Your criticism please.

[lallas]

The lonely man

I'm just a sad, lonely, little man
Who refuses to grow up.
I wish the world could understand.
I wish they could drink from my cup

I'm just a sad, lonely, little man
Whose heart's been crushed to dust.
Who is the person that will help me?
No one is obligated. Nobody MUST!!

I'm just a sad, lonely, little man
With nowhere left to turn.
Will I wonder aimlessly forever?
Or is there somehow I can learn?

I'm just a sad, lonely, little man
With a secret that's bigger than tall.
Why do people want to find me out?
Don't they know they can't know it all?

I'm just a sad, lonely, little man
With masks that fill my shelves.
Which one shall I wear today?
Oh!The one that shows people themselves.

I'm just a sad, lonely, little man
And that is what I'll stay.
Because when people try to get near me
I somehow push them away.



Please let me know what you think and feel.

[ihrocks]

Lallas,

I cannot tell you how much a relate to this poem!

"With masks that fill my shelves.
Which one shall I wear today?"

I lived that way for years, but I'm done with masks now. They will never help you find happiness. I hope you find the courage to live without them one day.

ihrocks

[lallas]

This was something I wrote quite some time ago. My dealings with masks are over (for now). Hopefully, I never have to go back to utilising them again!!

[Dyrwen]

Good rhyme scheme, kick *** theme... Can't find anything really too wrong with it.

Nice original work.

[Stanislaw]

I liked it. The masks were a part that reminded me of my younger days. I think alot of people have that problem.

Good Work!

[fayefaye]

mmm... I liked it, but the repetition of the first line got a little tired after a while. Other than that, good.

[psilosopher]

I'm not going to go line by line, since I think a lot of the other comments say waht I want to say, but if you've got all sorts of neat rhyming you might consider carrying the repetition by using the form of the villanelle - it allows repetition to sound good, like in Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle into that good night." If you change the refrain to "I'm just a sad, lonely, little old man" then you'd have the Iambic pentameter that the villanelle requires as well. Good luck!