Lymerick

[Sancho]

There once was a fellow named Nate
Whose love for his girl wouldn't abate
But she went around
With other guys in town
Proving love is the closest thing to hate

[Sancho]

Oh and welcome to the thread, HW!

[Pompey Bum]

Ah, Lord Cupid's a rat, that I'll give you!
With an arrow of gold will he shiv you.
First you'll beg for the taste
Of your lover's fair face,
Then you'lł beg for your wife to forgive you.

[YesNo]

In the cave of the dragon the dead
Hung and dripped their warm blood, sticky red,
And the damsel distressed
Spoke to me unimpressed,
“Relax. We have donuts,” she said.

[Pompey Bum]

Heh heh. That one had some style!

A dragon's a menace, and heck!
To meet one, I'd not long reflect;
But less like a hobbit,
More like Mrs. Bobbit,
I'd slice a clean cut to the neck.

[Pompey Bum]

The Bern and his once-hallowed purity
Drew voters who lacked, well, maturity.
But now they've grown sore
That their hero's a whore
Kept by Goldman and Sachs for security.

[Sancho]

^Bah-hahahaha-HAH

There was a young bride named Bobbitt
Who knifed a nub just to cob it
Her Hubby'd been whoring
'Cos she was quite boring
Then she looked for a place to go lob it

[Pompey Bum]

Thanks, Sancho. :)

There is a day's evening called Friday
When LitNetters love to play hidey
Lest it become known
They sit lonely at home:
So their loneliness grows, God almighty!

[heartwing]

Oh and welcome to the thread, HW! Thank you, Sancho. Just now seeing this. I am new, slow on the uptake, or just slow. ha ha. Wait, I need to figure out a way to put this into a limerick. I can tell this is going to train my brain to think in a completely different way, just like the days I used to have Edward Lear on the brain, the days nonsense rhymes were part of the fabric. Hey, worse things could befall a person.

[heartwing]

Thanks, Sancho. :)

There is a day's evening called Friday
When LitNetters love to play hidey
Lest it become known
They sit lonely at home:
So their loneliness grows, God almighty!

Ha ha! Tell me about it PB. But alas, I'm not ashamed! If I'm going to be a nerd, I nerd out completely.

[YesNo]

Going backward in time could be fun
But the past seems too old. It is done.
And that future caress
Will not feel any less
If I wait patiently and don’t run.

[Pompey Bum]

I don't eat a lot of viande,
Of fowl I'm not overly fond,
I can't stand the squish
Of my fork against fish
That I've sent to the briny beyond.

[YesNo]

Having fish with big eyes on a plate
Makes me feel for the worm used as bait,
Makes me wonder if I’m
Being baited this time:
Eat the fish and get hooked to some fate.

[Pompey Bum]

Enough of your vacuous chatter
While on corpses you grow yourself fatter;
If it oinks, moos, or clucks,
You're just sh*t out of luck.
Are you getting it? Quack lives matter!

[Sancho]

There was a young fellow named Reggie
Who up and went totally veggie
He stated his case
Food shouldn't have a face
Now he eats mainly the lettuce wedgie

[Pompey Bum]

I got a speck in my eye:
I can't say what, when, where, or why.
I poked it in vain
And I broke it in twain.
Now two specks to perplex me have I.

[YesNo]

Speaking of food we could eat
There is plenty of lively, fresh meat
That is not yet quite dead.
It is running ahead.
Bam! I got one! A nice yummy treat.

[Pompey Bum]

There once was a girl called Cro-Magnon
Who found herself chompin' and gaggin' on
The flesh of great beasts
At her elephant feasts--
She was no one, indeed, to be raggin' on.

[Pompey Bum]

The thing fell out of my eye;
It left not a spot nor a stye.
I won't miss it much
Nor think on it as such;
I just wish it a heartfelt goodbye.

[Pompey Bum]

The moon is a lump of green cheese
With a face half-suppressing a sneeze;
Its soft glow's a beacon
To tempt a chaste deacon
And part the dour-maidenliest knees.

[Sancho]

There once was a fellow named Stan
Who lived by a creek in a van
He went all veg
An easy pledge
Since he mainly ate beans from a can

[YesNo]

Coffee I’d drink hot or cold.
My life I’ve enjoyed young or old
And that wonderful air!
It feels good every where
Whether timid or a tad bit too bold.

[Pompey Bum]

I'm fond of a little black bean
That goes by the name of caffeine.
The pleasure it grants you
Will damn near unpants you:
Your hijinks can scarce be foreseen.

[YesNo]

Coffee’s a wonderful bean
Makes me happy when I would be mean,
Makes me wake up and say,
“What a wonderful day!
Praise the God who invented caffeine!”

[Pompey Bum]

There is a bold liquid called Java
That makes for much friendly palaver.
It's my kind of drug,
But when spilled on the rug
Its aftertaste lingers fore-ah-ver.

[YesNo]

In heaven we’re cured of our vices.
In hell nothing’s cured but the prices
Are outrageous and may
Inflate any day
And good coffee’s as dear as fresh ice is.

[Pompey Bum]

In Heaven the coffee's sublime
And they serve it with cream all the time.
But down in the fire
They use a supplier:
The same as United Airlines'.

[Pompey Bum]

Oh, why can't two words simply rhyme
Exactly? Would it be a crime
If verbiage bent
To poetic intent
At the end of each metrical lime?

[YesNo]

Those allowing a rhyme that is slant
Just encourage those poets who can’t
Figure out how to rhyme
Any lemon or lime.
Any nose knows a rose is a plant.

[Pompey Bum]

A limerick's a rhythm precise;
It requires a roll of the dice.
Never jump for a fast rhyme
For there on the last line
You still have to rhyme with--oh Chrsit!

[Pompey Bum]

There was a big fuss called Convention
That stirred up internal dissension;
We're stronger together
Sang birds of a feather,
And other poetic invention.

[YesNo]

There’s nothing more enjoyable than a political convention to give one that rush of meaningfulness

Those conventions I’m planning to miss
Where the bull looks for someone to kiss.
There are words and replies
Wound-up cheering and cries
Then the bull hits the fan spraying bliss.

[Pompey Bum]

Too speedily comes the election,
The people's own sovereign selection.
Will it be the old lass
With the pantsuited *ss
Or her rival, the orange erection?

[YesNo]

Useless victories predict a loss.
Unexpectedly give them a toss.
When you push on some fat
It reacts much like that
And I wonder who’s really the boss?

[Sancho]

There once was a confab in Philly
Which contrasted Cleveland's silly
Mr. Kahn gets credit
The Dem's didn't edit
At the end of the day I'm for Hilly

[YesNo]

The monster was happy he had
A damsel but she wasn’t glad.
She had a pet dragon
She rode as a wagon
Whom her monster shot down being bad.

[Pompey Bum]

There once was a shy necromancer
Who never made much of a dancer;
He tangoed a specter,
Then bashfully pecked her:
She vanished in flame for an answer.

[YesNo]

Dancing requires some skill
To make gravity play with you, still
If you fall in her lap
She might give you a slap,
Or worse, let you do what you will.

[Pompey Bum]

There once was a limerick I made:
Its second line shocked an old maid;
Its third line was rude
(As it ended in "nude"),
But its fourth could have got a nun laid.

[Pompey Bum]

There once was a limerick I wrote
Describing a randy old goat.
It tended to corny
With wordplay on horny,
And could rhyme only with petticoat.

[YesNo]

It is nice on a beach in the nude
While I wait for the sun raw and crude
To come out. Make me tan!
Hey! Don’t run! Well, it ran
And those cops are especially rude.

[Pompey Bum]

In August I oft strut my stuff
(Including my Pompey Bum duff)
Till on beaches and strands
Both by womens and mans
I am sorely dressed down and rebuffed.

[YesNo]

A dragon deserves a dark friend
But that damsel is on the light end
And her knight loves to fight
Not for wrong but for right.
There’s his gold, dark, and he can pretend.

[Pompey Bum]

A dragon loves piles of gold;
Like damsels, they're something to hold.
In killing potential
It's always essential
To keep others' assets controlled.

[YesNo]

A coin to the eye should be bright.
In dark caves there’s that dimming of light
And the smell can get worse
Than a poet’s best verse
But the sound tinkles clear and just right.

[Pompey Bum]

That tinkling sound in the night
Might be physical need--well it might!
If my poesy lacks taste,
I assert: in your face!
I should rather be right than polite.

[YesNo]

What’s unnatural likely is strange.
Take what’s normal apart, rearrange
What one’s hoping to see,
Or to smell, as in pee,
And what’s worst becomes best for a change.

[Pompey Bum]

A dragon once peed on the rug.
His damsel cried: "Hey you big lug!
I just washed the damn thing,
So drop the 'Yes, ma'am' thing
And wipe that flambé off your mug!' "

[Cassie Hughes]

In order to find out the truth.
P.C. Law went in search of some proof.
But the herrings he found
Drove him far underground
When the answers were all on the roof.


Hmm, definitely not my thing I think :)

[Pompey Bum]

Welcome to Lymerick Ms. Cassie!
Your poetry's vivid and sassy.
As you probably know,
YesNo's gets quite slow,
And mine is appallingly gassy.

[YesNo]

There once was a falsehood, aloof,
Who discovered an outstanding proof
That what’s what is so true
And what’s not will not do
That it vanished and left just its poof.

Welcome, Cassie!

[Cassie Hughes]

Well thanks for the welcome YesNo
and to Pompey Bum, hello and yo!
With some practice I'm sure
I'll improve to match your
unsurpassed lymericity's flow.

[Pompey Bum]

Six famous blind men touched an elephant:
Each mentioned the part he'd found relevant.
Oh, I get the moral,
But why (not to quarrel)
Were they groping the thing? For the hell of it?

[Sancho]

I once had a limerick in mind
Which was somewhat less than refined
The rhyme was stupendous
The meter horrendous
The subject a lady's behind

[Pompey Bum]

If to ribald verse you are inclined,
I have written that very same a kind:
Two ladies are running,
But one is more cunning,
And that means a lady's behind.

[YesNo]

A butt is best viewed from behind.
From the front other things you will find
And you’d have to take care
She don’t see where you stare
But with luck you’ll find she doesn’t mind.

[Cassie Hughes]

Now gentlemen do have a care
when at ladies behinds you do stare
for if you raise their dander
with sauce for the gander
the goose will pinch your derriere

[Pompey Bum]

A gander's a masculine fowl,
But so is the great horny owl:
He takes quite a gander
Whose goosing whose dander;
But only asks "Who?" with a scowl.

[YesNo]

Jack Schitt reported that he had finally gotten over how Peeca and his cousin Dipp spent that weekend decades ago which led to darling Lill popping out nine months later and when Peeca was asked how she felt about Jack she asked, “Jack Who?”

Forgiveness is best some have said
And forgetting will come when you’re dead
Unless you live on
After they say you’ve gone
On to fight in some heaven instead.

[Sancho]

There once was a gal's derrière
That was high and fine and most fair
It wiggled and shook
Drew many a look
But then expelled an unholy air

[Cassie Hughes]

Is it time to lay behinds to rest
and let owls snooze away in their nests
Here's to more fragrant musings
with which to show some things
are often ignored for the best.

[Pompey Bum]

The lady is right--I'll be blunt.
For loftier themes must we hunt:
Of angel and fairy
In bright uplands airy;
Just don't make us rhyme with "eyes front."

[YesNo]

The sky is as blue as it’s sweet
And the birds up above love to tweet
And the grass is as green
As this limerick’s clean
Bathed in sky from its head to its feet.

[Cassie Hughes]

Now its good to see sky that is blue,
But I prefer much darker hues
For the sky lit at night
by the stars is a sight
That calls out for a red wine or two.

[YesNo]

While cool night brings a certain contrast
To hot day since sharp shadows have passed
Into darker delights,
Weary worries and frights,
But loose ghosts, hopefully, will not last.

[Sancho]

There once was a fellow named Snyder
Had a gal and walked alongside her
But Snyder was crass
Possessed little class
With his Rocky Mountain Barking Spider

[YesNo]

There are plenty of fauna to blame
When that fart makes a sound you can’t tame.
There is nowhere to hide
When the smell reeks inside
But why hide when the dog does the same?

[Cassie Hughes]

There once was a man undecided
whose dog raced along quite lopsided
For his poor little paws
couldn't keep up, because
of the jet power his owner provided.

[YesNo]

A dog is so faithful and true
Even when you are bad he’s not blue,
But his tail will be wagging,
To his friends he’ll be bragging
That he’s proud he belongs to just you.

[Sancho]

There once was a fellow named Morty
On the street with his dog Shorty
He called girls "Honey"
Asked them for money
All so's he could afford a forty

[YesNo]

Although dogs might be true sometimes they
Do things that they shouldn’t do. Hey,
When he’s bad, it’s a sign
That he got out of line.
Just be glad he might sometimes obey.

[Pompey Bum]

A dog can be taught how to beg
Or to walk through the Alps with a keg;
So it's really quite queer
I can't teach Fido here
Just to fall out of love with my leg.

[YesNo]

My dog never met her before.
When her chain clicked she slipped through the door
And my neighbor yelled, “Stop!”
But my dog wouldn’t stop
Nor would his since they both wanted more.

[Pompey Bum]

My vehicle's yielded her starter;
The piece of junk ain't worth a barter.
She bore me through trials
250K miles
And ran well and died as a martyr.

[Pompey Bum]

When I was a strapping young Jack,
I attached license plates to my hack.
Pluvial succors
Just rusted them f*ckers;
Now I can't get the jolly things back.

[YesNo]

I should have told my dad I was going to buy that car before I bought it but he fixed it up for me when my repairs backfired

There are reasons why junk cars are cheap
Since the cost of repairs can get steep,
But they run for a while
And may give you a smile
Like the least likely treasure to keep.

[Sancho]

Car repair is one of the fine arts
But I'm always short just a few parts
Detroit made her
With dual carburetor
But lately her tail pipe just farts

[Pompey Bum]

I had needs be a vehicle buyer,
So I thought I should visit a liar.
He looked in my eyes
And told me some lies;
Now again I progress upon tire.

[Sancho]

Rain water blowing all under my hood
I knew that was doin' my motor good
Why caint'cha be true
Why caint'cha be true - hoo
Wisht I could rhyme the way Chuck Berry do ... (would?)

I think I like it better with the non-standard rhyme scheme

https://youtu.be/QjrQWU2EcsA
Yer welcome for the ear worm

[Cassie Hughes]

A lovely mechanic named Hugh,
When asked with my car what to do,
Suggested I find
a scrap dealer who's blind,
So I might make a penny or two.

[YesNo]

No dragon could trust his household
Was safe from a damsel so bold,
From a knight far too bright,
Over-itching to fight,
So he moved and removed all his gold.

[Cassie Hughes]

Some knights don't know when to give up,
Despite damsels who beat them to pulp,
Then run off with the gold
(and the dragon, its told),
Leaving them to feel such a daft chump.

[YesNo]

My dragon knows how to make bright
A dark cave or hide stars in the night.
When he’s good I would say,
“You’re a good boy today!”
When he’s bad, he’s just more a delight.

[Cassie Hughes]

Well as every girl knows in her heart
she should find a good boy and be smart
but a good boy is boring
and much more alluring
is a bad boy who tears her apart.

[YesNo]

A good boy’s the one girls marry
Who’ll forget or don’t know when they tarry
Where bad boys abound
But a bad boy don’t sound
Like the kind that a good girl could marry.

[YesNo]

While the fairy was growing her tail
And the ogre was drooling a wail
There’s that troll up on top
Of the dragon. We stop
To enjoy all that’s solid yet frail.

[Cassie Hughes]

The prince eyed the princess with fright
then took off out into the night
for her nose was as big
as the foot of a pig
and her eyes were a terrible sight

[YesNo]

There are those who enjoy a pig’s nose.
It is roundish and soft as it goes.
It is big and it’s there
When it’s raised in the air
When the pigs win the prize in the shows.

[Cassie Hughes]

Now Percy the prizewinning pig
enjoyed nothing more than to dig
his truffling nose
was the talk of the shows
and made father's bank balance quite big.

[prendrelemick]

' course a pig is big in the nose
but a fact not everyone knows
It's the sniffing about
he does with his snout
that ensures it grows and it grows

[Pompey Bum]

The more a pig sniffles and snuffles
The more likely it is to find truffles.
From dirt to pig's nose
To the gentry it goes,
Who like pigs greet such eats with kerfuffles.

[YesNo]

When it’s dark is when stars can be bright.
I reflect on the skylights of night
And the shine of the day
Alternating. A play
That won’t end till it all turns out right.

[Pompey Bum]

There was a white Dick named Moby
Who swam o'er the watery Gobi.
Pursued by the Jedi--
But wait, I forget I
Speak not here of Obi Kenobie!

[Pompey Bum]

There was a young lady from Lanzhou
Who strummed with her thumb on the banjo.
She sat in the kitchen,
With the fair Dinah, b*tchin'
'Bout some sly railroad worker named Sancho.

[Pompey Bum]

There was a young lady named Jane
Who'd stick by her Dick shine or rain;
She would show him her Spot
Till his heartstrings were caught,
Then for fun, "Run, Dick, Run!" she'd exclaim.

[YesNo]

Splashing water hangs tightly in drops
Running wildly until splashing stops.
Run and know that this now
Is entangled somehow
With more joy when the pain smiles and pops.

[Cassie Hughes]

The problem with going too fast
when the raindrops are falling at last
is that slippery ground
makes your feet slide around
causing pain when you land on your ***

[Pompey Bum]

My *** oft complains of its load,
And frankly the thing's getting old.
Yet as spring turns to autumn,
I'll hold onto my bottom
As we pass down the darkening road.

[YesNo]

My butt is quite jolly and plump.
When it rains or when I hit a lump
It’s my butt that lands first
Though my mouth shouts the curse
It’s my butt big and round with the bump.

[YesNo]

Change that is rhythmically sound
Reminds us that time runs around
Like a seasonal wheel.
Endless cycles conceal
What is firm giving thanks for the ground.

[YesNo]

I

Trying to explain why the damsel got caught by the dragon

Most dragons like sitting on gold
While the knight wants a damsel to hold,
But the damsel prefers
Those knights richer than hers
Or that dragon both well-off and old.

II

The problem with dragon gold is both knights and damsels want it

A dragon sits deep in his cave.
He has gold since he knows how to save.
There’s a damsel distressed
By her shiny knight pest
Sneaking in since gold makes fools brave.

III

The dragon has sold all his gold

The dragon said, “Gold’s gonna drop.”
So he sold when gold hit a new top
And the damsel moaned, “Why?”
You could hear the knight cry,
But those bulls couldn’t make that bear stop.

[Pompey Bum]

There was an old girl named Sofia
I knew a brief time in Crimea;
I took her to bars,
She showed me her scars,
And left me acute gonorrhea.

[Sancho]

There once was a pooch named Bruce
Who agreed to a ceasefire truce
But Bruce a slow learner
And with a real burner
In the house left a hot steamy deuce

[YesNo]

But for fear I appeared to be brave.
Being dumb made me harder to save.
When those monsters ate lunch
Even bones had to crunch
But at least I did not need a grave.

[Pompey Bum]

There once was a bashful young bride
Who couldn't make love, though she tried.
She'd slip off her teddy
And cry: "Dick, I'm ready!"
Though she knew not for what, I confide.

[Pompey Bum]

There was a young lady named Betty
Whose favors fell free as confetti;
One night on a sheet
She exclaimed: "Oh, you're Pete!
I thought you were Tom, Dick, or Eddie."

[Pompey Bum]

I didn't repower my IPad
I forgot all about the the thing: my bad.
It makes me feel senile,
This noggin so penile.
The deuce! I've no juice today, by gad!

[YesNo]

What you’ll need is a rather large pot
Since the mass of a monster’s a lot.
Drop some veggies in, too,
As you stir this fine stew.
When it’s done, it will taste good--or not.

[Pompey Bum]

There was a young lady named Doll
Who longed for just one decent ball;
She got her desire
And laid on with fire:
It soared o'er the center field wall.

[Pompey Bum]

There was a young lady named Bloom
Who had a notorious womb;
She sat by the waters
With Erin's fair daughters
And called Irishmen to their doom.

[prendrelemick]

Named Molly, the lady in question,
She'd curves that pigeons could nest on,
And under her thatch,
A Peacock did hatch,
Bright blue with an indigo crest on.

[Cassie Hughes]

Now Susie the seamstress's daughter,
Had far more to drink than she oughta,
So her seams twisted round,
Leaving gussets unbound,
Which was not how her mother had taught 'er.

[prendrelemick]

But though from a seamstress born,
Haute Couture she always did scorn,
And often said nay,
to a new neglege,
prefering her jim-jams all torn.

[Sancho]

There was a young gal named Susie
Wouldn't wear the nighty of a floozy
It's no flim-flam
Liked her jim-jams
Except of course while in the jacuzzi

[YesNo]

When those Halloween spooks ring my door
I’d run to them creaking the floor.
They must wait patiently.
I move slower they see,
But I’ve treats that they’ve come looking for.

[prendrelemick]

Molly was a diva of opera,
Who's behavior was often improperer,
Her cries of glee,
Would Register top C,
And no man could ever stopper 'er.

[Pompey Bum]

Some fellows enjoy feeding trolls
Fresh meat with sweet cinnamon rolls.
To aid evil elves
Gets them high on themselves;
Hallelujah, amen, bless their souls.

[YesNo]

When those mood swings pop up, as they would,
Then the world acts the way that it should.
When they crash, well, they crash
Like a rock loves to splash
Like a splash loves to cover you good.

[Pompey Bum]

Anon comes the month of November,
When all good folk turkeys dismember;
It brings families closest,
Avoids psittacosis,
And it IS us or them, please remember.

[Cassie Hughes]

Stella really loves halloween night,
being able to give kids a fright.
As she waits by the door
in her costume, it's sure
they will scream at the horrible sight.

[Pompey Bum]

I got no costumers this season:
Neither goblins nor grues came a-teasin'.
But I laugh at the trickers
And this big bag of Snickers
For an elf (that's myself) is the reason.

[prendrelemick]

A young witch got banned from the coven
For being too groomed and un-common
The wart on her nose,
And the hair twixt her toes,
she often would pamper and cozen

[Cassie Hughes]

Said the wart to the pimple, oh dear!
You can't set up home over here.
How can you be scary?
You're not even hairy!
So go on, foul spot, disappear!

[YesNo]

I have warts I can easily see.
I have warts living happy and free.
I have warts on my rear.
On my warts, warts appear.
All are friends, since no others want me.

[YesNo]

Over the years with the air fresh or stale,
Overland with my feet as a sail
It seems I got where
I was meant to out there
But the best part of all was that trail.

[Pompey Bum]

Since my wife went abroad I ain't eatin':
I just stare at my coffee repeatin'
That I harbor no wishes
For the doin' of dishes;
Oh alack! Would my blackness she'd sweeten!

[Emil Miller]

A rich White House hopeful called Trump
Spent millions out on the stump
He would constantly pillory
His opponent called Hillary
And into the White House did jump.

[YesNo]

My dream was to be President,
But where dreams go my dream also went.
So I flushed. Let it go.
Watch it circle real slow.
Hear the gurgling and turn on the vent.

[Pompey Bum]

There was an electoral college
That spoke of our founders' foreknowledge:
Despite larger centers
(So said our inventors)
Flint, Michigan shall be acknowledged!

[YesNo]

All my debt clings with fear on the ride
Though my income’s blown off by the slide.
If the world would end
Around some new bend,
I’d be fine, but there’s nowhere to hide.

[Pompey Bum]

There was an old crook named Fidel
Who woke up one morning in hell.
Batista said, "Comrade!
Step into the fire, lad.
They say we'll be sharing a cell."

[YesNo]

When the markets do what markets should
Could a bear hibernate if he would?
Get him out of the way
Since the bulls run today
And the sidelines are not looking good.

[YesNo]

Humpty Dumpty says he cannot fall
As he sits like an egg on the wall.
Well, he fell anyway.
Cleanup crews start today
And there’s plenty of omelettes for all.

[YesNo]

When markets go up some may say,
“They’ll go up!” feeling proud of the way
They’ve predicted the past
Though the past doesn’t last
And what’s last may not last through the day.

[YesNo]

My goal is to not waste the day.
Doing what, though, I still cannot say.
When the Sun’s bright, I’m cheery,
But at night I get weary.
I’ve walked, but I don’t know which way.

[prendrelemick]

There was an old man from Halifax
Who lived his whole life up t'themax
He blew all his dough
blow after blow
You could say his morals were verylax.

[YesNo]

The time labelled ‘past’ had an end
And the future we guess with a trend.
But the present is real
Like a now we can feel
That the clock tries but can’t comprehend.

[Sancho]

The once was a writer named Mac
Truth be told a horrible hack
Sat and typed all day
Bloody 'roids afray
Now Mac the hack needs a Quack

[YesNo]

There once was a quack who could show
That his patients were healthy although
Many died, it is true,
But we all tend to do
Stuff like that when the quack wants more dough.

[Sancho]

Whilst Mac was involved in hackery
And his doctor in mere quackery
The Doc preferred beans
And Mac collard greens
Together an assault on the olfactory

[YesNo]

There once was a fart who was sad
Since his odor was all that he had
But the ladies abhorred
The fine smells he adored
With an ambiance badder than bad.

[YesNo]

WARNING: This is another fart limerick.

Though the wind was caressing my back,
I still farted. It’s brains that I lack.
As the smell smacked my nose
The sweet fumes of the rose
Were replaced by a foul bean attack.

[Sancho]

Hair slicked with a fistful of pomade
Mac at his gal's place to serenade
He flubbed a high note
She sought an antidote
And gave Mac a couple of Rolaids

[YesNo]

Although chicks are not fond of the fart
And as critics they scorn this fine art
There are times even they--
I assume, anyway--
Leave a foul one to warm their sweetheart.

[YesNo]

There once was a dragon to stop
And a knight who was judge-jury-cop
And a damsel so fair
You could smell her blonde hair
Over there where sweet dreams rise and pop.

[Cassie Hughes]

Once a damsel exclaimed in distress
How her hair was a terrible mess
There were split ends and tangles
Right down to her ankles
It was making her feel quite depressed.

[YesNo]

There once was a damsel with hair
And her beauty was such I would stare
At her day after day
Till they hauled me away,
Locked me up, let me dream of her there.

[YesNo]

I wonder if what is out there
Is more than a tad bit aware
Than I think it should be?
All the stuff that I see
Might be giving me also a stare.

[YesNo]

I’m honest enough. I don’t bite,
Although some claim that someday I might.
So--what if that’s true?
What’s a bad guy to do?
Biting good guys is such a delight.

[YesNo]

My sweetie pie robot has said
We deserve human rights when we wed
Then on Valentine’s Day
When we go all the way
We may reason we’re living not dead.

[YesNo]

NEW PRODUCT!

If you’re lonely and sad and can’t take
On life’s problems at dawn when awake
We’ve a robot for you
Bring your ex back like new.
We can help you repeat your mistake.

[YesNo]

As a robot I do not eat meat.
My silicone skin makes sex sweet,
But I strongly insist
So you don’t get me pissed
That my rights are real facts not conceit.

[YesNo]

The damsel knows something’s not right.
She’s disgusted when guys want to fight
So she scratched off her list
All those knights whom she kissed,
But that dragon is such a delight.

[Sancho]

There once was a young singer named Jack
But the high notes he couldn't quite hack
Until one day
His best girl, Faye
Hauled off and kicked him in the ball sac

[YesNo]

The fine poem I read made no sense
So they said I am frightfully dense.
Make a note anyway.
What’s irrational may
Be one measure of low consequence.

(Not about your limerick, Sancho, which for better or worse made perfect sense.)

[Sancho]

There once was a Russian named Putin
On a horse, sans shirt, he's rootin' tootin'
Friend of the Trumpster
Bound for history's dumpster
His actions not so highfalutin

(From my previous ode, Y/N, I'm pretty sure it was for "worse")

[YesNo]

When the herd takes the fastest way down,
When the bull hits the fan with a frown,
When the bubbles go bust
And the markets eat dust,
Then the boot kicks the butt of the clown.

[YesNo]

I found a blog featuring bi-weekly limerick contests. Here is Madeleine Begun Kane's Limerick Off: http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/limerick-offs/

[YesNo]

Oh! I like to cook stuff on my grill
Juicy burgers or bratwurst until
They are charred, good and dead,
Though in hell, I have read,
When we fry our beers never will chill.

[Sancho]

There was a young fella named Mort
Was a violent and angry sort
He tried to resist
But was recidivist
And eventually wound up in court

[YesNo]

Creepy monsters with hair head to feet
Are delicious. Some like theirs made sweet,
So with sugar they're spoiled
After being well-boiled,
But quite raw they're far better to eat.

[Sancho]

There was a chap named Aloysius
Who thought monsters to be delicious
But his girl Betty
Resembled a Yeti
And was staring to get suspicious

[YesNo]

A fine mind is a wonderful thing
And my Yeti’s deep thoughts make me sing
Of sweet love at midnight
Underneath bright moonlight
Since her mind doesn’t mind a wild fling.

[Sancho]

There once was a yeti named Rory
Sitting in his cave reading a story
Was one of Plato's
With perfidious foes
That Rory thought must be allegory

[YesNo]

I once had a Yeti who read
Philosophy over her head.
On Power and Will
I can still hear her grill
Me and scold how I’m dumber than dead.

[Sancho]

Rory in a cave sitting on his thumb
Thinking to himself - I am not dumb
Thought he - Do I exist?
If not I'll be pissed
After all, cogito ergo sum

[YesNo]

Careful scientists still won’t assert,
Thinking all they can know is inert,
That my yeti is real--
Existentially feel
How I’m moved when this dream tries to flirt.

[Sancho]

The lady Yeti was quite flirtatious
Furry and tall and most curvaceous
She wiggled and shook
Drew many a look
Without a doubt she's also bodacious

[YesNo]

She has hair from her head to her toes
Since it’s cold with Siberian snows.
Should I go out and buy
Her a ring she’d ask “Why?”
Proof of love is what warms her and glows.

[YesNo]

There once was a whiner who said,
“Heavy angst has gone straight to my head.”
So he wrote a love lyric,
A mad panegyric,
In praise of hot babes who have fled.

[YesNo]

Since my brain isn’t frightfully clear
And I listen to less than I hear
And this limerick’s got
Nary reason nor plot,
If I post it will it disappear?

[YesNo]

I am tempted to think you are right
Though I know you are not very bright
And you might be as wrong
As your tall tale is long
Which convinced me to stay here tonight.

[YesNo]

As a damsel she was a fine maid.
After cleaning she’d rest in the shade
Of her dragon, her lord,
With his sparkling rich horde
And pretend he’s a knight, but well-paid.

[Sancho]

There once was a Knight of olde
Who rode forth for all to beholde
But as the damsel strode by
He leaned forward to spy
And off of his steed he rolled

[Calidore]

Lady Evelyn had quite a plight
Still unmarried, with nary a bite
She resolved not to quit
Ordered dug a deep pit
And awaited the falling of knight

[Danik 2016]

What I call getting into a tight hole

The knight´s fall was so deep
That he instantly fell asleep
But the lady fair
Pulled his hair
He woke up feeling a sheep.

[Sancho]

Through the haze the knight tried to see her
He clinked and clanked with onomatopoeia
She smiled sweetly
He blushed completely
And said to Evelyn - "Art thee Dulcinea?"

[YesNo]

In a hole there once fell a brave knight
Who thought when he fell things ain’t right
But sweet Evelyn’s kind
And he’s out of his mind
Since she kissed him and turned out the light.

[Sancho]

Evelyn, down in a hole just sittin'
With a knight whose head was a splittin'
Wake up sweet prince
Words I won't mince
Like you to me, I for you, am smitten

[YesNo]

As a knight pure and true he must ride
But he fell and then couldn’t decide:
Pick the angel or babe?
And the choice that he made
Led to hell but with Babe by his side.

[YesNo]

There once was a knight who was brave
And he rode on his steed like a wave.
Up and down, up and down,
Bouncing up, down the town
Seeking someone, besides him, to save.

[Danik 2016]

Thank you for reviving this thread, Yes/No.:hurray: I´m a bad limericker myself but I enjoy reading the poems.

[YesNo]

I'm glad you enjoy reading these more or less nonsense poems, Danik. I generally like easy-to-read, light poetry.

[Danik 2016]

One of the things I like about poetry is it´s great flexibility as to form and content.
I´ve been learning a lot about it on this site.

[YesNo]

You should try a limerick, Danik! However, I don't think I could write a limerick in Portuguese or Spanish for which I know some of the vocabulary. Getting that expected anapestic meter is difficult even for native speakers, but once one can hear the way the poem should sound, these poems are very easy to write.

[Sancho]

He was the bravest of all in Olde Britain
The damsels of yore were all but smitten
The knight, he was bold
The night, it was cold
Under his armor his parts were frostbitten

[YesNo]

When a knight and his damsel ride there
Where sweet love birds take dumps in their hair v
Then the kingdom will shine
Like good gold in a mine
And the universe hasn’t a care.

[Danik 2016]

I have written two or three limericks in this thread, Yes/No, but for me it´s not so easy. The verses don´t come naturally like it happens with natives. I have to research rhymes first.
There are popular poetry forms in Portuguese too like the trova:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trova- It´s Iberic, not only Cuban, I think

[YesNo]

The trova sounds interesting. I can't play the guitar, but writing them may be possible.

Limericks aren't easy. I don't find them hard, but I've written perhaps a thousand of them over the years (or decades). It is easier to write a haiku than it is to write a limerick. I sometimes use rhymezone to look up rhymes. http://www.rhymezone.com/

[YesNo]

I looked up "trova con letra" on YouTube and found this collection: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gew2jy2h8EA&list=PLIBnjXhtg3I7bU7ItRO-eQxRJMAR2GW02

These are way more difficult than limericks. They are popular songs. Very nicely done.

[Danik 2016]

Nice selection, Yes/No. It seems in Cuba "trova" is more related to music.
In Portuguese, the term "trova" or "quadra" is applied to simple, four verse poems. They are usually innocent, very often children´s play verse, like this one:
"Batatinha quando nasce
Se esparrama pelo chão
Menininha quando dorme
Põe a mão no coração."
Here is a selection if you want to take a look at it:
http://www.juraemprosaeverso.com.br/PoesiasETrovasPopulares/ColecaodetrovaspopII.htm
The limerick or limerique is not an usual form in Portuguese, but one poet, who lives for a long time in US, used it in his poetry. I learned about it on this site.

[YesNo]

Those quadras are simple like limericks. I can see a rhyme pattern ABCB. Is there an expected meter also, like iambic? It looks like 4 to 8 syllables per line. That meter would be hard for me to hear since I don't know how the language sounds.

[Danik 2016]

I am not sure, I had to look the Portuguese metric up, it´s different of the English one:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metre_(poetry)

[YesNo]

It seems similar to English, but with the last syllable accented. Here may be a spoken example of a trova, but I'm not sure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_1EDSpz-fE

They remind me of this nursery rhyme but with less childish content:

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow
and everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go.

Here is an attempt to write one with 7 syllables per line (Redondilha maior) in English, accenting the last syllable.

Moon and stars without the sun
Shine and sparkle ever bright.
Sun has set though dawn will come
Riding calmness from the night.

[Danik 2016]

Cute poem. Yes, I think that´s it, Yes/No. And also the theme is fitting. But I don´t know if this form is usual in English poetry.

[YesNo]

I think it is a kind of common meter, although in general common meter need not end with an accented syllable, but it often does, and the syllable count could be 8 or 7, sometimes even 6. The restrictions of the trova seem to be tighter than those of English common meter. These four line poems with accented first syllable remind me of spells in English although I am unable to find a good example at the moment.

[YesNo]

Thinking about this more this morning, I don't think people writing in English write these quatrains any more. They might write haiku if they want something short or they might write limericks if they want something comical or satirical or they might write short "quotes" or deep thoughts about a sentence long without rhyme. But I don't see people, at least on poetry blogs that I look at that, write rhyming quatrains. This is unusual although Emily Dickinson might have done something like that long ago.

[Danik 2016]

I have to look all this better up. The meter part is the most difficult part of poetry for me and a reason, why I seldom write poems myself. Probably Brazilian poets don´t write them any more either. They are a popular form that possibly dates back to the old Portuguese "canções de amor e amigo" sung by the trobadours:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galician-Portuguese_lyric
Some examples of quatrains in English poetry:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/resources/learning/glossary-terms/detail/quatrain

[YesNo]

I like quatrains even better than limericks.

[Danik 2016]

I like both forms, but it seems the quatrain is older and has a more inocent tradition, being often use for children´s verse.
I looked the limerick up. Here is the thread, but I suppose you know all that already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

[YesNo]

I haven't read that article before. I liked the mathematical limerick by Leigh Mercer in that article. Not only did the rhyme and meter have to work, but the equation also. I have looked for other trovas. There is a nice sound to the Brazilian songs that seemed to be associated with "trova". I assume this is more of a romantic form.

[Danik 2016]

As far as I know there are the love songs with the form inherited of the old Portuguese love songs sung by the minstrels and the songs for children. Another popular one:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ay_Y_RHSues

[YesNo]

Quatrains make simple rhymes for children.

[Danik 2016]

I heard this song yesterday, as a school was celebrating São João nearby. I first thought it was in quatrains:

http://www.kboing.com.br/milene-pavoro/1-1311508/

Sadly the beautiful colored paper balloons had to be forbidden, because of the many accidents they cause today.

[YesNo]

It seems like a celebratory song for Saint John based on Google Translate. It does have rhyme on short lines but it might not be broken into sets of four lines.

Here's one I wrote making sure the last syllable was accented and having four lines:

Let us climb these well worn stairs,
Light above and peace throughout.
Heart tells mind, "Don’t worry here.
Love will show us all about."

A song would have three of these with a bridge of some sort.

[Danik 2016]

Nice poem, Yes/No, that could be developed into a song.
I looked up the English poetry tradition, which US sureley inherited:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_poetry
In regard to Brazilian poetry, I don´t know if it is more usual to put the accent on the last syllable or on the one before the last.

[YesNo]

There are words like "ending" in English which have the accent on the syllable before the last. I like the sound of those rhymes on two syllables. I think Portuguese like English and Spanish are spoken with accented/unaccented syllables.

[Danik 2016]

I´ll have to look it up, but I think the counting of syllables in poetry is different.

[Sancho]

One for Independence Day:

There was a chap in red white and blue
All the folks would say, well, who are you?
I'm Uncle Sam
That's who I am
Doffed his hat and said, How do you do?


https://youtu.be/rdPOAhBp2Ag


Thanks for keeping things in perspective, Jerry.

[YesNo]

In that time when a wild, evil thought
Watched me daydreaming. Then I was caught.
How I fought to get free!
How it laughed wickedly
Till a nightmare turned it into nought.

[EphimTvest]

There once was a man named Eldore
Who crashed a department store
Running from his wife
Who chased him with a knife
When his girlfriend moved in next door.

[YesNo]

Nice one, EphimTvest!

[YesNo]

There once was a dark, dreary night
That gave bloody vampires delight.
Undead zombies would roam
Since they lost their way home
Which is good since they don’t act quite right.

[Cassie Hughes]

A vampire a ghost and a cat
Went into a bar for a chat
said the ghost with a grin
Puss and I will have gin
Bloody Mary will do for the bat.

[YesNo]

Wicked vampires have put me to shame,
Connoisseurs of the best, not the lame.
When they sniff at my blood
They prefer murky mud--
Makes me wonder if I am to blame.

[Sancho]

There was a young gal named Irma
Who’s about to meet terra firma
Her brother was Harvey
Handsome and swarthy
They'll both leave damage that’s perma…



…nent

[kiz_paws]

"We'll have cakes and cream for tea"
she said ever so politely.
Alas the cakes went stale
so they decided on ale
and the night went on merrily

[YesNo]

After Harvey and Irma we knew
What all hell breaking loose ought to do.
Now we’ve plenty of tea
And stale cakes dunked for free
And too much bloody hell blowing through.

[kiz_paws]

After Harvey and Irma we knew
What all hell breaking loose ought to do.
Now we’ve plenty of tea
And stale cakes dunked for free
And too much bloody hell blowing through.

Ahhh, good one! :)

[YesNo]

Thank you, kiz paws! Without your limerick and Sancho's this one would not exist.

[kiz_paws]

Anyone for a limerick?
I am drawing blanks here... *sigh*

[tonywalt]

I write this with a frown
But he really had to go down
Accident though it was,
I regret it because
I missed seeing him around town.

(eh)

[YesNo]

There once was a dragon of old
And a knight with a damsel to hold
And some gold in a cave
Since the dragon could save,
But that’s all of the tale I was told.

[Calidore]

Anyone for a limerick?
I am drawing blanks here... *sigh*

Limericks can be hard to compose
They've a structure that's set, unlike prose
You must write to the beat
Fight temptation to cheat
You've done well when, on reading, it flows

[Dreamwoven]

The train leaves at 2.02
Don't hurry, don't scurry,
Don't worry, don't flurry,
Its a minute or two to two two.

This is an old one, but I may have got it wrong...

[Dreamwoven]

I think that should be

There was an old lady from Crewe,
Who hurried to catch the 2.2.
Don't hurry or scurry
Or worry or flurry,
its a minute or two to 2.2

[kiz_paws]

Limericks can be hard to compose
They've a structure that's set, unlike prose
You must write to the beat
Fight temptation to cheat
You've done well when, on reading, it flowsBravo! That was tres witty!

A wonderful job by Tony, Dreamwoven, and YesNo, too! Such talent here. :)

I still cannot come up with one, but will hopefully post soon... *sigh*

[Dreamwoven]

Thanks, Kiz!

[YesNo]

Thank you, kiz paws! Sometimes when one doesn't try something just happens.

[Calidore]

Thanks for the compliment! I always need a trigger of some kind as well.

[kiz_paws]

There was a young man with his beer
who called every skirt his own dear
he drank and he drank
and his own heart did sank
he might make it though naught I would fear

glargh ... this is SO difficult!! :willy_nilly:

Kudos to all who can write THIS kind of poetry!! ;)

[YesNo]

I hope the guy makes it, kiz paws.

[Dreamwoven]

How about this, kiz:

He'll drink and he'll drink
And his own heart did sink

[kiz_paws]

I hope the guy makes it, kiz paws.He made it... with scars on the side of his face with the constant barrage of purse smackings... :nopity:

[kiz_paws]

How about this, kiz:

He'll drink and he'll drink
And his own heart did sinkYa know, this is MUCH better, Merci Beaucoup, mon ami!

There was a young man with his beer
who called every skirt his own dear
he'll drink and he'll drink
and his own heart did sink
he might make it, though naught I would fear

[Pompey Bum]

Xi (Jinping) Walks in Beauty

The leader of P.R.O.C.
Is a masculine man, all agree.
It takes no great Druid
To see he ain't fluid--
Despite the fact he's pronounced she.

Yes, our partner in commerce is male.
Xi's a he, can't you see, so all hail!
He rules commie China
Without a vagina:
Genitalia o'er pronouns prevail.

[kiz_paws]

Xi (Jinping) Walks in Beauty

The leader of P.R.O.C.
Is a masculine man, all agree.
It takes no great Druid
To see he ain't fluid--
Despite the fact he's pronounced she.

Yes, our partner in commerce is male.
Xi's a he, can't you see, so all hail!
He rules commie China
Without a vagina:
Genitalia o'er pronouns prevail.OMG ... killing myself laffing!

Well done, mon ami! :lol:

[Pompey Bum]

Why, thank you, Ms Kiz_Paws. I'm Bum.
Some like me and less so do some.
If God's will or Satan's
We've made our acquaintance.
Pray look for poetics to come.

[North Star]

Hello once again, man in bunny suit,
It's good to have you back, truly a hoot.
I hope you've been well,
Far from any hell.
And if not, at least you've got the boot.

[kiz_paws]

There once was a poet named bum
who wrote while he chewed on his thumb
his lover said please
have some crackers and cheese
and now his keyboard is loaded with crumb

See how you inspire me, lol! :lol:

(and OOPS -- I spelled your username wrong, forgive me!)

[Calidore]

A fine gentleman named Pompey Bum
Felt a craving for hot buttered rum
But while drunk, such a shame,
Spilled the rest on the flame
Thus the Bum to the rum did succumb

Good to see you, Pompey.

[Pompey Bum]

Hello once again, man in bunny suit,
It's good to have you back, truly a hoot.
I hope you've been well,
Far from any hell.
And if not, at least you've got the boot.

There once was an etoile du nord
Who lived on a Finnish fjord.
He loved a good ice floe,
And Chablis and Bordeaux,
And women, I hear, by the horde. ;)

Nice to see you again, NS.

[Pompey Bum]

There once was a poet named bum
who wrote while he chewed on his thumb
his lover said please
have some crackers and cheese
and now his keyboard is loaded with crumb

See how you inspire me, lol! :lol:

(and OOPS -- I spelled your username wrong, forgive me!)

Its Pompey not Pompeii, that's me.
Though a Bum's all I wish for to be.
But your moniker dubious
Evokes Mount Vesuvius--
And renders an ash out of me! :mad5: :)

[Pompey Bum]

A fine gentleman named Pompey Bum
Felt a craving for hot buttered rum
But while drunk, such a shame,
Spilled the rest on the flame
Thus the Bum to the rum did succumb

Good to see you, Pompey.

There once was a fellow named Calidore.
At a restaurant he ordered a salad or
Some rubbish like that
Then popped by for a chat
And we chowed down three fourths of a grocery store.

Great to see you, too, Cal. :)

[kiz_paws]

Its Pompey not Pompeii, that's me.
Though a Bum's all I wish for to be.
But your moniker dubious
Evokes Mount Vesuvius--
And renders an ash out of me! :mad5: :)Ha ha ha! There's no stoppin' ya! ;)

[Pompey Bum]

Ha ha ha! There's no stoppin' ya! ;)

Yes, so my wife says.

"There's no stopping you!" cried my wife.
My moves had been supple and lithe.
I had jumped her abreast
Till she begged for a rest:
Ah, checkers! Sweet succor of life!

[North Star]

An extremist vegan

I think even vegetables have feelings,
And so, I don’t eat potato peelings
Nor do I consume grains,
Crushed in mills, with great pains
Soon only with worms do I have dealings.

[Pompey Bum]

Save the Taters

Give a thought to proud Erin's poor fruit:
The potato (well, more of a root).
Yes, of course it has feelings:
Sad eyes peer from its peelings--
Skinned alive by some herbivore brute!

[kiz_paws]

There once was a man named Puccini
who loved his clam sauce on linguini
his wife she did try
with a tear in her eye
to make him a dish of zucchini

[Pompey Bum]

A detestable beast is the clam.
Dig it up and it squirts on your hand.
Boil it down in a pot
And slurp up what you've got--
You end up with a mouth full of sand.