Writing of Poems

[Hawkman]

With apologies, and much respect, to Henry Reed.

Writing of Poems

Today we have writing of poems. Yesterday,
We had writing stories. And tomorrow morning,
We shall have what to do after writing. But today,
Today we have writing of poems. Roof slates
Reflecting watery grey light, glare wetly in the rain,
And today we have writing of poems.

This is a metaphor. And this
Is a simile, whose application you will learn
When you begin to write. Tools of imagination,
Which in your case you have not got. The water
Runs in gurgling rivulets down pipes and gutters,
Which in our case we have not got.

This is a sonnet, which always has 14 lines
And is written iambic. And please do not let me
See anyone using dactyls. You can do it quite easy
If you have a sense of rhythm. The stair-rods
Have eased, and the sun, fleetingly peeks between the clouds,
If we have a sense of rhythm.

And this, as you can see is a rhyme. The purpose of this
Is echoing sounds, as you see. We can match them
Internally or at the end of lines. And internally
Or at the end of lines the puddles lie dormant,
Shrinking as they evaporate in the sun:
Echoing sounds, as we see.

They call it rhyming: in iambic it is perfectly easy,
Echoing sounds internally or at the ends of lines;
If you have a sense of rhythm, which in our case
We have not got. And the gurgling gutters are silent
Where the water lies dormant in pools,
For today we have writing of poems.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This is astounding! Is there anything you could not convert into a poem? The "London A-Z"? The proposal to burn the Q'uran by a mad pastor in Florida with 50 ardent followers?

[hillwalker]

There's a certain unavoidable appeal to this poem; annoying, infuriating and yet soothing and inspirational - very much like the torrental downpour then the calm after the storm.

[dafydd manton]

Nice one, Hawk. Can't for the life or me remember the original piece that you began parodying - I can only remember an Alan Coren parody, from years ago. I just wish I understood half the terminology.....

[Hawkman]

This is astounding! Is there anything you could not convert into a poem? The "London A-Z"? The proposal to burn the Q'uran by a mad pastor in Florida with 50 ardent followers?

I'm not sure that I deserve the implied level of priase in your appreciation of what is, after all, a parrody of a 20th Century classic poem, My Prince. As for turning the London A-Z into poetry, this is a claim put forward (or at least nearly so, in that the claim referred to the Telephone directory) for Martin Jarvis, a famous British Actor with a splendidly melifluous voice. He played a central role in an episode of Numbers, the one which dealt with the Janus list... As for the pastor and the koran, I have been sorely tempted, but I dealt with book burning in my poem, Dr. Faustus. Never the less, I appreciate your appreciation of my poem :D So thanks!


There's a certain unavoidable appeal to this poem; annoying, infuriating and yet soothing and inspirational - very much like the torrental downpour then the calm after the storm.

As you will have noted, it is formed around Henry Reed's, Naming of Parts, (1942) and I have been meaning to write it for some time now. This morning I finally got around to it. As a parody I think it works quite well, as I liked the conciet of a poetry lesson given by a Military drill instructor :D You seem to have enjoyed it, so thanks, and thanks for commenting.


Nice one, Hawk. Can't for the life or me remember the original piece that you began parodying - I can only remember an Alan Coren parody, from years ago. I just wish I understood half the terminology.....

http://www.solearabiantree.net/namingofparts/namingofparts.html You can find it here, Dafydd, old chum. Thanks for reading and taking the time to reply.

Best wishes to you all. Live long and prosper - H

[dafydd manton]

That's the one, Hawk. Thanks for the reminder.

[Jerrybaldy]

Like Daffy I didnt get all the terminology, as my work surely shows :D
But got enough to enjoy your poetry of poetry despite what I have not got. Today we are doing commentary. Far more treacherous and exposing than poetry.
cheers Hawk
Jerry

[Hawkman]

Thanks JB ;)

H

[AuntShecky]

I went to the original:

http://www.solearabiantree.net/namingofparts/namingofparts.html

I wasn't sure that I knew about Henry Reed, but when I started "reeding" his poem, it seemed familiar, that I had seen it before. You picked a good one to emulate. Both the subject matter and the voice reminded me of the World War I poems (McCrae's "In Flanders Fields," etc.), but sadly, the same impressions that brought Rupert Brooke, Siegfried Sassoon, and Wilfred Owen emotional pain still abounded in the Second World War, of which this poem is Reed's response.

There is a dramatic tension in the description of the components of the weapon, ironically juxtaposed with elements of a garden. This is a throwback to metaphysical poetry, which as T.S. Eliot--alas, disparagingly-- described it, featured "disparate images yoked by violence together."

Your piece is a true parody as it copies the form of the original. I'd say you did a good job. Instead of naming the parts of a weapon, your verse attempts to describe the act of composing verse. Instead of floral imagery, your piece contrasts versifying with imagery about rain:

Roof slates
Reflecting watery grey light, glare wetly in the rain

and:

The water
Runs in gurgling rivulets down pipes and gutters,
Which in our case we have not got.

That is a good choice because when we write about poetry,we tend to get a little ponderous and "full of ourselves" and perch ourselves up on some lofty perch. Rain literally comes down- it's as about down to earth as you can get. Sometimes the word "gutter" is used colloquially as a nasty, dirty place -- "Get your mind out of the gutter!" But when a homeowner wants to protect his roof and foundation, a gutter is about the most useful device to channel the precipitation-- but, alas, the speaker regrets that his house lacks one.

"Homely" images contrasted with lofty thoughts --that's another characteristic of metaphysical poetry.

As in the original, your poem is lyrical in the sense that it is akin to music. The speaker doesn't merely talk about "rhythm" but actually "shows" it with judicious use of repetition.

On the other hand, when the poem alludes to iambs,similes,
dactyls, the lines don't really demonstrate those devices. When a poem "does" exactly what it says it contributes much to the quality of the specific form. Still, if you did use dactyls, iambs, etc. your version would perhaps deviate too much from the form of the original.

Here's my favorite line:

Echoing sounds internally or at the ends of lines;

Doesn't begin with an iamb but a "headless" iamb or a "tailless" trochee, just like the opening bars of a standard song. Once again, a musical device that makes your piece lyrical.

That line appeals to the ear in the same way as this line by Vernon Duke does with this line in the middle of his most famous song:
Glimmering crowds and shimmering clouds

And just as his song, "Autumn in New York" poignantly evokes bittersweet emotions, so does Reed's poem. Yours does as well, but I'm not sure how. I do know that it's not merely the subject matter but the way it's expressed, not the "what" but the "how."

[Hawkman]

Oh Auntie, You read so much into so few lines! Reed's poem of course is a 20th Century classic. It describes the conscripts' rejection of his assumed role of soldier and while he's being lectured about the rifle he sneaks glances outside, through the window, like a day-dreaming child in the classroom, and his instrutor's voice, periodically intrudes into his reverie.

In my version I paid particular attention to the metre, (I think I only varied it from the original significantly, the once) and I based my poem on the conciet of a decidedly, low-brow, military drill instructor trying to lecture about poetry. My digressions were simply the view from my window as I wrote it, coupled with, of course, a personal choice of words and the super-ego that decided in what order they should be :D

Thanks for paying this poem the compliment of such a considered response. Live long and prosper, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm not sure that I deserve the implied level of priase in your appreciation of what is, after all, a parrody of a 20th Century classic poem,

Indeed, I didn't know the Reed poem when I read yours, so take, oh, 5 points off my praise. However, you used "The Naming of Parts" so ingeniously as to make it virtually your own, virtually new.

[Hawkman]

Indeed, I didn't know the Reed poem when I read yours, so take, oh, 5 points off my praise. However, you used "The Naming of Parts" so ingeniously as to make it virtually your own, virtually new.

An appropriate observation for a poem that exists in cyberspace :D

Thanks again, Prince and I hope you enjoyed, "Naming of Parts".

Best, h

[AuntShecky]

I based my poem on the conciet of a decidedly, low-brow, military drill instructor trying to lecture about poetry.



This brings still a whole 'nother dimension to your poem which yours fooly, lacking a military background, missed the first time around. Your excellence continues to glimmer and shimmer.

[blank|verse]

Yeah, this is very imaginative and well written, Hawk even though of course, as an advocate of learning the craft of poetry, I don't agree with the anti-prosody subtext.

And I suppose Henry Reed was objecting to turning people who don't want to be soldiers into just that. So where does that leave the poet in this poem?

[Hawkman]

Hi B/V

To be honest, the subtext is not meant to be anti-prosody. Perhaps to get all the nuances from this one must first have empirical experience of military instruction… Of course, I have no way of knowing whether you have or not, but I suspect that you probably haven’t.

What this poem is saying is that one can’t learn art by numbers. To be good, it has to be felt. The military mind of the career soldier, especially in the ranks of junior and middle ranking NCOs, runs on tramlines, or at least did in my day. This is not to say that they are stupid, far from it, but their skill lies in a different field from that of the artist.

So, the target is not prosody in poetry, but soulless poetry and bad or inappropriate teaching from an unsuitable instructor. A good teacher inspires and instils a love of subject by sharing, not dictating. Something I’d say you were pretty good at. (The sharing and inspiring, not the dictating :D )

Live long and prosper, H

[Bar22do]

I think it's a sweet tribute to Reed and his poem, hawk and hmm, yes, very well written. I found it enjoyable to read, and if I had to choose, S3 is very much to my liking! I have no experience at all in military instructions, I'm afraid, but hopefully enough imagination (helped by yours and Reed's) to get the picture! Thanks for this witty parody!

[Hawkman]

Thanks, Sweet Bar, for reading it. I think perhaps it may suffer a little from its author's wit having too fine a point... but thanks for liking it inspite of this :D as ever, your parabuteo. H