Nightswimming.

[Jerrybaldy]

The beach at night
was everything it wasn't in the sunlight.
Just the two of us, black hair, grey skin
and the cold black ink lapping
its white fringe on flattened sand.
Disrobed, bathed in crescent light
walking hand held, not knowing
if we were walking
or soon to be drowning.
Shoulder high we stopped
severed at our necks,
the frigid tips of your breasts
teasing against my chest.
A mile out, a merchant ship
could be seen by the moons
of its portholes.
On the beach left behind
a sandcastle slid to its death by the tide.
We kissed salty lips
to the sound of the gulls on the headwind.
We held as the storm blew to shore
and clenched as the forks split the sky.
You made me feel I could save you
and I carried you back to the beach.
We made love on seaweed bubbles
by the cocktail stick flag
of a castle soon forgotten,
behind the shack that offered
both cockles and muscles.
We dressed our wet bodies in wet clothes
and I carried you on my shoulders
toward the pier and its fish and its chips,
its lights and its warmth
and its penny arcades.
I swore there and then that I loved you
and you swore the same right back.
The storm was still out at sea
staying where it knew best.
We ran the whole length of that pier
wet shoes slapping, mouths open laughing
until we got to the end
and the sign saying 'No fishing'
where we hurdled ourselves over
that victorian rail
and we fell.

[Delta40]

I love this poem. I so want to do this! I love the line: The storm was still out at sea, staying where it knew best as if such memories exist in the calm. There is so much more here and I will post again later.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This is such a full-hearted poem! The landscape is as well done as are the wonderful details of the love-making. In fact the two go so nicely together. It's one of the best love poems I've read in a long, long time. You must have felt so d*mned good after writing this, or you ought to have felt that way.

Bravo!

[Silas Thorne]

Excellent! This poem is both vivid and emotional. I wanted to comment on this earlier, but thought I'd better wait until I read it a few more times to get a better impression.

Perhaps it is purely my personal perceptions of the poem but I see a lot of darkness in it, e.g:

' not knowing
if we were walking
or soon to be drowning.'

'severed at our necks,'

'a sandcastle slid to its death by the tide'

'You made me feel I could save you
and I carried you back to the beach.'

'by the cocktail stick flag
of a castle soon forgotten'

....up to the last lines where
'we fell'.

While I can see laughter and happiness in the poem, overall I see a strong sense of loss in it, even death. Maybe it refers to something that has now ended, or maybe it is just a reflection of love in a mortal world.
Whether I've completely misread what was in your poem or not, I still think it is excellent work. Well done! :)

[Skia]

Pure bliss. :)

You must have felt so d*mned good after writing this

I agree with Prince! If you didn't...

Yo mus' be trippin' ! Cause I wudda fo sho been buzzin wif dat!!

[Maryd.]

Actuallly Jerry, I read the poem to be a beautiful love story. And we all know how true love stories end. Well done my friend.

[hillwalker]

It's a vibrant love story but with a nod of the head at the end to much darker deeds.

Like Silas suggests, there are many hints here that this is not a happy-ever-after love story.

Personally I loved the expression

'a merchant ship
could be seen by the moons
of its portholes.'

brilliantly descriptive but also with an undercurrent of passion and joie de vivre - until that last line.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you all. I must admit I did not realise I had done quite as good a job as your comments suggest so far, so I am extra pleased :)
It does have a darkness about it that Silas picked up on but mostly it is as Mary said a love story and as Hill kindly pin pointed a joie de vivre.
many thanks
JerryB

[Delta40]

I find your poetry a virtual experience, Jerry.

[Haunted]

all your beach poems are superb...

Whether they fall in love or fall into hell...as long as they end up together, the story is complete.

[Hawkman]

This is a very good poem Jerry. It has a strong narrative and good rhythm with vivid imagery used effectively.

Nice one, H

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you haunted and Hawk.
Delta, I think that may well be the greatest compliment I have ever recieved. Thank you.
Jerry

[Scheherazade]

I meant to post a comment on this poem but just realised that I have not.
While I can see laughter and happiness in the poem, overall I see a strong sense of loss in it, even death. Maybe it refers to something that has now ended, or maybe it is just a reflection of love in a mortal world.
Whether I've completely misread what was in your poem or not, I still think it is excellent work. Well done! :)I whole-heartedly agree with Silas' comments that, mixed with all the joy, there is a dark side to this poem, which strikes me as more tangible, more impressive than its "happy" side.

Maybe it is the sense of "inevitability of all" that is the hidden idea behind it all. Especially, the choice of verb "to fall" at the end (rather than "to jump" maybe) makes it an involuntary action almost; something unavoidable; somewhat natural.

One of the best poems I have read on the Forum in a long while, no doubt.

:)