Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: When Giants Fall

  1. #1
    Registered User Sampson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    "swimming language seas"
    Posts
    192

    When Giants Fall

    when giants fall the floor shakes
    the sound reverberates with the weight
    of the impact and the pace of the
    vibratons is that of a fading heart
    which once beat fast lived hard
    and stood proud... can you hear
    the sound of the ground shifting
    as we speak? the dust settles
    and i mourn for the peaceful beast
    watching as it falls into eternal sleep

  2. #2
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Montreal, QC
    Posts
    8,746
    Blog Entries
    1
    I can't help but wonder if you had a particular giant or number of them in mind, but this a vividly moral poem. ("Moral" in that I assume the giant(s) is/are guilty of hubris.)

  3. #3
    flung (but not far) hack's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    in absentia
    Posts
    1,623
    Blog Entries
    17
    I like this Sampson.
    Executed in your unique voice.
    My only suggestion would be
    that you leave out "is that"
    in line 4, it seems awkward
    to my ear. To keep the scan
    the same, if that is your wish,
    why not begin that line with
    something like "limping" or "slowing".
    Just a thought. Thanks...peace...

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    6,161
    Blog Entries
    8
    I was thinking poached elephants, (though one needs a very big pan, just kidding)
    I would perhaps replace falls in the last line with slips to avoid repeating fall/falls.

    good poem Sampson.

    Best, H

  5. #5
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    Your poem brought to my mind magisterial trees like the Grandis, a sense of awe and stateliness they evoke, and the immensity of regret one feels when they are cut down for timber...

Similar Threads

  1. When you fall, you get up
    By AimusSage in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-11-2008, 12:20 PM
  2. The Fall
    By Sweets America in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-26-2007, 04:58 PM
  3. The Fortunate Fall/Paradise Lost
    By kilted exile in forum Religious Texts
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 06-08-2007, 11:21 PM
  4. As I Fall to A Broken Life...
    By HjusOticePlostE in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-22-2004, 01:35 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •