Preface to Untitled Story

[ScarlettEclipse]

This is something I threw together during a class. It's a start, I think, I don't know yet but thoughts please. A lot of it is inspired by Muse songs (Sunburn and Stockholm Syndrome). It's a fun little story. It slightly makes me think of a melodrama later on...but this here is only the preface.

I gripped his hand and he gripped mine while he dangled over the ferocious ocean. It felt as if he were going to break all of my fingers, but there was no way that I was going to let go. How could I? We had gone through so much; there was no way that I was going to let it end here. My life was not going to become a tragedy. Therefore, I wrapped my other hand around his one hand for some extra support. With a little help from him, I was almost able to pull him to safety.

His feet barely touched the edge of land when there was an abrupt explosion. But I didn’t look to see what made the noise. For some reason, I knew what happened even though I’d never heard that sound before. My eyes met his while his grip loosened on my hand. He mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’ which was only something I could ever understand. Then, he-he fell. His hand slipped free from mine and even though I tried to grab him again, it was impossible. He was gone. Gone forever. I would never see those steely blue eyes again. Slowly, I stumbled backward before turning around to see where the noise came from. First, my eyes met a gun before I looked up to face who had fired the shot. It was my hero…my knight in shining armor.

[amanda_isabel]

hmm.. Pretty good preface; it piqued me... Hope to see the rest of it eventually.

It kind of reminds me of the whole Titanic thing, which can mean a lot for you because the challenge will be to not keep it as high as the preface, but higher than that... There's a lot of potential in it, so good luck! May your muse stay by your side :)

[ScarlettEclipse]

Wow...like the Titanic. That's one of my all time favourite movies, but actually, my story is nothing like it. I can understand where one will be reminded of it at the beginning. So I hope it'll be fine like that...ha or I might have a huge problem. Hopefully everything will be alright.

[ScarlettEclipse]

Ok...I wasn't sure which would be a better start after thinking for awhile. I'd like to hear what people say...the preface or chapter one?

“Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away…don’t all faerie tales start like that? It’s trite…a cliché…I suggest we come up with something else,” I laughed while I sat with my little sister. She simply stared at me in silence unable to understand what I meant. The poor girl was too young to understand what I meant, and I was ruining the story I was trying to tell her. “Never mind. Ok, so once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away…” but I was interrupted by my infamous brother, Edward. He always had the knack to destroy the stories I was trying to weave.

“There lived the beautiful Princess Lacrima,” he mocked as if he were continuing my story. “And she was real late for her masquerade ball the night of her birthday.” He leaned in the doorway while watching us. “We were supposed to leave awhile back.”

“Stop calling me Lacrima,” I laughed while sitting there. “My name is Aurora.”

“Yes, I know that, but since I love you, I gave you a pleasant nickname.”

“But Lacrima means tear!” I pouted.

“It sounds pretty though, and you’re pretty.”

“Oh fine then, I’ll let you go on that one.” I stood up kissing my little sister on the top of her head. “Good night, sleep tight, dream of your knight and shining armor arriving tonight.

“Good night, Lacrima,” whispered my sister.

I ruffled her strawberry curls. “So you’re on Edward’s side?”

“Good night, Aurora!”

Laughing, I left with my brother not realizing that would be the last time I’d ever see her. If I had known, I-I would’ve made everything more meaningful. It’s funny how cruel life can be.

“You need to get ready for the masquerade ball,” Edward no longer laughed. “This is for you; all of your suitors will be there.” But I said nothing to this. “Lacrima, you’re a young, beautiful princess, it’s your job to help father gain more land…and build a stronger army.”

“I would rather the old fashion way. You know ‘once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away’ where the princess is in danger, and when all seems to fail, her knight in shining armor rides to her rescues, saving her from the dragon or the warlock.”

“You dream too much.”

“I do.”

Edward stopped and brushed some of the hair out of my face while he looked me in the eyes. “Look, please just do this for dad. Times are changing, people long to see blood now. The time of the sword and arrow are dying out, while a new enemy raises to power. We need more power because of this, we need a stronger army, we need more land, more allies, and it’s up to you and me to fix this mess. So please…for the dad…for the kingdom, don’t mess this one up.”

Sighing, I nodded as an unspoken reply while I backed away from him. “Then I shall be the fairest of them all,” I whispered to him before pushing open a door behind me. “I’m almost ready.” Next, I disappeared from my brother’s view. I could tell he wasn’t going to move until I came out. The man was stubborn like that. Sighing again, I turned to see a raven sitting on my window sill. It looked at me once with dark betty eyes before flying away. A single black plume floated to the floor.

[Captain_Kuchiki]

This is a pretty good preface. It keeps the reader in the dark about why the narrator's life is going to be a "tragedy" or why the boy she was with was shot. I'd like to read the actual story when it's written for sure.

[ScarlettEclipse]

Thanks...that was actually what I was hoping would take from the preface. I was getting a little worried about it being too good or something like that...I don't know. (And I don't mean that in an arrogant way.) I like the preface, too...so I think I'm going to keep it.
Thanks!! :)