Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Paulclem]

I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going.

My lad and his mates don't go much, and the last one i was in was full of men much older than myself sporting veiny noses and a pint of electric froth. (We had a work meal there). Lots are closing round here. They can't cater for the youth of today and get them interested in a 10 pint habit. Food and Sky Sports seem to be the saving grace of some of them.

[The Atheist]

They didn't make cars, then!

I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going.

Crikey, I wish that was the case here!

We've just gone from a few emormous pubs to millions of little ones!

[prendrelemick]

Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.

The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare.

They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.

[dafydd manton]

There are few good pubs, but certainly not in the towns, only out in the villages. Gone are the days where the pub was a social centre, now it's where people who can't put their mobile phones down gather, to let their horrible little brats run loose, and you can consume micro-waved "Good Food". (Sez Who).

Fortunately, there is still one near here that has no gaming machines, no music, kids are not allowed, it has a fantastic range of single-malt Scotches, and which I am not going to be fool enough to advertise.

[Paulclem]

Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.

The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare.

They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.

Agreed. Loads have shut round here. They've got to try something different - online games nights with a beer perhaps. A couple of shots and a shoot em up perhaps.

[dafydd manton]

Or the dreaded Karaoke.........!!

[The Atheist]

Have they started playing that children's poker one night a week to get punters along?

Texas Stick "em Up. (aka the worst, dumbest card game ever invented)

[dafydd manton]

No, in some pubs in Sheffield, when they say "Stick 'em up", they really mean it. There's one place here on a really rough estate called The Manor which has what is reputed to be the roughest pub in Britain, which is saying something. The bar has bars, like a prison cell, and the beer is served in plastic containers, to cut down on weaponry. This is all hearsay, I wouldn't go within a mile of it!

[The Atheist]

Sounds like a nice spot!

Perhaps we should buy this one:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotlan...lands-10942316

[andrewoberg]

You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.

[prendrelemick]

Banshee screams!! Sounds like quiz night at the Blue Pig, people can get very emotional over the "interpretational aspect" when marking a rival teams answer paper.

[The Atheist]

Ok chaps!

As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth and as always, if we don't want it to be a damp squib, TBC will have to make sure it goes off with a bang!

(No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

Piece of cake!

Make it a surprise on the day and post pics!

Was there a second?

[dafydd manton]

Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.

[soundofmusic]

Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!)

Nice holiday venue?

I'm proud of my nature as a laxy, skving ratbag; but recently the bills are coming due faster, the car is smoking and the wood is falling off the underside of the roof.

When I say on holiday I mean at home not working on hoiday. The lad's off to uni this year so there'll be no more hols for...ever probably.

We'll be doing the new half allotment a lot and visiting Oxford where the lad's off to - the other Oxford uni that is.

Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?

I'm able to post while I wait for people to ask me if they can have a job. Unfortunately, most of them only take 10 seconds to figure out that the answer's "NO!"

I thought you made money putting people to work; what is this?

No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me, Mick is known as Squire, Soundo..... Floridian flesh, Daffyd Manton, na na na, na na na na or Brylcream Boy and Paulcelm , pupil whacker. Not forgetting Gilliatt Gurgle, and the irreplacable Gbrekken . As you know I have been having a minor problem with the moderators but it is sorted now, all I had to do was repeat three of Shakespeare's soliliquays. Simples , Tommorow and Tomorrow and Tommorow. My death notice wil be reported in the morning.

Floridian Flesh, I like it, makes me sound sexy...
Well, we miss you when you're gone; so keep doing that Shakespeare

Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
His path was steep and rocky.
An excess of Moderation his doom
(I bet he'll be back soon)

Brilliant, you're a poet and you know it.

I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

If only...

Well, I guess fate decided to give you a blonde on both arms instead of the spoon.

.

Ah, to be at the pub in old England town listening to their politics intead of this constant talk of immigrants...are you hearing the constant rattle too, Gilliatt?

Women!! I bought myself an iPod last year, then earlier this year I bought an iPhone. The wife started whingeing about the new toys, so I bought her an iRon. She's still not talking to me.

I don't know why the girls like so many buttons; I like my technology the way I like my men: simple

Isay, I say, I say.......

I got a Jaguar for the wife.

Sounds like a good swap!

Will you marry me dafydd, I guess I might be able to handle an intellectual husband who came bearing a jaguar

You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.

The karaoke bars are dying here to; but the topless bars no matter what the economy.

[jocky]

On the subject of bars my son, young Jocky, has recently been promoted to manager of one of those new fangled establishments. Apparently one can only gain entry If you have a modicum of hair, are extremely good looking and have a full wallet. When I warmly congratulated him on his elevation he gave me a steely look and uttered the immmortal words; " Your barred, and that goes for Ma as well. " I am thinking of opening my own establishment, the ' Curmudgeons Arms '. You are all welcome as you have the proper credentials. It was never like that in my day.