Deadlock

[Hawkman]

Wedlock is an awful word,
It’s connotations scary;
Once state of marriage is conferred;
Escape may prove quite hairy.

The very sound is cruel and harsh
It paints a gruesome picture;
Some rusty padlock on a chain
to make free love a fixture.

An instrument of grievous pain
To bind you to a life,
You never really thought to gain
When first you took a wife.

So why would anyone who’s sane
Consent to such a fate,
It’s such a drastic step to take
To tie you to a mate.

For some perhaps, the prospect
Of regular safe sex
May sound a jolly reason
But reality may vex.

For just one slice of wedding cake
Can turn a girl quite frigid,
And no imploring from her spouse
Can breach a stance so rigid.

And then there is the nagging,
The loathing and contempt
For style, cool when courting,
Will now be judged unkempt.

There’s really no advantage,
As when the knot you tie,
There’s nothing to look forward to
Except the day you die.

And when she’s standing o’er your grave
Insurance cheque in hand,
She’ll plan to live the highlife chum
And toss the wedding band.

[dafydd manton]

You cynic! I honestly think that's one of your best ever, and that's saying something!

You need not fell so trapped, of course
Or go and buy a gun.
Solicitors enjoy divorce,
But the pistol's much more fun.

[hillwalker]

Telling it like it is, Hawk. These bitter little jibes of yours are extremely amusing as well as poetic. I particularly liked that second verse.....

Just stand by for the O+ backlash!!!

[Jerrybaldy]

Didnt realise you were married Hawk. But can see you are. I agree with Hill. Good luck with that backlash
JB

[dafydd manton]

Didnt realise you were married Hawk. But can see you are. I agree with Hill. Good luck with that backlash
JB

Interesting, that, Jerry. I thought I'd read somewhere that Hawk (don't worry, we're only talking about you as if you weren't here) is single. Did I read about being at a wedding in a professional capacity only? Unless, Hawk is a professional bigamist!

[Hawkman]

Hi guys, Well I was trying to come up with a witty response to Dafydd's little rhyme and when I came back I saw there was some debate rageing about my marital status! Let me assure all those nubile young ladies out there that the Hawk is indeed single and looking for an heiress.

However, I did try being married once and decided that I didn't like it, at least not on that occasion. I subsequently joined the ranks of midnight gardeners...

To those of you who enjoy my little satire, thanks a bunch I am safely barricaded against the backlash (I hope)...

[dafydd manton]

You can rely on the lads, Hawk! We'll look after you! (Until they get nasty)

[dafydd manton]

If you feel that your living in wedlock
is bad, you must counter it, quick.
The best thing, you oughta
Admit to manslaughter,
And spend a few years in the nick.

They'll feed you, and clothe you, and even
Iron your shirts, as deserved.
You get your three meals
Which probably feels
As good as the rubbish she served.

You do all your time, uncomplaining
And just try to keep your nose clean
And soon, on the whole,
They'll give you parole.
So stay single. Know what I mean?

[Hawkman]

See the midnight gardeners
Who like to turn the soil
When moonless is the darkness,
In suburbs they will toil.
Behind the fence and hedges,
They are not overlooked,
As all the blokes upon that street
Are by their labour hooked.

Their wives, who might have noticed -
Their eyes have all been closed,
They’re all wrapped up in a carpets
And on the grass repose.
The air resounds to digging
The spade blades all cut deep
And peel back the turf, so neatly
Stacked in nearby heaps.

At daybreak, tired but happy,
They’ll all get washed and shaved;
The gardens though will look pristine,
The lawns replaced and saved.
And as they all report for work
With smiles on their lips,
No word of their activities
Will ever be let slip.

[dafydd manton]

Another one rolls off the presses! I love that one as well. I really don't know how you do it, so quickly and so well. Nice one, mate.

[Hawkman]

Thanks Dafydd, I felt your rather clever and very amusing poem deserved a response in kind. Well I know it's not really a response, just an alternative strategy

Best, H

[dafydd manton]

I just get a bit fed up hiding in this attic. Still, the Police will never find me here. They'd never think to look up.......who's that coming up the ladder!!!! Quick!!!!! Hide me!!!!!

[Hawkman]

Let me know where to send the cake with a file in it - H

[One Gallant]

For just one slice of wedding cake
Can turn a girl quite frigid,
And no imploring from her spouse
Can breach a stance so rigid.

Thoroughly enjoyed this hawkman. With the above being a stand-out. Good one.

[Bar22do]

Don't YOU have fun! and your sleeves rolled up the rhymes uncover, careless of manners and courtesy to the "weaker" part of humanity... oh, hawk.

Greetings from Bar