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Thread: frosty sail

  1. #1
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    frosty sail

    the room is furring
    silky web-like spheres are floating and collapsing softly against everything
    but when I walk into them they stick and snag

    I fall backwards
    upside down, suspended

    my eyes fix on a scribble
    curl around wrought iron bars twisting in a nature crash
    pull me towards a distant scribble harbour -
    I see glinting boats and tinkling sails, gulls soaring golden white
    charcoal shadows swarming over grey land
    swarming now into the shape of a man, running
    I feel like I should run

    glinting and tinkling grow into deafening drilling, blinding flashes
    a black blood fracture rips through everything like a tornado eye -

    I am in my room.
    weary headed, I go to bed.

    a rope shimmers gold in the tannic sky
    tied in a love-knot by the ancients
    a pendulum
    inscribes the rusty dunes
    makes the heavens speak

    wrenched warlike from the sky
    by a quivering hand
    throws off a crop of golden shimmers
    twisting shadow snakes

    and I never saw a thing
    more startling
    than this black land spilling
    over everything

    back towards the blackness I hear it coming I feel it hurtling down
    sky cracks open like an egg and shatters in an ocean of glass knives -

    I am in a forest of glass
    crystal twigs snapping in the icy night


    http://www.asphara.wordpress.com

  2. #2
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    Nightmarish and surreal. I like the way you use words for their sounds as much as for their meaning - 'tannic sky' for example; not quite 'titanic' but each reader will come up with their own image for that.

    Very enjoyable.

    H

  3. #3
    Registered User zoolane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ryandyson View Post


    my eyes fix on a scribble
    curl around wrought iron bars twisting in a nature crash
    pull me towards a distant scribble harbour -
    I see glinting boats and tinkling sails, gulls soaring golden white
    charcoal shadows swarming over grey land
    swarming now into the shape of a man, running
    I feel like I should run


    http://www.asphara.wordpress.com
    I like poem special this verse, it remain of 'Alfred Hitchcock film The Bird'.

    ''sky cracks open like an egg and shatters in an ocean of glass knives'' I love this line.
    Last edited by zoolane; 10-01-2010 at 08:58 AM.
    English my native language and have characterizes of dyslexia.

    Copyright (C) 2011, Zoolane

    I have pass by English Exam.

  4. #4
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    Wow - I never thought of the Birds; that's a really cool crit, thank!

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