Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?

....In the meantime, here is a teaser:

I have to say, its a bit shorter than I expected.

Oh no, it's much longer.
That was just a teaser to give you a sense of where this thing is headed and to motivate the poets in submitting their final entries.
New poets are welcome to join in.
(God, this hotel life is really getting to me !)

.

[jocky]

Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.

I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined.
There's still time to send in a few more lines!

I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?

In the meantime, here is a teaser:


A Cold Ale Blokes Production
In association with
Flat Earth Poets Society

Presents

"SHE STOMPS TO CONQUER"

A Christmas play in the manner of Goldsmith


Dramatis Personae

Bigfoot Foote
Madam Foote
Little Feete (Madam and Bigfoot’s children)
Cousin Yeti
First Clown from Scotland
Marry the Second Clown from Scotland
Yorkshire Minstrel
Van Trapp Singers
Village Idiot
Uncle Skookum
TBRC

The Flat Earth Poets:
J=Jocky; P=Prendrelemick; PC=Paulclem; G=Gbrekken; G=Gilliatt TVZ= Townes van Zandt (Lyrics to Pancho and Lefty)

Act I
Scene I

(Setting: A small clearing among towering Loblolly pines and Sweetgums, somewhere in East Texas near the Louisiana border. Black Capped Chickadees are heard flitting about plucking seeds from pinecones, a Blue Jay periodically interrupts the Chickadees industrious foraging with their obnoxious squawks, armadillos struggle to augur the stiff January ground in search of grubs and nuts. Good ole boys can be heard in the distance whoop’n an holler’n an firing guns in a drunken mêlée. It is winter, “The Winter of our Discontent”. The musky odor of gigantopithecus permeates the whorefrost suspended in the crisp dawn air.)

(Two clowns from Scotland enter the clearing. Marry carries a cricket bat and spies a hollow log)

Marry the Second Clown:
There was a young dude.........

.

Gilliatt, " A thing of beauty is a joy forever "

...and that's when Shane Warne rings the doorbell. It seems one of them has sent him a text message.

He would be greeted with a nice glass of really warm lager.

As you seem to be the only decent poet amongst us perhaps you could pen the epilogue.

The Best Ever, is nothing to do with statistics - its about impressions.

So, for me
Bowler - Joel Garner
Batsman - Viv Richards
All Rounder - Ian Botham

I am a child of the 70s in case you hadn't guessed.

Hard to argue with your choices though I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen. On the subject of all rounders it is always worth mentioning Richie Benaud. I never saw him play but if his game was anything like his commentary then he must have been a giant. A real gentleman and a sore loss to the world of cricket.

[prendrelemick]

Sorry, can't resist.

M. There was a young dude from Mafaking
FC. Enough of your Lim- rick- ing
M. Who told all the world he could sing
FC. Hold! enough of that din
M. But alas every note
FC. I would not give a groat
M. Was like a young stoat,
FC. For what hies from your throat,
M. Being flung from a fell Berber's sling.
FC. And the rest is silence. -Thank god.

FC. hush now we approach the Bigfoot's lair
(Exuent, persued by a bear)


Scene two. inside a cave. A kilted BF is hoovering around Mrs BF's feet.


Mrs BF. That'll teach you to make hay on forbidden lawns.

[jocky]

The best laid plans of mice and men
do often go awry.

Enjoy your play Bye Bye.

[The Atheist]

... I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen...

Did he what!

I saw players fall asleep while he walked back to his mark. At smaller grounds, like Eden Park, his run used to start halfway down the players' tunnel.

[Paulclem]

Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.

I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined.
There's still time to send in a few more lines!

I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?

In the meantime, here is a teaser:


A Cold Ale Blokes Production
In association with
Flat Earth Poets Society

Presents

"SHE STOMPS TO CONQUER"

A Christmas play in the manner of Goldsmith


Dramatis Personae

Bigfoot Foote
Madam Foote
Little Feete (Madam and Bigfoot’s children)
Cousin Yeti
First Clown from Scotland
Marry the Second Clown from Scotland
Yorkshire Minstrel
Van Trapp Singers
Village Idiot
Uncle Skookum
TBRC

The Flat Earth Poets:
J=Jocky; P=Prendrelemick; PC=Paulclem; G=Gbrekken; G=Gilliatt TVZ= Townes van Zandt (Lyrics to Pancho and Lefty)

Act I
Scene I

(Setting: A small clearing among towering Loblolly pines and Sweetgums, somewhere in East Texas near the Louisiana border. Black Capped Chickadees are heard flitting about plucking seeds from pinecones, a Blue Jay periodically interrupts the Chickadees industrious foraging with their obnoxious squawks, armadillos struggle to augur the stiff January ground in search of grubs and nuts. Good ole boys can be heard in the distance whoop’n an holler’n an firing guns in a drunken mêlée. It is winter, “The Winter of our Discontent”. The musky odor of gigantopithecus permeates the whorefrost suspended in the crisp dawn air.)

(Two clowns from Scotland enter the clearing. Marry carries a cricket bat and spies a hollow log)

Marry the Second Clown:
There was a young dude.........

.

Impressive start Gilliatt!!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Sorry, can't resist.

M. There was a young dude from Mafaking
FC. Enough of your Lim- rick- ing
M. Who told all the world he could sing
FC. Hold! enough of that din
M. But alas every note
FC. I would not give a groat
M. Was like a young stoat,
FC. For what hies from your throat,
M. Being flung from a fell Berber's sling.
FC. And the rest is silence. -Thank god.

FC. hush now we approach the Bigfoot's lair
(Exuent, persued by a bear)


Scene two. inside a cave. A kilted BF is hoovering around Mrs BF's feet.


Mrs BF. That'll teach you to make hay on forbidden lawns.

Haha! Perfect!
If you only knew how well your latest entry fits in with the madness.
It will all make sense when the play hits the streets.

Great stuff.
Thanks

.

[prendrelemick]

Hard to argue with your choices though I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen. On the subject of all rounders it is always worth mentioning Richie Benaud. I never saw him play but if his game was anything like his commentary then he must have been a giant. A real gentleman and a sore loss to the world of cricket.

Was it longer than Dennis Lillee's run up though?

In fact the reason I put Viv Richards as my number one, is the way he stood up to those playground bullies, Lillee and Thompson, without extra armour. These were men who thought good bowling consisted of 5 short pitched deliveries per over at a tail ender.

[The Atheist]

Was it longer than Dennis Lillee's run up though?

I'm not sure whether this is an appropriate subject for gentlemen - "Who's was longer, Lillee or Willis?"

Willis by yards, I'd say.

I saw them both play at Eden Park on many occasions and while I couldn't pin-point where Lille started his run, I could take you to the spot where Bob used to start his amble to the wicket, and I can tell you it is at least five metres outside any other player I've seen.

Willis' disc used to be within spitting distance of the terraces at the southern end - literally. Luckily, Kiwis aren't much into spitting, unless it's on a footpath.

In fact the reason I put Viv Richards as my number one, is the way he stood up to those playground bullies, Lillee and Thompson, without extra armour. These were men who thought good bowling consisted of 5 short pitched deliveries per over at a tail ender.

Ahem.

It is my solemn duty as an Englishman to point out that bodyline bowling was invented by an Englishman.

In days when padding - other than shins and a box - was not even invented, never mind allowed, and head protection consisted of a cloth cap.

[prendrelemick]

True, and how the Aussies whinged, they nearly revolted from the Empire. Larwood would at least apologise to Bradman after nearly breaking his ribs.

I wonder what Bradman thought of Lillee and Thompson.

[The Atheist]

True, and how the Aussies whinged, they nearly revolted from the Empire.

They're still revolting!

[gbrekken]

across ponds- did the down under folks whine or whinged? oed ain't helping me here blokes, it's just y'all

[The Atheist]

across ponds- did the down under folks whine or whinged? oed ain't helping me here blokes, it's just y'all

Definitely both.

And a Merry Christmas to all!

Parker has tomorrow's dinner prepared already, I understand:

Entree: Smoked salmon on thin-sliced wholegrain toast.

Main, choice of: Fillet steak, roasted whole in a garlic & red wine sauce, with seasonal vegetables or chicken breast, seared and served with tossed fresh salad.

Dessert: a traditional Kiwi pavlova with fresh strawberries.

Bottles of Mumm's in the fridge!

[Big Dante]

I would have to say the second tennis player easily.
And blokey stuff so...
Did you see that fight where people got hurt? Man that was sweet.

[Paulclem]

Merry Christmas all!!

The family has retired upstairs and so I am free to chill down on the net. It's been busy, and the elderly relatives were watching rubbish telly. Never mind. It's still nice to have them round.

Have you seen Gilliat's Play thread. Brilliant.

The Christmas menu sounds fantastic - especially the kiwi pavlova. I might be able to squeeze a portion in. My wife makes a great xmas pudding, which takes up a lot of space, but then...