Wish

[myawho]

I've met you long ago.
You are so
Beautiful that my skin
Goes cold
When I see you again.

You are everything,
You make birds sing,
You make good dreams,
You make me,
sing.

Im trying to show you I care,
But Im trying not to pull out my hair.
Im trying not to make my moves
so sudden and scare
You away.

You're not for me.
I can't help but say that
Im not sutable for her.
She needs more.
She doesn't deserve me;
She deserves more.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I like the carefree spontaneity of this - until you switch from "you" to "her" in the last verse, the point of which I didn't understand; and "desurve" should be spelled deserve

[myawho]

you switched to her because after he rejects her he thinks of the reson in his head. And thanks for catching that spelling mistake. I didn't notice it

[Jerrybaldy]

I see what you mean, but starting the last stanza talking to her and then switching to talking about her causes confusion. I think if you started that one with 'She's not for me' the switch would make more sense to the reader.

cheers
JerryB

[YesNo]

I liked how the last three lines seemed to switch between who needs or deserves whom more.

She needs more.
She doesn't deserve me;
She deserves more.

The first and third lines say that she is better than me. The second suggests that I am better than her. It does seem like the kind of thinking one would go through in justifying breaking up with someone.

(Also, "sutable" should be "suitable" in the line just above.)

[myawho]

I liked how the last three lines seemed to switch between who needs or deserves whom more.

She needs more.
She doesn't deserve me;
She deserves more.

The first and third lines say that she is better than me. The second suggests that I am better than her. It does seem like the kind of thinking one would go through in justifying breaking up with someone.

(Also, "sutable" should be "suitable" in the line just above.)

"She doesn't deserve me;
She deserves more."

That is stating that She deserves better than me. She doesn't deserve me meaning, She deserves more than me cause I am nothing. I don't think i'm good enough for her.