day in a life

I just walked my son to school and now I am home, hoping he is still as happy as he was when I left him. He was very excited. I am in my kitchen waiting for my coffee to boil on the stove and listening to my favorite radio show. I'm gonna go to school later on to buy the rest of my books. I started reading Rousseau and I am enjoying it, he described his childhood in a very blunt and interesting way.

I wonder about this feeling of being unique. That is how he talks and he probably was but I wonder, isn't this a feeling most people have. As kids and adults? I do think so because most feelings we think we are the only people in the world to feel are the most common ones. Often I think nobody could ever understand me and then I talk to my brother or my friend, or come on here and read peoples thoughts and realize that I am not alone in this world. I went to a concert this summer, one of my favorite artists, an American named John Grant. He talks a lot on his concerts and it was so odd when he said things like 'you walk into the local store and you see the ONE person you don't want to see' he was talking about Denver and that is A LOT bigger than Iceland so it's more common here to meet someone you don't want to. I live in a town of about 23 thousand people. I was with my friend in the biggest supermarket in town and a lady walked past us, I could feel my heart start racing and I was in the middle of a story and it was hard to continue. I moved so she couldn't see me and tried to finish what I was saying but I just wanted to cry. I am not a crier, but at moment like these I just need a deep breath to get myself together. I thought I was the only person screwed up enough to act like this but Grant wrote a song about it.
Anyway this lady is my best friends mom, well she was my best friend 16 years ago. She was divorced and very troubled, she invited me to go with her and my friend to Mallorca when I was 15. She was drunk most of the trip and on the last night they got into a fight because my friend didn't want to go see her dad but the mom said that she needed a break from her (very mean) than she said 'Helga is lucky her dad is dead since your dad is so awful' nobody has ever said anything this disgusting to me. When we got home we met a few times and talked on the phone but I just couldn't go over to her house so I stopped seeing her.

I It's been 16 years and this still has a major effect on me. This is a problem in a small town and the bigger problem is that there are more people like this. People I don't want to see. This woman is though the only one I get into a panic when I see her.

My brother and I often talk about Vulcans. In Star Trek they are a race that can suppress emotions. Sometimes it would be nice to be a little bit like Mr. Spock. Instead of being upset just say 'interesting'. Life throws things at you and it can be hard to except some of them and let them go. I am sure this lady doesn't even remember what she said but I do.

I am thinking about making a better schedule for me and my boy for this semester. I want to make sure I get enough time to read but I don't want it to change things or give me less time with my son. I am very lucky though, there is a woman his best friends mom, she is very very nice and we get along great. She is also in school so we decided to try and cut down the cost a bit with the after school care system. The boys can be at school playing 'till four o'clock but that is very expensive. Anyway, I am gonna take her boy home once a week so she can finish school and study a bit and she is gonna take my boy once a week so I can study. They love this plan cause they are great together but both like being alone and not in a big group. So he needs to be in school 'till four twice a week and she takes him once so I take him home early 2 and on Fridays I'll pick him up early and try and spend some time with him. I hope I can use as much time as possible to read so I can spend my free time with him without feeling guilty.

Well 'that's life' like the man said.