ampoule
03-09-2008, 12:44 AM
And the Award Goes To
If you must know anything about me, I will tell you, I am quite well-behaved. I follow the rules, including that golden one. I am courteous and avoid conflict, almost, at any cost. There are times that I worry I will be voted out of the Realm of Redheads for the way I suppress both my spit and my fire. And, of course, I am trusting, trusting of you, my total strangers, that you will not turn me in.
So, today I decide to go to a movie, Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day. I bathed for the obvious reason, the possibility of being in close proximity of others. It is also for this reason that I am very mindful of not wearing too many fragrances so as not to tickle any sensitive noses. Once I arrive at the theatre I adjust my cellphone long before the plea is made onscreen. I never talk out loud, even during the silly concession stand commercials. I do not slurp my lemonade and I pride myself in my ability to eat my popcorn in silence.
About ten minutes into the movie I notice a man, woman and child enter the theatre carrying their super-duper sized popcorn and drinks. I watched as they walked across the theatre to the side I was sitting on. I held my breath as they climbed the steps and filed in right behind me. There were a few hushed whispers as they settled into their seats and then it was quiet. I was able to relax and get back in to the movie.
And then it began. The man started plunging his hands into the bag of popcorn and I pictured him shoving fistfuls of dripping puffs into his mouth as he chewed loudly, with his mouth open. The child, a little girl, was sitting directly behind me, and soon she began kicking and pushing against the back of my chair. Well, I did one of those looks over my shoulder and they must have motioned to the little girl to stop because things quieted down considerably and I was able to pay attention once again to the movie. Every once in awhile there would be a bump against my chair but I was pretty focused by this time and hardly noticed. Then the man jumps up and heads out to the concession stand for free refills. When he returns, the whole scenario repeats itself. Not only do I glance over my shoulder, I turn completely around and look at the little girl and then the man and woman. The man completely ignores me while the woman looks at me with shifty eyes.
Not wanting to say anything, I decide to move. I plan to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. I stand to gather my things and the little girl begins shouting at me to sit down, that she can't see. By this time, everyone in the theatre has their eyes fixed on me. I am so embarrassed but what do I do? I say out loud to everyone, "I'm sorry, but she was kicking my chair!" People started grumbling. "Shut up lady! Sit down! We can't hear the movie!"
I had noticed during all of this fracas that the seats behind them were empty so I moved quickly and sat down, but not before I could give the little girl a stern evil eye. She started crying to the man and before I knew it he was standing on his feet reaching toward me. I had not yet placed my lemonade in the holder and as I held my hand up for protection the cup went flying, splattering everyone within twenty feet. He then reached down and hit my bag of popcorn out of my hands as if it were a volleyball.
By this time, someone had called for the ushers and as they climbed the stairs I said, somewhat under my breath, "It's about time. These people are insane!" Even in the darkness of the theatre, the ushers could see my eyes bulging, my face red and flushed, my body shaking and they grabbed me! They grabbed ME and practically carried me out of the theatre. I began struggling and shouting and soon found myself being pushed through the exit, out into the cold. My breath was so hot it steamed up the door as I looked at them shaking their heads. I kicked at the brick wall and screamed under my breath. The tears in my eyes stung from the cold as I ran to my car. I jumped in and turned on the ignition and the heat. After a few minutes I looked up and caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror. I stared at my reflection and slowly, very slowly, began to smile. This was followed by a slow-motion wink and I heard myself say, "Well, helloooooo Spitfire!"
ampoule, March Eighth, TwoThousandEight
If you must know anything about me, I will tell you, I am quite well-behaved. I follow the rules, including that golden one. I am courteous and avoid conflict, almost, at any cost. There are times that I worry I will be voted out of the Realm of Redheads for the way I suppress both my spit and my fire. And, of course, I am trusting, trusting of you, my total strangers, that you will not turn me in.
So, today I decide to go to a movie, Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day. I bathed for the obvious reason, the possibility of being in close proximity of others. It is also for this reason that I am very mindful of not wearing too many fragrances so as not to tickle any sensitive noses. Once I arrive at the theatre I adjust my cellphone long before the plea is made onscreen. I never talk out loud, even during the silly concession stand commercials. I do not slurp my lemonade and I pride myself in my ability to eat my popcorn in silence.
About ten minutes into the movie I notice a man, woman and child enter the theatre carrying their super-duper sized popcorn and drinks. I watched as they walked across the theatre to the side I was sitting on. I held my breath as they climbed the steps and filed in right behind me. There were a few hushed whispers as they settled into their seats and then it was quiet. I was able to relax and get back in to the movie.
And then it began. The man started plunging his hands into the bag of popcorn and I pictured him shoving fistfuls of dripping puffs into his mouth as he chewed loudly, with his mouth open. The child, a little girl, was sitting directly behind me, and soon she began kicking and pushing against the back of my chair. Well, I did one of those looks over my shoulder and they must have motioned to the little girl to stop because things quieted down considerably and I was able to pay attention once again to the movie. Every once in awhile there would be a bump against my chair but I was pretty focused by this time and hardly noticed. Then the man jumps up and heads out to the concession stand for free refills. When he returns, the whole scenario repeats itself. Not only do I glance over my shoulder, I turn completely around and look at the little girl and then the man and woman. The man completely ignores me while the woman looks at me with shifty eyes.
Not wanting to say anything, I decide to move. I plan to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. I stand to gather my things and the little girl begins shouting at me to sit down, that she can't see. By this time, everyone in the theatre has their eyes fixed on me. I am so embarrassed but what do I do? I say out loud to everyone, "I'm sorry, but she was kicking my chair!" People started grumbling. "Shut up lady! Sit down! We can't hear the movie!"
I had noticed during all of this fracas that the seats behind them were empty so I moved quickly and sat down, but not before I could give the little girl a stern evil eye. She started crying to the man and before I knew it he was standing on his feet reaching toward me. I had not yet placed my lemonade in the holder and as I held my hand up for protection the cup went flying, splattering everyone within twenty feet. He then reached down and hit my bag of popcorn out of my hands as if it were a volleyball.
By this time, someone had called for the ushers and as they climbed the stairs I said, somewhat under my breath, "It's about time. These people are insane!" Even in the darkness of the theatre, the ushers could see my eyes bulging, my face red and flushed, my body shaking and they grabbed me! They grabbed ME and practically carried me out of the theatre. I began struggling and shouting and soon found myself being pushed through the exit, out into the cold. My breath was so hot it steamed up the door as I looked at them shaking their heads. I kicked at the brick wall and screamed under my breath. The tears in my eyes stung from the cold as I ran to my car. I jumped in and turned on the ignition and the heat. After a few minutes I looked up and caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror. I stared at my reflection and slowly, very slowly, began to smile. This was followed by a slow-motion wink and I heard myself say, "Well, helloooooo Spitfire!"
ampoule, March Eighth, TwoThousandEight