All The World Loves A Liberal

[Biggus]

LIBERALS

Don’t you just love the liberal crew
So called because of their liberal views
But when you examine their reasoning
Their liberality is merely posturing
Charles Kennedy was deposed of course
Because he was too fond of the sauce
Jeremy Thorpe had to go way back when
Because of his fondness for young men
While Menzies Campbell was told
He had to go because he was just too old
The party so proud of their liberal principals
Are in reality not that liberal at all

BEAT THE DRUM TO THE LIBERALS TUNE

The liberal minded
Like a parade
They like to march
They like to engage

Beat the drum
To end the war
They’ll tell you
That’s what freedoms for

Ban the bomb
Free Tibet
No more Trident
End third world debt

March in the city
For gay pride
And every liberal
Is on your side

If you’re so inclined
Join the throng
March in unison
And sing the liberal song

But bang the drum
And blow the horn
For patriotism
And feel their scorn

LIBERALLY HUMEROUS?

Don’t you just love them?
If only for their belief in equality
Or a love of all things PC
And an unswerving moral certainty
It’s a shame that to become a liberal
A sense of humour bypass is necessary

DEFEND IT TO THE DEATH

Liberals believe in freedom of speech
They support it on pain of death
And they will defend this principle
With their final dying breath

It’s the corner stone of liberalism
It’s the doctrine that they teach
However it most definitely helps
If you sing from their hymn sheet

IT’S POSITIVELY WRONG

Discrimination is abhorrent
To everyone in this nation
So why is it common practice?
To have positive discrimination

Two wrongs don’t make a right
Was something I learned as a lad
Discrimination is wrong
There is no good and bad

Discriminating positively
Is in no way the right answer
After all it’s like suggesting
There is good and bad cancer

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't know much about the liberals in the UK but in the USA, the conservatives and Republicans in general save themselves a whole lot of actual thinking by just spitting out "Liberal!" any time anyone advocates social responsibility, economic equality and the like.

If the Liberal creed may be Love thy neighbour as thy self the Conservative is, surely Sauve qui peut!

[_Shannon_]

*giggles* only tangetially related- but this totally made me think of the Phil Ochs' song "Love Me, I'm a Liberal". great song.

[Anza]

You are epic. Those are epic. I am humbled in your prescence.

[motherhubbard]

I'm not sure if I'm an ultra-conservative liberal or an ultra-liberal conservative- either way I laughed a bit.

[blp]

I don't know much about the liberals in the UK but in the USA, the conservatives and Republicans in general save themselves a whole lot of actual thinking by just spitting out "Liberal!" any time anyone advocates social responsibility, economic equality and the like.


It's not quite that easy for the conservatives to dismiss liberalism here. In fact, David Cameron, leader of the Tories, often looks a bit like a liberal. A bit, and probably for strategic reasons.

But also, the term's less clear in its meaning here here because the party with liberal in the title, the Liberal Democrats (members of which comprise the honour role in in the first of Biggus' poems), has traditionally been the party of the middle ground, with the Tories representing the right and the Labour party representing the left.

Oh, except, now, it's almost impossible to tell the Labour party and the Tories apart and the Lib Dems sort of do look like the best hope for social responsibility, economic equality etc. Sort of. Except their liberalism extends to liberalism of the economic variety, which is to say, they're somewhat right of center too. And except they haven't a cat in hell's chance of getting a majority.

All of which makes it a little odd that Biggus has decided to focus on the term Liberal as if it's the standard term for a left winger here, effectively conflating the liberal mindset with the Liberal party in a way that doesn't quite fit. In fact, he seems to be using the term much more the way an American conservative would. Strange.

Anyway, Biggus, your poems are, in all other respects, a perfect marriage of form and content. I can't think of a better vehicle for a simple, common sense conservative message than fatuous doggerel like this.

[Scheherazade]

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