And the best picture is

[Biggus]

It’s that time of the year once more
When the motion picture industry
Pat them selves on their collective backs
And mark another year in their history

But when the time comes
How do we choose what to see?
Film reviews are little help
And critics add no clarity

Industry spokesmen and women
Film critics and film reviewers
Those who form the Oscar collective
Are of little use to film viewers

“Best picture Oscar” must be good
Well I fell in that trap
I watched “Gangs of New York”
And it turned out to be crap

Also I have found I am out of step
With the film critics view
So you have to decipher the code
That’s all you have to do

Just follow this simple guide
“Critically Acclaimed” = Crap
“Stunning cinematography” = No story
“Award winning soundtrack” = Artie crap

“Thought provoking” = No car chases
“Dark” = Badly lit
“Moving” = Alright for girls
“Moody” = Poor dialog and badly lit

“Oscar nominated” = Wasn’t good enough
“Poignant = Has no plot
“Oscar winning” = Over hyped
“Gritty” = They say **** a lot

These simple tips may help
Save you wasting precious time
Watching an ill described film
Best designated as a crime

[MorpheusSandman]

Can't say I agree at all with the sentiments of this one at all. Being an ardent cinephile who reviews films as a passionate hobby I think it's extremely unfair to say that critics are of no help to viewers. The problem is viewers who bring their predisposed biases to every film they see and have an extreme inability to like or appreciate anything outside their narrow circle of what constitutes a good film. Now, this isn't to say The Oscars are some kind of paragon collection of cinematic excellence . In fact, Oscar history is a testament to a nearly infallible penchant for getting things wrong. I also dislike the whole "film critics" code; it's not funny and really doesn't even make any sense. I'd almost be scared to ask for a list of some of your favorite films.

[Biggus]

You dont get out much do you?

Your opinion on this merely makes the point that opinions on movies are subjective.
You refer to viewers "predisposed biases" I prefer to call them personal opinions,

[Sampson]

Haha! I like this poem Biggus. I like the idea of the poem, and admire it's execution. However like Morpheus I disagree with almost every thing you said, but then I have always said that people will take what they will from films. I like the your 'cut the bull****' view; Hollywood has confused the fun intellectual bull**** with advertising and its all gone a bit wrong...

Nice poem, very topical, I think it will provoke varied and passionate opinions!

[Biggus]

Thanks Sampson, the poem is meant to be a bit toungue in cheek, Its not intended to represent and serious view, apart of course about "Gangs of New York"

[MorpheusSandman]

You dont get out much do you?

I don't see why that matters. I go out with friends and family fairly often, but the arts are my passion and enjoyment so I do spend the majority of my time at home. It's certainly by choice; not necessity. I'm not some social pariah.

Your opinion on this merely makes the point that opinions on movies are subjective. You refer to viewers "predisposed biases" I prefer to call them personal opinions,

All art (indeed, all life from our perspective) is a relative mixture of subjective and objective. Art and films are objects, these objects have an effect on us subjectively, so it's not fair to say that it's wholly subjective any more than it's fair to say it's wholly objective. It's relative, it's a relationship. Personal opinions and tastes are fine to a certain extent, but the question is whether those opinions have any value to anyone else. Are they informed opinions or ignorant opinions? Have they been formulated based on logic, thought, analysis, and considerations or are they merely reactions based on nothing but, perhaps, a limited experience, knowledge, etc.? It makes a difference, especially when you go to express those opinions to someone else.

People who love to stress the subjectivity of art rarely applies this to other areas. Did you ever wonder why we have the term "medical opinion"? Indeed, many things that doctors offer and suggest are merely opinions as well. But what separates them from a layman's opinion? Precisely the same thing that separates a critic's opinion on a film from a "regular person" and that's experience, knowledge, study, analysis, etc. These things should be valued when opinions are considered amongst others. You may think Gangs of New York is crap but can you validate that based on anything other than a subjective reaction you, yourself probably don't even understand? Can you elucidate why it's crap?

Yeah, this is a subject I've thought about a great deal and I guess you probably didn't expect to run into someone so passionate about this here. I still like you Biggus, but this is just a poem that rubs me the wrong way philosophically. I hope you understand.

[Dustin]

Thanks for sharing Biggus. I had a pretty good chuckle over the "Moody = poor dialog and badly lit" line.

[Buh4Bee]

People need to lighten up om the forum. It's an opinionated poem that makes a point of mocking Hollywood. That's funny.

[MorpheusSandman]

I know I took this one a bit personally. I don't mind the mocking of Hollywood as I do the mocking of critics who get enough flack as it is.

[Bar22do]

I think it is an clever attempt at criticizing critics, and a strongly assertive statement; it is a challenge to build a poem with this as a theme. I like better your other poems though. And I tend to agree with MorpheuS as he puts critics' profession into the right perspective.
For the rest, if we want to be informed and know more before we see a movie, we can first read several contradictory movie reports and thus form our own opinion which then viewing a movie, if we do, will confirm or infirm. Or else, we can always choose to learn and make cinema criticism our profession and do a better, more objective job, while resisting underground pressures that play a role... not so easy to be a critic, these days. King's fools had an easier a task...

[JuniperWoolf]

Haha, I've just started reading the personal poetry on this site and you're my new favorite. You don't take yourself too seriously. Also, your poems aren't drowning in obscurity, there’s no hint of pretension and they're very fun to read aloud.

[skib]

I thought this was great, Biggus! I see a bit of truth to this 'tongue in cheek' poem. Wow, I almost spelled poem with a w in it . . . anyway. It seems to me that every movie I go to see that the critics liked, I despise them. Almost every time I see a movie they didn't like, I found it wonderful. Not to insult the critics, of course. I just disagree with them most of the time. Keep up the good work! I agree with Juniper that you write some great pieces!

[Biggus]

Thank you all for your comments

[PrinceMyshkin]

Haha, I've just started reading the personal poetry on this site and you're my new favorite. You don't take yourself too seriously. Also, your poems aren't drowning in obscurity, there’s no hint of pretension and they're very fun to read aloud.

Do check out his or her "21st century nursery rhymes"! So many of them are naughty... but nice!

[Biggus]

I'm a him