Please check my letter of motivation.

[scarecrowd]

Hi all,
I'm newbie here and I am now applying for master course in Strategic Management. Because English is not my native language, I think there are many mistakes in my letter.

Please kindly help me to check and give your suggestion.

I appreciate your time and support.

Thank you
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Doing business in the age of globalization, Strategic Management is becoming the most important part of any organization, whether it be small, or big companies. Strategic management actually helps in achieving the organizational goal in an effective and efficient manner.

Coming from a business family makes me interested in Strategic Management, Business Concept and International Business. My interest increased continuously, when I was in high school, I started reading Business and Management books like : “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, “Warren Buffet's Books”, “Who Stole My Cheese?”. However, after high school, I decided first to have a degree in economics areas with a strong analytical component, for considering that Economics foundations are essential to any kind of business.

My educational background has instilled in me the qualities required to meet the rigor of this demanding programe. I have gained my Bachelor of Economics majored in Monetary Economics with the 2nd class honors from CCC University, considered as one of the best business university in Thailand. Graduation in Monetary Economics has provided a strong foundation in understanding : Factors of investment decision, Economics Concept and Business Concept. Bachelor of Economics degree has not given me a sound and firm grounding in Economics but also developed my analytical and rational thinking skill. Managerial Economics, International Monetary Economics, International Business and Marketing were the main subjects in which I had always excelled right from my bachelor degree. Throughout my university education, I have been a keen participant in extra-curricular activities. I had been got principle role in 2005 faculty's memorial book project and had been selected to be chief of editor in 2007's book helped me polish my organizational and interpersonal skills. I have been working as Vice-president of economics faculty. My work involved in planning important event at the faculty and also cooperate with university.

In 2007, my first job, acting as an intern in Research Department of BBB Bank, I did an impressive research and presentation on the topic : “Housing Subprime in USA” and got “excellent” grade from my manager. However, it was working in SYS (SYS) that I developed new skills, knowledge and ability to understand how Strategic Planning are complexed.

SYS , one of the YYY steel group in Japan and the important joint venture of SCG (SCG), was a perfect place for tremendous growth both at personal and professional levels. My role as the production planner helped me develop my management, decision making, problem solving and negotiation skills. I was responsible for coordinating with others teams to planning the production plan that achieves sales and production target under the tight constraint. I also used my diplomatic skill to resolve the problems and discover the best outcome for the company. This has given me a developed of a strong analytical ,creative business mind and the spirit of teamwork being here. I learnt to be more patient, assertive and a quick learner.

After 2 years of working, I would like to gain a deeper theoretical knowledge in Strategic Management and practical skills to achieve my goals, feel highly competitive, valuable professional and attractive in any industry and company. With my educational and professional background, I acquired a lot hand on experience about the way an organization functions to maintain its standard and strives for betterment. Along with this knowledge, a formal Master degree from an esteemed international institution like yours will be able to give me a good grounding on the latest theories of management combined with strong real world experience with its diverse strata of teachers and students, excellent core courses and international environment will help me achieve my full potential in terms of understanding the various aspects of management in a global perspective and interact with people from various countries and collaborating with them would be a very enriching experience. The optional internship program will help me get first-hand experience of the qualities required from a good consultants and give me valuable inputs in the decision making behind global marketing strategies, it will allow me to learn more innately and get a better global perspective to various key issues. After finishing my masters, I intend to work in multinational companies in the area of business consult. I am confident that IB at BBB will provide me the knowledge, experience and confidence to realize my goals.

I am looking forward to strat my master in IB at BBB and being active in as many facet as possible to boost my employment credebtials and gain valuable experinces. I enclose a curriculum vitae and two references from my professor and my manager. I am waiting for your kind and positive response. Thank you for your time and consideration. I will be more than happy to provide any further information or documents if required.

[hillwalker]

It’s a little dry and over-formal - and declaring your abilities as ‘impressive’ are unlikely to be taken seriously without some proof to back it up. But as I’m not sure how letters like this are meant to be pitched anyway I have concentrated on the grammar and tried to improve the way you express yourself.

The only paragraphs included are those that need some attention:


Coming from a business family, I have developed an interest in Strategic Management, Business Concept and International Business from an early age. This became more acute when I entered high school. I started reading Business and Management books like : “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, “Warren Buffet's Books”, “Who Stole My Cheese?”. However, after high school, I decided first to take a degree in Economics; specifically those areas with a strong analytical component, while considering the foundations of Economics to be essential to any kind of business.

The Bachelor of Economics degree has not only given me a firm grounding in Economics but also helped develop my analytical and rational thinking skills. Managerial Economics, International Monetary Economics, International Business and Marketing were the main subjects in which I excelled. Throughout my university education, I have been a keen participant in extra-curricular activities. I took a principle role in developing the 2005 faculty's memorial book project and was selected to be chief editor of the 2007 book. This helped me polish my organizational and interpersonal skills. Since then I have been working as Vice-president of the economics faculty. My work involved planning events at the faculty and also cooperating with university.

In 2007, my first job, acting as an intern in Research Department of BBB Bank, I carried out research and gave a presentation on the topic : “Housing Subprime in USA” and got an “excellent” grade from my manager. However, it was while working in SYS (SYS) that I developed new skills; the knowledge and ability to understand how Strategic Planning is undertaken.

After 2 years' employment I would like to gain a deeper theoretical knowledge in Strategic Management and the practical skills to achieve my goals. I feel I am highly competitive, and consider myself a valuable professional; an asset to any employer. With my educational and professional background, I have already acquired a lot of hands-on experience regarding the way an organization functions to maintain its standards while striving for betterment. Along with this knowledge, a formal Master degree from an esteemed international institution like yours will give me a good grounding on the latest theories of management. Combined with first-hand experience of its diverse strata of teachers and students, excellent core courses and international environment, I am sure it will help me achieve my full potential in terms of understanding the various aspects of management in a global perspective. Interacting with people from various countries and collaborating with them will be a very enriching experience. The optional internship program will help me obtain first-hand experience of the qualities required of good consultants and give me valuable input in the decision making behind global marketing strategies. It will also allow me to absorb the global perspective of various other key issues.
After finishing my masters, I intend to work in multinational companies in the area of business consultancy. I am confident that IB at BBB will provide me the knowledge, experience and confidence to realize my goals. Studying for my master there will strengthen my employment credentials and help me gain valuable experience.
I enclose a curriculum vitae and two references from my professor and my manager. I shall await your response and look forward to a favourable outcome. Thank you for your time and consideration. I will be more than happy to provide any further information or documents if required.

H

[scarecrowd]

Thank you very much, Hillwalker.
Your suggestions is very useful. Do you have any suggestion to add up my letter a little more special?

Thanks

[hillwalker]

Thank you very much, Hillwalker.
Your suggestions is very useful. Do you have any suggestion to add up my letter a little more special?

Perhaps include a little of your character - what in your life motivates you or makes you feel good about yourself. Life is not all about work and career - colleges like to feel an applicant is a well-rounded individual with other interests outside the scope of their studies.

Good luck

H

[scarecrowd]

Hillwalker
I edited my letter followed by yours instruction and realized that it is too long essay. But I have a problem to sum it with leaving the same meaning as the original one.
Need your help again. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help.

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Dear Sir/Madam

Doing business in the age of globalization, Strategic Management is becoming the most important part of any organization, whether it be small, or big companies. Strategic management actually helps in achieving the organizational goal in an effective and efficient manner.

Coming from a business family, I have developed an interest in Strategic Management, Business Concept and International Business from an early age. This became more acute when I entered high school. I started reading Business and Management books like : “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, “Warren Buffet's Books”, “Who Stole My Cheese?”. However, after high school, I decided first to take a degree in Economics; specifically those areas with a strong analytical component, while considering the foundations of Economics to be essential to any kind of business.

My educational background has instilled in me the qualities required to meet the rigor of this demanding programe. I have gained my Bachelor of Economics majored in Monetary Economics with the 2nd class honors from ccc University, considered as one of the best business university in Thailand. Graduation in Monetary Economics has provided a strong foundation in understanding : Factors of investment decision, Economics Concept and Business Concept. The Bachelor of Economics degree has not only given me a firm grounding in Economics but also helped develop my analytical and rational thinking skills. Managerial Economics, International Monetary Economics, International Business and Marketing were the main subjects in which I excelled. Throughout my university education, I have been a keen participant in extra-curricular activities. I took a principle role in developing the 2005 faculty's memorial book project and was selected to be chief editor of the 2007 book. This helped me polish my organizational and interpersonal skills. Since then I have been working as Vice-president of the economics faculty. My work involved planning events at the faculty and also cooperating with university.

In 2007, my first job, acting as an intern in Research Department of bbb Bank, I carried out research and gave a presentation on the topic : “Housing Subprime in USA” and got an “excellent” grade from my manager. However, it was while working in sys (SYS) that I developed new skills; the knowledge and ability to understand how Strategic Planning is undertaken.

SYS , one of the Yamato steel group in Japan and the important joint venture of scg (SCG), was a perfect place for tremendous growth both at personal and professional levels. My role as the production planner helped me develop my management, decision making, problem solving and negotiation skills. I was responsible for coordinating with others teams to planning the production plan that achieves sales and production target under the tight constraint. I also used my diplomatic skill to resolve the problems and discover the best outcome for the company. This has given me a developed of a strong analytical ,creative business mind and the spirit of teamwork being here. I learnt to be more patient, assertive and a quick learner.

After 2 years' employment I would like to gain a deeper theoretical knowledge in Strategic Management and the practical skills to achieve my goals. I feel I am highly competitive, and consider myself a valuable professional; an asset to any employer. With my educational and professional background, I have already acquired a lot of hands-on experience regarding the way an organization functions to maintain its standards while striving for betterment. Along with this knowledge, a formal Master degree from an esteemed international institution like yours will give me a good grounding on the latest theories of management. Combined with first-hand experience of its diverse strata of teachers and students, excellent core courses and international environment, I am sure it will help me achieve my full potential in terms of understanding the various aspects of management in a global perspective. Interacting with people from various countries and collaborating with them will be a very enriching experience. The optional internship program will help me obtain first-hand experience of the qualities required of good consultants and give me valuable input in the decision making behind global marketing strategies. It will also allow me to absorb the global perspective of various other key issues.
After finishing my masters, I intend to work in multinational companies in the area of business consultancy. I am confident that IB at BBB will provide me the knowledge, experience and confidence to realize my goals. Studying for my master there will strengthen my employment credentials and help me gain valuable experience.

I am looking forward to strat my master in IB at BBB and being active in as many facet as possible to boost my employment credebtials and gain valuable experinces. I enclose a curriculum vitae and two references from my professor and my manager. I shall await your response and look forward to a favourable outcome. Thank you for your time and consideration. I will be more than happy to provide any further information or documents if required.

Yours Sincerely,

[scarecrowd]

Hi, Hillwalker
I was editing some more paragraph in red characters for applying another to university. Really need your suggestion and correction very much please. Thank you so much in advance.
------------------------

Dear Sir/Madam

Doing business in the age of globalization, global business perspective is becoming the most important part of any organization, whether it be small, or big companies. International business management actually helps in achieving the organizational goal in an effective and efficient manner.

Entering to Triam Udom Suksa School, the best high school in Thailand, is my first substantial accomplishment. That was one of the most important moment in my life, once I had made a promise to my family that I would get into this school by myself. This promise put a lot of pressure on me and kept my family a lot of hope. Then after a long period of hardworking and great support from my family. Finally, I passed the exam and became one of several students in my prestige school. In high school, I also have developed an interest in Strategic Management, Business Concept and International Business management. I started reading Business and Management books like : “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, “Warren Buffet's Books”, “Who Stole My Cheese?”. However, after high school, I decided first to take a degree in Economics; specifically those areas with a strong analytical component, while considering the foundations of Economics to be essential to any kind of business.

My educational background has instilled in me the qualities required to meet the rigor of this demanding programe. I have gained my Bachelor of Economics majored in Monetary Economics with the 2nd class honors from Chulalongkorn University, considered as one of the best business university in Thailand. Graduation in Monetary Economics has provided a strong foundation in understanding : Factors of investment decision, Economics Concept and Business Concept. The Bachelor of Economics degree has not only given me a firm grounding in Economics but also helped develop my analytical and rational thinking skills. Managerial Economics, Finance Accounting, Product and Marketing Management, International Business and Marketing were the main subjects in which I excelled. Moreover, because of the more understanding of business concept, my interest in businesse perspective have even more developing during my time in collage. Throughout my university education, I have been a keen participant in extra-curricular activities. I took a principle role in developing the 2005 faculty's memorial book project and according to impressive work in 2005's project, I was selected to be chief editor of the 2007 book. This is my second significant accomplishment. I have set a new standard in doing faculty's memorial book and my junior continued using my standard to create their books. This project also helped me polish my organizational and interpersonal skills. Since then I have been working as Vice-president of the economics faculty. My work involved planning events at the faculty and also cooperating with university.

In 2007, my first job, acting as an intern in Research Department of Bangkok Bank, I carried out research and gave a presentation on the topic : “Housing Subprime in USA” and got an “excellent” grade from my manager. However, it was while working in Siam Yamato Steel Co., Ltd. (SYS) that I developed new skills; the knowledge and ability to understand how Strategic Planning is undertaken.

SYS , one of the Yamato steel group in Japan and the important joint venture of Siam Cement Group (SCG), was a perfect place for tremendous growth both at personal and professional levels. My role as the production planner helped me develop my management, decision making, problem solving and negotiation skills. In SYS, I was achieved my third accomplishment I was responsible to develope the helpful production planner programe that operating the old-manual system to more accurate and convenient system. The programe created a significantly reduced a load of time consumed, paper works and a lot of working process . This programe was very successful and I have been promoted to a main production planner for marketing devision by my manager. I was also responsible for coordinating with the other teams to planning the production plan that achieves sales and production target under the tight logistic and shipment factors. I also used my diplomatic skill to resolve the problems and discover the best outcome for the company. This has given me a developed of a strong analytical ,creative business mind and the spirit of teamwork being here. I learnt to be more patient, assertive and a quick learner.

After 2 years' employment I would like to gain a deeper theoretical knowledge in International Business Management and the practical skills to achieve my goals. I feel I am highly competitive, and consider myself a valuable professional; an asset to any employer. With my educational and professional background, I have already acquired a lot of hands-on experience regarding the way an organization functions to maintain its standards while striving for betterment. Along with this knowledge, a formal Master degree from an esteemed international institution like yours will give me a good grounding on the latest theories of management. Combined with first-hand experience of its diverse strata of teachers and students, excellent core courses and international environment, I am sure it will help me achieve my full potential in terms of understanding the various aspects of management in a global perspective. Interacting with people from various countries and collaborating with them will be a very enriching experience. The optional internship program will help me obtain first-hand experience of the qualities required of good consultants and give me valuable input in the decision making behind global marketing strategies. It will also allow me to absorb the global perspective of various other key issues.

After finishing my masters, I intend to work in multinational companies in the area of international marketing management. In the next 10 years, I position myself as CEO of my own trading company who using his knowledge in planing his company to growth in global market. Because of Thailand is small country with depending on the export sector and having limited of resource and consuming ability, in the future moving to larger market is essential for the developing country. I am confident that International Business and Management at University of OS
will provide me the knowledge, experience and confidence to realize my goals. Studying for my master there will strengthen my employment credentials and help me gain valuable experience.

I enclose a curriculum vitae and two references from my professor and my manager. I shall await your response and look forward to a favourable outcome. Thank you for your time and consideration. I will be more than happy to provide any further information or documents if required.

Sincerely yours,