Cravings

[Makai]

I crave silence in the
passing sighs of enfolded
wind's wild, green blur,
outside a box my past
longs to keep me in.

Caged thrust of spine
compensates for nothing,
if my feet won't release their
shuddering grasp of ground.

Harsh judges of today
are murderous crows,
cawing round the next bend,
feasting on human road kill.

I can do this, leap
from wooden shackles
ringing the heated scars
of sad, shameful intentions.

I loved him once, but now
I need to be who I am.

[Dinkleberry2010]

Makai, I really like three of the four stanza of this poem, but the third stanza seems to be out of place and not related to the other three stanzas. It's almost glaring in its unrelateness to the other three stanzas. I just don't see how it fits into the poem.

[Makai]

Makai, I really like three of the four stanza of this poem, but the third stanza seems to be out of place and not related to the other three stanzas. It's almost glaring in its unrelateness to the other three stanzas. I just don't see how it fits into the poem.

Background then. Most of the poetry I write is based on things I am resolving. In this case some good friends of mine are right on the edge of divorce. She is straining at the leash of blame and shame he keeps trying to lasso her with.

The wild mare kicks the stall door. The door is pretty ugly, that stanza is his bullying. I'll see if I can come up with something more clear. I never mind polishing and thank you for pointing that out.

[Dinkleberry2010]

just a suggestion: maybe just a couple of lines would do it--connect the third stanza to the second and the fourth.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The content of this - the conflict between safety (?) and the desire to be free - seems to me to be beautifully acted out in the contest between the passion of your expression and the sometimes seemingly arbitrary line breaks, like bars of a cage. And the abandonment of all metaphor or "poetic" language in the last two lines is a marvelous hint that the conflict has been resolved: the persona can speak, in the most plain language, of her basic human need.