks outside the box.

Ah, good. The legislation kicks in.


If you'd just like to put your right thumb on this butcher's block, I'll be with you in a minute.

[Vonny]

Nothing on earth would possess me to go near a rollercoaster ride.

Oh, and I thought you were married! I'm mistaken. :)



Tip 271 - Don't bother changing your fuel supply.

Glad you're keeping warm. :)

[Paulclem]

Ah, good. The legislation kicks in.


If you'd just like to put your right thumb on this butcher's block, I'll be with you in a minute.

A bit over the top don't you think? After all, a thumb on the hand is worth two in the mincer.

[Vonny]

Tip 273 - Divisiveness is more toxic than hard drugs.

It's good for some to :cheers2:, and for others, not such a good idea :sick:

no need to campaign for one or the other.

[cafolini]

Tip # 274. Whistle sometimes.

[Delta40]

Tip #275: Some things are not in our control and we can adapt to changing situations.

[NikolaiI]

Tip 276. Understand that when you are talking to someone, the thing they are saying now is not all of who they are. Also, people can engage in a debate taking a side that isn't what they believe in. Even the opposite. We did it in my school when I was a kid, as an exercise. But rather, what is more likely, people are not creatures of black and white and it's possible to have two conflicting thoughts at the same time. I'm pretty sure some fairly big-name philosopher even made a point about something like this. :p

[Delta40]

Tip 276. Understand that when you are talking to someone, the thing they are saying now is not all of who they are. Also, people can engage in a debate taking a side that isn't what they believe in. Even the opposite. We did it in my school when I was a kid, as an exercise. But rather, what is more likely, people are not creatures of black and white and it's possible to have two conflicting thoughts at the same time. I'm pretty sure some fairly big-name philosopher even made a point about something like this. :p

Nice point - but I might not mean it later :goof: seriously though it's a good point!

[NikolaiI]

Nice point - but I might not mean it later :goof: seriously though it's a good point!

Hm, that's not exactly what I'm talking about, but okay.

[Delta40]

Hm, that's not exactly what I'm talking about, but okay.

lol. I'm not doing do well here today!

Tip 277: When you're misreading the things people are saying, stop replying!!!

[NikolaiI]

lol. I'm not doing do well here today!

Oh, don't worry; again, my fault. A bit gunshy, I hope you'll forgive me. I understand you now.

[NikolaiI]

Tip 278; One of the greatest secrets to being happy is simply, Be Happy. It seems overly simplistic and how could it be helpful to say "Don't worry, be happy," but actually it's one of the best ways to see the world, and can be very powerful.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 279 - Get yourself a kindle or other ereader.

Stop messing about.

Tip 280 - Men, never go shopping with women.

Most men have now got wise to this, but just in case...

[qimissung]

Tip 281-Or just read a regular old book.

Tip 282-Go to bed and go to sleep when you are tired.

Hmmm, I guess it's time to take my own advice.

[JuniperWoolf]

Also, people can engage in a debate taking a side that isn't what they believe in.

I do that all the time, no one learns anything in a debate that's one-sided. Those are just boring.

[Vonny]

I do that all the time, no one learns anything in a debate that's one-sided. Those are just boring.

But for me, I need to feel that there's some merit to the opposing side, even if it's not what I personally believe in.

There's no need for people to ramble just to hear the sound of their own voice.

And being quiet isn't boring.

[NikolaiI]

Okay, I know you're not supposed to do more than one tip per post, but may I please? I was locked up all alone for 12 hours, 2 nights in a row, and a third night tomorrow? tonight... Ha, not really locked up. But it is the land of the dead as far as cell phones go, but I could use it to write and save them...

I'll just do Tip 283.
a) Have faith in yourself! - a million reasons to do so!
b) Be exuberant! - it is contagious!
c) Encourage others, for it comes back to you tenfold just a guess.
d) Keep a clear and positive mind in everything you do. Stands for itself.

okay and an almost totally unrelated
e) Practice staring at things very far away. Example, go to a quiet place in the woods and stare at treetops, clouds, etc. Sound boring? Then don't do it. However, it's good for your eyes, mind/body, and a great focus exercise.

oh and I forgot to save this one but I remembered anyway
Sing!

Not sure if that one's been mentioned :P

[Paulclem]

Tip 284: When you are getting older, resist the inclination to narrow your preferences. You won't always get your preference however old you are, and you'll be happy with what you get.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 285 - Dust down and play those old classic games like chess and scrabble.

[Hurricane]

Tip 286: Exercise.

[JuniperWoolf]

But for me, I need to feel that there's some merit to the opposing side, even if it's not what I personally believe in.

There's always merit to both sides. How often do you find an issue that's completely black and white? Maybe baby killing I guess, but beyond that I can't think of anything.

[Paulclem]

Tip 287: Get used to using a variety of web browsers to perform different tasks on the internet, and let this be a reflection of your overall adaptability to the changing circumstances of life which, like the slippery amphibian it is, will keep on trying to evade your heroic efforts to get a handle, (organic or inorganic depending on the type of "amphibian"), on it.

[Paulclem]

Tip 288: Stop talking and start listening. (This is mainly self directed)

[NikolaiI]

Tip 288: Stop talking and start listening. (This is mainly self directed)

Well it's one of the best advices there are, so any of us could benefit from it I'm sure. I know I do.

[MystyrMystyry]

Tip #289 - Steal basketballs, but time it just right so that if caught out it looks like a Halloween prank :)

[NikolaiI]

Tip #289 - Steal basketballs, but time it just right so that if caught out it looks like a Halloween prank :)

But you can only do it once a year then!

[Paulclem]

Tip 290: Don't waste your money on unheard of horror films on the offchance that they might just be an unrecognised gem waiting to be discovered. Any gem in the horror film genre is recognised imediately as the genre is already stuffed full of cheap, shock horror, young college kids in peril, gore-stands-for-tension/justifies-no-story rubbish. Don't do it. The horror is in the money and time you've wasted. Don't. Just don't. Perhaps if we all don't, they'll stop.

I did recently - three times. Never again. (Unless it's from the poundshop. They are selling classic horrors at the poundshop like "The Thing". I know that one's ok.)

[Paulclem]

Tip 291: Cultivate your interests and hobbies. You might be lucky and end up doing what you love as a job. If not, they will take your mind far away from your work and into the land of no stress.

[MystyrMystyry]

But you can only do it once a year then!

April !st, and Christmas, and Easter, and Steal Next door Kids' Basketballs Day -whatever it takes until they get the message!

Tip #230 - Kill your crazy landlord* - Self-explanatory really, and I've decided on the method (it involves a highly poisonous spider - I'll get back to you on this)


*Actually it only takes three signatures, so this may be a bit dramatic

[prendrelemick]

Tip 231 Always have a good dog when gathering sheep

Otherwise you risk an apoplectic fit:incazzato:.

[Ecurb]

Tip 232: He who hesitates is lost, but look before you leap. Also, many hands make light labor, but too many cooks spoil the broth.

[LadyLuck]

Tip 233: If life gives you lemons then make lemon sorbet or something a bit fancier than lemonade, after all it pays to be an overachiever.

[JuniperWoolf]

Tip 232: He who hesitates is lost, but look before you leap. Also, many hands make light labor, but too many cooks spoil the broth.

Now THIS deserves a good thumb chopping.

[MystyrMystyry]

Tip No #292 - Carpet covered in 'unshiftable' old coffee, red wine, and various enigmatic stains? No worries: they come right out with a damp microfibre cloth! (N.B. Only tested on artificial fibre rug - natural fibre may have more permanent stain absorbent qualities)

Tip No #293 - Change the bag in your vaccum cleaner (or empty the old one to save money) to regain the suction power - it really works!

[LitNetIsGreat]

Tip 294 - Have a 'healthy week' now and then; it's probably good for you.

These come now and then for me, usually after having too many beers or over-indulging with food (or both). I'm doing one now, though the odds are it will only last while about Thursday at the latest.

[Scheherazade]

With so many tips and clues required, having a happy life feels like an awfully challenging task...