Loneliness

[PrinceMyshkin]

Where does it come from? Do you believe you suffer from it sometimes worse than other people do?

Have you found ways of dealing with it? Things that you do? Conversations you have with yourself?

Would you prefer to have tons of pretty good friends or one or two really close ones?

[Redzeppelin]

I think loneliness is one of the most devastating of human experiences - it is one of the reasons that people will often turn to very dangerous habits and relationships in order to avoid it. We are relational creatures (created to be so) and it is relationships that ends up being one of the most vital things that people must have - otherwise we begin to die in subtle ways.

Avoid/fix it? Call up a friend. Reach out to someone. Pray. Post on Lit Net.

[Bakiryu]

Yes, loneliness Is quite common. I believe I do suffer from him worse than everybody I know, they seem so happy and superficial and shallow. When I'm feeling lonely I write, surf the net, text a close friend. I would prefer to have two true friends that numerous pretenders. But even friendship can't stop the loneliness....

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think loneliness is one of the most devastating of human experiences - it is one of the reasons that people will often turn to very dangerous habits and relationships in order to avoid it. We are relational creatures (created to be so) and it is relationships that ends up being one of the most vital things that people must have - otherwise we begin to die in subtle ways.

Avoid/fix it? Call up a friend. Reach out to someone. Pray. Post on Lit Net.

This rather more personal note from you is a welcome surprise to me - and in that sense something of a relief to the loneliness I was feeling when I began this post.

Prior to this all of our exchanges have been in my view adversarial, as between two alpha males engaged in a fight to the death. Thank you for showing another side of yourself.

Although, at the risk of reviving our futile debate, I wonder if your advice to me to "pray" comes with a gleam of mischief, as if you were pointing a starving man to an empty pantry...

[Annamariah]

Have you found ways of dealing with it? Things that you do? Conversations you have with yourself?

I've been home alone for a week now, and I definitely HAVE felt quite lonely at times. (Though I do that a lot even when my whole family is here...) When I'm alone, I usually listen to music most of time (maybe sing along, too). It's a great way to fill the silence that otherways soon becomes devastating. I write long e-mails about everything and nothing in special to my friend. I hang around litnet pretending to have a social life :D

For some reason I cry very easily when I'm alone. I don't think it's because of feeling lonely, but more because you don't have to worry about what others think if you cry, since they're not seeing it.

[motherhubbard]

Loneliness was once a big problem for me, but now I feel like I know myself better and like myself very much so I don’t get so lonely. I have just in the past couple of years made really close friends. That was something I lacked, though I did have some people I knew and liked, I couldn‘t really share myself with them. For the most part I like to be away from most everyone. I much prefer to be out here on my little pseudo farm with only my close friends and family. In fact, sometimes I’d like a little loneliness. Four kids home in the summer…. I’d settle for being able to just go to the bathroom alone and without interruption.

[Pensive]

Where does it come from?

Spending time in the company I dislike. Or when I am hurt. And yes, there are times when it's illogical too.


Do you believe you suffer from it sometimes worse than other people do?

I don't know. But usually, it's not a big problem for me. Of course there are exceptions as well...


Have you found ways of dealing with it? Things that you do? Conversations you have with yourself?

Yes. No.

Actually, when I get busy in something or think about the ones who have been good to me, it is sometimes vanished, at other times, it's too adamant to leave me that I have to go along with the flow and it only vanishes following her own choice.


Would you prefer to have tons of pretty good friends or one or two really close ones?

Having very close friends is a blessing, and one of the best things that can happen to someone I believe.

[Bakiryu]

I've been home alone for a week now, and I definitely HAVE felt quite lonely at times. (Though I do that a lot even when my whole family is here...) When I'm alone, I usually listen to music most of time (maybe sing along, too). It's a great way to fill the silence that otherways soon becomes devastating. I write long e-mails about everything and nothing in special to my friend. I hang around litnet pretending to have a social life :D

For some reason I cry very easily when I'm alone. I don't think it's because of feeling lonely, but more because you don't have to worry about what others think if you cry, since they're not seeing it.

You're lucky I think. I can't leave my house 'til I'm eighteen. My parents work from 6 am to 9 pm or later. I have nothing to do but write.

However, I find it very hard to cry, in public or in private, I know this sounds heartless but I didn't even cry when my grandma died. :bawling:

[Virgil]

Let me say that it is not uncommon for adolescents to feel lonely, melancholy, and even depression. I don't know if it has to do with hormone changes, brain structure changes, or whatever else transitions us into adulthood. These adjustments are very stressful, whether you realize it or not, and can lead to feelings of alienation. (By the way, this is dramatised wonderfully in J.D. Salinger's The Catcher In The Rye, and I recommend reading it.) So I want younger people to realize part of what's going on is natural and biological. I remember in my late teens and early twenties having feelings of melancholy and not fitting in. Certainly loneliness is a real thing, but the feelings get accentuated for younger people.

I'm not sure, but it may also be accentuated at the opposite age scale, the elderly. But I'm not as sure there. Haven't reached that yet. ;)

As to what to do about, friendships and family are so important, and I hope you can reach out and cultivate a friendship. People on lit net are so friendly and certainly an exchange of emails can provide some personal dialogue. But real human contact is more important, so i would urge you make friends in school or church or sports activities. If you have feelings of loneliness over weeks time, you should talk to your parents or a teacher that you trust.

[motherhubbard]

Virgil, that was a wonderful point. I think it's hard for young people to realize that their peers feel the same way, even when they look happy. That is for the most part. I do believe that some people (writers for example) tend to think deeper and feel stronger than say someone who's head is full of bubbles.

[Countess]

Where does it come from? ?

Excellent topic. For me, it stems from the desire to understand and be understood by others, and the despair from its rare occurance.


Do you believe you suffer from it sometimes worse than other people do?

Yes.


Have you found ways of dealing with it? Things that you do? Conversations you have with yourself? [QUOTE]

I daydream and relate to my characters.

[QUOTE=PrinceMyshkin;411691]Would you prefer to have tons of pretty good friends or one or two really close ones?

Just a friend would be nice. I have people I spend time with, but they live on a different plane of existence than I do, so the invisible barrier is there (I think I serve their needs, though, so I don't mind it. Sometimes its demanding, however, when I'm tired and giving out what they want/need while nobody is refilling my inner repository. If you don't undertand that - well - there's a perfect example.)


I do believe that some people (writers for example) tend to think deeper and feel stronger than say someone who's head is full of bubbles.

ROTFLMAO! I love you Mother Hubbard, in a completely platonic way, of course. :lol:

[Annamariah]

You're lucky I think. I can't leave my house 'til I'm eighteen. My parents work from 6 am to 9 pm or later. I have nothing to do but write.

However, I find it very hard to cry, in public or in private, I know this sounds heartless but I didn't even cry when my grandma died. :bawling:

It's not often that I get to be here all alone. I mean, I'll turn 19 this summer, but I'm planning to live at home as long as I'm studying in Helsinki, because it's very expensive to live alone in this city... Now I got to stay home alone, because I was working while my parents and little brothers were travelling and my older brother was in London. I'd like to be alone more often, since this house is usually very crowded and noisy and it's difficult to find any peace. I had to read for my matriculation examinations at nighttime (after 23:00), because I simply couldn't concentrate when everybody else was awake.

I cry maybe too often... I can cry when I'm tired, sad, angry, lonely, I cry when I read books or watch movies... For me it's easy to get tears in my eyes in almost any situation :p Sad, isn't it? :bawling: :D

[Visionary3]

I have wondered about this for decades. There may be some psychological componants buried beneath conscious memory...rejections as a child, rejections as adults that lie deeper than one will admit to but the longing to be understood and feeling it just isn't there enough of the time makes me feel lonely. I feel lonliness keenly and have not found others I know who seem to.
I would rather have a few close friends but have learned to settle over the years for many interesting but not close friends.
Maya Angelou once said "Music is my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to lonliness." I can crawl into activities of many kinds at times, music, art, reading, writing, even gardening to fill the dark despair of my true feelings, but it doesn't always work and I mourn my life alone at times.
More recently I have begun to find comfort in the poetry of Hafiz and one of his poems I read just last night called Forgive the Dream said in part, All your images of winter I see against your sky. I understand the wounds that have not healed in you. They exist because God and love have yet to become real enough to allow you to forgive the dream.
And I am thinking perhaps the importance I attatch to my feelings is a dream and my longing for I know not what is for God. And that closeness to him cannot ever be fulfilled on this earth so I will always feel lonely, like being parted from a dear friend.

[PrinceMyshkin]

And I am thinking perhaps the importance I attatch to my feelings is a dream and my longing for I know not what is for God. And that closeness to him cannot ever be fulfilled on this earth so I will always feel lonely, like being parted from a dear friend.

But imagine how much lonelier it must be to be God, if there is such a thing.

He listens in on the world that he created and hears or sees nothing but those who have turned their backs on him or in some cases even hate him. Worse than that, perhaps, there are those who profess to know and love him but know him only according to their limited human intelligence, their needs, their fears. They worship 'Him' but they do not see him, ever, as he truly is.

If he is.

[Riesa]

Excellent topic. For me, it stems from the desire to understand and be understood by others, and the despair from its rare occurance.

well said, Countess. I have to agree. The loneliest I've been has been self-induced though, out of a misguided desire to face the world whether I have the skills to or not, kind of a 'set-me-down-in-the-middle-of-the-jungle-see-if-I-can-survive' sort of inclination. so I have ended up self-isolating, for example...rushing off to a foreign country to live for a year or two without speaking the language...sounds great and adventurous until faced with the inability to really communicate with those around you...brings me back to "a desire for communication or 'communion' which goes unanswered thereby causing loneliness."

interesting topic, myshkin.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I have heard it said that there can be no loneliness deeper or more debilitating than to be in an officially intimate relationship where there has ceased to be or never was true intimacy, which I have read defined as the wilingness to be vulnerable. Imagine two people living behind the same front door, sleeping in the same bed, going through the motions of making love, and yet they are or might as well be indifferent strangers.


ROTFLMAO! I love you Mother Hubbard, in a completely platonic way, of course. :lol:

Please define "completely platonic" as distinct, perhaps, "mostly platonic" or "quite a bit platonic..."

[MaryLupin]

There is only one time in my life where I think I can classify that time as “lonely” but I am not really sure.

Here is how dictionary.com defines “lonely.”

1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.

I don’t feel 1 or 2 for sure. 3 only if the definition really means “without living human company.” 4 (or at least the “remote from…” part) I have been a good deal over the years but those times never felt desolate or bleak. I am not even sure what 5 really means because all towers must be embedded in rock or they couldn’t stand. All you have to do is feel your “feet” to know that you are not apart at all.

Ok…so maybe this doesn’t make sense to you, but I mean it literally. There has never been a time when I could not feel the world whirling in my chest and so I have never been alone. Not once since my birth.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There is only one time in my life where I think I can classify that time as “lonely” but I am not really sure.

Here is how dictionary.com defines “lonely.”

1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.

I don’t feel 1 or 2 for sure. 3 only if the definition really means “without living human company.” 4 (or at least the “remote from…” part) I have been a good deal over the years but those times never felt desolate or bleak. I am not even sure what 5 really means because all towers must be embedded in rock or they couldn’t stand. All you have to do is feel your “feet” to know that you are not apart at all.

Ok…so maybe this doesn’t make sense to you, but I mean it literally. There has never been a time when I could not feel the world whirling in my chest and so I have never been alone. Not once since my birth.

I kind of expected your exprience to be about as different from mine as it could possibly be. And it is...The best I can do at the moment to describe mine is that if there were personalized versions of Descartes' "Je pense...," mine would be either "I communicate, therefore I am" or "I am heard, therefore I am..." and loneliness for me is, often, the feeling that I am NOT heard...therefore I am not? Loneliness, for me, is the sensation of not being fully alive.

[MaryLupin]

"I communicate, therefore I am" or "I am heard, therefore I am..." and loneliness for me is, often, the feeling that I am NOT heard...therefore I am not? Loneliness, for me, is the sensation of not being fully alive.

I communicate therefore I am.

Yes, I get this. I think this is the core of every social species. It is certainly warp thread of humanity. Which means...it is also mine. The difference, I think, might be who can be the Other in the necessary conversation. I think for you the Other must be human. (Please correct me if I am wrong, I'm feeling my way around in the dark.) This is not so for me. Not for anything I have done or learnt, but just as a birth right--I have ears that hear light and skin that feels love. They never turn off either. Which has caused me some considerable pain. Controlling that is at the root of my obsessions. I wrote a poem about such an experience once...trying to use words to create the experience for someone.

[Visionary3]

[QUOTE=PrinceMyshkin;411801]But imagine how much lonelier it must be to be God, if there is such a thing.

My father told me as a child that God was lonely and that's why he created the human race.

Just for the sake of discussion say the God of the bible is real. Then he would have angels but they are more like his servants. He would have everyone who ever went to heaven there with him for company. However if He is so much more intelligent than any of them He might could feel lonely because of that. ? ? ?

[applepie]

For me lonliness comes from a need to have others recognize me, not in a look at me kind of way, but in the sense that I am real to them with feelings and thoughts not just part of the passing scenery. I often feel as if I'm in a room of people but no one can see me for who I am, but I don't think I feel lonliness more profoundly than others. I don't mind the lonliness in my life and I tend to find contentment with my family to whom I'm never invisible. I've coped with lonliness by learning to enjoy solitude and I now crave the moments where no one in the world is aware of me. This is often when I get my best ideas. One or two close friends is enough for me. More than that and it becomes more of a hindrance because to be a good friend you have to give up the precious commodity of time. I don't have enough as it is, so I'm content to have only a limited number of close friendships. I am not against having other freindships that are just as real but not felt as deeply. I still care, but when I think of my closest friends they have been with me for years and are more an extension of family. It isn't something that I give lightly and it is for life, good or bad.

[formality hater]

I rarely feel lonely.If you have a sound mind,you have the best companion.
Let your imagination flow-thats the trick.:thumbs up:

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think for you the Other must be human. (Please correct me if I am wrong, I'm feeling my way around in the dark.)

Yes, absolutely. And when the other IS human and recognized by me as such then neither he/she nor I is/am other. For it is others, insofar as I preceive their humanity, who have made and continue to make me human insofar as I am or ever will be.

[MaryLupin]

Yes, absolutely. And when the other IS human and recognized by me as such then neither he/she nor I is/am other. For it is others, insofar as I preceive their humanity, who have made and continue to make me human insofar as I am or ever will be.

So you find your humanness reflected in the intensity of "sameness." "Look! There I am in you."

I find my humanness reflected in the intensity of "difference." "Look! You are so different from me."

I like that.

[Annamariah]

The worst loneliness isn't really when you're completely alone without any other people in sight. The loneliest moments in my life were at school, where 500 other people were happy with their friends and I was the only one who had no one to talk to.

[Pensive]

The worst loneliness isn't really when you're completely alone without any other people in sight.

Exactly!


The loneliest moments in my life were at school, where 500 other people were happy with their friends and I was the only one who had no one to talk to.

And sometimes even when you have people to talk to, or you are talking to someone because you have to be in that social gathering or something like that, you can feel lonely. Loneliness has always not got anything to do with whether there are people around you with whom you can talk or not.

[Annamariah]

And sometimes even when you have people to talk to, or you are talking to someone because you have to be in that social gathering or something like that, you can feel lonely. Loneliness has always not got anything to do with whether there are people around you with whom you can talk or not.

That's true. It's not just about having someone to talk to, but it should be someone who you really want to talk to and who wants to listen to you. If talking seems to be meaningless, it does very little to ease the lonely feeling.

[motherhubbard]

The worst loneliness isn't really when you're completely alone without any other people in sight. The loneliest moments in my life were at school, where 500 other people were happy with their friends and I was the only one who had no one to talk to.

Very good point. Isolation and loneliness seems more common in a crowd.

I hadn't considered that my physical isolation had contributed to my loss of loneliness.

[Tuesday]

Does anyone else think that life without other humans would be perfectly meaningless? Just think about it...how many of your dreams, your fantasies and your goals in life have something to do with other people?

In my case I'm pretty sure all of them, even those who don't necessarily have anything to do with social contacts on the surface level. And it doesn't really matter what the driving force behind your ambitions is, whether it's compassion or friendship or pride and vanity. Somehow it all has something to do with having contact to other humans and making an impression on them.

If there were no other humans, no one to talk to, no one to impress, no one to hate, no one to love...why even care?


On level a little less philosophical: I think with loneliness comes despair and that's quite dangerous. I've experienced this firsthand when I moved away from my hometown after finishing school to work and study. And I basically hated the job from the first week on, really. I realized very soon that all of this was a mistake and that this career path would lead me nowhere. I just wasn't the right person for this job. But I had invested a lot of money and time in this, so I was very reluctant just to call it quits and walk away from it.

I guess this in itself isn't so much of an extraordinary situation. Everyone experiences such hardships in his life, and not only once. The special problem I had, though, was that I had no one to talk to. I didn't want to talk about it with my parents because I didn't want to admit that I had made a mistake and that had I failed. I didn't have my friends around me and only talked to them on the telephone or on the internet every once in a while. And I really treasured those few hours!

But most of the time I was miserable. And the more miserable I got, the worse the situation became. Each day I had to force myself to get out of bed and go to work just to waste another 8 hours of my life in boredom and pain in this hated cubicle and with these hated people. And all of this made it very difficult for me to reach out to other people and to meet new persons and make new friends. It was a vicious circle, a perfect example of a downward spiral. There's nothing as bad as coming home after work and having nothing to look forward to but the next day and with it the next 8 hours of crap - sorry to put it so directly.

Situations such as this are the best way to acquire some kind of obsessive disorder, no matter if it's alcoholism or binge-eating or anorexia. Somehow your body will find a way to soothe the pain and compensate for all the frustrations. Sadly this only makes everything worse.

Looking back at those months spent in depression and anguish and dismay makes me realize how important my friends and my family are. I guess sometimes you have to learn your lessons the hard way. As cheesy as it may sound, I will never again in my life compromise my dreams and my real ambitions for some small desires, because I never want to feel like this again.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I haven't noticed you on here before, so WELCOME.

And if your posts are always as lucid and articulate as this one I'll be looking eagerly forward to them.

[Virgil]

Looking back at those months spent in depression and anguish and dismay makes me realize how important my friends and my family are. I guess sometimes you have to learn your lessons the hard way. As cheesy as it may sound, I will never again in my life compromise my dreams and my real ambitions for some small desires, because I never want to feel like this again.

Unfortunately Tuesday we only learn such lessons the hard way. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

[Pensive]

Does anyone else think that life without other humans would be perfectly meaningless?

Yes. When I was little and I would ask my father to take me to a friend's house and he would say no I would tell him that how other friends' fathers also took them there. Then he would say, "If everyone else jumps in a well, would you do the same?"

And in a jokey manner I always replied: "What would I do alone if everyone would be gone, so I should better jump in the well to accompany them there."

[dramasnot6]

There are many types and degrees of loneliness one can experience. I find loneliness can occur even when you are surrounded by friends and family, if you feel like no one understands or can relate to you, you can be lonely on the inside even when it does appear so on the outside.
Virgil brought up a good point about adolescents earlier.

[Redzeppelin]

This rather more personal note from you is a welcome surprise to me - and in that sense something of a relief to the loneliness I was feeling when I began this post.

Prior to this all of our exchanges have been in my view adversarial, as between two alpha males engaged in a fight to the death. Thank you for showing another side of yourself.

Although, at the risk of reviving our futile debate, I wonder if your advice to me to "pray" comes with a gleam of mischief, as if you were pointing a starving man to an empty pantry...

Thank you for your kind words. Perhaps you and I have more in common than you think. Your post resonated strongly within me.

No - the "pray" is sincere; I was responding more to the question than the questioner. God hears all sincere prayers - no matter whom they're from.

[NikolaiI]

I think life would be pretty unbearable without friends. I mean without friends ever. I've been fairly alone lately and in the somewhat near future am going to be VERY alone for a long time, but I haven't felt lonely. I think it's all in the state of mind. If you have a rich enough imagination, you might be able to overcome the feeling of loneliness, even if you are alone. Then again, you might become schizophrenic.

I think it was Cl. Graff in Ender's Game who said that isolation breeds genius. But obviously it can also make people insane. I think if you have never had close relationships then you will be pretty bad off, if I didn't have the friendships I've had, life would be so much different.

I don't think life without other humans would be meaningless; I think it would be very, very different, but to be honest, I think it would suit me. It's hard to say. The only way you could survive something like that is if you were able to completely let go of your previous life. Which would be hard.

So basically I think if you are feeling lonely try to find some comfort in whatever you can, and try to look at things positively. Remember your friends.

Oh, and I am definitely in the second category of whether I would like lots of pretty good friends or two very close friendships. I think the latter is better for you.

-Oh, and Nietzsche once said something interesting about people who feel pleasure and pain. I forget how he worked up to it, but what he said was that all moments were identical. I think he said basically, 'people have not yet realized that all moments are identical, whether pleasure or pain,' etc.

[the silent x]

nikolai, you said that isolation breeds geius or you may go insane, i'm not to sure the geniuses of this world are truly sane, they all seem to be crazy in some way, shape, or form.

on the topic of lonliness
to me there is physical lonliness, "i am sitting at home wiht no one here and nothing to do,
then there is mental lonliness, "i am alone in a crowded room"
I experienced both of these in grade and middle school. in grade school, from first grade i wasn't like in a small 25 students per grade level porokial school. reputations are formed there and never leave you until you leave that school. 1st grade until 8th grade, i was the outcast, i sometimes referred to myself as The Lone Wolf. i would be the kid who was picked on outside on recess, often times sitting and playing with my transformer guy while the other kids played basketball and soccer. me against the world with no friends. in second grade a girl named tiffany grabbed my hand on the way to the bathroom, we held hands everyday afterward, then she left before 3rd grade, so my moment of non-solitude was ripped away. i think it was in my 8th grade year that i started to hate people, i stopped mingling with people, i also lost a lot of confidence in myself, so i didn't want to ask a girl out to the dance because i figured she'd laugh at me, reject me just like everyone else, in other words, it sucked. i fell inward becoming the recluse you see here, lonliness and verbal torture are some of the most scarring and lasting thigns out there, the phrase,"sticks and stone may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." is the farthest thing from the truth.

to live with two friends, or several fakes, thats a hard question. the several fakes, won't try to barge in on your business, when you want to be alone so you can think to yourself when your moody, they won't bother you. and lastly there's less of a chance that all of them aren't going to be home.
the fakes, try to get into your life, try to figure out what makes you tick, and most of all, they won't let you sit down to think, they want to know wahts wrong. i don't divulge my secrets to even those that i'd trust with my life, you never know where loyalties will lie in 2 months. and only two friends increases the possibilty that they will both be gone on the same day and you'll be back at square one.

if anyone wants an example of how untrusting i am, my dad took me to a counselor to see if i was "depressed", after the first session, she came right out and said to me and my dad. "i know that half the stuff you told me isn't true, and the stuff that is true isn't revealing about how your mind thinks. you are very good at hiding yourself, either you need to trust me or there's no more use fo ryou to come."

[NikolaiI]

i can relate to a lot of that. i had problems at school, too, and some moments were very awful, but i had a good childhood, in fact i was deliriously happy to be on the bus on the way home, so i usually forgot about what had happened that day at school. i guess it was in sixth grade my problems in school were bad - i was failing, and so i had to go to school for up to two hours every time i had a missed assignment, it was some sort of make up thing. i forget what it was called, but i didn't like it, if you understand, and one time i was in inschool suspension for a week, and that was also unpleasant...i mean, i experienced bullying and stuff but it was never a terrible problem for me. at school, i mean. i was bullied by other people, like my mother, for instance. and the reason school was bad for me was because it tied into a horrible custody battle that went on from when i was 10 to 14.

just relating, i guess. i won't tell you the rest of my life story heh.

i think your counselor was a bad counselor demanding trust like that. she should have listened and talked with you and not made judgements..unforgiveable.

they say you shouldn't judge people (or really trust them for that matter) because what people do isn't base on their character so much (that is, just because they've always been one way won't mean they won't be another) as to the current circumstances. i think it was debated for a few decades until they decided it was a mix of both, but the principle applies. i hope you had a good childhood though, because i really did until a certain time, and it was fairly important to my growing up. then i went through a few years of turbulence, some hell and some heaven.. i was lucky to have good friends; i always have had good friends..

that's a nice story about you and that girl. i never had a girlfriend until the ninth grade, and have only had one or two since, but one time in the first grade this girl i had a crush on chased me down in the playground and kissed me, and that felt incredibly good...lol, a friend of mine told me once when i related that to him that sexual activity for a first-grader indicated some kind of abuse.. i'm not sure about that, though. who knows.

um, anyway. thanks for writing.

[Stieg]

When I am feeling lonely or a soc, one remedy to beat those innerblues is warm up to a book or take in a movie or go shopping.

[motherhubbard]

Loneliness was once a big problem for me, but now I feel like I know myself better and like myself very much so I don’t get so lonely. I have just in the past couple of years made really close friends. That was something I lacked, though I did have some people I knew and liked, I couldn‘t really share myself with them. For the most part I like to be away from most everyone. I much prefer to be out here on my little pseudo farm with only my close friends and family. In fact, sometimes I’d like a little loneliness. Four kids home in the summer…. I’d settle for being able to just go to the bathroom alone and without interruption.

so much for that. I'm lonely. But I don't really mind the lonely part, I just wish I could be alone while I'm lonely. There is nothing like kids crawling all over you to add a bad mood to loneliness, and that really ruins it!

[wilbur lim]

Loneliness makes one intimidated of doing or perceiving anything.Visualize if I am all alone in my house,there will be convulsive spasms as I would keep wondering if there is a ghost.

[Mr Hyde]

I'm lonely but also poor. I'm afraid I don't have enough money to buy any friends or to buy a lover being that relationships in modern era is so tied up with money.

( In today's world the type of relationships one is in is so tied up with the accumulation of wealth.)

I don't like being lonely but then again I'm not economically viable to be in any relationships either. ( Life is a cruel b*tch.)

[Scheherazade]

I'm lonely but also poor. I'm afraid I don't have enough money to buy any friends or to buy a lover being that relationships in modern era is so tied up with money.

( In today's world the type of relationships one is in is so tied up with the accumulation of wealth.)

I don't like being lonely but then again I'm not economically viable to be in any relationships either. ( Life is a cruel b*tch.)I don't question your claims to being poor, of course, but I would like to say that you can simply stay away from the kind of friends or lovers who needed to be "bought" and go for the more "down-to-earth" and wholesome relationships in both your social and romantic pursuits.

Otherwise, I find your suggestion kind of a cliche.

[Mr Hyde]

I don't question your claims to being poor, of course, but I would like to say that you can simply stay away from the kind of friends or lovers who needed to be "bought" and go for the more "down-to-earth" and wholesome relationships in both your social and romantic pursuits.

Otherwise, I find your suggestion kind of a cliche.

I've never met genuine "down to earth" people.


Otherwise, I find your suggestion kind of a cliche.

Why would you say that?

[AuntShecky]

There seems to be a notion that "loneliness" is necessarily a bad thing. It is true that quiet, introspective types tend to -- to use the cliché of often used to describe criminals --"keep to themselves." Sometimes, though, a person can be his or her own best company. There are times when solitude is good, perhaps ideal. Being alone with one's thoughts can often inspire creative
action.

On the other hand, medical experts say that having friends or relationships can lengthen a person's life. But "friends" -- fair-weather or less casual variety -- may make tacit demands upon a person, because engaging in any relationship carries its own measure of responsibility and stress.

Concerning relationships, it may be better to stay single than to get involved with a person who is emotionally destructive. In that case, it's "better to burn than to marry." Do you think that the high rate of divorce in the U.S. has anything to do with societal pressures to get married and to have a family?

[Scheherazade]

Why would you say that?Because I believe/think so? ;)


There seems to be a notion that "loneliness" is necessarily a bad thing. It is true that quiet, introspective types tend to -- to use the cliché of often used to describe criminals --"keep to themselves." Sometimes, though, a person can be his or her own best company. There are times when solitude is good, perhaps ideal. Being alone with one's thoughts can often inspire creative
action.
Hear, hear! I enjoy being alone/lonely; almost never complain about it. There is so much to do while on my own but, unfortunately, for me it is a luxury that is becoming more and more rare.

[hoope]

loneliness.. somtimes becomes better than having many ppl around u that dnt even understand u .. or ppl who speaks another language that us..
its hard for them to feel us.. help us.. care about us..
when we always give them the priority in our life.. and we r nothing but an option in there's... Being lonely .. to me is sometimes much better .
As most of my life i was.. Family that don't know if u even exist.. friends that never ask about u ..
It sucks yea.. So i decided to live alone.. i only care about myself.. I only love myself.. i only support myself..
And then i got a new friend.. that is BOOKS.. they became the best friend i ever had.. though they can't talk.. but atleast they can hear me.. when i speak to them.. i write inmy diaries.. & i keep reading novels when am really upset.. (instead of talking to someone.. )

Loneliness becomes more like an inside cage that we chose to put ourselve in instead of facing ppl...


this is my point of view.. & i understand if u disagree with me.

[blazeofglory]

Loneliness is something everyone has in life, and there are differences between loneliness and aloneness and the firmer has to do with something your inability to adjust oneself to a particular circumstance.

[hoope]

Loneliness is something everyone has in life, and there are differences between loneliness and aloneness and the firmer has to do with something your inability to adjust oneself to a particular circumstance.


man ! U R A Philosopher..
so will please explain what is the difference between Loneliness & aloneness?

[wilbur lim]

l
And then i got a new friend.. that is BOOKS.. they became the best friend i ever had.. though they can't talk.. but atleast they can hear me.. when i speak to them.. i write inmy diaries.. & i keep reading novels when am really upset.. (instead of talking to someone.. )

Loneliness becomes more like an inside cage that we chose to put ourselve in instead of facing ppl...


this is my point of view.. & i understand if u disagree with me.

Books,ah,it is sublimely stupendous to have the love of books.Innumerable people have hitherto said that books are their acquaintances which is the optimal one,and I accede.Books are the duplication of the person who get the possession of them.And books have blank pages,and you cited everything you want to in the book.You won't feel lonely and miserable with books.That is a great way to feel occupied.

Loneliness is something everyone has in life, and there are differences between loneliness and aloneness and the firmer has to do with something your inability to adjust oneself to a particular circumstance.That is genuine,blazeofglory.

[blazeofglory]

man ! U R A Philosopher..
so will please explain what is the difference between Loneliness & aloneness?

In point of fact when one has no one to support him or her or even one feels lonely or unaccompanied even amidst a throng of people it is loneliness. It is more of psychological whereas aloneness is a self imposed or deliberate endeavor. When you can feel individuality even in the crowd or if you feel you exist separately as an independent entity that is a state of aloneness.

Some time we say " Leave me alone". It is deliverance and one advancing towards Nirvana. One can not mediate when he or she is lonely for one feels lost but in aloneness one finds himself. In loneliness rapacity prevails and in aloneness ecstasy.

In loneliness you are loser and in aloneness you are a gainer.

[hoope]

In point of fact when one has no one to support him or her or even one feels lonely or unaccompanied even amidst a throng of people it is loneliness. It is more of psychological whereas aloneness is a self imposed or deliberate endeavor. When you can feel individuality even in the crowd or if you feel you exist separately as an independent entity that is a state of aloneness.

Some time we say " Leave me alone". It is deliverance and one advancing towards Nirvana. One can not mediate when he or she is lonely for one feels lost but in aloneness one finds himself. In loneliness rapacity prevails and in aloneness ecstasy.

In loneliness you are loser and in aloneness you are a gainer.

makes sense.. !

[Mr Hyde]

Because I believe/think so? ;)

Uh-huh..........

[Pensive]

I'm lonely but also poor. I'm afraid I don't have enough money to buy any friends or to buy a lover being that relationships in modern era is so tied up with money.

In other words are you trying to imply that a rich man will never feel lonely?

[Mr Hyde]

In other words are you trying to imply that a rich man will never feel lonely?

I'm sure rich people can feel lonely but I'm also sure they have no problem in buying their company.

[SleepyWitch]

I'm with Aunt and Scher.
I'm essentially not a people person but I nevertheless spend lots of my time politely listening to dumb people, doing small talk with dumb people, pretending I'm interested in dumb people's issues, giving advice to (not only dumb) people, so I need occasional doses of solitude. Otherwise I'd go on a rampage and strangle those dumb people ;)
I normally don't feel lonely when I'm on my own because my two brain cells are perfectly happy talking to each other.
I have found it harder to be on my own since I've lived together with my "hubby" though. When I was single, I didn't mind lying around in my bed reading for days on end, but now I get edgy when I don't talk to another human being for more than 12 hours. I suppose it's a matter of getting-used-to.

[mukta581]

loneliness.. somtimes becomes better than having many ppl around u that dnt even understand u .. or ppl who speaks another language that us..
its hard for them to feel us.. help us.. care about us..
when we always give them the priority in our life.. and we r nothing but an option in there's... Being lonely .. to me is sometimes much better .
As most of my life i was.. Family that don't know if u even exist.. friends that never ask about u ..
It sucks yea.. So i decided to live alone.. i only care about myself.. I only love myself.. i only support myself..
And then i got a new friend.. that is BOOKS.. they became the best friend i ever had.. though they can't talk.. but atleast they can hear me.. when i speak to them.. i write inmy diaries.. & i keep reading novels when am really upset.. (instead of talking to someone.. )

Loneliness becomes more like an inside cage that we chose to put ourselve in instead of facing ppl...


this is my point of view.. & i understand if u disagree with me.
You said true hoope, I also like to live alone; I like to spend my all time revelation of every thing. I like to observe about nature. I like to write it’s my friend of loneliness.
“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”