Corrupt a Wish Game

[togre]

Granted. Your attempt at a serious novel is an utter failure and for years to come your name becomes synonymous with "hack" and "new" words are used to measure insiditude and failurousity.

I wish I didn't feel so mean after corrupting wishes.

[Calidore]

Granted. In fact, you decide you love it and become the world's most evil Santa, because what's sweeter than corrupting the wishes of innocent children?

I wish winter was over already.

[irishpixieb]

Granted! Winter is over, but now you have to suffer through a 100+ degree summer instantly until next winter!

I wish that my parents would buy me cheese...

[Pendragon]

Granted. They buy you 5000 pounds of especially aged and potent Limburger Cheese, and now your neighbors downwind are all being treated for passing out from the smell!

I wish I could find that blasted book I've been hunting for a long time!

[Zemouli Chahra]

Granted. They buy you 5000 pounds of especially aged and potent Limburger Cheese, and now your neighbors downwind are all being treated for passing out from the smell!

I wish I could find that blasted book I've been hunting for a long time!

which book you've been hunting... may be I have it.

[irishpixieb]

Granted! You find the book but its been sitting in a puddle for months and you can't actually read it!

I wish I had a guinea pig!

[Pendragon]

Granted. Now you may have to look up this reference, but it will be what is known as a "long pig" from turn of the century Papa New Guinea.

Wish I had a 57 chevy

[Calidore]

Granted. But, being a very distinctive car, the original owner has no trouble tracking it, and you, down.

I wish everyone could have a merry Christmas.

[Pendragon]

Granted. I just don't feel like corrupting this one. Next time I promise I'll be my own sarcastic self! Merry Christmas everybody!


I wish that I had slept last night

[Calidore]

Granted. I just don't feel like corrupting this one. Next time I promise I'll be my own sarcastic self! Merry Christmas everybody!


I wish that I had slept last night

Ha! I broke the game!

Granted, but you don't wake for 100 years, and the new national holiday is Ramadan. Happy fasting!

I wish I was ambidextrous.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Now you can't even decide which hand to wipe with!

I wish I had every Sherlock Holmes book ever published!

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. The Holmes books you do not currently have were never published or even written.

I wish people didn't hate themselves.

[BookBeauty]

Granted. Now, they all hate everyone else!

I wish that everyone could share resources without greed.

[Calidore]

Granted, but since nobody's actually using the resources, everyone dies broke and hungry.

I wish this heat wave would finally end.

[Delta40]

Granted but you're plummeted into the next ice age.

I wish that I could win 1st division Lotto

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, you win 1st division lotto by buying every ticket. Enjoy paying off the debt for the rest of your life!

I wish I could shapeshift.

[Calidore]

Granted. You become a fly on the wall. Unfortunately, you are only allowed one shift. Mind the swatter.

I wish I could play every instrument.

[Delta40]

Granted but you only get to play every instrument in an operating theatre (Watch you don't cut your lip on the scalpel!)

I wish I was the greatest poet of all time.

[BienvenuJDC]

Edit: it's two for one day today!

Granted. You begin with the spoons, and once you have played every spoon in the world, you can move on to something else.

Granted. You become the dead poet of your choice (since any poet's name here would spark a debate), however, the coffin is a bit cramped, and there is no light.

I wish I could dance.

[Delta40]

Granted but you're forever destined to dress in a Saturday Night Fever Suit and end each dance with the legendary John Travolta stance.

Granted once you finish every spoon in the world, you move onto the xylophone

[MatthewFarlow]

Close your eyes and make a wish before I make one for you, Delta!

[togre]

I wish this thread was active again!

[Hawkman]

Granted, but you have to be the sole contributor :D

[Calidore]

Granted, but you have to be the sole contributor :D

And your wish?

[MatthewFarlow]

I wish people would read through some of the previous pages and understand how the game is played, THEN corrupt this wish. (Also supplying a wish of their own.)

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, every person who plays knows how to play the game, but you are the only player. :cryin:

I wish I could break a Nalgene.

[Calidore]

Granted, but you're then arrested for stealing the tank you ran over it with.

I wish eggnog was healthier.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. The egg in eggnog is for all of the tapeworm eggs mixed in to help cut down on how chubby you get.

I wish I had a horse.

[Hawkman]

Granted, you have a horse - unfortunately, it's dead.

I wish I had a great estate.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Your estate sale is really exciting for the local bargain hunters, too! If only you could see their grins from 6 feet under.

I wish I had unlimited Mason jars.

[Hawkman]

Granted. All your various body parts are pickled within them :devil:

I wish a certain someone would sing their song to me...

[Calidore]

Granted. Next time you go boating, a siren lures you into the depths.

I wish adults would actually behave like they tell their kids to.

[Hawkman]

Granted: from now on you can be seen but not heard.

I wish money grew on trees.

[Calidore]

Granted. However, money can't convert carbon dioxide to oxygen, and the planet suffocates.

I wish I could type faster.

[Hawkman]

Granted: you can now type at 60 wpm. Unfortunately the only word you can type is, "faster."

I wish I had a Total Perspective Vortex

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Upon realizing how miniscule and meaningless you are in the universe, you lose all motivation to do anything and starve.

I wish I read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as a young boy.

[Hawkman]

Granted. The downside, if it is a downside, is that you never grew up :D

I wish that when I answered the telephone I could say, "Hello Clarice" like Anthony Hopkins.

[Calidore]

Granted. People stop calling.

I wish my printer would stop wasting ink.

[Hawkman]

That's an easy fix! Now it uses no ink at all because it has turned up its tootsies and joined the choir invisible in silicon heaven.

I wish someone would call...

[The Kid]

Someone does. It is the director of the CIA informing you that they have people everywhere pointing their guns at your head at that very moment. If you come quietly and do not fight back, they will not kill you. You go with them and they send you to Guantanamo Bay prison, accusing you of involvement in a terrorist plot. Of course your trial never comes, and you are detained indefinitely.

To continue the telephone theme, I wish that girl I met a couple weeks ago would respond to my call.

[Hawkman]

Granted. She works for the IRS and wants to audit you.

I wish my fridge hadn't packed up!

[The Kid]

Granted. She works for the IRS and wants to audit you.

Heh heh, that's very cruel my friend, but good one!:)

As for your wish, granted. Your fridge unpacks and decides to move in with you. It is so obnoxious and rude, and such a slob, leaving food lying around and such, that you cannot stand it. Eventually you "pack up" yourself and decide to leave.

I wish I could live with my family over in Mexico City for a while.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. You and your family are united in Mexico City in 1520. Cortés is on his way. . .

I wish almonds were cheaper.

[OnePlus]

Ok, there is a public market where the almonds are almost free but it's located in the other side of the earth from where you live. If you get there before October there is a 10% discount.

I wish someone who manages to tell me a good story (with happy end) in which I am the protagonist.

[Calidore]

Granted, and when the story's over, the book is closed and recycled, and you're forgotten.

I wish ice was less slippery.

[The Kid]

Granted, Ice is impossibly sticky. Your tongue sticks to it every time, and thus you lose your tongue.

I wish I had more time to make art.

[Bluehound]

Granted, you have all the time in the world to make art - but only that weird kind where people use their own poop.

I wish it was still the Christmas holidays.

[Scheherazade]

It is Christmas and you are forever stuck in the kitchen making mash and gravy!

I wish it were September already!

[Calidore]

Granted. Sadly, you've missed spring and summer entirely, and it's getting cold again. You're also eight months in debt and without eight months' pay.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Instead of needing to sleep, you need to run for 8 hours per day.

I wish I had been more into Star Wars when I was a kid.

[Hawkman]

Granted. Unfortunately you now live alone in a house crammed with broken merchandising, all of which is minus its packaging!

I wish it would stop raining.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. It never rains again. Moisture simply accumulates in the atmosphere and that must cause some sort of environmental devastation.

I wish I could cook a really good home-made pizza!

[Hawkman]

Granted. Unfortunately you are now besieged by wise guy Italian Americans from the Cosa Nostra who won't let you out of the kitchen. Neither will they allow you to cook anything else. They also invite you to participate in a numbers racket. All your friends meet with 'accidents' and you are eventually forced, at gunpoint, to marry a gay Don. Don't you just wish you'd not mentioned Pizza!

I wish I was in bed with Claudia Schiffer.

[Calidore]

Granted, but you have to sleep on the other side of her husband, and he likes to spoon whichever way he's facing.

I wish I had a tree that grew money.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are the proud owner of a tree which produces 10 SAR notes for flowers. Unfortunately it only produces one flower every 25 years and the exchange rate on the rand isn't going to impress you.

I wish I had a 25 year old heiress as my devoted slave.

[aliengirl]

Granted. Your slave girl is so devoted that she never leaves you alone. You've got no privacy at all. She also insists in helping you to write your poems and stories. I forgot to mention that she also happens to have eyes on the back of her head. No, you can't escape her panopticon surveillance.

I wish I'd get some sleep, sound sleep.

[Hawkman]

Granted. Like the Norwegian Blue, you are sleeping - tired out after a long squawk, and the only reason you are still sitting on your perch is because you've been nailed to it. Unfortunately your slumbers are due to having shuffled off your mortal coil to join the choir invisible. On the upside, you are definitely getting a good sleep.

I wish I could hear the jingle of silver anklets.

[aliengirl]

Granted. You can hear a lot of jingling, of anklets or something else, that can never be decided for the wearers remain unseen. You, dear friend, are trapped in a haunted house.

I wish I'd finish all the piled up work.

[Calidore]

Granted, and now that you have no more work to do, your position has been eliminated.

I wish people's memories weren't so selective.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted. Nobody remembers anything.

I wish this bridge would design itself so I could roadtrip with my girlfriend and her lil' pooch Jojo.

[R.F. Schiller]

Granted. Nobody remembers anything.

I wish this bridge would design itself so I could roadtrip with my girlfriend and her lil' pooch Jojo.

Granted. Unfortunately, the bridge designed itself to be a carbon copy of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge and there are very strong winds on the day of your trip...

I wish I could get straight A's on all my upcoming undergraduate exams without studying.

[Calidore]

Granted, but you are busted and expelled for cheating. Welcome to Walmart4Life.

I wish fixing and painting the walls didn't leave dust everywhere.

[Hawkman]

Granted. Fixing and painting the walls no longer leaves dust everywhere, but this is because you have breathed it all in and it has coagulated in your lungs and turned into cement. Consequently you are now dead, but on the upside, as you rot, a perfect cast of the insides of your lungs is left behind and preserved for posterity.

I wish I had a bigger house with lots of bookshelves.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted, your house is huge and has many bookshelves. However, instead of bricks or wood, your house was built following a papier-mâché recipe which called for every book on the face of the planet.

I wish my dog could live forever!

[Hawkman]

Granted, your dog can live forever, but only if he consumes your living flesh.

I wish I was 35. As far as I can remember, it was a good age to be.

[Whosis]

Granted, your house will now be stuffed with motorcycles and bowling balls as you perpetually anticipate your future with a mid-life crisis.

I wish I had unlimited pizza.

[Hawkman]

See reply #303. Not quite the same but close enough :devil:

I wish that asteroid would hurry up and get here... I want to know how the dinosaurs felt!

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted! A meteor the size of a baseball slams into your head and your head alone.

I wish this bridge would design itself!

[SilentMute]

Done! And with its ability to reason and self-reproduce, it builds an army of bridges and destroys humanity! (Think of the irony here, we always think to make the world a peaceful place by building bridges :p)

I wish sugar was healthy to eat and didn't add on pounds.

[Heathcliff]

Granted, but the wish is granted so well that it actually makes you smaller one body part at a time, starting at your toes and finishing with your head.

I wish I could generate dodge-balls at will.

[Hawkman]

Granted, unfortunately they are generated in your gut and you have to lay them like eggs. Enjoy!

I wish I lived in less interesting times.

[Cleanthes]

Granted, you get to live before life evolved; for a few seconds before lack of oxygen kills you, that is.
I wish there were many more sequels to the movie Dude, Where's My Car?

[Hawkman]

Granted. Now there are ten thousand and you are locked in a room and won't be allowed out until you've watched them all.

I wish I was.

[Cleanthes]

Granted. You were. You are no more, enjoy being dead.

I wish for one bourbon, one scotch and one beer.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are now locked in a room, totally devoid of those beverages, with John Lee Hooker, who will sing it to you, continuously, for eternity. Enjoy!

I wish wishes didn't have a downside...

[MANICHAEAN]

Abracadabra. Just like that.

I wish white wellies would wander with Wanda without wondering whether wasps' winkles wither.

[Hawkman]

Congratulations! It is so. Unfortunately, it is so in a parallel universe populated by wellingtonian life forms, all of whom are now your relations. You are now a mere element of a hive mind with a wasp fixation. All that you once were is lost. The most pressing problem that now concerns you is the leak you experience whilst traversing puddles...

I wish I had a well paid job.

[Sospira]

Granted. You are a high class hooker.

I wish my hair would grow down to my waist.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. Your torso shrinks until your neck is just above your navel.

I wish I were 17 again.

[Calidore]

Granted. You are now sharing your home (and S.O.) with 16 more of you.

I wish I could find the perfect job.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted! You are awarded the perfect job over dozens of more qualified candidates, all of whom have spent years of grueling work and gone into deep debt to actually merit the position. They are so outraged by this injustice that they burst into your office one day, fix your head on a pike, and dance around the room with it, shouting Hallelujah.

Added: Oh I forgot to wish. Um, I wish I had three arms so I could drink mocha, read, and scratch myself all at once.

[Sospira]

Granted. You have three arms but all you can do in life now is drink mocha, read and scratch yourself at the same time.

I wish my lips were naturally dark pink.

[Calidore]

Granted, but you're now constantly being stalked by male flamingos.

I wish working out worked faster.

[Hawkman]

Granted. After 2.9. Nano seconds of working out, you have drained your body of all energy and fat. You are now a desiccated husk of your former self, and quite dead.

I wish someone would recognise my genius without my having to constantly prove it :D

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. Near the end of the 68th millennium, a minor scholar of early Internet records quips to a graduate student, "Did you see this satire of "The Road Not Taken"?--pure genius!" The graduate student suspects he's being sarcastic.

I wish I had an Amazon gift card for a million dollars.

[Pompey Bum]

Well I seem to have stumped the corruptors, so let me give it a try:

Granted. But my selfish desire for free books proves more than the good people at amazon.com can bear. Their business collapses, causing an unexpected economic downturn that ultimately busts the entire ebook industry. Those (like me) who donated their old paper books to local libraries have nothing more to read, while local libraries see the price of their books soar to unprecedented heights. They become so rich and powerful that they introduce a new system of feudal serfdom that restricts literacy to an elite corps of librarians and makes everybody else grow them cabbages. This dark age lasts thousands of years, until a revolutionary concept eventually sweeps the globe: all men and women are created librarians. Nooooooooooooooo!

I wish it stayed light until 8:45 pm the year round.

[MatthewFarlow]

Granted! The world's governments agree to define the time 8:45pm as the time when it gets dark out. Now, time varies day by day and keeping up with the shifting value of "8:45pm" consumes everyone's time as they try to adjust their watches with the setting sun. Nobody can make meetings or catch trains reliably. It is some people's job just to go around every night to change the clocks to fit the new day's definition.

I wish I had a fruiting banana tree.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted! Your new fruiting banana tree is the joy of your heart. You wait each day in delightful anticipation as its sweet protuberances gently pass from jade to gold. One night at last your eyelids grow heavy with thoughts of the morning's bounty. Tomorrow, bananas aplenty will grace your sugar frosted flakes.

Or will they? Just before dawn you are awakened by the syncopated beat of a steel drum and the unmistakable voices of banana boat packers:

DAY-O! DAY-O! DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME...

"What the deuce?" you blaspheme, hardly able to credit the testimony of your own sensory organs.

WORK ALL NIGHT ON A DRINK O'RUM!
DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME!
STACK BANANA TILL MORNING COME!
DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME!

"NO!" You cry as the truth washes over you in warm, salty Caribbean rivulets. "Get away from my fruiting banana tree you carefree stevedores!" But still...

HIDE THE DEADLY BLACK TARANTULA!
DAYLIGHT COME AN' ME WAN' GO HOME!
DAY-O! I SAY DAY-O!

You drag yourself to the pink stucco veranda, but it is too late. Sluttish dawn reveals her unsightly truth: your once fruiting banana tree is nothing but a lonely and denuded nub. You make out a low ship's horn receding in the distance, and with it fading voices:

Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...

Lost, defeated, broken in spirit, and never that hot in mind, you feel yourself falling into your bed. But there's worse to come. Too well hidden, the aforementioned deadly black tarantula crawls across your sobbing abdomen and sinks it's hairy fang-things into your quivering belly button floor. Now you will grace its sugar frosted flakes. Or something.

ADDED: Oh sorry. Um, I wish I could carry moonbeams home in a jar.

[Hawkman]

Granted, but you have to collect them at source without a space suit.

I wish I had the rights of high, middle and low justice.

[NikolaiI]

Granted, but - and this is an easy and obvious but - now you have all their responsibilities, too! :-)

I wish I had a trained hawk. . . ;] (this should be interesting!)

[Hawkman]

Granted. You now possess a hawk which has been trained to attack you on sight. The bird will latch onto your face and devour your eyeballs, leading to mounting medical bills and putting you at a distinct disadvantage when courting charming ladies.

The moral here is to know what you are doing and train the bird yourself, thus forming a jolly bond with one of natures miracles.

I wish I'd blown up parliament!

[Pendragon]

Granted! Unfortunately your entire family was inside at the time...

I wish I wasn't such a recluse...

[NikolaiI]

Granted, but when you go outside, you find everyone has turned into rabbits. ;-)

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. You are seized by the authorities and placed in a public pillory with a placard hung around your neck reading: "Couch Slouch."

I wish this place vacuumed itself.

Edit: Again, NicholaiI has posted seconds before me. Since he did not include a question, please feel free to use mine for the next turn. If he adds one later, though, please refer to his. Sorry for the confusion.

[Pendragon]

Granted. But it sucks, know what I mean?

I wish I were in Hawaii!

[Calidore]

Granted. You are tied to a stake in the path of the lava flow to act as a warning siren by screaming when it reaches your feet.

I wish I didn't have to move out of this house when it sells.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are now dug in deeper than a tick on a raw-boned hound and wild horses couldn't drag you out. Unfortunately, this is because you are dead and destined to haunt the place for eternity. Rattle those chains!

I wish I had an isolated country estate with a well-stocked grouse moor.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. No one would dare go near that estate with the trillions of man-eating grouse that surround it. Which means that no one will ever learn your fate. Grouse poop is no way for a sportsman to end.

I wish the river was whiskey and, baby, I was a duck.
I wish the river was whiskey and, baby, I was a duck.
I'd dive to the bottom and I never would come up.

[Pendragon]

Granted. But the whiskey is a brand you cannot stand to drink!

I wish I didn't have to go anywhere tomorrow...

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. Calidore, Sancho, Hawkman and I agree to be your pallbearers. Now you'll find out if ghosts are real!

I wish that people started out old and ugly and got younger and more beautiful as they aged.

[Pendragon]

Granted. of course, you are the exception. Bad recessive genes from your garret-grest-grest-grest-grest +1000 grandparents, who were Neanderthals

I wish I could breathe underwater like a fish

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are now a six gill shark, a living fossil and a bottom feeder. Consequently, you are condemned to feasting on dead whales on the ocean floor for the rest of your life.

I wish I had my own seraglio :D

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. And they're beautiful ladies, too. But soon their reputation reaches the ears of the Sultan himself, who confiscates your trove of hotties and, in profound thanks, promotes you to the rank of eunuch guardian.

I wish I could go back in time and kick myself in the butt on certain occasions.

[Pendragon]

Granted! Unfortunately, it won't change anything except to give you a sore tush

I wish a lot of the past was just a dream and I'd wake up!

[NikolaiI]

Granted. You wake up, experience the infinite peace and bliss of the divine soul, but when you tell people about it, they don't understand.

I wish the world had peace, and war never returned.

[Hawkman]

Granted. Following an extinction level asteroid strike, total peace comes to planet earth.

I wish my PhD proposal was already submitted and approved!

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. Your thesis proposal has been approved as submitted--by the guy who was looking over your shoulder when you wrote it.

I wish snakes had hips and chickens had lips.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are now the embodiment of snake-hipped, lippy chickens. How does it feel to be Mick Jagger?

I wish I had a bottle of vintage Champers all to myself.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. An attractive young literature student has just opened a bottle of the good stuff, but at your approach, she abandons her treasure and flees into the open fields. Cheers!

I wish zombies ate cows and chickens like regular people.

[Hawkman]

Granted. An attractive young literature student has just opened a bottle of the good stuff, but at your approach, she abandons her treasure and flees into the open fields. Cheers!

I'd call that a RESULT! :D


I wish zombies ate cows and chickens like regular people.

Granted. Zombies now eat cows and chickens raw, just like they eat regular people.

I wish I had a nice juicy steak.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Since you didn't specify what KIND of meat, or how to cook it, you get a steak sliced from a long deceased horse, but the maggots are extraordinarily juicy!

I wish my neighbor would move...

[Calidore]

Granted, but it's just a jump to the left and then a step to the right.

I wish I didn't have to wait on hold so long when I call a government agency.

[Hawkman]

Granted. The phone is answered on the first ring, but as soon as you speak, the malfunctioning automated voice recognition system flags you as politically undesirable. The person on the other end keeps you talking and the call is traced within 30 seconds and within 4 minutes you are surrounded by a bad tempered anti-terrorist SWAT team with itchy trigger fingers, who, in the best traditions of law enforcement, proceed to shred your house with lead. The sound of gunfire and the importunate demands of policemen yelling through bullhorns make it almost impossible to hear what the person at the other end of the line is saying, so you eventually have to hang up without ever getting an answer to the question you were trying to ask about fishing licences.

I wish winter was more like summer.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Thanks to you, it now snows in July

I wish I could walk on water

[NikolaiI]

Granted, but you have to swim on the land.

I wish I could speak 4 languages.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You now speak only isiZulu, Swahili, Suomi and Pidgin English. This means you'll have to move if you want to be able to talk to anyone, although you've a choice of four countries in which to live.

I wish I was upwardly mobile.

[Pendragon]

Granted! You are now a turkey vulture!

I wish I could remember some things better...

[NikolaiI]

Granted! But they are a little outside of your normal life. . things like, where you hid your crocodile eggs (when you were a crocodile, of course.)

I wish I were a crocodile, only for a few years, then back to this life.

[WordsWillCome]

Granted! You are only a crocodile for a few years before poachers find you and turn you into a gorgeous handbag featured in fashion magazines everywhere.

I wish for world peace

[NikolaiI]

Granted. You smile, seeing the world finally at peace. Then, someone removes your headset and, 'lo and behold, reveals it was a all a simulator. Now your real life begins!

I wish more were interested in zoology.

[Hawkman]

Granted. You now know more about skunks than anyone else on the planet.

I wish I had a tiger skin rug so I could sin on it with Eleanor Glynn.

[NikolaiI]

Granted - but ever since that day, you rhyme incessantly :)

I wish more [people] were interested in zoology ;)

[Hawkman]

Eh? Oh sorry, I must be going boss-eyed. Been wearing my glasses for too long!

Granted. Now everyone knows more about skunks than you do :D

BTW, my wish would have to have been granted a long time ago, as I've always been inclined to rhyme (and reason!) Sadly I have no memory of sinning with Eleanor Glynn, or erring with her on any other fur, for that matter. I don't seem to have retained the tiger skin either. Talk about corrupting wishes! Lol.

I wish I knew what to wish for...

[Pendragon]

Granted! By now you should know not to wish at all!

I wish my writing skills would catch up with the stories in my head...

[WordsWillCome]

Your wrong skulls not only catch up to your ideas but they surpass them leaving you with no more ideas to write.

I wish the pain of my back injury was gone

[Pendragon]

Ouch! I sympathize, having slipped a disc myself. I don't have the heart to corrupt this wish. Prayers and good wishes instead.

I wish I had taken Spanish instead of French in high school...

[Hawkman]

Granted. But, unfortunately, you now live in France.

I wish I lived in an energy efficient house.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. But remember it's customary to kiss with noses here.

I wish if rained M&Ms.

[Pendragon]

Granted! They are all a type and/or color you can't stand!

I wish I could talk to machinery, such as my car and my computer... Maybe then the car could tell me what's wrong and the computer would never land on the wrong site due to a typo

[NikolaiI]

Granted, but you become so immersed in talking to the vast internet that you lose all interest in talking to the rest of us. But, another boon, you connect up and save a lot of lives!

I wish I could play Johnny Cope on the bouzouki

(to avoid confusion, this:
http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/05/77/1c/62/phidias-tavern.jpg )

[Pendragon]

Granted! No one wants to hear you, however!

I wish I still had a group to play music with...

[WordsWillCome]

Granted. You now have an entire band that are eager to play with you but all of them are utterly hopeless at playing well

I wish that it would never snow again

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. You are transported to the planet Mercury where you instantly vaporize in the intense radioactive (but snowless) heat.

I wish tears were made of chocolate.

[Wizard272002]

Granted. You are transported to the planet Mercury where you instantly vaporize in the intense radioactive (but snowless) heat.

I wish tears were made of chocolate.

Granted, but now everytime you cry, you get sued by the Hershey's company!

I wish I had the talent of a master swordsman!

[Pendragon]

Granted! You now have such talent that everyone wants to challenge you to a duel, wanting to be famous for taking you out...

I wish I could focus on writing...

[Hawkman]

Granted, but all you can write is, "All work and no play makes jack a dull boy."

I wish all the politicians were in jail, where they belong.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Unfortunately, at their respective hearings, they all make bail

I wish people actually read something before they comment, such as people who quote the Constitution wrong...

[Hawkman]

Granted. Unfortunately all there is to read is your death warrant, which is quite specific, and very unsympathetic. The readers follow it to the letter.

I wish I had more to read than your death warrant.

[Pendragon]

Granted! Here is yours as well, in triplicate, highly detailed and marked :Dead Man Walking

I wish the sitcoms were as funny as the laughtrac-- um, live audience.

[WordsWillCome]

Granted. Sitcoms are now just as funny as the laughtrac however now laughtrac's usually steller content is now even worse than the sitcoms

I wish I wasn't a girl but only for one week each month

[Pendragon]

Granted. The only time you are a girl is that particular week, when as my grandma stated, "My red-head friend visits."

I wish people knew me better...

[Calidore]

Granted. The gossipmongers and paparazzi descend upon you with a vengeance, and soon everyone knows you even better than you know yourself, as most of what they know has been invented.

I wish Mr. Rogers was still alive.

[Pendragon]

Granted, though it is ghoulish to watch a Zombie with hand puppets...

I wish I had traveled the world

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. The earth contracts to include only the places you have traveled, throwing it out of orbit. Everyone dies. Nice work, globetrotter.

I wish people would just cut the sh*t.

[Pendragon]

Granted, but as you know sh*t smells when cut

I wish I were super strong

[Hawkman]

Granted. You now have Atlas' job and carry the world on your shoulders. But, as you have already caused it to shrink and killed off the population, this is relatively light work.

I wish I could find a golden Saxon treasure hoard and be rewarded with lots of money.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Your reward is paid in Monopoly Money, but there is a barn full of it!

I wish I owned a private island...

[Hawkman]

Granted. You are now Dr Moraeu. (Oooops!)

I wish I had a battery-powered busking amp.

[Pendragon]

Granted. The batteries are not included, and in fact are made only in Lapland.

I wish the purple hippo would get off my bed, I'm sleepy!

[Calidore]

Granted, but you still can't get into the bed because it's now standing on your foot.

I wish I had a wider range of ideal jobs.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted! You now qualify for a vast array of ideal jobs, none of which you are able to obtain because they all go to unqualified cronies.

I wish people didn't have wars anymore.

[Pendragon]

Granted. Unfortunately, peace means every country becomes isolationist-- no import, export, or travel.

I wish people understood me a little better...

[Calidore]

Granted. You are found fascinating and endlessly sought out, written about, analyzed, televised, and never know a moment's peace again.

I wish inspiration came easier.

[RufusWGriswold]

Granted! Alas, the rest of your existence is to be spent in a laboratory under the constant scrutiny of psychological and medical professionals.

I wish that the disparity between rich and poor were a thing of the past...

[Pendragon]

Granted! But it is also the thing of the present and of the future

I wish everybody read my webpage...

[Calidore]

Granted! But the bandwidth charges leave you destitute.

I wish new years were always better than old.

[Pendragon]

Granted! It's better than being deceased

I wish I had more bookshelf space.

[Hawkman]

Granted, when you return home this evening you will find that your house has been broken into and that every single book you own has been stolen.

I wish I hadn't been caught in possession of pendragon's stolen library by the police....

[Pompey Bum]

THIS ONE HAD POTENTIAL:

Granted. You were caught by Pendragon himself, who is currently drying your hide on his shed.

I wish I spoke I could shape shift.

[Laura Clarke]

Granted. All of your possessions turn into clay. You can now "shift" their "shapes" into whatever you desire.

I wish I could read minds.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted. Unfortunately people's minds turn out to have been written by Dan Brown. Happy reading!

I didn't get too tired to write in the late afternoon.

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Granted! You have lots of energy in the late afternoon, unfortunately you break your only pair of glasses and can't get a new pair. [Note: fans of the old Twilight Zone will be familiar with this one]

My wish requires you to be familiar with actress Sofia Vergara--when she was young, not now. I wish when she was a twenty-year-old Colombian model just starting out, she'd fallen madly in love with me, abandoning all previous dreams of stardom and instead wishing only to please me in every way. <glances at watch, waits for Pompey Bum to ruin this perfect blissful dream...>

[Pompey Bum]

Granted! And Señorita Vergara turns out to be mighty good at pleasing, too. Her favorite trick is to spoon feed you cheesecake. Unfortunately you are soon too portly for any other pleasures. Still, cheesecake...

I wish it weren't so damn humid!

[Tyrion Cheddar]

After taking a wrecking ball to my happiness like that, PB, you don't get your wish. May the sweat pour off you till sea creatures take up residence in your armpits.

I wish Pompey Bum couldn't interfere with my happiness.

[Pompey Bum]

Granted! No more cheesecake!

I wish raw cookie dough was good for me.

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Granted. Raw cookie dough is now good for you, and you proceed to eat it till you explode. Meanwhile, me and Sofia got a little bidness to take of...

I wish it were legal to impale Jehovah's Witnesses 'cause they come to my door sometimes no matter how many times I tell them to bug off.

[Laura Clarke]

Granted - But in a universe where it is mandatory to impale Tyrion Chedders :biggrin5:

I wish I didn't have to wake up early tomorrow.