Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[prendrelemick]

Why are we heterosexual again?

In my case this woman must share some of the blame.

[The Atheist]

Personally I blame our less than wise brothers who make a habit of being found out.

I wonder if it's secretly the alpha male coming out in those types - they actually want to be caught to show off that they A,can do it and B, get away with being caught.

In my case this woman must share some of the blame.

And mine!

Even at 70, she still looks great.

Best looking Dame in history.

[soundofmusic]

Cunning.

It's a small one with no carry strap or anything. No problem at the allotment as I have voluminous pockets. Anywhere else I'll be able to conceal it about my person very carefully from Mrs Paulclem. I like to have pockets, though her uncanny intuition and sense of smell may find me out.

I was only going to pop a bit in the coffee. Imagine being ejected from a swanky coffee shop though for hip flask misdemeanors. I would be disowned - or worse.

Perhaps you should carry a medicine bottle filled with your favorite liquors for the fancy coffee shops; tell them you're taking quinine for your heart

Australian homage to Ricky Ponting ;

As I was going up the stairs
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away.

On the subject of Xmas I asked Mrs J what she would really like more than anything. She thought deeply for about two seconds and replied " A widow's pension "

I know that fellow; he's been about since Christmas. I thought it was my dear departed second Mr Sounds; but the other day he grabed my backside firmly (something, while alive, Mr Sounds would never do)
Tell Mrs Jocky, from a lass that knows, that no matter how good it looks on the onset; having the man is better than the pension. I've noticed that since Mr Sounds has not been about the lawn tends to grow faster, the plumbing is cantankerous and all the neighborhood aged drug dealers are asking me for dates.

Paul,
Back when I was living from the flask, I came up with a brilliant idea to conceal it.
Clad the flask in leather in such a way that it will appear as a wallet.
When Mrs P gives you the suspicious eye each time you take a snort, quickly shove the flask under your nose, breath in and say "I love the smell of fresh rawhide. Would you like a sniff my darling?"

.

Didn't Mrs. G ask for a peek inside a nice fat wallet like that

My mrs P's psychic abilities are flawed, she "knows" I'm up to something, when I'm not (honest.)

I think men are always "up to something"; it's just that they have a different meter than we ladies. For instance, I recently had a nice long talk with a former girlfriend of my former boyfriend and found that she was meeting him for drinks during the same time that I was dating him. Now his meter had a zero guilt rate; where my meter is pushing 50%

She's two steps in front of you, mate!

You only subconsciously intended to get up to something and she stopped you before your brain could bring it to the front.

Some woman, that.

I wonder if men are more spontaneous than women; perhaps we are smelling the phermones cooking before they rise to the occasion...

It is all part of the male tragedy. Personally I blame our less than wise brothers who make a habit of being found out. For my part, in the court of male indiscretions, Mrs jocky has never been able to prove anything, and boy has she got psychic abilities.

I always wonder why men ask us to prove our suspicions; we have tried and convicted you already Besides, I have never known a man to admit to anything even when the evidence is staring him in the face

Maybe Sounds can help us understand from a woman's perspective...?
Do you sense this reply Sounds?
.

Thank you Gilliatt...I've tried to make a few points.

In my case this woman must share some of the blame.

Actually, that is another brilliant device by men: they throw out the occasional hot female for all of us to attack so that we become distracted by the matter at hand.

I wonder if it's secretly the alpha male coming out in those types - they actually want to be caught to show off that they A,can do it and B, get away with being caught.

Unfortunately, there is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who shows her a good time and then, in the midst of all that happiness, dumps her for another woman

[The Atheist]

Unfortunately, there is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who shows her a good time and then, in the midst of all that happiness, dumps her for another woman

Yes, I used the fact that women love the bad blokes most of all to my advantage for many years!

[prendrelemick]

I wonder if men are more spontaneous than women; perhaps we are smelling the phermones cooking before they rise to the occasion...:

If by spontaneous you mean unorganised, then I am a very spontaneous kind a guy.

Actually, that is another brilliant device by men: they throw out the occasional hot female for all of us to attack so that we become distracted by the matter at hand.

Now of that we really are innocent, We need no ulterior motive to look at a beautiful woman - its hard wired, like a woman looking at shoes.

[jocky]

I always wonder why men ask us to prove our suspicions; we have tried and convicted you already Besides, I have never known a man to admit to anything even when the evidence is staring him in the face

As Mrs J always says to me " Why can't you be more like that nice Mr Ewan, he treats his wife like a real lady. " I never have the heart to tell her that Mrs Ewan's nickname is the Floosie of the Glen. The moral being that women do not like their men to be shining paragons. As Atheist points out they are quite comfortable with our little quirks, which can be ruthlessly exposed when their mood takes.

Sorry to hear about the second Mr Sounds.

[soundofmusic]

Yes, I used the fact that women love the bad blokes most of all to my advantage for many years!

Did you wear a leather outfit and spin out on a motorcycle...you must fill us in on the details

If by spontaneous you mean unorganised, then I am a very spontaneous kind a guy.

Now of that we really are innocent, We need no ulterior motive to look at a beautiful woman - its hard wired, like a woman looking at shoes.

Well, actually, I kind of meant those acts that bypass the brain entirely; goes right from the hormone firing to the organs involved...

It's not the looking that makes us ladies bare our fangs; it's usually after the young lady has literally been "thrown to the curb". When she is still the object of our mens fancy, we spend all of our time trying to figure what witchcraft she possesses

As Mrs J always says to me " Why can't you be more like that nice Mr Ewan, he treats his wife like a real lady. " I never have the heart to tell her that Mrs Ewan's nickname is the Floosie of the Glen. The moral being that women do not like their men to be shining paragons. As Atheist points out they are quite comfortable with our little quirks, which can be ruthlessly exposed when their mood takes.

Sorry to hear about the second Mr Sounds.

That is the problem with women, while men understand the concept of the "girl you marry" and the "girl you kick up your heels with"; women are always trying to make one man cover all of her bases

Thank you Jocky.

[jocky]

That is the problem with women, while men understand the concept of the "girl you marry" and the "girl you kick up your heels with"; women are always trying to make one man cover all of her bases

Which brings us neatly to the ' Forsyte Saga ' by Galsworthy. Soames and Irene were doomed from the start as the chemistry was never there. Now Irene was a strong individual as opposed to a rich no mark and she realised that a relationship based on puppy love would never work. At least in our new reality women do have a choice ' use em and abuse em ' For goodness sake Soundo don't tell anyone I have read a book, they might get the wrong idea.

[prendrelemick]

Yes, look at Fleur, she married that rich and titled bloke (sensible girl,) but had a fling with young Jon first.

Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.

[The Atheist]

Did you wear a leather outfit and spin out on a motorcycle...you must fill us in on the details

Ooh no, nothing so stereotypical. I always found completely ignoring a chick worked wonders.

Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.

And the gold ring on the finger is like a pound of Spanish Fly behind the ears.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.

Ooh no, nothing so stereotypical. I always found completely ignoring a chick worked wonders...

For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".

.

[The Atheist]

For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".

.

I had an interesting experience in a 1963 VW. The back seat springs were a bit worn and one day, during a workout more strenuous than the car was used to, smoke suddenly started filling the car.

Two naked people jump out, followed by the billowing smoke.

After 10 seconds or so, it was apparent that nothing was actually on fire, so, having thrown on enough clothes for decency, I investigated.

The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.

[Paulclem]

I had an interesting experience in a 1963 VW. The back seat springs were a bit worn and one day, during a workout more strenuous than the car was used to, smoke suddenly started filling the car.

Two naked people jump out, followed by the billowing smoke.

After 10 seconds or so, it was apparent that nothing was actually on fire, so, having thrown on enough clothes for decency, I investigated.

The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.

Or were you just hot! ....sorry...

[jocky]

Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.

" Ey up, Elsie there is that young Mick, He just looks like Warren Beatty in his green wellies and blue boiler suit. "

[jocky]

For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".

.

Or the Dallas Police does Gilliatt.