Reminiscences of the lost battles

[dibyendra]

Traces of failures, although I've left behind
Crestfallen spirit still echoes scars of the past
Reminiscences of the lost battles nullify my victories
Years of unrest in the doldrums hollowed me,
Swallowed me, moulded me, calloused me,
Made me even lifeless, colourless, faceless, ruthless
I staggered, lost my grip, I fell,
But later I got up again, invigorated myself again to start a new life
Tried my luck one more time, and prayed for a better life
An unlucky fellow I've been once again
Circled round and round
But I'm back to square one

I couldn't smother these truths inside
Smothering the truths means living a lie
I couldn't hide behind the face of lies
To impersonate is an ugly sin

I'm sorry mother, father, and brothers
I couldn't reach to your expectation
But one day I will...
I promise...

[islandclimber]

this is really quite wonderful... i love it.. I love the first stanza... the progressions, the way it flows from one image to the next, and gives you the feeling of failure after failure after failure, but each one new and different, and each time starting again, picking oneself back up...

it seems as though there's something beautiful to be found even in failure as though it is a progression on the way to fulfilling the promise you end with, as though each failure has it's own unique beauty, however sad and melancholy... the imagery is so sad and beautiful, yet at the same time somewhat hopeful... I love it...

cheers

[PrinceMyshkin]

I hope I don't sadden you by pointing out that those last lines read as if you doubt yourself and possibly even resent the expectations laid on you by others:


Sorry mother, father, and brothers
I couldn't reach to your expectation
But one day I will...
I promise...

Apart from the repetition of the assertion in those last two lines there are the ellipses (...) which often signal a trailing-off, an element of doubt creeping in. It remind me in that way of these lines from April Inventory by W.D. Snodgrass:


The tenth time, just a year ago,
I made myself a little list
Of all the things I'd ought to know,
Then told my parents, analyst,
And everyone who's trusted me
I'd be substantial, presently.

where the comma, followed by "presently" expresses his self-doubt.

[dibyendra]

this is really quite wonderful... i love it.. I love the first stanza... the progressions, the way it flows from one image to the next, and gives you the feeling of failure after failure after failure, but each one new and different, and each time starting again, picking oneself back up...

it seems as though there's something beautiful to be found even in failure as though it is a progression on the way to fulfilling the promise you end with, as though each failure has it's own unique beauty, however sad and melancholy... the imagery is so sad and beautiful, yet at the same time somewhat hopeful... I love it...

cheers

Thank you very much Islandclimber for your passionate comment. Your comment is really appreciable. I loved your earlier poetry very much.


I hope I don't sadden you by pointing out that those last lines read as if you doubt yourself and possibly even resent the expectations laid on you by others:

Apart from the repetition of the assertion in those last two lines there are the ellipses (...) which often signal a trailing-off, an element of doubt creeping in.

Thank you very much Prince for your comment. Actually, I've given them high hopes and they had high expectations that I will definitely succeed but dreams which when failed made me feel so empty. Failure one after another made me dubious about my future. So, ellipses leave both hopes and fears here.