Ready

[Jerrybaldy]

I wonder, will I be ready in time?
I sometimes feel ready,
on insomniac nights,
when the darkness,
seeps into the veins of thought
and that black stream says
I am ready.
Then there is a certain comfort.
I AM ready.
I have, most probably, done
all that I needed to do
and loved all I could have loved.
I have left little quirks and memories,
that can be held in familiar hands.
Staying could just be
gilding the lily.
I do not think of leaving
by these two hands,
just of being taken
and being ready.

I am rarely ready in the light of day
and the blur of endless encounters.
It's a sun dappled stream,
though flowing too fast
and if a waterfall awaits
its unseen.
Things are outstanding
and pages turn daily
into seasonal verses
and annual chapters.

But some nights,
those insomniac nights,
I hesitate on turning the page.

Mostly, I think twice
and I stop myself.
Lest being ready
should, suddenly,
be blessed
with its end.

[dafydd manton]

I have a strange feeling that we've both walked the same path at one time or another. That's beautifully measured, reasoned, articulated. And very, very thoughtful, as if every move were a calculated one, not just an emotional dive for something else. Well done, Jerry - a little blinder - again! Thanks so much!

[Delta40]

I haven't thought about life and death in this way...I don't really want to, now that I'm living! you have written it very well and all I want to do is sweep it under the carpet!

[angliholic]

Life is a candle in the wind!
I'm ready to go whenever my maker wants me to!

Thanks, Jerry, for sharing!

[Song of Mercy]

Nicely measured. I especially liked the waterfall, that is where I started to really get it.

[Haunted]

I am ready.
Then there is a certain comfort.

This resonates. Thanks Jer, it couldn't be articulated any better.

[Hawkman]

This is an outstanding poem JB but I have some suggestions which might give it a final polish.

Line 1, the question mark should be after time, not wonder. Think of it as a spoken sentence: “Will I be ready in time?” ‘I wonder’ is a statement about, not part of, the question.

Line 2, the full stop at the end of the line should be a comma. I think this is a typo, as the first letter of insomniac isn’t capitalised.

Line 3, would flow more evenly and be more grammatical with the inclusion of ‘on’ at the beginning.

Line 4, you established that you are talking about night time in line 3. this makes the inclusion of, “of the night” superfluous, so I would cut it. You also don’t need a comma at the end of this line or the following one as it is a coherent statement that flows properly without them.

Line 7, Likewise you have already established that you are discussing your readiness, so the repetition of ready is again superfluous. It also upsets the metre.

Line 10, ‘most probably’ should be separated from the body of the sentence with commas.

Line 11, “needed to do” would be better as, need do. This improves the metre and the full stop is unnecessary, the next line begins with a conjunction and flows as a coherent sentence.

Line 13, I would include “memories” on this line. It’s bad form to end a line with a conjunction.

Line 17, typo, there’s only one l in lily.

Line 24, rather than use the contraction it’s, which should have an apostrophe, I would use, 'it is', as this is better for the metre.

Line 28, As you have said earlier in the poem that you, “have done all that you needed to do” I would suggest delineating the difference in context. Earlier you were talking about insomniac nights and now you are discussing the light of day, so I would add, Then, before, “Things are outstanding” The contemporary usage of ‘outstanding’ meaning good, or it’s other meanings of prominent or left undone make this line a little ambiguous which I quite like.

Line 29, you don’t need the comma at the end of the line.

Line 33, you do need one at the end of this line.

Line 36, you also need a comma at the end of this line.

Line 37, there is a perfectly good one syllable word meaning unless:
Lest.

Line 39, typo, 2 bes.

I reiterate that I think this is an outstanding poem and quite beautiful. Well done JB, It’s very impressive.

Best, H

[hillwalker]

Your best 'serious' piece by far, Jer. Love the contrast between the 'black stream' of night when death is perhaps more welcome and the 'dappled stream' of daylight when our thoughts do indeed get swept along by life itself.

There are a lot of deep moments in this poem that make one want to read it more than once.... an astounding piece imo.

Only one minor quibble - repetition of 'night' at the end of lines 3 and 4 perhaps not the poem's finest moment....

and I agree with most of Hawk's perceptive comments, but he did miss the typo in L21 - 'In' should be 'I'

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Daf, I remember seeing you on that path. You were wearing a white scarf blowing over your shoulder on a windless night :)
Delta, know exactly what you mean.
Ang, thanks, have a posie.
Song of mercy, thanks, glad you enjoyed.
Haunted Lady, thanks, you haunt these lines.
Hawk, bloody hell, do I get a reward for an implausable amount of mistakes, in one poem. Will revise before I post this. But many thanks for taking that much notice and your kind comment. P.S I have got a bit lost in the revision, but hopefully it's an improvement.
Hill, thanks for finding another one lol. I would be hard pushed to know which ones were serious, but happy all the same.
thanks all
Jerry B

[dafydd manton]

it was good before the revisions - now it is brilliant