Lady On The River

[nubbienub]

In the middle of a river, the water still.
Where is this place, no one knows.
Resting on the boat, she looks at him.
Her skin is fair, and her lips are red.
She smiles faintly, and she seems happy.
Who is the man with her, just who is he.


It was an image I had while I was flipping around in bed on one night...

[balehead]

I would love to see some extensions on this poem; and would have found it more interesting if it was longer and the subject had been explored to a deeper level. I generally think that short poems, to be good, have to be very concise and transfer a lot upon a reader - your paragraph would, in my opinion, shine in a longer poem, but you're 'hiding your light under a bushell', you need to expand on this original idea - it's a good one

[nubbienub]

Thanks for your advise.

I think it would be interesting to further visualize that image.

[Pendragon]

Who is the man with her, just who is he.





I would end this line with ..., it's would sound more wistful that way.

[nubbienub]

Thanks for sharing, really appreciate it!