Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

We refer to some of them as "Rock Apes". The alpha male bloke-men who had beards when they were 12 and became fully grown over the summer holidays. They would return to school after the long hot summer and terrorise the neighbourhood of the playground. They could be tracked by the lines of spit they left behind them.

One such creature - Baz was his name - would assault our underdeveloped selves with the challenge

"Every spice on yer!" which meant - give me all your sweets.

If you refused - as I always did being protective of my polos, he would, like some ancient demagogue, give you a magnanimous choice - 50 biffs or a crusty.

50 biffs were 50 arm punches from this drooling silverback. A crusty was a knuckle-down punch on the top of the head. Few could stand more than 15 biffs before collapsing in agony upon the tarmac yard. A crusty downed even the most stalward detractor. I still have dints.

So, yes, out there in the wilds of Yorkshire, stalk knuckle draggers with pockets full of sweeties.

League is still better than union, but down here in the Midlands, I don't get much chance to watch owt else.

Paulclem,

That is a great story ! (green laughing smilie).
I suffered similar beatings throughout my formative years on the playground, but in my case it was knuckle dragging girls. (You can read about my tether ball incident posted a couple pages back)
Soon, I learned how to turn my allowance into a source of protection. I hired one of those knuckle dragging blokes as my bodyguard. He was forced to tangle with the tether ball hag that wrapped me around the pole. It was like the the War of the Gargantuas and looked something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNR_D...eature=related

Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.

Jocky,

I'm sorry for leaving you high and dry for so long. Trust me; after being beaten to a pulp by knuckle dragging tarts, there isn't much that anyone can do to offend or humilate me.
Lately, my job has been keeping me tied up during the week, so I try to pick up the slack over the weekends.

Thanks for checking up.

Gilliatt

[prendrelemick]

"Yer spice or yer life" was the mantra of our playground bandits. Their leader was dissappointingly called Martin.

Any way it never did me any harm........honest

[gbrekken]

Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.

Alive and well and unoffended. the computer connection is being seriously offensive-hit or miss on getting on-line. I never had to worry about schoolyard bullies, what with eight older brothers. It's when I got home that I was scared!

[jocky]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNR_D...eature=related




Jocky,

I'm sorry for leaving you high and dry for so long. Trust me; after being beaten to a pulp by knuckle dragging tarts, there isn't much that anyone can do to offend or humilate me.
Lately, my job has been keeping me tied up during the week, so I try to pick up the slack over the weekends.

Thanks for checking up.

Gilliatt

Atheist and Prendrelemick in their finest roles. Eat your hearts out Olivier and Gelguid.

About being beaten up by dubious women and then tied up all week, does it pay well? I was thinking about giving it a go, but only if the money is right.

Their leader was dissappointingly called Martin.

Trust your school bully to be named Martin, I suspect a possible public school education here and I have narrowed it down to two establishments due to my unswerving powers of deduction. It was either Fettes or Gordonstoun as they are the only ones who accept Martins.

I never had to worry about schoolyard bullies, what with eight older brothers. It's when I got home that I was scared!

I bet you never rushed home from school. That is enough to give anyone a nervous twitch.

[gbrekken]

you got that right. I felt safer at hockey practice stopping pucks.

[prendrelemick]

You get a better class of bully at the better school. ( about 5 minites in )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4DFA...eature=related

[jocky]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge going for the same ball in the World Cup Final, with the score at 1-1, " After you Wayne; " fatal pause " Not at all John after you " Meanwhile the Brazilian Kaka slips in " Muchos Gracias " and it is 44 years of more hurt.

You get a better class of bully at the better school. ( about 5 minites in )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4DFA...eature=related

' Thank you Bully ' Michael Palin at his brilliant best. Where would the Empire be without our public school geniuses? The rest of the world take note. Forgive me for the above comment Mick, I could not help myself.

[soundofmusic]

Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.

Oh, Jocky, you bring tears to these old eyes; I'm fine, enjoying sitting back and reading the banter between you lovely blokes.

[prendrelemick]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge going for the same ball in the World Cup Final, with the score at 1-1, " After you Wayne; " fatal pause " Not at all John after you " Meanwhile the Brazilian Kaka slips in " Muchos Gracias " and it is 44 years of more hurt.

This time Jocky your imagination has taken you too far.


World Cup Final indeed

[soundofmusic]

So it's Superbowl Sunday in sunny florida...the wives are running everyone off the road on the way to buy lagger, bean dip, nachos...all the things sure to give their men gas when they come to bed after midnight...

The men are all parked in front of their 62 inch color televisions; watching the cheerleaders and recaps of the last 10 years of football seasons and all the ex-con players...

Phermones are raging...all is well with the world...

[Paulclem]

The Superbowl here goes on until 4 o'clock am. I'd like to watch, but work beckons - can't you organise it so that it fits in with my half term holiday next time?

[jocky]

So it's Superbowl Sunday in sunny florida...the wives are running everyone off the road on the way to buy lagger, bean dip, nachos...all the things sure to give their men gas when they come to bed after midnight...

The men are all parked in front of their 62 inch color televisions; watching the cheerleaders and recaps of the last 10 years of football seasons and all the ex-con players...

Phermones are raging...all is well with the world...

We in Scotland are great fans of superbowl, in fact, our favourite saying is get the quarterback. The Jocky shackhold is all prepared for the event. I will be wearing my genuine snakeskin boots and ten gallon hat. The wife has whipped up the gaucamole and fiery pumpkin dips, followed by the jerk wings from hell and the chicken quesidilla pinwheels. The choice of beer was problematic, I was toying with going with the budweiser, but decided that was a concession to American culture I could not make, so I am sticking with the tennents. Soundo you better get a move on if you are going to be in time to lead out the cheerleaders. Oh when the saints go marching in.....

[prendrelemick]

Well I hope it is more entertaining than the weekend of kick 'n clap we have endured in dear old blighty.

[Paulclem]

Well I hope it is more entertaining than the weekend of kick 'n clap we have endured in dear old blighty.

Is it not worth watching on iplayer? I missed all the matches. Don't you think it's so much better since they've given in and gone professional? Lads like us from League land would be able to play with the toffs.

[The Atheist]

The evidence just keeps increasing that this is the best thread ever to have taken place in a discussion forum.

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Note the girly thread, languishing alone on page three of the titles, not having been posted in since 24/1.