The complexity of the thought in this somewhat eludes me after just one reading, but there's no way to overlook your technical virtuosity. Bravo.
The complexity of the thought in this somewhat eludes me after just one reading, but there's no way to overlook your technical virtuosity. Bravo.
Picking a winner for this "round" is going to be difficult, as they're all gems --
Nevertheless, let's get some more "hitters and ducks on the pond," to use a couple of bb clichés.
Entries may be posted through this Monday, May 10. Maybe some LitNetters will make this task even more difficult!
Consequences
My heart is pure, the maiden cried whilst running through the dell.
You shall not have your way with me unless I can be caught
But taking care to keep ahead, she did not run too well
For both desired but never gave the consequence much thought.
A tantalising promise of the union they both sought,
She slowed and let him catch her, surrendered all and fell
Their union in the womb of wood, in secret then was wrought.
But her father was not happy when her belly now did swell
Which indicated plainly what such sinful pleasure bought.
With shotgun and a priest her father youth’s rebellion quelled,
For both desired but never gave the consequence much thought.
Thanks for all of the entries so far. This leg of the contest will remain open for the rest of today and this evening. The "lucky" winner will be announced soon.
All righty then! The time to choose the winning roundel has finally come well, " 'round."
The roundel is, if not inherently difficult, an unfamiliar form to many of us. Yet ALL of the five entries fulfilled the criteria of this particular form admirably.(cf. Reply # above.) The other stipulation-- that the topic be "cheerful" was also more or less followed, but I must say that I'm surprised how the entire quintet chose "love," which, as a topic isn't always inherently cheerful. But that's a discussion for another day. For now, let's take a look at these fine entries.
Pendragon's piece is "Love Song," with "Remembrance of who we are" as the refrain. My favorite lines in this particular piece are lines 9 and 10:
Until the burnout of eternity and time
Two hearts bound together who do not wish to be free
Not only do they throw the reader a little curve ball, they
also recall Ira Gershwin's "Our Love is Here to Stay": "the Rockies may crumble/Gilbralter may tumble." I may have the crumble and tumble reversed, but in any event, nice work, Pen.
Speaking of music, Dark Muse said she doubted that she could write about a "cheerful" theme, but "The Music of Love" proves her wrong. The sounds in her poem live up to its name, and her lovely refrain demonstrates how lovers should keep their initial attraction alive and vibrant: "Let us fall forever."
And still speaking of music, Hillwalker 's "Vive La Difference" presents the Francophile's version of "California Girls" by the Beach Boys. With the poem's bi-lingual wit playing with the oft-cited "Oooh-la-la" expression and even some of the rhymes are French words: "passe,"
"magnifique."
There's much romantic tension in Krysomkyng's entry, but the title,"The Play Fight," keeps it from straying too far from the "cheerful" topic. The impressive opening line: "A need is desire with a time limit" is thought-provoking, as is the most expressive phrase in this highly-charged piece: "the spinning sonnets of a liar."
The old and the new kinds of love are evoked in the final
piece, "Consequences" by Hawkman. On the one hand we have the traditions of Puritanical-- if not medieval --morality contrasted with the urgency of young love "in the womb of wood." Methinks the weight shifts toward the former -- with the "consequences" of a "swollen belly" and the inevitable "shotgun wedding." I'll forgive you for wrenching the syllables in line 10, Hawkman, because the line begins with the phrase "with shotgun and a priest." This is a poetic device made famous by Alexander Pope: "sometimes counsel takes and sometimes tea." So you deserve a special award for being the first LitNutter (to my knowledge) to use a zeugma effectively. And by the bye, even your entry is reminiscent of a song: "Ballad of the Shape of Things" by The Kingston Trio.
Man oh man, with all my heart I wish I could declare every one of these five entries the winner. That's how much I enjoyed reading them. But, alas, there can be only one.
And so, congratulations to everyone, but especially Krymsonkyng. Please select the next poetry form.
Last edited by AuntShecky; 05-11-2010 at 06:12 PM.
Thanks AuntyS for your je ne sais quoi - no seriously, your kind comments much appreciated. And your musical taste (Beach Boys/Kingston Trio) is as commendable as it is varied!
And Krymson, a very worthy winner. From the opening line - a masterpiece of economy.
Well done.
Thank you kindly everyone who participated, and thank you AuntShecky and Hillwalker especially for such kind words! Such a fun form, and so many great poems...
The next challenge should play off of AuntShecky's wonderful commentary. The most effective use of zeugma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeugma) within a seven line piece, any rhyme scheme, will take the cake.
How does June 1st sound for a deadline?
Ready? Set!?! Go!!!
Faced with problems, hurt, and pain
Drowned by sorrow and cold pelting rain
Both sorrow and happiness mixed in a refrain
Not knowing if up is down, down up perhaps
Moments and hours that so quickly fade and pass
Crying both "Huzzah!" and "Alas"
I took my coat and my leave
Pendragon
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
A great first entry! I like how you took advantage of the freedom with this round's form and hit zeugma after zeugma.Originally Posted by Pendragon
Keep 'em coming folks!
A honky-tonk woman with bile-bearing lips
Was propping the bar in the ‘Whistling Nun’.
I should have just taken one look then my leave
But she noticed me staring - drew breath then a gun.
She asked for my name and a light; I gave both
As she sank her last shot of tequila then down to the floor in a heap.
I was given no choice but to leave in a rush and the next train from town.
*aka Mick Jagger and Keith Richards who co-wrote ‘Honky-Tonk Women’ and probably the very first zeugma (?) I ever heard :
“she blew my nose and then she blew my mind…..”
Last edited by hillwalker; 05-13-2010 at 06:48 PM.
Thank you Hillwalker for your excellent poem!
We're almost out of time... I'm beginning to think such a simple form was too little to ask. Come on folks, let's see some entries!
On a side note, I will be unable to judge until the third, as I'll be on an airplane for most of the 1st and 2nd... Sorry.
Your wish of being used, mechanical pleasure,
In a sense owned, by many, all the same,
A pleasure bound by leather, handcuffs and fire
The way of your dreams I could not comprehend,
As though you showed the world entire,
Again and again, you leapt through the frame
Of sanity and pain, through your sadness was satisfaction.
Last edited by Jesterhead; 06-01-2010 at 10:23 AM.
I am swimming through the ashes of the bridges I have burned.
Well done folks! What we lacked in mass, we made up for with mastery. The challenge was to make a 7 line poem that used Zeugma, a literary device meant to bend words into double meaning, most effectively.
Pendragon- Your poem embraced the idea of duality in a way that left me smirking. It displays sound imagery and very well played meter. The last line serves as what seems to be a bit of a non-sequitur, which further emphasizes the zeugma within and makes for an entertaining twist. I thoroughly enjoyed digging into this poem. The union of the two emotions in the final line was tight, and turned zeugma into your tool.
Hillwalker- "Honky-Tonk Woman" was pure entertainment from the first line. "Bile-Bearing Lips" held me in place for a moment contemplating its' several possible meanings before I could move forward. It presents zeugma after zeugma to tell a fun and funny tale. It also effectively uses a break in rhyme to turn about line four, which also takes advantage of the freedom I was hoping to see in this form. So much impact, it rocked my socks and the world.
Jesterhead- Benny Benassi and the Biz couldn't beast it the way you did: Excellent work! The way each line orbits around the center, and the message there, as well as the first and final was very skillfully accomplished. Lines five and six especially, for me, are pregnant with potency. Almost as strong as your imagery, but the zeugma there (5) was subtle and makes your work a marvel of intricacy despite it's overarching... eheh, arching/aching? Effective and near erotic, this was a contender.
Winner
Tough call. All three entries displayed a level of skill and talent to make me jealous and inspired at once. The challenge was to most effectively use zeugma. While each poem did just that, I feel like Hillwalker earned the win, but if any one of you visit "the whistling nun", the first drink's on me or the floor.
Hillwalker....another fine piece...
Les Miserables,
Volume 1, Fifth Book, Chapter 3
Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.
Thanks krymson - your requirement for a 7-line piece did throw me for a while - and on further reflection I thought my poem might have been better posted on the 'write a really bad poem' thread.
But I appreciate the thumbs-up, and thanks to the others for making a real contest of it.
Having just recovered from writing my first terza rima I think I shall now pass the challenge on to other LitNetters.
It's not as obscure as it sounds - best-known perhaps for its use by Dante in his Inferno, Purgatory and Paradise.
The form consists of triplets or 3-line verses – line length and metre can be varied according to your own tastes
but end rhymes ARE important and have to follow a strict sequence
verse 1: A - B - A
verse 2: B – C - B
verse 3: C – D - C and so on in a continuous chain
Best of luck everybody - closing date July 1st.
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