Anna Akhmatova

[Hawkman]

Earlier this year I was introduced to the poetry of Anna Akhmatova when a dear friend gave me a book of her selected poems. The book I was given, translated by D M Thomas & first published in 1985, is from the Vintage Classics series and includes samples of her work dating from before WW1, through to her final work, ‘The Flight of Time’ published in 1965. She died in 1966.

Sadly, I can’t help feeling that this is not a particularly good translation of Akhmatova’s work. Only yesterday I found her complete works in translation by Judith Hemschemeyer and this volume, published in 1997 makes the poems read far more poetically in English than the Thomas version. Whilst Thomas is given a glowing preface by Carol Ann Duffy, Hemschemeyer is quoted as being “definitive” by Sir Andrew Motion. Whilst I am not familiar with Ms Duffy’s Poetry, I have more than a nodding acquaintance with Motion’s, and having actually met and spoken with the deposed poet laureate, I think I’m inclined to take his word for it.

However, there are vast differences in the translations of specific poems. To my eye and ear, Thomas’ work reads as though it has been written by a non-native English speaker, which really detracts from one's appreciation of the work. Is it an attempt at word for word translation? Hemschemeyer definitely reads more fluently, but how much is her and how much is Akhmatova?

Not having access to the Russian texts and in any-case, not being a Russian speaker, I am at a loss to judge. Is there anyone out there who knows Akhmatova in the original Russian, is an English speaker and who would care to compare notes? I’d love to hear from you…

[Heteronym]

I'd go with Judith Hemschemeyer's volume for the sake of completeness.

And to get this off my chest: in my humble opinion, English speakers spend too much time worrying about the quality of translations and not enough reading them. Beggars can't be choosers. If you don't know Russian, if you are not going to learn Russian, what does it matter? Why are you worrying about translations if you are never going to know the original language to compare them? You wrote it yourself, Hemschemeyer's translations sound better to you. What is the dilemma?

Just be thankful that of the three percent foreign writers translated into English, Anna Akhmatova was one of them.

[Hawkman]

Well, thanks for responding, but I have to disagree with your statement about worrying aboout the quality of translations. I want to know what the original poet actually said!

Take Akhmatova's Cleopatra:

Thomas translates the first line as:

"She has kissed lips already grown inhuman," a powerful image you'll agree.

But Hemschemeyer translates this as:

"She had already kissed Antony's dead lips,"

The difference is vast. Did Akhmatova mention Antony at all? To say lips had become inhuman has so many more connotations. The lips could have become those of a monster - implying cruelty or animalism. The words a poet chooses are important and convey more than superfical meaning.

[Hawkman]

Additional:

Well - I have found the complete Russian Texts of Akhmatova's poems on line now, at the expense of the time it took to plough through a number of blind alley links, and, with the aid of Google Translate, my meagre rememberance of the Cyrillic alphabet from the lessons of my youth and my trusty Russian-English Dictionary, I can now judge for myself which are the most accurate translations. I just lack the fluent pronunciation, so I'm missing out on the natural sounds and rhythms of the language. I may yet find readings on line...

Regardless, I will always be grateful for the introduction to Akhmatova's poetry.

H

[Heteronym]

So which one do you think is more faithful?

[Hawkman]

Certainly Hemschemeyer is more accurate, at least in the case of “Cleopatra”.

There are rather a lot of poems to compare and I haven’t had time to work through all of them yet.

In my opinion Thomas has taken some serious liberties with the text in a couple of places, for example expunging Anthony from the poem completely and replacing him with the words ‘grown inhuman’

But there is one passage where they both appear to be wrong. There is a word, “лила” (Lila) which I take to be a name and a literal translation would seem to indicate that Cleopatra does not cry. It is “Lila and the faithful servants,” who, on their knees, weep before Augustus.

Hemschemeyer translates this as: “On her knees she has wept already before Augustus… and her servants have betrayed her.” The ellipsis appears in both poems for words which have not been translated, in this case Lila. This occurs again later, in the line, “tomorrow her children…” where the word закуют has been left out. (I can’t find a translation for this word either.) There is no mention of betrayal in the original text.

Henschemeyer translates this as “in chains” but chains is Цéпи in Russian and this word does not appear in the text. Thomas uses an ellipsis.

Generally though, I think I prefer Hemschemeyer for the reasons already stated. I have just compared "Willow" and again Thomas has significantly altered the poem. Here, Hemschemeyer wins, hands down.

Live and be well - H