Anarchy - Science-Fiction Short Story

[Kraos]

I'm new to writing so I decided to share my stories hoping to receive comments that can improve my writing.

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Anarchy

It stood formless in a dark cave, its surface periodically rippling. No organs nor internal systems were present at first sight. Most of its life was spent moving its slimy body around the cave consuming whatever fungal matter it could find. It was made of heterogeneous cells that hungered for different things but for now it was content with its nourishment. The entity was not self-aware so the best way to address it was to simply call the organism "it". It suddenly felt a presence in the dark. The first cells that had sensed the threat sent waves of warning signals throughout its body. And yet the biggest ripple came. The being was suddenly homogeneous and formed hard spikes around its whole body. Once the presence subsided, it slowly began to return to its old blob form. The organisms main specialty wasn't this though, its reproductive system trumped all other species for being extremely unique. Because every cell had its own needs, the cells would cluster within themselves and often detach from the main creature.This often happened when it hadn't had a threat proposed to it for a long while. the cluster would act the same way as its parent but its strength and hardness was disproportional to its size. these fragments would wander around the cave vigorously until they grew to a point where they had to split again. The creatures' heterogeneousness was both its strength and its weakness.

[hillwalker]

I would hesitate to call this a 'story' - unless there is more to follow.

You have gone to a great deal of trouble to describe the biological structure of this creature, suggesting how unique it is.... and then nothing.

And the scientific analysis of its mode of life is hardly exciting reading either - far too much cold, matter-of-fact detail. It's like an excerpt from a New Scientist article describing some exotic slug.

I was left quite disinterested by 'it' - which is a shame as you show a good writing technique. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your subject matter and style; look at ways to make this dry sci-fi more palatable for your readers. They will respond if a story grabs them by the shirt-collar..... this didn't.

H

[loki456]

I definitely agree with H on this,

i'm all for see where the story takes you.. but if this is all that you have, I dare say its just an abstract from one of my boring medical journal articles.

I don't mind the science behind the creature - but it seems more like an introduction into 'it' rather than a story.

The writing is fine, just doesn't follow the simple structure of a story. flesh it out, make it something that has a 'face-slapping' quality.