Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[The Atheist]

And to think I used to renovate houses for a living.

The mere thought of a paintbrush makes me break out in cold sweat these days.

I used to specialise in doing feature murals, which was pretty popular. There are still a load of kids' bedrooms around Auckland with my murals on the walls.

[Paulclem]

And to think I used to renovate houses for a living.

The mere thought of a paintbrush makes me break out in cold sweat these days.

I used to specialise in doing feature murals, which was pretty popular. There are still a load of kids' bedrooms around Auckland with my murals on the walls.

The alternative is wallpapering! Hassle!

[The Atheist]

The alternative is wallpapering! Hassle!

It's onyl an alternative if you let it be.

You just make sure the choice is "what colour?" and never let the type of coating be discussed.

[prendrelemick]

If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.

The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!

Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.

[Lokasenna]

If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.

The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!

Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.

So true!

[The Atheist]

However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap.

I'm quite sure they put some kind of primitive female pheromone in the cloth which causes it.

Have you ever noticed that the materials they sell don't smell anything like clothes or sheets?

[soundofmusic]

That would never do in Merrie old England- 55 Degrees! We chaps would never be able to do any decorating at all!
I'm thinking I may soon be called upon to decorate the bedroom. We got a new bed the other day and I am informed that it doesn't match the room. I feel out manovered.

Not only is our paint not suitable for under 55; but the wind blows right through our polyester schivies...
Mrs P is certainly a sly one; she should start a seminar tour...

Ug, you want bad weather, it's snowing in April here in Montreal.

There is something to be said for all of that cold weather; I never see a fat Canadian!

I have before - I don't think about it unless it's freezing.
Cooler here at the weekend. Fresh we'll be calling it.

Do you still use oil paint there. Ours is mostly plastic nowadays...I hate it.

And to think I used to renovate houses for a living.

The mere thought of a paintbrush makes me break out in cold sweat these days.
I used to specialise in doing feature murals, which was pretty popular. There are still a load of kids' bedrooms around Auckland with my murals on the walls.

You should put up some of your murals; I'd like to see them! How do you paint over a mural. I have some in my room; I'm not sure if I'll get an even tone when I cover them.

If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.

The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!

Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.

Sounds like pure torment!

I'm quite sure they put some kind of primitive female pheromone in the cloth which causes it.

Have you ever noticed that the materials they sell don't smell anything like clothes or sheets?

So that's what wall fabric smells like; I thought it was a preservative...no wonder the bugs are mad for it. They won't even let real moire into our country.

[Paulclem]

If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.

The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!

Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.

Spot on!

This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.

It works for me...usually

[Paulclem]

Not only is our paint not suitable for under 55; but the wind blows right through our polyester schivies...
Mrs P is certainly a sly one; she should start a seminar tour...

There is something to be said for all of that cold weather; I never see a fat Canadian!

Do you still use oil paint there. Ours is mostly plastic nowadays...I hate it.

You should put up some of your murals; I'd like to see them! How do you paint over a mural. I have some in my room; I'm not sure if I'll get an even tone when I cover them.

Sounds like pure torment!

So that's what wall fabric smells like; I thought it was a preservative...no wonder the bugs are mad for it. They won't even let real moire into our country.

Yes paint - which I can deal with fairly quickly. I find having no opinions works too. In truth, I don't where decor goes. If my wife likes it - I like it.

[The Atheist]

Spot on!

This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.

It works for me...usually

It's still not as bad as women's clothing shops.

Standing around trying not to look like a pervert, trying to avoid looking anywhere bear the visible ankles of women dropping their jeans, the sideways glances from women coming into the shop.

Why do women want a man to accompany them into that atmosphere? It's like inviting a woman into a urinal, but we men have more class than that.

Usually.

[prendrelemick]

It's 5.40am and Countdown is on the telly. How long has Gwyneth Paltrow worked on the show?

[The Atheist]

I'd watch Gwyneth Paltrow anywhere.

[soundofmusic]

Spot on!

This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.

It works for me...usually

The perfect middle ground; near enough to frown at the costly choices but far enough not to sneeze because of all the overwhelming perfumes!
I have my house half painted; but the wood fascia is rotting and is a real annoyance to try to cover over. It's too far gone to patch and too new to replace.

It's still not as bad as women's clothing shops.

Standing around trying not to look like a pervert, trying to avoid looking anywhere bear the visible ankles of women dropping their jeans, the sideways glances from women coming into the shop.

Why do women want a man to accompany them into that atmosphere? It's like inviting a woman into a urinal, but we men have more class than that.

Usually.

While I was never masochistic enough to ask for Mr Sounds opinion on my choice of clothes; he frequently felt the urge to advise me that my shoulder pads made me look as if I had no neck, that ruffles made me look off balance...perhaps it would have been easier to take him shopping instead of hearing him complain later. I began to find that the clothes he liked least were everyone elses favorites.

It's 5.40am and Countdown is on the telly. How long has Gwyneth Paltrow worked on the show?

Is she still around; I thought she had went into retirement after having children all named after fruit.

[prendrelemick]

Spot on!

This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.

It works for me...usually

Won't work here, Dunelms is cunningly situated on a retail park, between Ikea and Next.- choose your personal hell!

Is she still around; I thought she had went into retirement after having children all named after fruit.

Little Cumquat is going to get so teased at school.

[soundofmusic]

Won't work here, Dunelms is cunningly situated on a retail park, between Ikea and Next.- choose your personal hell!



Little Cumquat is going to get so teased at school.

don't tell me you actually have Ikea over there. I thought they didn't allow prefab furniture anywhere near the UK.
Yeah, cumquat, apple...I think she might start with flowers now...it's the '60s all over again