Ham sandwich is your midnight lover. Parallel consciousnesses.
J
Ham sandwich is your midnight lover. Parallel consciousnesses.
J
Hey there J!
What an amusing story-within-a-story. I say that because, it's a coming of age story that we all know well, but the story of the father telling his son the story is also a story, a preparatory one. Warning his son about life.
I love how the two stories play together, weaving intricately, with a great deal of wit.
That is difficult to do with a controversial subject. We're often left groaning, and thinking, 'Not again,'. Here, however, we're able to muse and enjoy the contemplations.
I'm afraid there is one line that made me wince, however.
''He was laying down and flicking his tail boredly.''
Sadly, ''boredly'' is not a word. I've often wanted to use it, too. I would replace it in this instance with either, ''...flicking his tail, bored.'' or, simply replacing, ''boredly'' with a word like, ''restlessly''... I'd prefer the latter, for flow purposes, myself.
I'm sorry for the nitpick, but it really stuck out to me.
Anyway, this really is a wonderful piece. I quite enjoyed it, and wish I had read it sooner.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. ~Oscar Wilde.
Oh! Thanks for reading, everyone. Sadly, not much can be done about your critiques, because this post is so old (8 months) that it can't be edited. There are definitely more than a few typos in there, but c'est la vie. C'est ma vie.
J
It's a good story Jack. It might get more attention in the short story forum. I didn't notice it either as I rarely look at this forum.
Thanks, dude.
Who cares, though. This poster has decided not to contribute his efforts here anymore.Originally Posted by jajdude
Was going to try to just do critique/feedback for a while, but this reader is no critic, that's for sure, and doesn't want to be. It doesn't make sense to him to just be here for giving feedback. So that's all over.
So now it's just the odd post thrown at the wall here and there, about any topic, much like random insertions into a conversation.
J
Say it isn't so.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. ~Oscar Wilde.
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