Nik, thanks for such a lovely poem!
Nik, thanks for such a lovely poem!
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
You're welcome, Haunted <3
Consciousness a mirror,
the universe a body.
Infinite, eternal, source.
It's unknown here,
Unseen,
Unknown,
But I see it,
I hear it,
the swoosh,
An angel swinging swiftly down from the infinite abode,
to take the infinite soul up from ignorance,
to return it to its home.
...And I thought my heart was dead with pain,
Several times,
Felt the darkness closing in,
and that that I would die.
I came through with wounds and yet no friends,
save those who made themselves mine,
heaven, earth, and winds -
and I am not alone, though quite alone I seem.
...And several times my heart was dead with pain,
But this illusion,
like that of fear and hate,
is simply that illusion, nothing more.
It is mere appearance.
I walk alone where I am not alone.
Several times I thought my heart was dead with pain,
But in the end I know it is adamantine,
More a mirror of soul than a broken glass.
Pain washes through and seems real,
but a dead heart feels no pain,
nor does one died and born again
as many times as mine.
Many times I thought my heart was dead with pain,
But in the now I know it is adamantine,
And stronger, more a mirror of soul than broken glass,
Reflecting both sides, bound and boundlessness.
lovely.
NickolaiI,
You are an explosion of love, flowing love poetry with a flood of feeling. You must be in it up to your neck mateGood luck
BW
JB
Thank you lallison.
Jerry..er..glad I made a favorable impression.
Sorry for the mistake I made!
Try to live in harmony with people and nature
angli, that's aright.thanks for your comments!
Again do I hear as if Rumi's echoes... What a noble thought the one you share with us, while you seem to write out of a state of spiritual bliss... thanks for that NicolaiI, Bar
That last verse is brave and the most affecting of the whole.Originally Posted by NikolaiI
this is the grandest I've ever seen written on eternity and being one with the divine.
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
Thank so much Bar. I'm really glad you appreciated my poem.
Thanks very much Prince. There's a song I had been listening to a lot that inspired me, by Peter Tosh, "I Am That I Am."
Thank you so much Haunted <3
Hi NiKolai,
I like this, it has music and a good rhythm. I would suggest though, that you try to avoid repeating words unless they are designed to form a refrain in a longer, more structured piece. You've already said unknown in L1 so why repeat it in L3 and emphasise it by giving the line to it. With Infinite you have repeated it in the next line. maybe L1 could read, "It's a stranger here,"
You could say eternal in the second instance but that is a bit of a cliche. Alternatively, depending on your intent when writing, you could contrast the "...infinite abode..." with the '...finite soul..."
Best, H
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