A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

[Haunted]

*comments welcome!*


. . . . . . . . .


Rather than littering Litnet’s poetryland with multiple threads I’ posting all my poetically unworthy poems here and add as more comes along.

The significance of these pieces is that they are written after I joined Litnet, to which I'm thankful for being largely responsible for reviving my old hobby.

Most of these are archived from various poetry contests here. The contests offer me a lead to home in on, it has become regular writing assignments and ones that I have come to look forward to. Please feel free to comment and criticique.

[Haunted]

INTRODUCTION



if you must know...

I am your best nightmare

[BienvenuJDC]

Introduction



if you must know...

I am your best nightmare


Tis true

Tis pity...Tis pity, Tis true

[Haunted]

Tis true

Tis pity...Tis pity, Tis true

er........ahhh

[Maryd.]

Nice darl... But you aren't my best nightmare. But my favourite dream.:nod:

[Haunted]

Nice darl... But you aren't my best nightmare. But my favourite dream.:nod:

aw thanks, I'll make sure it'll stay that way !

[Janine]

Good for you starting this thread, Haunted. It sounds interesting. However, I love your poems. I would never call them trashy.

[Haunted]

thanks Janine. I'm glad you enjoyed them. I'll be posting another one in a little bit...

[Haunted]

D22 westbound



the bus runs
every three years

no one takes it unless
they’re out of options

the bus stop is just
a pole and a metal sign
and a bullet hole
right through the center
where it hurts most

away from the bus stop
a black squirrel crossed
the single lane highway
unscathed

a top down convertible
obliviously chasing summer

a dirt truck slows down
and waved

then it starts to rain cold rain
drops roll off my duffel bag
packed in a heated moment
but I’m drenched

my t-shirt wet and clingy
my tits showing through
I’m ****ing freezing

I’m rethinking
my options

I’m looking
for my cell



hello..........

you still want to um...
.................rent a movie?

[PrinceMyshkin]

D22 West: I was kept intrigued by the narrative and the final lines of dialogue are very poignant.

[blank|verse]

There are some great moments in this, Haunted; I enjoyed:

a top down convertible
obliviously chasing summer
and
and a bullet hole
right through the center
where it hurts most
and the wet t-shirt part was brilliantly honest and funny. The conclusion is also nicely achieved.

On the whole, I feel your writing is too prosey and the lines don't really have any rhythm or feel to them; but they are peppered with some wonderful phrases and observations.

[hillwalker]

Loved this - echoes of last moth's 'Bus Stop' poem contest. You obviously couldn't enter that since you had set the topic and were obliged to judge the entries. But it's interesting to see there was an inspired idea or two behind the choice you set.

I agree with BV on his choice of favourite images. Slices of time deftly drawn - and I for one feel the scatter-shot style, prosaic suits the scenario.

H

[Bar22do]

I love this poem, its kind of "dry" tone (in spite of the rain! :smile5:), its effective direct language devoid of "beauty" - I think I felt its depth... thanks for it - Bar

[Maryd.]

I think there's more to this than meets the eye... Hey Haunt... Baby?

[Haunted]

Thanks Prince, BV, H, Bar and Mary, I enjoy reading all of your comments!




D22 West: I was kept intrigued by the narrative and the final lines of dialogue are very poignant.

Prince, it means a lot coming from you, thanks!




There are some great moments in this, Haunted; I enjoyed:

and
and the wet t-shirt part was brilliantly honest and funny. The conclusion is also nicely achieved.

On the whole, I feel your writing is too prosey and the lines don't really have any rhythm or feel to them; but they are peppered with some wonderful phrases and observations.

BV, thanks, you're right on. These are voice poems, I keep the language simple and direct. I do pay attention to the rhythm so I'll revisit this and see what's lacking.




Loved this - echoes of last moth's 'Bus Stop' poem contest. You obviously couldn't enter that since you had set the topic and were obliged to judge the entries. But it's interesting to see there was an inspired idea or two behind the choice you set.

I agree with BV on his choice of favourite images. Slices of time deftly drawn - and I for one feel the scatter-shot style, prosaic suits the scenario.

H

yes H, it dawned on me that I could still write it as a writing exercise. Thanks for your kind words!




I love this poem, its kind of "dry" tone (in spite of the rain! :smile5:), its effective direct language devoid of "beauty" - I think I felt its depth... thanks for it - Bar

Bar, thanks so much! Dry tone in spite of the rain... good one! :D
I don't use much poetics, embellishments get in the way of what I want to say. I keep my pieces very bare bone.




I think there's more to this than meets the eye... Hey Haunt... Baby?

you must be reading my mind, my twin pea!

[Haunted]

previously posted in the Picture Poetry Contest







Victoria’s other secret



thrusted out of stone
a pair of machismo torsos
gratuitously oversees
a very private portal

on this side of the
weightless fabric—

skin...soft curves...
a cleft most coveted...

on the other side—
mounting
anticipation

lacy silky scanty showy thingys

do they cover as much
as they reveal?

but for these two
stoic voyeurs...
you can look but you can’t touch
; )

[Maryd.]

Sounds unusually familiar. Well done lassie.

[Haunted]

thanks Marydee!

[Haunted]

Ghost Fog

1.

it was me
last night

just outside
your window

but deep inside
your dream


2.

on the snowy bank
trees have long dropped
their green overcoats

shadows of bare limbs
tightly entwined


3.

what happened next
will remain in the dream


4.

why...
the next day
always comes at
the wrong time


5.

dawn drifts in
loosely clad in a
lavish white sheet

feel it
...the fog

so soft yet
so corporeal
you can wrap your
arms around it

and that’s all
is left of
me

[Maryd.]

Love them girlie. However I really appreciate number 3 and 4.

[Haunted]

Thanks deary!!

[BienvenuJDC]

......hello.....

[Haunted]

hi :) Thanks for visiting my trashy thread again :D

[BienvenuJDC]

I love the Ghost Fog poem...

[Haunted]

I started writing this for the recent Subject Poetry thread. The subject is piles of files. But I was struggling with it. Not sure if it’s there yet....









paper chase



it looked majestic

a mighty mountain
of black accordian files
each expands
in hopes of fulfillment

but there’s always some things
that get buried

how far down in the pile
depends on how high
the level of pain

somewhere
in cavernous darkness
is a page from an old
New York Times magazine

it’s to show to my father
he would be proud

if only he had waited......


~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~


these days
things are looking
very different


fragile
.......futile

between life goes on
and what’s the point
lies a moment of reckoning:

even a mountain
can be brought down
by just one word



SHRED

[Maryd.]

Oh my, my dear, you have me in tears here. Thanks.

[Haunted]

I'm so touched by what you said, Mary. Its been a very difficult piece to write, thanks for allowing me to share with you.

[Maryd.]

You are very talented my love. I take my hat of to you for being able to write such a fine piece of work.

[Haunted]

thanks again Mary, you're very kind.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Haunted
have just read all your poetry here and enjoyed it very much. You have a very different style to much I have read and you can count me as a fan.
cheers
JB

[Haunted]

aww Jerry, thanks so much for your vote of confidence!!! I take feedback seriously and I value every comment. Yours just made my day! Please feel free to critique my future postings, even if it's a criticism it'll still help me. Thanks again :)

[angliholic]

INTRODUCTION



if you must know...

I am your best nightmare



If I know you are
the best nightmare,
I'd rather dream of Angel.

If you must know ...
your worst lamb
I am.

[Haunted]

If I know you are
the best nightmare,
I'd rather dream of Angel.

If you must know ...
your worst lamb
I am.






the Angel in your dream
is not an angel...

but you
already know that
don't you

[angliholic]

the Angel in your dream
is not an angel...

but you
already know that
don't you




That makes the two of us:
As the angel in my dream
Is not an angel
So the world is not the world
That I see in the sun!

[Haunted]

That makes the two of us:
As the angel in my dream
Is not an angel
So the world is not the world
That I see in the sun!






so where's
the best place
to view the eclipse
of the sun

your world
or mine?

[Haunted]

Love Story



let’s do something
different today

let’s take a trip
to September of 1948

let’s dress up
as a Hollywood couple

let’s do a stunt
and scale the steepest cliff

let’s pose for the camera
and kiss like there’s no tomorrow

let’s write our own script
of seduction, love, lust and betrayal

let’s rehearse our lines
for the riveting, tear jerking last scene

let’s give me your best acting
pretend you love me more than you love her

let’s make a pact
that you will not hold me back on my way down

[Maryd.]

OMG Haunted. I love this one... I so love it. It is your best so far... Mwah my love.
(Let's make a pact - xo)

[Haunted]

thanks so much Mary! mmmwahhh dear!!!

[Bar22do]

This is very good, IMO, and poignant as it nears the end... thanks. Bar

[dafydd manton]

Hell hath no fury like a woman argued with, so I'm putting my neck on the line here, but I must take issue with you. Trashy, Indeed!!! Oh no they're not, not by a very long way. I've just read through them all, and there are some bits that are absolutely outstanding, in amongst a forest of exeedingly good. The imagery of the bus-stop sign with the bullet hole "just where it hurts most". The last line of D22. The lacy, silky, scanty, showy thingys really struck a chord (that sounds terrible, but you know what I mean!) and Ghost Fog in it's entirety. However, the jewel in the crown is Paper Chase. I've been there, and you've put it all so delicately and poignantly. Wonderful. Keep going, cariad fach!

[hack]

Another strong piece, Haunted.
If we are allowed to choose a
favorite, I adore D22. It is a fine
bit of work...peace...

[Haunted]

Bar, I value your opinion, thanks!

dafydd, how can I argue with you! Thanks! And so sorry you too had your own version of paper chase...

hack, thanks for taking the time, your kind comments are greatly appreciated!

[Jerrybaldy]

You have great imagination Haunted. Your head must be a very weird and wonderful dwelling :)
keep them coming
JB

[Haunted]

Thanks Jerry. Mostly mush inside my head but I can be inspired, especially with a comment as encouraging as this!

[Haunted]

forecast


it’s hypnotizing
how the red cloud
morphs ethereally
into a hundred
free flowing silk threads
as the scented water
gently blends with
the blood

by the time it turns
into a sunset pink
the morphine
should kick in

[Maryd.]

Haunted your work is always quite thought provoking. Well done again chickie...

[Jerrybaldy]

Hey Haunted
Im seeing a close up shot of a syringe and the blood pouring back in, creating a bloody morphine sunset. A Haunted sunset. Your words painted it in my minds eye. In fact im having problems getting it to fade . Beautifully done, Haunted.

[Haunted]

Thanks Mary!

Jerry, I like your line better, "bloody morphine sunset". You are good!

[dafydd manton]

Various images pop in to the mind, all of them moving! Keep it going! Oddly, it made me think of an old friend, dead now, who virtually survived on morphine, but still stayed positive, albeit a touch fiery. She was always known as The Welsh Dragon, because she was so sparky, but what a character!! Thanks.

[Haunted]

Dafy thanks for the encouragement. I'm trying to get back into writing, it's good therapy, just what I need right now.

Morphine is a double-edged sword. For the gravely ill, if given morphine they might never wake up. So use it wisely, unless one is a dragon, like your friend. My condolences.

[Jerrybaldy]

Haunted
you have many dimensions as this whole thread shows. I like them all. No sychophancy. Just like what you write.
JB

[Haunted]

yes Jerry, I confess, I'm multiple personality :wink5:

[Haunted]

penitentiary



the long slow deep
scratch marks
on the dilapidated wall
tell a story

on the ground
broken fingernails
lay as material witness

there’s no set schedule
for torture

the anticipation
is part of the torture

screams echo
in the empty cell
at times it’s only
in the head




outside
freedom awaits
in silence

there are
no visible scars
no feelings
nothing

it’s a different kind
of emptiness




so many times
I wake up not knowing
which side of the bars
I’m on

[Maryd.]

You my dear Haunted... I have no idea why you call these poems Trashy. They are all exceptionally good. But this one is better. This has now become one of my favourites. I love it. It's how most people feel, but deny. Well done again chickie.

[NikolaiI]

this is really beautiful poem dearest,
i know the feeling.
but don't worry this world is illusion. the soul is real. truly :)

[Haunted]

Mary, thanks for believing in my work! The trashiness will return, I promise.

Nik, I'd like to think that this reality is just an illusion. I'll always look to you for spiritual pureness.

[Jerrybaldy]

Well if you are on the inside, you instruct not to be rescued. And as the haunted lady, bars are no barrier. particularly like the first three stanza's.
Jerry
(reality used to be a friend of mine) (PM dawn)

[Haunted]

very observative Jerry... so, eh, what happened to your friend?

[Jerrybaldy]

ask PM dawn ;)

[Haunted]

ahh I was going to ask too, what's PM dawn?

[dafydd manton]

I've got to say, Haunted, if I could write "trash" half as good as this stuff, I'd be feeling pretty pleased with myself! Keep the "trashiness" going, is all I can add!

[Haunted]

Dafy, you are too kind. There will be more trash and I hope you'll return for the next one! I edit the first post each time I add a new entry, just hover your cursor over the thread title. See you soon on the next trash day ;)

[Haunted]

overnight snow


we weren’t aware
the rain changed
over to snow
and snow melted
into slush

my boots squishy
socks soggy
all the while standing
on tiptoe
for the longest
goodbye
kiss

[PrinceMyshkin]

How gracefully this moves. Thank you.

[dafydd manton]

I may be miles off the mark, and I may be reading too much in to this, but with a combination of the poem and your avatar, I can see a fond farewell on some awful, winter railway station, then a long absence. Done a couple of those! No matter whether I'm right or wrong, it's a beautiful piece of work. Thanks for sharing it. (Trash, indeed!)

[Haunted]

I appreciated it, Prince!!

Dafy, I adore the visual you described and the storyline, why didn't I think of that! When I was writing this I was thinking of my driveway and then the scene moved to a New York City side street. The slush there is something else!


(Trash, indeed!)

I love it when you talk trash! Thank you for your nice comment :)

[Maryd.]

Ah my Haunted once again, you show class and style.. Keep those trashy treasures coming. Mwah.

[Jerrybaldy]

Ahh its trash day again :)
Loved the unexpected kiss at the end. There is a whole world of pleasure in an unexpected kiss.

[Haunted]

thanks Mary, be careful what you wish for, there will be more. :)

yes Jerry, it's trash day again! I'm so pleased that the unexpected ending worked for you, thanks!

[BienvenuJDC]

overnight snow


we weren’t aware
the rain changed
over to snow
and snow melted
into slush

my boots squishy
socks soggy
all the while standing
on tiptoe
for the longest
goodbye
kiss




Some things are worth every second...and they would make the most miserable conditions worth remembering...and cherishing

I wish I had it in me to write right now...

[Haunted]

Bien thanks so much for taking the time!

[Bar22do]

This goodbye kiss goes into eternity as if by the power of levitation, at odds with the law of gravity totally inadequate to bring and keep the moment down to earth....

Beautiful. Bar

[Haunted]

Thanks Bar! I must say that your comment is way more beautiful than the poem you were critiquing.

[Haunted]

the little dancer


she waited
till everyone’s out of the house
then ran into her parents’ room
pulls out their bedsheets

within seconds
she’s in a white gown with a very long train
waltzing with Prince Charming
the love of her life

focus.........

she waits
for her cue
Massive Attack’s Angel


ta tata ta dat



ta tata ta dat

from the heavens she descents
in a jet black patent leather bra

she’s a sensation in slow motion
her sinuous body waves
her soft and firm tongue rolls

on hands and knees she moves
along the edge of the stage
right into their fantasies
they wait till they bust
just to feel her in the flesh
they stuff 20s in her string bikini
still they want to give her more...
every tom dick and johnny

but tonight
the pole
is her only lover

[dafydd manton]

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi! A lovely poem about a fall from grace. Or is it? I wouldn't like to judge the girl! Thanks, Haunted.

[Haunted]

Fall from grace indeed. Childhood dream versus reality. Thanks Dafy for your comment!!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I wonder, is that last line meant to be a double entendre? Nicely done, I appreciate the transition from her innocent play-acting as a child to the somewhat less innocent play-acting expected of her as an adult woman.

[Haunted]

You certainly can say that Prince, I opened it to interpretation. I really appreciate your feedback!

[hillwalker]

A clever piece, Haunted. And who knows what ambitions children have - as you say, dreams v reality? - great musical accompaniment as well

[Haunted]

thanks Hill, glad you enjoyed the music :D
I was reflecting how simplistic the world is to a child, and how things really are when one grows up :(

[Jerrybaldy]

From angelic girl to pole dancer. I guess every pole dancer was an angelic girl but not all angelic girls become pole dancers. I would dance for a handful of twenties and I was an angelic boy once ;)
Soundtrack wise, Massive Attack are Bristol's finest, so appreciated that too :)
Another very enjoyable trash day, lady haunted.

[dafydd manton]

Probably highlighting one great nightmare for Dads with daughters! It's a horrifying thought, I promise you.

[Haunted]

hey Dafy, I thought you weren't going to judge her :(

Jerry the angelic boy? ROFL. I definitely would give a 20 to see you dance.
Massive Attack is from Bristol?! What a small world!

thanks Daf and Jer for stopping in on trash day ;)

[Jerrybaldy]

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

[Haunted]

oooo...here's a 20 for the dance, another 20 for you to go get some clothes afterwards...

[Maryd.]

Hey Haunted, this one blows me away girlie... Yahoo...

[Haunted]

thanks my darling :)

[Maryd.]

You my darling just keep producing such fine work... I melt everytime I read something new.

[Haunted]

now that's going to make me want to write more, mwah for the encouragement, my darling girl.

[Jerrybaldy]

Do i get 40 if I dance clothed from the start?

[Haunted]

sorry that's not going to work, you have to work for every 20 you're going to get

[Maryd.]

You tell 'im, girlie...

[Jerrybaldy]

working, working. Gyrating exposing for an extra 10 covering for an extra 20. I could be good at this..

[Maryd.]

working, working. Gyrating exposing for an extra 10 covering for an extra 20. I could be good at this..

You crack me up Jer... :thumbsup:

[Haunted]

how about some undulations for variety, Jerry. Mary and I are cheering for you!

[Jerrybaldy]

Undulating for all im worth here. My undulations are the best of all undulations. You have never seen undulations of the like. No man before or since has undulated like this. Cant stop , Im undulating.

[Haunted]

don't they have indecency laws across the pond?

[Maryd.]

Clearly not... Jer is out of control...

[Jerrybaldy]

oh no. we are the true land of the free. As long as you dont upset a minority, (majorities are fine) and as long as you dont smoke within a mile of a nonsmoker since your silly nonsmoking rules crossed the pond. Oh how I laughed some years ago at the report of a bar in california where smokers opened the windows and leant out to smoke. We will all live so long soon with our many methods that the world will smell badly of piss as we all wet ourselves in our lovely extended life's. :D

[Haunted]

I'll have to bring over some Depends next time I cross the pond. For now keep undulating...

[Haunted]

*comments welcome!*

new:
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)



A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
ghost fog (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=921809)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
penitentiary (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=936644)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)

[dafydd manton]

H, I promise you I'll read through them all, once I've got the nauseating picture of Jerry dancing out of my mind.......polished pate reflecting light off the pole, woolly socks with holes in, that egg-stained tie. Good grief, somebody give him some money to put his overcoat on!

[Haunted]

LOL
I'll hold you to your promise, Dafy :)

[dafydd manton]

Joe Reliable, that's me! (Ugh!)

[Haunted]

Joe Reliable is good! I don't care for Uncle Unreliable....

[Haunted]

I've been struggling with this poem. It started out in minimalist style but I felt I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say. It's autobiographical so I want to get this one right. Here's a rewrite of a rewrite http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=55044 Please chime in and tell me what you think!!






his green eyes


they were never
this green
or this tranced

emeralds
as clear and dear
as his love
flawless
wholesome

then
why

he’s so distant
as though he didn’t see me

I searched inside
those unfamiliar
iridescent pupils

so undeniably
dilated

yet

here I am
so in denial

so
bro
ken
up

.
.
.
.
.
.

his vet
says

their
eyes

never
close
right

when
they
d
i
e




~for Apricot~

[dafydd manton]

Oh Haunted. What a touching, lovely poem. I really felt for you, when I read it. Superb.

[Maryd.]

Oh, as a cat lover, I empathise with you, with this poem... You made me feel what you are feeling with the broken wording... Very clever effect

[Haunted]

Thanks so much Dafy, your comment is heartfelt.

Mary, my cat lover friend, love you dear!

[Jerrybaldy]

Haunted
I remember the original well and thought it was marvelous as it was. Nothing wrong with a bit of tinkering though, lost one.

[Bar22do]

I've been struggling with this poem. It started out in minimalist style but I felt I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say. It's autobiographical so I want to get this one right. Here's a rewrite of a rewrite http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=55044 Please chime in and tell me what you think!!






his green eyes


they were never
this green
or this tranced

emeralds
as clear and dear
as his love
flawless
wholesome

then
why

he’s so distant
as though he didn’t see me

I searched inside
those unfamiliar
iridescent pupils

so undeniably
dilated

yet

here I am
so in denial

so
bro
ken
up

.
.
.
.
.
.

his vet
says

their
eyes

never
close
right

when
they
d
i
e




haunted, this precious piece fills me with anguish... my cat is over 15... but - your poem is a masterpiece in form and an infinity at heart!

Thank you.

Bar

[Haunted]

aww Bar, your comment touched me. Wish you all the best with your kitty, dear.

Jerry, you have such good memory, thanks for giving both of them a read!

[Haunted]

just updating the TOC...removing an unpostworthy poem from the list....

please comment, criticize, rant away, etc. If you feel the need to trash a trashy poem, go ahead, I can take the abuse :D




A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
ghost fog (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=921809)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
penitentiary (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=936644)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)
his green eyes (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=945810)

[Haunted]

September 2nd


another
month

another
anniversary

today i will be
with my baby

he
died
seven months ago
on the 2nd

please
don’t look
for me
today

[dafydd manton]

Haunted, you have this amazing ability to turn even the most hardened cynic to tears. I'm pretty sure than most of us would just like to give you a big hug, and try to make you feel better. Much love
Dave

[Jerrybaldy]

This must be about green eyes...
love to you haunted,
Jerry

[Haunted]

awww Dave, you're such a sweetheart <3

Jerry knows, this is indeed about green eyes...thanks my dear x

[dafydd manton]

I just feel for zou. I know the pain of loss of a loved pet.

[NikolaiI]

It's lovely though it is so sad, and it reminds us that life is so fragile and so valuable. It's a really good poem because it is a perfect expression of the feeling. And it's so sweet to make a day for remembering him.

[Haunted]

Thanks Nik. I know you would be one to agree that connectedness doesn't end with death.

yes Daf, 2 and counting...

[Maryd.]

Sorry I missed this Haunted... My thoughts are with you. Mwah

[BienvenuJDC]

That is a very special poem...it was marvelous...
Maybe cats that are in heaven are able to read?

[Haunted]

Mary, so kind. mwah.

Bien, my cats read even when they were in this world, they pore over things I'm reading at the moment, books, junk mail, maps (especially maps). And they can speed read. They get done with their reading awfully quick, then without moving off their reading material they start taking a nap. I don't like to think that they went to heaven, sounds so far. They're just in a different dimension. I still hear/see them occasionally. Nik knows :)

[NikolaiI]

Yes, Haunted, you know my beliefs on it. :)

[hack]

You catch them in the corner of your eye, at the very edge of your vision.
Your eye knows that they should be there, and it sees them, long after
they are gone. I feel your loss Haunted, I am sorry...peace...

[Haunted]

Hack, your words touched my heart. I do, I really do..... *tears*

[Haunted]

A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

introduction (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
ghost fog (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=921809)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
penitentiary (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=936644)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)
his green eyes (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=945810)
September 2nd (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=948623)
existence (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=955716)
dinner date (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=962459)
don't take my baby (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=966878)
car talk (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=968268)
Google Earth (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=970410)
dead on (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=974290)

[Haunted]

This is previously posted as a contest entry, otherwise known as recycled trash.




existence


i am a globe
of zapping blue lights
in the expanse of space
looking foward to when
the electromagnetic shell
bursts and blasts every
living atom in this orb
into magnificent
oblivion

[hillwalker]

A lovely blue bauble of creativity.

[Maryd.]

Oh dear Haunted, I love this one. Mwah.
Love the use of the colour as well. Nice one
xoxo

[dafydd manton]

Very imaginative, like Mary, I loved the use of colour, and the shape. Nic one.

[Haunted]

thanks guys, but I love Hill's winning entry more :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

This is previously posted as a contest entry, otherwise known as recycled trash.




existence

i am a globe
of zapping blue lights
in the expanse of space
looking foward to when
the electromagnetic shell
bursts and blasts every
living atom in this orb
into magnificent
oblivion


I tried--Lord knows how
I tried--to square the
circle, using the same
amount of space as in
your clever “orb,” but,
look: I came close, but
couldn’t do it. So, now
shamefully, I concede.

[hillwalker]

Thanks for the nudge in the ribs Haunted - I hadn't noticed judging was over!

Yours still stands out as a work of beauty.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

A beautiful bauble (nods at Hill) that you should write anew at christmas and I will cut it out and hang on the tree.
Now wheres that bath poem .....
jerry

[Haunted]

oohh the bath poem, forgot again. I'll get on it. I"ll do a Christmas version if I remember...



Hill, didn't mean to spoil the surprise! Yours is the finest, most elegant minimalist poetry of the round. To steal some of the limelight if I may, I'm giving myself the Best Color Award :wink5:



Prince....may I?

(sorry I had to sacrifice the opening repetition...)



Lord knows how hard
I tried— to square the
circle, using the same
amount of space as in
your clever "orb" but,
look: I came close but
couldn’t do it. So, now
shamefully, I concede.


:D

[PrinceMyshkin]

Prince....may I?

(sorry I had to sacrifice the opening repetition...)



Lord knows how hard
I tried— to square the
circle, using the same
amount of space as in
your clever "orb" but,
look: I came close but
couldn’t do it. So, now
shamefully, I concede.


:D

Oh, but you did a better job than I did at creating a square, although I think it now lack the exact number of pixels as in your original.

[Haunted]

Oh, but you did a better job than I did at creating a square, although I think it now lack the exact number of pixels as in your original.

I didn't even notice that :(.
Maybe they're just out to lunch. I'll do a roll call after 2pm.

[dafydd manton]

Nothing worse than a missing pixel, or a gnome. especially a square one!

[Maryd.]

Looks pretty good to me.
xo

[Haunted]

xo xxoo

[Haunted]

A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

introduction (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
ghost fog (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=921809)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
penitentiary (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=936644)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)
his green eyes (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=945810)
September 2nd (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=948623)
existence (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=955716)
dinner date (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=962459)
don't take my baby (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=966878)
car talk (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=968268)
Google Earth (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=970410)
dead on (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=974290)
postmarked 1948 (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=977844)
My name is Jane (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=979538)

[dafydd manton]

Every one a gem that we may have read before, but worth visiting once again. Superb!

[Haunted]

have a new one, just can't decide whether to post here or as a separate thread....

[dafydd manton]

Separate thread - make it stand out!!!!

[Haunted]

did it!!! bathing beauty (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=959750#post959750)

[Haunted]

I just feel like posting an old mediocre poem...please trash away!






dinner date


1.

when our eyes
met for the first time
they locked like the
strongest deadbolt

we went to a movie
and left before
it was over


2.

hair flows down
your eyelids flutter
my hand......almost touching
instantly your lips part
you hungry...


3.

we had the
longest dinner
ever


4.

your eyes queried:
would there be seconds

I glanced back:
what does your gut say


5.

just as in an old movie
I wrote on a matchbook
then I left Room 1105
the door locked itself behind me

[zoolane]

I just feel like posting an old mediocre poem...please trash away!






dinner date


1.

when our eyes
met for the first time
they locked like the
strongest deadbolt

we went to a movie
and left before
it was over


2.

hair flows down
your eyelids flutter
my hand......almost touching
instantly your lips part
you hungry...


3.

we had the
longest dinner
ever


4.

your eyes queried:
will there be seconds

I glanced back:
what does your gut tell you


5.

just as in an old movie
I wrote on a matchbook
then I left Room 1105
the door locked itself behind me





I love the poem it love tale about maybe couple relight passion but end verse it sort to 1 night stand. :hurray:

[Haunted]

thanks so much zoo! I was lamenting just how transient relationship can be.

[Delta40]

I like the halting flow of these short poems - the lingering look, time slowed then speeded up. her number on a book of matches.....well done with the desired effect

[hillwalker]

I like the 'locks' theme that starts with the deadbolt in v1 and ends with the door finally slamming itself shut in v5.

There's a lot left unsaid - a lot of gaps the reader is invited to fill in. Subtle, enigmatic. Like a film noir.

[dafydd manton]

The only person I know that can write in Monochrome. The scene as the hotel door shuts is heart-wrenching.... As Hill said, film noir, the saddest, grainy, flickering...

[Haunted]

Thanks Delta, glad you like the changing rhythm.

Hill, thanks for the nice comment! It's amazing you mentioned the locks, I almost dropped the last line but then I remember the reason it was there was because it encapsulates a rather special encounter.

Daf, how did you know, I'm monochromatic in many ways. I felt sad myself writing the end, but I'm not good at making things last.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I especially liked #4 with the double entendre on "seconds" but think


will there be seconds

should be would there be seconds

[Haunted]

thanks so much Prince, I changed it!

[Jerrybaldy]

I too liked stanza four in particular. The double entendre pointed out by Prince followed by the further double meaning of 'what does your gut tell you?' I couldnt find the outcome in the final stanza, but then I guess mystery was your goal :)

[Haunted]

Thanks Jerry, I had fun writing S4, being that I'm not good at all with dialogues. This is one of those "stories" that let you write your own ending. I guess it would be nice for the relationship to develop but when I was writing it, those words just wrote themselves. Not much surprise though coming from the queen of gloom and doom. ;)

[Haunted]

don’t take my baby


it’s new year’s eve
there's an end to everything

outside
storm has moved out
just soft feathery residual flakes

inside
the blizzard is tear blinding

can I hold her
he nods

(even with the blanket she’s ice cold)

another hug
he nods

(she was once a big girl)

it’s the holidays
I know you want to get home but—
please
one last time
he nods

(she's just a baby)

caringly he took
her tiny emaciated body
her gray tabby tail
that ends in a black tip
hangs down like
an exclamation mark




~for Skippy~

[Maryd.]

Hey darl... I feel you. I know how I felt when I lost my Brandy (Australian Terrier). Feel for your dear.
xo

[Haunted]

Thanks Mary...and sorry about Brandy XO

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi haunted
You do so love your cats. Seeing as you mention new years eve I am hoping this is not a new loss. I particularly like your imagery in 'outside
storm has moved out
just soft feathery residual flakes'
Good to read some new haunted material, as always
jerry

[hillwalker]

This was very touching, Haunted. Not the kind of poem one associates with New Year's Eve - and you make the loss seem so visceral that no one who reads this can fail to feel some emotional blip on their radar.

H

[Haunted]

Jerry, this one is two years ago. Skippy left a year before Apricot ("green eyes").

Thanks Hill for the comment. Yeah, those New Year's eve party days are so over for me.

[Delta40]

don’t take my baby


it’s new year’s eve
there's an end to everything

outside
storm has moved out
just soft feathery residual flakes

inside
the blizzard is tear blinding

can I hold her
he nods

(even with the blanket she’s ice cold)

another hug
he nods

(she was once a big girl)

it’s the holidays
I know you want to get home but—
please
one last time
he nods

(she's just a baby)

caringly he took
her tiny emaciated body
her gray tabby tail
that ends in a black tip
hangs down like
an exclamation mark




~for Skippy~



The last stanza is particularly heart breaking Haunted.

[Haunted]

Thank you Delta.

[DieterM]

I was very touched by that poem. As my dog is currently very sick, it made me relive all those horrible moments I've passed these last days.

Just one thing, in the last stanza, "caringly he took / her tiny emaciated body", shouldn't that rather read "caringly he takes..."? I ask because the rest of the poem is written in present tense... Best to you from another animal lover.

[NikolaiI]

It's a lovely poem but a sad thought. It's nice to think of the happiness you must have had with her.

[Haunted]

Dieter I'm sorry to hear your dog isn't well and I just hope this poem is more of a catharsis than an unpleasant experience for you.

As for switching to past tense in the last stanza, that is intentional. I usually use present tense for narratives but the last stanza is more than that, it's an emotional event that cannot be undone or unfelt. It just feels right that it's in past tense as something that already happened in the past and the action is irreversible.

Thanks Nik. She was aloof but in her final days we became very close and I will forever cherish those moments.

[Haunted]

A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

introduction (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
penitentiary (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=936644)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)
his green eyes (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=945810)
September 2nd (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=948623)
existence (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=955716)
dinner date (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=962459)
don't take my baby (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=966878)
car talk (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=968268)
Google Earth (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=970410)
dead on (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=974290)
postmarked 1948 (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=977844)
My name is Jane (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=979538)
all I ever want for Christmas (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=984033)
hazardous driving (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=984791)
fashionably speaking (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=987142)

[Haunted]

car talk


if you think I’m sweet
so is antifreeze

if you take me out for a drive
consider yourself warned:
I have no brakes

[PrinceMyshkin]

car talk


if you think I’m sweet
so is antifreeze

if you take me out for a drive
consider yourself warned:
I have no brakes


Fine, so long as he or she doesn't reach for the clutch!

Enigmatic but amusing poem.

[Maryd.]

Who needs breaks?
This one is not like your others. Very ineteresting my dear.
xo

[Haunted]

thanks Mary, I thought it would be nice to take a vacation from the death and destruction themes for something entertaining. But I promise, macabre will be back....


Fine, so long as he or she doesn't reach for the clutch!

Enigmatic but amusing poem.

Thanks for your comment Prince. No worries, she only drives automatic. And aren't women as a whole an enigmatic species?

[Delta40]

I like the comparison to anti-freeze. I thought the other line said 'Consider yourself warmed' so it was nice to be thrown off balance.

[Haunted]

Thanks Delta, pleased that it threw you off balance with my attempt at a tough talking love poem.

[Jerrybaldy]

You once commented, in your self depreciating way, that all your poems are similar, so it is good, yet again, to see you prove yourself wrong :) A car/woman analogy is an original thought and you made your woman dangerous to know, so therefore instantly attractive to all us silly men, who love the very idea of no brakes.
cheers
JerryB

[Haunted]

Dangerous is good in the haunted world. So glad you like it Jerry.

[Haunted]

Google Earth




between the Atlantic
and the Pacific

+

between Blue Ridge Mountains
and the Rockies

+

between thick groves
and desert dunes

+

between Interstate 540
and County 83

+

between a curvy driveway
and an odd shaped pond

+

between open french doors
and a puckered headboard

+

between your arms
and your voice

+

between a gasp
and a long sigh

+

there lies the heartland
where I long to be

[Maryd.]

One can dream I suppose.

[Jerrybaldy]

Your last post before this poem seeked danger, this one seeks comfort love and warmth. It is where all thrill seekers seceretly long to be and you expressed it beautifully. I hope you find it in the most unexpected of places.

[Delta40]

Oh I love Google Earth. The broad concept right down to the precise location of where you wish to be Haunted. How wonderful! I fear I miss your poems on this thread and I am sorry if I do!

[Haunted]

Thanks Mary, dreams are yet the best place to be.

Very perceptive, Jerry. I do like to mix things up.

Delta, so glad you discovered it finally, thanks for your lovely comment!

[Delta40]

I'm going to try and copy this one day!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Oh! This just got better and better as we zoomed right in! I could practically see the pair of jeans that you had carelessly let fall to the floor before you got into bed!

[Haunted]

LOL Delta, I"ll trade for one of yours

Thanks Prince :)

[hillwalker]

Haunted - you know already how much I loved this one of yours. A masterpiece.

H

[Hawkman]

I really enjoyed Car Talk which, though light and jaunty, has bite. Google Earth too is a sound poem but I'm not crazy about the little grave markers between the strophes :D

Live and be well. H

[Haunted]

Hill, I'm so relieved, I was afraid you might change your mind. Thanks again!

Hawk, so glad you liked Car Talk. I left out the catalytic converter...I'll save it for Car Talk the Sequel. Grave markers? I kinda like that, LOL. Thanks so much for your comments :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Love Story



let’s do something
different today

let’s take a trip
to September of 1948

let’s dress up
as a Hollywood couple

let’s do a stunt
and scale the steepest cliff

let’s pose for the camera
and kiss like there’s no tomorrow

let’s write our own script
of seduction, love, lust and betrayal

let’s rehearse our lines
for the riveting, tear jerking last scene

let’s give me your best acting
pretend you love me more than you love her

let’s make a pact
that you will not hold me back on my way down





Thanks to JerryBaldly I went back and looked for this, which I had missed before. The seeming spontaneity of it, the sense that every breath in it comes from a living, feeling soul is very, very moving, but

I must say I want to, I do, resist the despondency of that last line. True, I was somewhat prepared for it by


let’s give me your best acting
pretend you love me more than you love her


but it came more harshly than - in my naivete? - I was prepared for. Nevertheless, it all hangs together so well!

[Haunted]

Prince, by harsh you mean the glorifying of suffering / an effed-up ending? I take it as a compliment. ;)

oh, it also sounds like I got myself an official promoter of this poem, right Jerry? :D

[Delta40]

oh I adore the story concept of Love Story! you executed this particularly well as I was lulled into the facade of real romance only to find otherwise.

[Haunted]

Thanks Delta for the comment, you made my night!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Prince, by harsh you mean the glorifying of suffering / an effed-up ending? I take it as a compliment. ;)

oh, it also sounds like I got myself an official promoter of this poem, right Jerry? :D

I didn't feel that you were glorifying suffering but that the ending reflected a harsher or more despondent view of the situation than the poem had prepared me for. We had just that one revelation of what the pretending might be intended to cover up - her lover prefers someone other than her - and splat!

Word on the street is that Jerry is not only gaga for this poem but that he's a fan of your others as well.

[qimissung]

Love "Google Earth," Haunted. You're very good at a seemingly breezy style, then you end with a kicker, either shocking or sweet.

[kittypaws]

I am so glad your poem was "quoted" cuz I was not here when it was written and Haunted...it is a stunner! Not so much in the ending, as it seems to me romances especially those of that era always had a tragic ending.

The year 1948 was a leap year and it just so happened that on 29 September 1948 Laurence Olivier's Hamlet opened in the United States.

Yes you are Haunted in an extraordinary way!

Kittypaws

[Haunted]

Not to worry Prince, it's a soft splat :p

Qim, thanks for gracing the thread with your comment, it means a ton.

Wow Kittypaws, you know some neat trivia! Thanks too for the kind comments.

[Jerrybaldy]

'Love story' is finding a new life. That makes me :)

[Haunted]

Must be the magic of 1948 ;)

[Haunted]

dead on



last I saw mom
in the morgue
her eyes were shut
she doesn’t want to see
the man she married
ever again


when my father passed
his eyes were open
still trying to figure out
where it all went wrong


growing up
a psychic saw me and said
kid your eyes...they don't match
your mom and dad
fight all the time, yes?

[Delta40]

creepy!
I love the meaning you attach to closed eyes and open eyes in death and the implication of your own outlook being skewed both ways. Well done Haunted.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The reference to each of the parents' eyes is extraordinary and powerful but would you consider ending just before these lines:


your parents don’t
get along


it’s true
eyes don't lie


which feel anti-climactic and explanatory to me.

Powerful poem!

[hillwalker]

I have to agree with Prince. I loved this poem when you entered it in the 'eyes don't lie' comp but now you are free to remove the quote..... if you want to, of course.

H

[Haunted]

Delta, it creeped you out? ohhh. Welcome to my world.
Thanks for the nice comment, much appreciated.

Prince, yes I knew I overwrite, but that's so unlike me... but I do need "don't get along", that's the crux of the poem.

Hill you're right, thanks! I was debating whether to end after "don't get along", that's the stinger, what comes after that is commentary. I'll chop it down now.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Haunted.
This was a revisit for me as I must have read it when it was part of the competition that Hill mentioned.
Your mum's eyes, your father's eyes, your eyes. Closed opened and mismatched. Clever stuff.
I see you have changed the end and wondered if 'fight' should be 'fought' as they are deceased. But then again the last stanza could be before they died... :)

Eyes still open trying to figure out where it all want wrong is truely memorable, Haunted, great stuff.
cheers
Jerry

[Haunted]

Good point Jerry, I overlooked the timeline which seemed confusing. I reworked it slightly.



dead on



last I saw mom
in the morgue
her eyes were shut
she doesn’t want to see
the man she married
ever again


when my father passed
his eyes were open
still trying to figure out
where it all went wrong


growing up
a psychic saw me and said
kid your eyes...they don't match
your mom and dad
fight all the time, yes?

[Haunted]

A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

introduction (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)
his green eyes (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=945810)
September 2nd (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=948623)
existence (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=955716)
dinner date (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=962459)
don't take my baby (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=966878)
car talk (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=968268)
Google Earth (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=970410)
dead on (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=974290)
My name is Jane (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=979538)
all I ever want for Christmas (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=984033)
hazardous driving (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=984791)
fashionably speaking (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=987142)
of cat and men (a Christmas poem) (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=990260)
the anesthesiologist (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=993959/)

[Haunted]

postmarked 1948



he says it’s sacred
so they must...must keep it
their sweet little secret

whenever she misses him
she lays down on a bed of letters
this is where he is
when he is not here

as soon as her eyes close
she can feel the steel tip
his love infused fountain pen
pushing hard and harder
into the exquisite stationery
leaving one unmistakable
pregnant chad

afterwards she swoons over
every trace of saliva he left
on the linen envelopes
each sealed with a lie

[Jerrybaldy]

A poem truely worthy of its post marked date haunted. The bittersweetness and then the hit of the final line and the third stanza particularly, are soaked in the class of your own fountain pen. I had to look up 'chad'. To then come up with a pregnant chad, well all respect to you haunted.
Brilliant
Jerry

[hillwalker]

Loved this for the imagery of her swooning on a bed of letters - and the final line when the reader sees the desperation of her situation even if she does not. And it's written so elegantly.....

H

[Maryd.]

Sounds all too familiar Haunted... Nice one.

[PrinceMyshkin]

That repeated "must" in line 2 does wonders to prepare one for the revelation at the end of her awareness that he has been lying - all along. The "exquisite" stationary and the linen envelope are very effective details.

[Hawkman]

Hi Haunted. I like this poem, it's very efective.

"whenever she misses him
she lays on a bed of letters
this is where he is
when he is not here"

However, lays, should be lies. Now I can see why you would not want to use lies, as the punchline of the poem is lie, so you could say, "She lays herself [down] on a bed of letters" The down is optional.

Best, H

[Haunted]

You must read minds Hawk, I was debating with myself, lie or lay, lay or lie.... I abhorred at the thought of having to use "lie" because of my lifelong hatred to repeat the same word twice in a poem, and also exactly as you said, it might take from the punchline. I would sacrifice everything for a knockout punchline...my house, my integrity, even grammar!

Thanks Jerry, your comment is so eloquent, did you write it with an old fountain pen? Hail to 1948! And those hanging chads, pregnant chads, they came right out of American politics. The fact that it works so well, I have all those stupid politicians to thank.

Hill, thanks for the comment. And yes, everyone knew except her, or maybe she just didn't care....

Thanks Mary. The way you said it...sigh.

Thank you Prince! After the linen envelopes I did try a line with 20% cotton paper but decided not to push it, it may look forced.

[Hawkman]

The best solution would be to say, "she reclines on a bed of letters"
:D

[Haunted]

Hawk, I totally forgot to make the change you suggested. I really like "lays herself down"...the optional "down" actually adds just the right pitch. But I opted to drop "herself", just want to keep it minimalist.



Hi Haunted. I like this poem, it's very efective.

However, lays, should be lies. Now I can see why you would not want to use lies, as the punchline of the poem is lie, so you could say, "She lays herself [down] on a bed of letters" The down is optional.

Best, H

[hack]

Wonderful Haunted.
...peace...

[Haunted]

I appreciated it Hack!

[Haunted]

I first wrote this to complete a Trilogy (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57552). I kept it short and sweet (maybe not) as a wrap up. But what I had in mind is more involved and certainly beyond the trilogy. Is this better as a standalone, or should I stick with the trilogy?







my name is Jane


water is my birth sign
I had no desire to
come back to land

the waves pull and push
my vintage lipstick red gown
until the layers of chiffon
open up all around me
like a rose in the ocean

he should recognize me
on the ten o’clock news

I feel a pair of eyes
gaze into mine
hopeless for answers

my white knight
gently picks off
my long dark matted hair
from my mouth

he notes the saline content
in my water filled lungs
most definitely from the sea
but it could also be tears

before he leaves the
temperature controlled room
he apologetically tags my toe
Jane Doe

[PrinceMyshkin]

Except for the change of tense in


he noted the saline content

this is definitely the superior version of this poem. I'm not sure it fits in the Trilogy now but it's strong as a stand-alone.

[Haunted]

I fixed the tense, thanks Prince.

I feel better with this expanded version too. I didn't include in the trilogy more details because they wouldn't fit. This has a story of its own. So down with the trilogy, I'll get a wrecking ball....

[zoolane]

I first wrote this to complete a Trilogy (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57552). I kept it short and sweet (maybe not) as a wrap up. But what I had in mind is more involved and certainly beyond the trilogy. Is this better as a standalone, or should I stick with the trilogy?







my name is Jane and...


water is my birth sign
I had no desire to
come back to land

the waves pull and push
my vintage lipstick red gown
until the layers of chiffon
open up all around me
like a rose in the ocean

he should recognize me
on the ten o’clock news

I feel a pair of eyes
gaze into mine
hopeless for answers

my white knight
gently picks off
my long dark matted hair
from my mouth

he notes the saline content
in my water filled lungs
most definitely from the sea
but it could also be tears

before he leaves the
temperature controlled room
he apologetically tags my toe
Jane Doe




I like this poem lot, it remind of recent peice I wrote 'The Slab' in short story about boy but was bit blunt.
Haunted your is one of 'Jane Doe' one place she will ever be.
Favourite lines are. 2 verse and last one.

[Jerrybaldy]

Excellent haunted.
I am still re-reading looking for clues - is your knight white as he is dressed in white jacket in a morgue?
The second stanza is a thing of beauty with our heroine drowning? in a visually stunning manner.
It stands alone and I will now have to fight myself for 'Jane' verus 'love story'.
well done haunted
Jerry

[Jerrybaldy]

The salt on my blistered lips
crackles on the stem of my pipe.
My sou'wester glows by a sudden moon
briefly free from thunderclouds.

Beneath a flapping throng of gulls
I see a woman like a taffeta rose
disappearing, reappearing
in angry whisps of spray.

I spin the wheel around.
I know her by any other name
and I would never hold her back
as she is on her way down.

[Haunted]

Thanks zoo, I have to check out "The Slab".

Jerry you got that right, the coroner wearing a white coat. I tried white coated knight /the knight in the white coat...but none of them worked so I went back to white knight.




Jane

The salt on my blistered lips
crackles on the stem of my pipe.
My sou'wester glows by a sudden moon
briefly free from thunderclouds.

Beneath a flapping throng of gulls
I see a woman like a taffeta rose
disappearing, reappearing
in angry whisps of spray.

I spin the wheel around.
I know her by any other name
and I would never hold her back
as she is on her way down.

I got goosebumps...This would be how she wanted to be found, if not rescued by a seasoned sailor, perhaps a captain, with blistered lips smoking a pipe. What vivid portrayal, it's got so much personality in just two lines. Love the imagery in S2. Had to look up taffeta. Beautiful choice of word and visual. It ends just the way it should. Thanks for remembering her wish in Love Story.

[Jerrybaldy]

Wouldnt want such a poetic death to go by unobserved

[Haunted]

You did it justice, ah, you did right by Jane...

[Jerrybaldy]

I know I bang on about this like some chuntering old git ;) but, this is such a good poem and I think it would get a bigger audience as a single thread.

Your poem completely inspired me.

[Haunted]

*never mind*

[Jerrybaldy]

New thread haunted, It is too good not to

[Haunted]

all I ever want for Christmas


(if I can’t have you)

an advent candle night light
with infinite little fizzing bubbles
inside its delicate glass shell
to offer hours of obsessive gazing
magical nostalgic hypnotic
watch as they rise to heaven
how they cajole a myriad gold flakes
into a glittery dance extravaganza
effervescing enough to make me forget
the dark walls that are closing in
while I try to escape the question of
how will I ever be able to love again

[PrinceMyshkin]

Of course one is tempted by the last line to wonder if the subtext of the poem is not so much the birth of Christ but His resurrection.

[Maryd.]

Haunted, love to see you delving into the subject of the moment. You certainly have Christmans in your own perspective. The Christmas farce has arrived

[BienvenuJDC]

The true "spirit" of Christmas...

[hillwalker]

This is a tragic sigh of regret (an entire sentence in one poem) which is almost hypnotic in the way it drags the reader into the vortex of the narrator's obssession with what she longs for but cannot have - made more menacing by being dressed up in Christmas baubles and bangles.

I'm not sure you need to include the first parenthesised sentence - unless the poem is directed at the 'you' and no one else..... which I tend to think not.

You obviously had your sad shoes on when you wrote this.

H

[Haunted]

Thanks all for your comments!


Prince, very very interesting, I love that subtext interpretation, it wasn't intended though.


Mary, Christmas is certainly on my mind, thanks for the uplifting comment!


Bien, I'm afraid that what you saw as the true "spirit" of Christmas is only superficial. It's also an irony. The Christmas ornament is really a distraction from the cruel reality of loss.


Hill, you amaze me every time with your bullseye interpretation. We must have the same wavelength, I actually used the word "vortex" in one of the earlier versions!!! And yes, you caught that too, I wrote this in one long sentence. Not sure why though, it just flowed out that way. I used "you" for two reasons. One is to reference the song All I Ever Want For Christmas Is You, so it doesn't look like I stole that line, it's intentionally not being original. Secondly I also want it to be personal and to speak directly to "you". As always thanks for your comment!!

[Haunted]

hazardous driving


I can’t see
where I’m going
the windshield is
a sheet of ice

even after the ice
been cleared
I still don’t know
where to go

I don’t bother with
clearing the back window
because I stopped using
the rear view mirror

it's too hard to
look back

[Delta40]

I like the hidden message in hazardous driving Haunted

[Haunted]

thank you Delta!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I admire the way you sustained the metaphor of driving a car, and the economy of this in general.

[hillwalker]

Brief but effective - driving along the road to nowhere.....


H

[Maryd.]

Ah you cheeky, you! Isn't it great when such a short piece can tell such a big tale. Well done again my friend. :)

[Haunted]

Prince, Hill, Mary, as always I appreciated your comments!

[Jerrybaldy]

That sounds a far better christmas than having him, haunted, as he will let you down, screw you over and leave your neck on a railway line. Before you know where you are you will be driving like a woman possessed.

John reckons Jane deserves more .
x

[blank|verse]

Well restrained and effective, Haunted. The ending opens the poem out nicely and works well.

I might suggest adding a full stop or other punctuation mark after 'mirror' in the last stanza to make the reader pause before the last line is delivered. And should line 6 start: has been cleared?

Otherwise, a concise, well-written piece.

[Haunted]

Jerry, what makes you think that I'm not already driving like a woman possessed?

btw welcome back. John has spoken and Jane is pleased.

b/v, thanks for your comment, it does look like some punctuation or separation is necessary after "mirror". I'm not big on punctuation so I broke it off into it's own stanza. As for "has been cleared", it's too wordy for my ears, and "ice's been cleared" looks and sounds ugly with the apostrophe. So I'm just going to leave as is. (That also happens to be how some of us talk on this side of the pond.)

[Jerrybaldy]

I am sure you only ever drive possessed with no wipers no matter the weather and a screwdriver on the dashboard...

[qimissung]

I love your zingers at the end! Well done, good and faithful poet. :)

[Haunted]

Jerry, about the screwdriver on the dashboard, you just gave me an idea for a poem. I hope I still remember to write it after the screwdriver wears off.


Qim, I live and breath zingers, so glad you enjoyed them!

[Haunted]

A Short Collection of Trashy Poems

introduction (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912316)
D22 westbound (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=912488)
Victoria’s other secret (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=915858)
paper chase (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=925409)
love story (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=929649)
forcast (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=932519)
overnight snow (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=939980)
the little dancer (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=943035)
his green eyes (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=945810)
September 2nd (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=948623)
existence (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=955716)
dinner date (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=962459)
don't take my baby (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=966878)
car talk (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=968268)
Google Earth (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=970410)
dead on (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=974290)
postmarked 1948 (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=977844)
My name is Jane (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=979538)
all I ever want for Christmas (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=984033)
hazardous driving (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=984791)
of cat and men (a Christmas poem) (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=990260)
the anesthesiologist (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=993959/)
Adam's apple pie (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=998014)
honesty (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1003953)

[Haunted]

fashionably speaking


I feel safe going out
with my Steve Madden

combat boots are necessities
’cos everyday could be war

but tonight looking sideways
at two emptied wine glasses
I’m just gonna pull them off
dangle my feet over the side
of the posh lip shaped sofa
and call for a truce