Maybe Starr is wearing a green shirt too after all!Originally Posted by starrwriter
Maybe Starr is wearing a green shirt too after all!
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
I have to share this joke, if only because without a doubt it's the worst joke ever. I read it today in the Daily Record - a national newspaper here in Scotland:
A bank clerk by the name of Patti Wack is behind the counter one morning when a frog hops in. It comes to the desk and says "I'd like to apply for a £20,000 loan please." Patti looks a bit shocked and then says, "Certainly, could I take a few details first - what's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," replies the frog. "I'm Mike Jagger's son."
"And what will you be putting down as collateral?" asks Patti.
In reply the frog produces a tiny pink porcelin elephant. "This is my collateral," it says.
Patti is even more confused and calls for the manager and explains the situation. "I just don't understand it," she says.
In reply the bank manager says:
"It's a nick-nack Patti Wack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."
I'm really sorry, but I felt compelled to share it - misery loves company.
Putin visits a school in Russia.
He makes his speech and in the end he asks if anyone has any questions?
Vova stands up and asks three questions:
1. Why is Hodorovski imprisoned?
2. Why do most people in Russia live in poverty?
3. Why are human rights constantly being violated in Russia?
Putin thinks what to answer but then the bell rings and students go out of the class.
When the next lesson starts, he asks , if anyone has got any questions.
Petja stands up:
1. Why is Hodorovski imprisoned?
2. Why do most people in Russia live in poverty?
3. Why are human rights constantly being violated in Russia?
4. Why did the bell ring 15 minutes earlier?
5. Where is Vova?
*
Graduation at a catholic nunnery school.
The abbess asks the girls who they want to be.
Sister Ann: I want to become a teacher.
Abbess: Good, good, my child. Teacher is a very good and godly proffession. And you, Maria?
Sister Maria: I want to become a doctor.
Abbess: Yes, very good. Doctor is also a very good profession. ANd you, sister Mary?
Sister Mary: I want to become a prostitute!
The abbess faints. When she comes around, she asks: What did you say?
Sister Mary: I want to become a prostitute!
Abbess: Thank God! I heard: "protestant"
If you believe even a half of this post, you are severely mistaken.
The Hydrogen atom was wearing a green shirt.
Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
You might have heard this one before.
A man was walking down the street and he passed a mental asylum. He heard all the inmates shouting "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" The asylum was surrounded by a tall wooden fence, so out of curiosity he looked through a hole in the fence to see what was going on. Then he got poked in his eye! As he was running away, he heard everyone shouting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Hwæt! We Gar-Dena in geardagum,/Þeodcuninga þrum gefrunon,/hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon!
Oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,/ monegum mægþum, meodosetla ofteah,/ egsode eorlas, syððan ærest wearð/ feasceaft funden; he þæs frofre gebad,/ weox under wolcnum, weorðmyndum þah,/ oðþæt him æghwylc þara ymbsittendra/ofer hronrade hyran scolde,/gomban gyldan. Þæt wæs god cyning!
You should be. It's MICK Jagger, not Mike Jagger. I'm going to start calling you Zippy the Pinhead.
Q:Why did the hydrogen atom wear a green shirt?
A:Because it thought green shirts were funny, but hydrogen atoms have no sense of humor.
On the contrary, Hydrogen atoms are almost as funny as Helium atoms and we all know how funny those are...
Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
He's Mike to his friends!
hey the hydrogen atom was wearing a red shirt today...with yellow sunflowers(DUH!)
and it did luk funny...yea...walkin hand-in-hand with the helium atom that wore a blue pink shirt...
btw are green shirts really funny?
And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
So I turned to the Garden of Love,
That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.
ok I'll tell you a joke that I heard recently:
a bull and a lion were playing cards. suddenly the lion looks at the watch adn says:
lion: I have to go now because my wife is waiting for dinner.
bull: oh common, you're afraid of your wife, what kind a man are you?
lion: well my wife is a lioness not a cow like yours.
the chief of police calls one of his officers and gives him two euros. he says:
CH: here are two euros, one is for my newspaper and the other one is for my hamburger.
Of: yes sir.
while going down the street he was keeping the newspaper euro in his right hand and the hamburger euro in his left hand and he kept repeating which one is which until he forgot. the officer comes back in the station without buying anything...
CH: *screaming* where is my newspaper... and my hamburger?
Of: I am so sorry sir but as I was going down the street I forgot which euro was for the newspaper and which one was for the hamburger.
CH: *screaming* YOU STUPID... now I can't remember either...
I like this one!
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging
violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God,
please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big
arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours,having
almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God,
please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! God gave
him a rowboat, strong arms and strong legs, and he was able to row across in
about an hour after almost capsizing twice. Seeing what happened to the
first two men, the third man prayed,"God please give me the strength, the
tools and the intelligence to cross this river." Poof! He was turned into a
woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked
across the bridge.
Hwæt! We Gar-Dena in geardagum,/Þeodcuninga þrum gefrunon,/hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon!
Oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,/ monegum mægþum, meodosetla ofteah,/ egsode eorlas, syððan ærest wearð/ feasceaft funden; he þæs frofre gebad,/ weox under wolcnum, weorðmyndum þah,/ oðþæt him æghwylc þara ymbsittendra/ofer hronrade hyran scolde,/gomban gyldan. Þæt wæs god cyning!
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."
A smart *** guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
I have a plan: attack!
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
I have a plan: attack!
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