Changes

[litlover]

Crows call, and evocations wing
On windsong into smoky air.
Trees rustle their auburn raiment,
Shivering boughs cast hissing umbrage -
The dross of sun days fall.
Death in life creeps eerily
Amongst the thinning crowns, ending,
Suspending tree-time 'til Spring
Semaphores, on lissom limbs
Another year's compliance.

[naegling]

Some lines in this are scintillating.

Shivering boughs cast hissing umbrage -
The dross of sun days fall.
Death in life creeps eerily
Amongst the thinning crowns, ending,
Suspending tree-time 'til Spring

This central section is a poem in its own right. Brilliant.

But then I have problems with other bits.

For example, can an evocation really wing on windsong; anything with auburn in autumn is too well worn, and lissom is a poets' cliche.

I must stress that these are personal preferences and that I am a novice poet, and what I think is wrong with this poem is far outweighed by its qualities.

Naegling

[litlover]

I'm a novice too, Naegling, and accept the review as true and useful. Sometimes the spell of words runs away with us and sense floats out the window. Your take on this is relevant and accurate and thank you for taking time to read and reply. I will take a look at those abstract bits and see what I can do with them.

Thank you for the read and taking time to consider this.

LL

[B-Mental]

I like this one, semaphores is an excellent word choice bringing the visual to me.

You should read 'Old Torn Nightie' by Naegling, one of my fave.

[litlover]

Thank you, B. Mental. Very grateful for the read, and yes, semaphores seems to be the right word there. Glad you noticed it.


LL

[NikolaiI]

A poem called Changes - of course I'm going to have to read :-)

I see a lot of layers of beauty in this. My apologies for not being able to express that better; there are some poems which really seem to have so many layers, and this one does. Thanks for this, it's really great. :)