oracle

[cogs]

barren concrete path
braced by unkempt ugly weeds
swapped with chemically wasted
green planes squared by
parallel aluminum mesh anemic against
choking carbon spewed from
vertical narrow tombstones marking mastery;
wood cloaked path layered with
pages of leaf-turn leading
tranquil traveler into
misty bygones streaked with
vertical narrow spires crowning
serene sanctuaries succoring
incense of knowledge fueling
essence of wisdom

[blazeofglory]

Very enigmatic metaphors! That indeed adds beauty to the poem

[Sampson]

This is brilliant!

"choking carbon spewed from
vertical narrow tombstones marking
modern production"

I thought these lines have a real pace to them, which plays of what I thought were quite sober, and beautifully written, first lines.

I must commend the freedom of your style too...

[cogs]

thank you blaze and sampson: thank you also for reminding me of pace... i'm always looking for techniques... it's so amazing that everyone has different 'takes' on the same poem.

[MorpheusSandman]

This one's truly excellent. I love the sudden shifts between the language and imagery of the natural being taken over by "modern production" (I might actually leave that line out since the others make it clear what you're referring to). I especially love how you achieve this difference simply by means of language and imagery. When the modern aspects take over it's all about angles and geometric patters (squared by, parallel, vertical) and the aliteration of "choking carbon" seems to almost work as an onomatopoeia for the act of choking. I also like the number of motifs used within such a short space; green and weeds seem to prefigure the "leaf turn", for instance. I actually interpreted a conclusion as a retreat back to nature; but I could be wrong.

[cogs]

morpheus, you couldn't be more correct. the 'leaf-turn' was supposed to be like an ironic renewal, that even in the simpler things is wisdom that doesn't inadverdently destroy its world, like the technologically advanced and complex does. i'm happy you brought up the language i tried to use.