Moonlight

[NikolaiI]

Moonlight streaming into my window,
I think of the quiet ones who believe,
I think of the gentle ones who know
of day's reprieve.

I close my eyes and hear the sound around me,
The waves of light that hum and that surround,
A peaceful night for this mystic symphony
in which I drowned.

[Haunted]

This is so beautiful the way you paint a moonlit night and how it brings reprieve, but the drowning throws me off.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The first seven lines are indeed haunting but, somewhat like the previous poster, I couldn't see the rationale for the drowning at the end? I think you might mean "drowned" in a positive or at least neutral sense - i.e., that you willingly gave yourself up to what you'd described; but I don't think one can make that interpretation with confidence, if indeed it's what you intended.

[NikolaiI]

Thanks Haunted. That's very kind of you to say. I'm glad you liked it.

[Delta40]

In the early hours of morning, as the birds begin to tweet, I rather like what you painted here, the night before I went to bed.

[Beautifull]

I want to steal it! :lol: Beautiful NikolaiI! Makes me all drowsy thinking about it!

[hoope]

Couldn't say more than what the rest had.. ITS SO BEAUTIFUL and a wonderful poem as usual you always amaze us :)

[NikolaiI]

In the early hours of morning, as the birds begin to tweet, I rather like what you painted here, the night before I went to bed.

Thanks Delta, am really glad you liked it :D


I want to steal it! :lol: Beautiful NikolaiI! Makes me all drowsy thinking about it!

Haha :p
So glad you liked it too! and thanks :D


Couldn't say more than what the rest had.. ITS SO BEAUTIFUL and a wonderful poem as usual you always amaze us :)

Thank you so much Hoope!

[Silas Thorne]

ooh, there's a song in this one, Nik! :) Yes, beautiful lyrics.
'drowned' because you 'died' in the music of the moonlight, right, as we die to each moment?

[Virgil]

Moonlight streaming into my window,
I think of the quiet ones who believe,
I think of the gentle ones who know
of day's reprieve.

I close my eyes and hear the sound around me,
The waves of light that hum and that surround,
A peaceful night for this mystic symphony
in which I drowned.

Nik, this is a wonderful poem. I think this is your best ever. Just a grammatical note. The last line should be "in which I drown." Up to that line you are speaking in the present tense. I can't see why you would have shifted to the past. Very nice. :)

[NikolaiI]

Thank you Silas! :D I appreciate it very much.

Basically, yes. :)
Thank you again.


Nik, this is a wonderful poem. I think this is your best ever. Just a grammatical note. The last line should be "in which I drown." Up to that line you are speaking in the present tense. I can't see why you would have shifted to the past. Very nice. :)

Oh, wow! Thank you so much, Virgil! :D
I appreciate your comment so much.

I really do mean "drowned" in the last line. I do mean that I had already drowned. I guess it's used figuratively. Does that make any sense or does it still seem grammatically wrong?

As a side note, the structure in general of both verses is not strictly correct, grammatically. I hope that doesn't take away from your appreciation of the poem. :D

Anyway, thanks again, it means a lot.

[Virgil]

Oh, wow! Thank you so much, Virgil! :D
I appreciate your comment so much.

I really do mean "drowned" in the last line. I do mean that I had already drowned. I guess it's used figuratively. Does that make any sense or does it still seem grammatically wrong?

Oh, and then you must mean "in which I have drowned." You would need the past perfect.


As a side note, the structure in general of both verses is not strictly correct, grammatically. I hope that doesn't take away from your appreciation of the poem. :D
The rest looks correct to me.


Anyway, thanks again, it means a lot.
My pleasure. :)

[NikolaiI]

I'm not convinced, Virgil. I did a search for the phrase "in which I played" and found a ton of results. For instance, "I enjoyed thinking that they resembled the untidy mulberry trees bordering the apple orchard in which I played as a child."

That seems correct to me. It would seem incorrect to use past perfect tense.

[Silas Thorne]

I'll put in another voice for you here Nik. Yes, why not say 'drowned' if you mean it?
And anyway, 'have drowned' would mess up the song.

I 'have drowned' is actually the Present Perfect, not the Past Perfect.

[Virgil]

I'll put in another voice for you here Nik. Yes, why not say 'drowned' if you mean it?
And anyway, 'have drowned' would mess up the song.

I 'have drowned' is actually the Present Perfect, not the Past Perfect.

Oopps, you're right!

[NikolaiI]

Oopps, you're right!

Yes about that, I noticed it as well when I looked up Past Perfect tense. But what about the question above?

[Virgil]

Yes about that, I noticed it as well when I looked up Past Perfect tense. But what about the question above?

What question? I don't see a question to me.

[NikolaiI]

What question? I don't see a question to me.

Sorry. I mean the question of the grammar of that line, after my last post about it.

[Virgil]

Sorry. I mean the question of the grammar of that line, after my last post about it.

I strill think it should say "in which I have drowned." That is present perfect, not past perfect. I don't think it throws off the song. It sounds just fine to me.

[tailor STATELY]

Beautiful NikolaiI.

[Haunted]

I"m a grammar / punctuation slayer, rules that stand in my way will be slashed for the sake of good poetry, which is nonconformist, or else it won't be poetry.

That said I would go with the original "in which I drowned." It's short and quick, it SOUNDS right. To follow logical grammar just makes it clunky and it loses its impact. The hell with present perfect and past perfect, it is perfect as is.

[Virgil]

I"m a grammar / punctuation slayer, rules that stand in my way will be slashed for the sake of good poetry, which is nonconformist, or else it won't be poetry.

That said I would go with the original "in which I drowned." It's short and quick, it SOUNDS right. To follow logical grammar just makes it clunky and it loses its impact. The hell with present perfect and past perfect, it is perfect as is.

:lol: :lol: You've got a very New York way of phrasing things. :D

[Haunted]

:lol: :lol: You've got a very New York way of phrasing things. :D

It takes one to know one :p

[NikolaiI]

I"m a grammar / punctuation slayer, rules that stand in my way will be slashed for the sake of good poetry, which is nonconformist, or else it won't be poetry.

That said I would go with the original "in which I drowned." It's short and quick, it SOUNDS right. To follow logical grammar just makes it clunky and it loses its impact. The hell with present perfect and past perfect, it is perfect as is.

Aw, thanks for the support Haunted :)

But - I believe I am following logical grammar. Usually if something sounds correct, it is correct. Anyway, is there anything that sounds off in this sentence? "We visited the orchard where we grew up, and it brought pleasant memories to see the field in which we played as children."

Or to use the specific verb, "I miss my beloved Bobby. I spend 20 minutes of every day, meditating on the river bank, by the stream in which he drowned."

[Haunted]

Aw, thanks for the support Haunted :)

But - I believe I am following logical grammar. Usually if something sounds correct, it is correct.

Yes it is. I didn't mean to say your original isn't logical grammar, I was just thinking that if we get so hung up on logical grammar than a poem become less powerful as it sounds unnecessarily cumbersome. In your case, whether it's past tense, present perfect orr past perfect, it doesn't change the meaning, so why complicate things.

I'd refrain from answering your other questions since I don't know any frigging grammar, but they do sound ok to me :p