Thank You - I'll make sure I let you know !
Thank You - I'll make sure I let you know !
When you're close to tears remember,
someday, it'll all be over...
"Words to cut your emotions with.
Words to make you feel worthless with" - Zoolane
I wonder what it cost you to write this - let alone to have experienced the events. I've read it only the once so far. As at least one other responder noted it deserves and requires a 2nd, 3rd reading. It's an astonishing work, not merely on its literary merits but in its deep, deep humanity.
Thank you Prince - the cost was purely the exploration of the darker fringes of my imagination - for the sake of art (ahem!) rather than any biographical fall-out, rest assured. I hope that admission does not devalue the piece!
And thank you for your generous response as ever.
H
Among the many things I might have singled out is how appropriate those final three lines are: seemingly so affectless, at first glance so anti-climactic, but on second reading it expresses so well how morally spent the narrator is.
It won't surprise you to learn I'm rather with Hawkman on this one, in finding the poem, while striking and powerful, too long and a bit confusing.
It perhaps would have been better as a short story; it works as a narrative poem, but I just don't see why all the skipping around in the first few stanzas is useful. It certainly doesn't create any pace, and I think that's a problem as the dramatic tension you could gain to the benefit of the poem is non-existent.
I wonder if you're putting too much emphasis on hoping the poem works in dealing with gruesome subject matter at the expense of any consideration of the form of poetry that could be employed to work with this?
Anyway, it's still a challenging piece of writing.
Not at all b|v - it's an experiment that perhaps got lost in translation between prose and poetry. I accept it needs a comprehensive rethink as far as pace and format are concerned.Originally Posted by blank|verse
H
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