Corrupt a Wish Game

[MatthewFarlow]

This game can end up being wildly fun.

The object of the game is to corrupt the previous wish and then you wish for something yourself.

Example: A: I wish I was the best piano player in the world!
B: Granted. Everyone else who plays the piano is dead except for you. I wish I will never go thirsty.

Since this is a literary forum, I'll add that it's very similar to the horror story Monkey's Paw by author W. W. Jacobs.

So here goes: I wish I will never go thirsty.

[iamnobody]

Everything you touch turns to water.

I wish to be famous.



(great game!)

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You are accused of a crime you did not commit. It goes to trial and a verdict is brought back of guilty. You go to jail. Everyone hears of your case and believes your guilt.

I wish I could live in books.

[Delta40]

granted but as a page number. I wish I could write the best play of the century

[iamnobody]

You write the greatest play of the century and it's stolen by someone who turns it into a television sitcom starring...Carrot Top! :yikes:

I wish to have the most beautiful singing voice.

[faithosaurus]

Granted. But in a parallel universe where the worst voice is the best.

I wish I could live in a place where it's always warm.

[Delta40]

granted - behind the hot water system.

I wish I could fly

[iamnobody]

Granted. You Are a fly.

I wish I had super human strength.

[qimissung]

You have it, in a world where you are the sole survivor.

I wish to marry a handsome prince.

[MatthewFarlow]

You marry some handsome jerk who hates you.

I wish mythical beasts were real.

[iamnobody]

Mythical beasts are real and you get your very own pet dragon, that promptly eats you.

I wish I were a shapeshifter.

[Delta40]

Granted but you're a shapeshifter with a stutter and everybody just thinks you're a rap dancer instead.

I wish I was more active.

[faithosaurus]

Granted. You become a slave to whomever picks you.

I wish I could time travel.

[Delta40]

Granted you turn into the wristwatch on a travelling salesman.

I wish I could feed the starving millions.

[MystyrMystyry]

Granted - by millions of starving Amazonian Soldier Ants - and they want you: slurp munch crunch!


I wish I could swim like a dolphin

[Delta40]

granted but your name is Flipper and you work 24/7 for human justice

I wish money was no object

[MystyrMystyry]

Granted - money is no longer an object but an idea, making all property theft, and the mandatory sentence for felony is life imprisonment

I wish I could soar like an eagle

[qimissung]

Granted-but you have a fear of heights.

I wish I truly had no worries.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, you truly have No Worries. It's a Filipino vegan restaurant in Oakland, CA. ( http://www.yelp.com/biz/no-worries-oakland ) Since the demographic is so small and weird, the restaurant fails after you have poured a fortune into it. You now have many more worries than when you began.

I wish I could legally drive a submarine.

[qimissung]

You do-right into the Mariana Trench.

I wish I was the king of the world!

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You are King of the World. However, nobody believes you and you are submitted to a mental institution when you try to convince them.

I wish I had a beautiful, loving wife.

[qimissung]

You do hav a beautiful, loving wife-whom you may visit weekly in the state penitentiary where she has been incarcerated for the murder of her two previous husbands.

I wish I was a talented writer who wrote the great American novel.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Granted, but in doing so, you become an alcoholic who quickly spirals into a black pit of depression, eventually shooting yourself in the head, which isn't successful. You then have several grueling weeks in the hospital in therapy. The therapy isn't successful, and you now live in a catatonic, yet conscious state, unable to commit suicide. People like your book, though.

I wish I wasn't disabled.

[qimissung]

Party pooper!

You are not disabled. You are, however such a grinch that no one can stand you. And deep inside your tiny little heart, you find that it matters.

I wish I could climb Mt. Everest.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Yes, sorry for the heavy wish, but it's the first that came to mind, and down it went. No more from now on, I promise :yesnod:.

As to your wish....

Your wish is granted, and you can climb Mt. Everest just fine. The descent, though . . . well, that's a whole other problem. Suffice it to say it doesn't go well.

I wish my dogs wouldn't poop/pee/throw up in the house.

[MatthewFarlow]

Your dog's die. Problem solved.

I wish my beard would grow twice as fast as it does now.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, however your head is relocated to be on a monkey's body so that your beard melds with your fur.

I wish I could crochet a zig-zag.

[MystyrMystyry]

Granted you can crochet a magical zig-zag that has also wished it could crochet you - and now you are made of crochet stuff like a living voodoo doll

I wish I was able to predict the future - particularly the winning numbers

[Maryd.]

Granted, you will win lotto but are chased by a crazy man-eating, devil like creature and eventually he catches you and eats you. You never get to enjoy your fortune win. (Sorry, didn't mean it to sound so cruel. :)) Hee hee.

I wish I was living in France.

[qimissung]

You do, but since the're French, no one likes you. (Sorry France)

I wish I was a ballerina.

[Maryd.]

Wish granted, but the standards of the dance have changed and you have to dance on pub counters.

I wish I was wealthy?

[Heathcliff]

Granted. You'd have all the money you desire however the world would suddenly decide to stop using any form of currency so your big piles of cash would be useless.

I wish I had some blue nailpolish.

[Maryd.]

Granted, but after using it, your fingers turn blue as well.

I wish it was I lived on a deserted island.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, but everyone follows you there and sooner or later you are NEVER alone...

I wish it didn't take so long to plait my hair.

[iamnobody]

Granted, all your hair falls out, problem solved.

I wish I had a spaceship.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, but it comes in replace of your right arm.

I wish I had whiter teeth.

[qimissung]

Oh, you do, you do, so white they put you on a cliff as a lighthouse.

I wish I was a charismatic leader of men.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, but you find it unbearing that, because you are so charismatic, they all fancy you.

I wish I could morph into a kitty-kat.

[Maryd.]

Wish granted, but something goes wrong through the morphis stage and only half of your body is kitty-kat.. The other half is dog.

I wish my arm didn't hurt so much.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

It's amputated. Arm pain problem solved.

I wish menopause didn't exist.

[Maryd.]

It doesn't but you will have to go through puberty forever...

I wish I was taller.

[qimissung]

You are now a giantess. Good thing you're already married.

I would like to win the Nobel prize.

[Maryd.]

Wish granted, but by the time you win it, so will every one on litnet...
(sorry couldn't think of one better... Hee hee)

I wish I could eat whatever I liked and never put on weight.

[qimissung]

lol Mary (not) (hehe)

And you never do gain weight. The problem is is that you also never stop eating, even though everything now tastes like sawdust.

I wish I could fly!

[Delta40]

Granted but only for one minute each night.

I wish I could write a best selling novel.

[Maryd.]

Granted. (I really don't want to curse that... :))

I wish I owned my own castle.

[skib]

Fantastic. You made it out of sandstone and it falls down after one hard rain.

I wish I could eat through my nose.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, however seeing as your mouth is out of use, it disappears and you can no-longer talk.

I wish my nailpolish wouldn't chip.

[skib]

Okay, but now it kills your nails and they just fall off.

I wish wind never existed.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. The air is stagnant, providing less than adequate oxygen. The majority of plants are unable to reproduce. Plus, there is a constant rain storm over your current town because nothing is moving the clouds. Misery follows.

I wish I was excellent with the ladies I take a liking to.

[MystyrMystyry]

Granted but for every degree of excellence you attain they gain ten (serves you right for being greedy - find one and be happy that she likes you)

I wish I was more computer savvy and could develop a programme to do all my work for me so I'd have more time for the things I enjoy

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, you develop this programme to do all your work. However, while developing it, you begin to like working and begin disliking everything else. When it's finished, there is no work to be done, in fact the government bans labor. You have all the time in the world to do the things you enjoy, but the thing you enjoy cannot be done.

I wish that museums were funded by a mysterious, anonymous donor and therefore were free to the public.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, however you are the anonymous donor and so you don't have any money. You go to live in the museum in the dinosaur exhibition, however at night everything in the museum comes to life and you get eaten.

I wish I could drive a car.

[skib]

Granted. You now have a car and tomorrow you get broadsided by an 18 wheeler and spend the rest of your life a paraplegic.

I wish I had friends.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted! You now have friends. You are all thousands of miles apart and none of you speak a common language. They are all impoverished and ask you (through someone who can translate) to send money. You do; after all, what are friends for?

I wish I had powers comparable to a Shaolin monk.

[MystyrMystyry]

Granted but you mist shave your heard and beard and be met every morning with the words 'Ah, Gleetings Glasshopper,,,'


I wish I was a bounty hunter

[Oniw17]

granted, but as part of your training, you undergo a torturous 90 day indoctrination cycle.


I wish I could afford to be a scholar.

[The Comedian]

Granted, but to afford your scholarship, you have to sell it. You sellout.

I wish I could spend one week as a female, and then safely return to my masculine gender.

[Sionn Harrow]

Granted-- but your week as a woman is spent in a brothel. When you return as a man, you're scarred mentally and go insane ;)

I wish I was telepathic...

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You cannot control this power. Everything anyone around you thinks is broadcasted into your brain. Plus, there is a year long delay on all messages coming in. You are quickly diagnosed with Schizophrenia and take personality altering medication. Your feet drag for the remainder of your life.

I wish nothing in my home would break.

[iamnobody]

Granted! Everything in your home is made by NERF.

I wish I were Queen for a day.

[skib]

Granted. There's a rebellion on that day, you get killed and your head is carried around on a pike for a few weeks.

I wish people in CO would stop complaining about the 'Bitter cold' we're experiencing.

[Triter]

Granted. They all breathe CO and stop complaining.

I wish my car would free itself from the snowbank it's stuck in.

[iamnobody]

Granted. Car frees itself then comes after you to exact revenge for getting it stuck in the first place.

I wish I were impervious to the cold.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Granted, but anything above 45 degrees F is unlivable.

I wish I was Superman.

[Neo_Sephiroth]

Granted! Everything around you is Kryptonite!!!

I wish I had a girlfriend.

[Jerrybaldy]

Granted.you have a girlfriend and she leaves you for your father.
I wish I had a wall.

[Sionn Harrow]

Granted. You're now the proud owner of a wall, which, unfortunetly for you, is a 50 foot high brick wall that traps you in 5/5 pen. You'd better hope that someone finds you, and when they do, that they can figure out how to get you out.

I wish I could speak all languages.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted! Every language that you do not currently speak has been destroyed. You speak all languages.

I wish that I could switch my bowling and golf score. (Then, I would be considered a great athlete.)

[Heathcliff]

Granted, however recreational and competition sports have been banned due to too much noise pollution so your skills are no longer useful.

I wish I could wear nailpolish at school.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, you are permitted to wear 'nail polish' at school and you do. It is a highly corrosive solution used to clean nails of the construction kind. Your fingers are in casts for the remainder of the year. . .

I wish I could race a cheetah and win.

[MatthewFarlow]

:toetap05:

[Heathcliff]

You win, however the cheater is upset and eats you afterwards.

I wish I skip this year of school and move straight onto the final year.

[Jerrybaldy]

Allowed. But as the youngest in the final year, you have no friends and become known as Billy No Mates.

I wish to smoke again

[Shalot]

Smoke again, but you will never be able to stop smoking for another second afterwards. You won't put it down to take a break...you will just be constantly smoking nonstop second-to-second.

I wish that it were possible for someone else to go to the bathroom for me so that I could sit here and continue with my internet activities.

[Heathcliff]

Granted however they are a zombie and when they return with the scent of your urine they eat your brains.

I wish I was taller.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, you are a foot and a half taller. All of the height gained is in your neck and your muscles cannot support it. Your neck collapses under the weight of your head and unfortunately, you die.

I wish I had an extra hour each day.

[Disagree]

Granted. You now have an extra hour in each day to spend cleaning cat vomit. Hooray!

I wish I had a nice cup of tea.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted - You hear a faint knock on the door. On your door mat, is a nice cup of tea with his luggage. Despite being nice, he has all sorts of problems and a huge appetite for expensive foods. Not to mention his gambling debt with the mean cup of tea... He's a huge burden but you don't have the heart to throw him out on the streets or drink him. Enjoy! :D

I wish I was more concise.

[iamnobody]

Granted, you are now a foot shorter.

I wish ice cream could make me lose weight.

[Three Sparrows]

Granted, however the ice cream makes you so underweight that you look worse than a concentration camp victim, but you just can't stop eating ice cream because it is so addictive. You eat nothing but ice cream day and night, and grow thinner and thinner until there is nothing left for even your likewise starved cat to nibble on as he meaows pitifully in your dark apartment. You eventually die a slow and agonizing death.

I wish I didn't have any homework.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You don't have any homework. It was assigned, and everyone has it but you. By the way, it's due tomorrow.

I wish that everyone had to rhyme.

[iamnobody]

Granted.
All must rhyme
All the time.
'Till you go insane
And put a bullet in your brain.

I wish I had a jet-pack.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. A man crashes through your wall and dies after a half hour of bleeding. His jet-pack seems to be in workable condition though. After-all: finders, keepers. You also better fix that wall.

I wish to be a superhero!

[Bakiryu]

Granted. You are now Hancock. Rude, obnoxious and no one loves you. :(

I wish to own a functional TARDIS.

[MatthewFarlow]

A functional T.A.R.D.I.S (Turkish Automatronic Robotic Device of International Supremacy) enters your house by force after destroying your home town. I sincerely hope that, since you own this terrible contraption, you can explain this to the police, or at least speak Turkish to give the T.A.R.D.I.S some orders to save your butt!

I wish that President Obama would write me a letter.

[Calidore]

You got a letter from the President! It begins "Greetings." The draft has been reinstated, and you're first.


I wish I had UFC fighting skills.

[Delta40]

You do but you're an oompa loompa and your opponent is the BFG.

I wish I had a satisfying career.

[Calidore]

Granted. You are now a prostitute, satisfying the dregs of society when you're not in jail.

I wish I had a low-maintenance pet.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Your pet rock stares you down.

I wish to become a centaur!

[free]

Granted because I don't understand this game.

I want to travel.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You travel to a North Korean work camp.

I still wish to become a centaur.

[Three Sparrows]

Granted, but you become a freak and an outcast; people scream when they see you and children dare each other touch you, but as you look at the offending children they run away, terror written on their faces. People organized hunting expeditions in order to rid the land of such a horrifying monster. Your life becomes a living Hell.

I wish unicorns existed.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Unicorns existed, but no longer do. They are extinct as a result of over-hunting them for mystic ivory and unicorn blood. Disgusting.

I wish I had a million dollar idea.

[Calidore]

Granted. Unfortunately, it left you a million dollars in debt.

I wish I was more athletic.

[Scheherazade]

I wish I was more athletic.Granted; however, you are bald and snort every time you laugh.


I wish Kitkats were diet food.

[Pendragon]

Granted: Now they are your favorite food

I wish people could look past the illness, and see the man

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. This also includes Doctors and, although they get along with you fine now, they don't diagnose any illnesses and human life expectancy is back to age 45.

I wish I knew more.

[Pendragon]

Granted: Now you know that you don't know everything, which is a recipe for improvement.

I wish my nosy neighbors would move...

[Calidore]

Granted. They've been burned out of their home and moved in with you.

I wish it would stop raining already.

[Pendragon]

Granted. And your neighbors curse you for the drought.

I wish people would write more Sherlock Holmes books...

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. People write a lot more Sherlock Holmes books. However, none of them are any good and they don't get past the publisher. The publisher doesn't want to read any more bad Sherlock Holmes and ends the series altogether. (That's how publishing works, right? :P)

I wish mosquitos would stop biting me.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Your blood is drained.

I wish my senses were better.

[munkinhead]

Granted, though the improvement is so slight as to be only metaphoric.

I wish to dance naked in Tahiti and stay out of jail.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but you get deported

I wish I could go to England

[munkinhead]

Granted but you must visit their top dental specialists.


I wish I could have a banger with that mash.

[Calidore]

Granted. You are run over by a steamroller, which then explodes.

I wish ice cream was healthy.

[munkinhead]

Granted, ice cream is fine, eating it is still not healthy.


I wish I had three wishes of my choosing.

[Pendragon]

Granted- But your third wish is "I wish I hadn't wished for the first two!"

I wish I had superpowers

[Twota]

Granted- But all other humans have stronger superpowers.

I wish i had a cat.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. A wild lion roars behind you.

I wish I was able to rock climb to work.

[Twota]

Granted. your work is on the top of Everest.

I wish i had a sister.

[Bluehound]

Granted she's called Katie price , Jordan to her enemies.

I wish I had a pet dragon the size of a dog.

[Twota]

Granted. But he's only a statue.

i wish i was a president.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You take office today, are assassinated tomorrow, and buried the following day.

I wish dream catchers worked.

[Twota]

Granted. But they only work by day.

I wish i could eat people.

[Laura_Azharia]

Granted. You would not have special rights, everybody could eat people too and you would end up being eaten.

I wish i was extremely wise.

[Pendragon]

Granted: You are now a living computer. Unfortunately, you are hung in an infinite loop...

I wish could understand life...

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Life, as you understand it, is so depressing that your insights lead you to the conclusion that it is not worth living. Rest in peace.

I wish there was no paper money.

[Twota]

Granted. All paper money is turned into metal and it's too heavy to be carried.

I wish there was no evil.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Life, as you understand it, is so depressing that your insights lead you to the conclusion that it is not worth living. Rest in peace.



To quote Queen Victoria, "We are not amused." As one who lives in the shadow of suicide every day, this is in very poor taste.

[Nikhar]

Granted. All paper money is turned into metal and it's too heavy to be carried.

I wish there was no evil.

Granted. Now there are no comic books which in turn turns the fanatics into a slightly lesser form of evil.

I wish I had a library full of most awesummest of novels.

[Twota]

Granted. Now you are too addicted to reading that you don't eat, drink nor sleep and soon die reading your favourite book.

I wish i breathe underwater.

[Laura_Azharia]

Granted. You are slain for being a mutation.

I wish i could always remain calm.

[Twota]

Granted. You're too calm that people bully you all the time.

I wish i was a giant.

[Delta40]

Granted but you live by yourself on top of a beanstalk!

I wish I had nicer clothes

[Twota]

Granted. Your clothes are too nice that you want to keep them neat and not wear them.

I wish i could hear people's thoughts.

[Bluehound]

Granted, but the only thoughts you can hear are all the boring ones like shopping lists and "now did I feed the dog?", you will slowly go mad from boredom.

I wish I could control my dreams.

[Twota]

Granted. You only dream about awesome things and you wake up to realize that you will never reach them and eventually suicide.

I wish I could achieve all my dreams.

[Calidore]

Granted. You are constantly finding yourself naked in public, falling off tall buildings, and running in slow motion while being chased by things you never see. Sometimes all at once.

I wish this heat wave would end.

[Twota]

lololol :D

Granted. You are now freezing to death.

I wish i could see through clothes ;o

[Bluehound]

Granted, but due to the general grossness of most of the worlds population you will spend the rest of your life wishing you couldn't.

I wish I could teach old dogs new tricks.

[MatthewFarlow]

To quote Queen Victoria, "We are not amused." As one who lives in the shadow of suicide every day, this is in very poor taste. I am very sorry, I did not mean to make light of a dark reality for many, but instead meant to corrupt a wish. I'll try to be more sensitive in the future.


Granted. You are constantly finding yourself naked in public, falling off tall buildings, and running in slow motion while being chased by things you never see. Sometimes all at once.
One of my favorites thus far. Congratulations!

[Laura_Azharia]

Granted. Your dogs are famous, thus you too, and you can't bear fame's restlessness.

I wish i had ten times more posts.:D

[Calidore]

Granted. All appear today, and you are banned for flooding.

I wish I could play the piano.

[PoeticPassions]

Granted. But you are able to only play one song and you develop a compulsion to play it over and over again, day in, day out.

I wish I could speak all languages.

[Calidore]

Granted. However, you have no control over which language you're using at any given time.

I wish food was cheaper.

[Twota]

Granted. The food is cheaper but because it's out of date.

I wish i was married ;D

[Oniw17]

Ok, but on your wedding day an alligator jumps out of the cake and eats you both.


I wish I had a billion dollars.

[Calidore]

Granted, but it's someone else's money. Go directly to jail.

I wish there were no flies.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but they are replaced by big honking wasps

I wish my phone could detect telemarketers...

[Laura_Azharia]

Granted. You become greedy seeing your success avoiding telemarketers, you decide to sell it at auction but you are shot and your mobile is taken before the auction because somebody could not wait for the phone.

I wish i could memorize an entire book at first reading.

[Twota]

Granted. You memorize too many things that your brain melts and your head blows.

I wish I could eat all i want without getting fat.

[Calidore]

Granted. Unfortunately you have never read Stephen King's Thinner, and thus never learned what not to say to a cranky old Gypsy.

I wish lunchmeat lasted longer in the fridge.

[Laura_Azharia]

Granted. Everything is fine except butchers who go bankrupt not being able to sell enough meat and take revenge on you.

I wish i could clear the kitchen with a glance of my eyes.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but you have eyes like Cyclops of the X-Men, so you destroy half the house in the progress

I wish I could stop putting my foot in my mouth

[Twota]

Granted. But to do so, you had to cut your foot.

I wish i had 8 hands.

[Calidore]

Granted. You give what you think is the performance of a lifetime to a full house, and eight people applaud. All relatives, naturally.

I wish this river would stop flooding.

[Pendragon]

Granted. It dries up and then you complain about the dust and drought.

I wish my dreams weren't so far out of reach

[Laura_Azharia]

Granted. This game shows how harmful your wishes are when they come true. I don't even need to complete this.

I wish you could not spoil my wish. :)

[Twota]

Granted. And so the game stops and you get bored for eternity.

I wish I could learn all martial arts.

[Pendragon]

Granted. With all that fighting knowledge inside you, you keep getting beat up because you cannot decide which method to use fast enough.

I wish I only weighed half of what I do

[Calidore]

Granted. Unfortunately, the doctor was only supposed to remove your appendix.

I wish cars were more fuel-efficient.

[Bluehound]

Granted.
All cars now run on fresh air and make no polutants, but with the cost of running a car plumetting the roads are constantly snarled up and no one can get anywhere

[Calidore]

And your wish?

[Bluehound]

I wish I had a better memory ( so that I didn't do things like forgetting to make a wish hehe ).

[Pendragon]

Granted. Now you can forget nothing and the remembrance of pain makes you depressed

I wish I were four inches taller

[Calidore]

Granted, and your reach is extended to match, but the horses your limbs are tied to don't stop.

I wish people could live in harmony.

[iamnobody]

Granted, anyone who wants to may live in Harmony Minnesota.

I wish I had more books.

[Twota]

Granted. You have too many books that you can't decide which to read so you don't read any.

I wish I could meet Will Smith. :D

[Pendragon]

Granted, but all he will say, in passing, is "What up, Dawg?"

I wish I had better keyboard skills

[Twota]

Granted, you have great skills that you can't get off the computer.

I wish I could forget my ex. :D

[Calidore]

Granted, but your life feels pretty empty without excitement or expectation.

I wish days were longer than 24 hours.

[Bluehound]

Granted. Aliens invade our planet and take you back to their home world. They have days that go on for years and you spend all of them awake and mining for a precious mineral that smells like rotten fish eggs.

I wish I could be in two places at once.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but have you ever heard of something called a "Death Fetch"? (Look it up) You can be in two places at once but if you meet yourself you die...

I wish my brain wasn't so full of useless facts, such as what a "Death Fetch" is...

[PoeticPassions]

Granted, but now you can't retain any facts and have to constantly relearn things.


I wish that napping would be equivalent to exercising (not in effort, but in result).

[Twota]

Granted, and your body is so well built and you get famous as the best athlete ever and while going to olympics, you are assassinated by another country. o.o

I wish I could have Jason Stathman's muscles. :D

[Calidore]

Granted. He wills them to you after his death, and they arrive in several nice Tupperware containers.

I wish CPU coolers were easier to install.

[Pendragon]

Granted. They become ridiculously easy to install, but they never work causing computer meltdown

I wish I had a job again...

[Twota]

Granted, You have a very exhausting job and you have no time to sleep.

I wish I was more tender.

[Bluehound]

Granted. Now I will enjoy you with some "fava beans and a nice Chianti" .

I wish I could have a new back.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but it's a hunchback

I wish I lived beside the sea

[Twota]

Granted, The sea floods and destroys your house and you drown and get eaten by small fishes.

I wish I could skip bad days.

[Calidore]

Granted. Welcome to your last day of existence.

I wish video games would be released bug-free.

[cl154576]

Granted. They are released but you can never play them.

I wish I were dead (I just want to see how that's corrupted).

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You're dead on the inside: lethargic and pessimistic.

I wish to be able to finish my bucket-list before I die.

[cl154576]

Granted. You work on it for five days on end without sleeping, and as soon as it's finished somebody burns it and stabs you to death.

I wish to be able to read more.

[Buh4Bee]

Granted, get some sleep.

I wish that I could write.

[Calidore]

Granted, but you forget how to type. Nice knowing you.

I wish I could afford a house.

[Bluehound]

Granted. You buy a bird house , you are going to need some small furniture.

I wish the temperature could always be "just right".

[Calidore]

Granted. The sun winks out, and the temp drops to just right of zero Kelvin.

I wish dishes washed themselves.

[Bluehound]

Granted. A poltergeist with a fetish for washing up moves into your home, unfortunatly it also likes throwing things at you and turning all milk based produce sour.

I wish I would stop dropping things.

[Pendragon]

Granted, now everything sticks to your fingers

I wish these days didn't drag on so...

[Bluehound]

Granted. Your days are packed full of fun and adventure, they whiz past. Oh but the nights..the nights go on for ever.

I wish I didn't leave everything till the last minute.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but now you get everything done early and stay bored the rest of the time

I wish I could visit a TRULY haunted house

[Bluehound]

Granted. Unfortunately it turns out you are highly allergic to ectoplasm and have to spend the next week sat in a bath of chamomile lotion.

I wish my dogs breath wasn't so stinky.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You and your dog switch scents and potency of breath.

I wish I were able to receive free, authentic didgeridoo lessons.

[Calidore]

Granted, but soon your neighbors storm the house to kill the roaring monster you're obviously holding captive in the basement.

I wish my cold would go away.

[Pendragon]

Granted It takes Monday off, then is back with a vengeance!

I wish all the good novels and movies I want wouldn't all be out at the same time, destroying my budget!

[Bluehound]

Granted. A new law is passed that only allows one creative item to be released to the general public each generation. No more films or books to pay for.


I wish I was stronger.

[Pendragon]

Granted You're so muscle-bound that you can't move

I wish I wasn't so fat...

[Calidore]

Granted. You are the victim of a horrible liposuction accident.

I wish the store was closer.

[Pendragon]

Ouch!

Granted. Now you live in a run-down apartment OVER the store!

I wish my dog could learn to fetch...

[Calidore]

Granted. He fetches the cute little kid from down the block, who is soon followed by the police.

I wish my dog was more intimidating.

[Heathcliff]

Granted. He turns into a pregnant woman with an oversized pram and storms around yelling at people and intimidating them.

I wish I had an extra hour in every day, but nobody else did.

[Pendragon]

Granted But during this extra hour you experience hallucinations and scream the whole time about billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles...

I wish I still had those old magazines with the "Tintin" serials...

[Calidore]

Granted But during this extra hour you experience hallucinations and scream the whole time about billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles...

I wish I still had those old magazines with the "Tintin" serials...

Wow, now I have to think of a negative for a Tintin collection?

Granted, but you read too intently and turn the pages too fast, and bleed to death from a thousand unnoticed paper cuts.

I wish more people liked the good stuff.

P.S. I have to say, between pulps and now Tintin, my stereotype of the culture level of people who live in the Virginia mountains is being completely shattered.

[krymsonkyng]

Granted, but all the new demand means the good stuff's either horded or gone within minutes leaving the have-nots feeling empty and the haves too concerned with protection to ever truly enjoy the good stuff. You are among the have-nots.

I wish to eliminate evil.

[Pendragon]

Granted: Now you are the last person left on earth...

I wish I wasn't the only person in the Virginia mountains with enough culture to appreciate both the pulps and Tintin!

[krymsonkyng]

Granted, but your new neighbor's a thief looking to expand his collection.

I wish I was bullet proof.

[Bluehound]

Granted. You are bullet proof , nothing can touch you , even your loved ones.

I wish I could spend all day in bed.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You're in a coma.

I wish I had some strawberry cheesecake.

[Calidore]

Granted. You find yourself trapped in an old Three Stooges short and have all the strawberry cheesecake you can wear.

I wish my dog's bad leg would heal.

[Hawkman]

Granted. It leaps up, runs into the road and is flattened by an 18 wheeler.

I wish I had 3 wishes.

[Delta40]

Granted but they are only valid for 000.3 seconds

I wish I had a higher paid job.

[tonywalt]

right, and the stress that goes with high paying jobs.

I wish my dog would pick up after himself.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but now YOU have to play fetch and beg!

I wish my cat would walk on the leash...

[tonywalt]

But is too clever for that humiliation.

I wish the next person the very best of luck and that would in turn give me luck.

[Delta40]

granted you now have an abundance of kcul!

I wish fleas were allergic to my cat

[Calidore]

Granted, but

1) The constant sound of dozens of sneezing fleas finally drives you out of your house; and

2) The fleas, having discovered that they're not allergic to you, come with.

I wish doggie diarrhea didn't exist. Boy, do I.

[Delta40]

granted but doggie vomit becomes the new vogue.

I wish I could cook edible meals.

[Pendragon]

Granted: But note that "edible" does not mean "good to eat"

I wish I could really be sure which mushrooms are edible and which are poison. This keeps me from gathering wild mushrooms...

[tonywalt]

love my dog.

I wish I knew the meaning of the word kcul ...

[Pendragon]

Granted: It is "luck" spelled backwards, which is where your luck is going--backward.

I wish I had gotten an actual answer to my last post. How does "love my dog" corrupt that wish?

[tonywalt]

Because I was responding to Calidore, and my computer posted it veeery late. Sorry there.

I wish my emails would be faster.

[Hawkman]

Granted, but you have to deliver them in person.

I wish I was a bit younger and a babe magnate :D

[Bluehound]

Granted. The physical practicalities of having several gorgeous young women actually stuck to you all day, everyday mean that you cant get "close" to any of them. Plus alot of them are going to sue.

I wish I could switch off my brain at night sometimes.

[Hawkman]

Granted. Sometimes you can, but never when you want to.

I wish I had a top-notch digital SLR

[krymsonkyng]

Granted, but every picture is watermarked by a spectral frat boy throwing.

Also Pendragon is now allergic to mushrooms.

I wish I was a professional body builder.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are Frankenstein.

I wish I was fabulously wealthy.

[Bluehound]

Granted. You inherit an obscene amount of money with one clause. You have to carry your wealth , all in pound coins, around with you at all times in Santa style sacks.

I wish I could be a tad more spontaneous.

[Baxter]

Granted. You spontaneously combust a tad more than usual.

I wish I could remember names better.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. But you forget everyone's faces.

Also, Pendragon, in the words of an old German I once stayed with: "All mushrooms are edible - some only once."
I thought that was clever.

I wish I had a horse.

[Calidore]

Granted. It's name is Charley, and it takes up long-term residence in your leg.

I wish I could afford a pizza for dinner tomorrow.

[Pendragon]

Granted but it's a kind you hate

Matt, that is a very wise view on those mushrooms :drool5:

I wish I wasn't so far over budget this month...

[Bluehound]

Granted. You are 1 penny better off this month than you were last month.

I wish I had more energy.

[Pendragon]

Granted. But you only have it you cannot harness it.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time

[Calidore]

Granted. You taste-test a new synthetic coffee that leaves you unable to sleep ever again.

I wish I could afford a high-end stereo system.

[krymsonkyng]

Granted. You can afford a warped battery-op ghetto blaster with one end taller than the other.

I wish my ex would stop talking to me.

[Hawkman]

Granted. But she now communicates in writing, on little notes wrapped around bricks which she throws though your windows.

I wish sombody would buy my screenplay :D

[Pendragon]

Granted, but they only buy it to make certain it is never filmed!

I wish I were more like Sherlock Holmes...

[Calidore]

Granted, but all you get from him are the drug habit and the social isolation.

I wish I was more like Doc Savage.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but you have to put up with your own "Monk" and "Ham" squabbling, not to mention their foul tempered pets!

I wish I could write the stories that are in my mind...

[krymsonkyng]

Granted, but only in ancient hieroglyphics.

I wish I could speak Spanish.

[Pendragon]

Granted However the entire world has switched to a single common language and the need to know Spanish has become old hat

I wish that I had paid more attention in computer programing classes...

[Baxter]

Granted. You paid more attention to the ticking of the clock and what was going on out the window.

I wish colleges applied to me.

[Pendragon]

Granted! They pay you money to never under any circumstances to set foot on their campus

I wish I were at the ocean sigh

[togre]

Granted. The Arctic ocean is beautiful this time of year, but since all you brought were your Bermuda shorts and suntan lotion, you freeze your ******** off.

I wish it were the weekend already.

[Pendragon]

Granted By the time I answered, it was Saturday

I wish I were still 21

[togre]

Granted. Your mind reverts to your early adulthood but your body remains as is. As a result your your current peers find you shallow and feckless and 21 year-olds find you old and "creepy."

I wish I lived closer to my family.

[Pendragon]

Granted! Same House, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom for all of you

I wish I were in Florida for the winter

[PoeticPassions]

Granted! But, due to global warming and climate change, the winter in Florida is the worst one in recorded history, with snow blizzards, high winds, and temperatures way below freezing.

[togre]

Granted--I give exactly what you wished for--nothing.

I wish my wish wasn't corrupted.

[PoeticPassions]

I actually forgot to make a wish... haha... I suck at this game. Or maybe I have had such a horrible last week and weekend, that I am left wish-less.

as for your wish... (ah good one) GRANTED! But now you can never make another wish again.

I wish I could teleport to anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but your teleportations have so many things that can go wrong you fear to use them

I wish I was bulletproof

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You decide to show off your power as an attraction at a county fair. Your friend shoots you with a machine gun. The bullets bounce off you. . . directly into the crowd.

I wish I could do no wrong.

[togre]

Granted...you die immediately and hence forth do nothing (wrong).

I wish Christmas cookies were both healthy and delicious.

[Calidore]

Granted. As a result they are always sold out, so it's back to cheap fudge for you.

I wish I could play the piano.

[Pendragon]

Granted. As a result, you grow 88 fingers

I wish I were in Hawaii for the winter

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You are thrown into a Hawaiian prison. You will be there for the winter. And the spring. And the rest of the year. And the rest of your years.

I wish I could make up words that would become recognized by literary authorities and used everyday by society.