Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[soundofmusic]

Good god. If I were 25 nowadays, I'd be in jail.

I have great difficulty with this whole thing. When I was in my 20s I had affairs with several women I worked with. They all sprang out of mutual attraction and sexual innuendo.

Yet, I could confidently predict that no woman I've ever worked with would ever consider anything I did to be unseemly or improper. I was able to be sweet to prudes without ever them ever raising an eyebrow in my presence, although I must say that given enough time and effort, even the old maiden aunts at work will respond to the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo.

Nowadays, they'd bring back stocks to deal with me.

And why did things change?

Because we (men) mistakenly allowed you to believe you were our equals!.

Idiots.

In days when sexual discrimination at work existed, there was no "power" over women, because if the boss started getting amorous, she'd just leave and go work at the next supermarket. But give them "equality" and one wants to be promoted faster than another so she has an affair with the boss, while another boss uses the carrot of a better job to coerce a subordinate into sexual favours.

While I blame my forefathers for this appalling state of affairs [!], I have to concede that it is all women's own fault, because if you'd gladly stuck to the kitchen/library/school/nurse's uniform/supermarket checkout, none of this would have come to pass.

Atheist, even now you are just too charming for most of us to say no to (That's why you were reincarnated in New Zealand to save the morality of "the little mares" )

I was always confused about the "sex for promotions thing"; it did seem to work for some women; others just had sex with the boss, sometimes had an affair with the assistant boss at some point and got transfered or fired. Now, I daresay, there are numerous young men who are doing the same with female bosses.
So enlighten me; why did this work for some women?

[jocky]

Scottish ?

Atheist. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in the shape of a camel ?

Prend. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

Atheist. Methinks it is like a weasel.

Prend. It is backed like a weasel.

Atheist. Or like a whale ?

Prend. Very like a whale.

You would have made an excellent batman.

[The Atheist]

So enlighten me; why did this work for some women?

Probably just as simple as being selective who you slept with.

[jocky]

Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...

I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to your imaginary friend.

I'll leave that one to jocky.

I'm stumped.

Firing squad.

Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

Geez, I never knew that, what with me being a professional too.

Scher- Dictator
Papaya- Taking out of context dictator.
Jocky-Absolute unreconstructed male pig.

[prendrelemick]

Atheist. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in the shape of a camel ?

Prend. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

Atheist. Methinks it is like a weasel.

Prend. It is backed like a weasel.

Atheist. Or like a whale ?

Prend. Very like a whale.

You would have made an excellent batman.

We would and if we could.

[jocky]

We would and if we could.

Now Mick, you know that I believe, like yourself, that Shakespeare is Shakespeare, or was Shakespeare. There is, however , a powerful theory argued by some, that he was James V1 of SCOTLAND. I am slowly coming round to this thesis. You know I am a fair minded individual, why I even gave your nation all the credit for haggis, but MacBard is not a possibility that can be ruled out. " Have you considered of my speeches "?

[soundofmusic]

I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to your imaginary friend.

Nah, I never got on with imaginary friends...You must be talking about the leprechauns that followed me home from the old country and are still trying to find my pot of gold..........

So, who was Shakespeares Bumboy....

[prendrelemick]

Now Mick, you know that I believe, like yourself, that Shakespeare is Shakespeare, or was Shakespeare. There is, however , a powerful theory argued by some, that he was James V1 of SCOTLAND. I am slowly coming round to this thesis. You know I am a fair minded individual, why I even gave your nation all the credit for haggis, but MacBard is not a possibility that can be ruled out. " Have you considered of my speeches "?

You fill your hearers with strange invention.

You're wrong there Jocky. Everybody knows he was a Yorkshireman, probably from Barnsley. Look at the Unabridged version of Hamlet-

"Neither a lender nor a borrower be - unless its t' thi sen."

Whereas James the FIRST was clearly a Pontefract lad.

As Xenocrates (Skipton, born and bred) said. I Have often regretted my speeches, never my silence.

[jocky]

So, who was Shakespeares Bumboy....

That is a question that literary historians have been wrestling with for years, the latest thinking is that the dark lady has been mistranslated and should have read as the dark laddie. Personally speaking, I can safely say that I have not lost a minutes sleep over this burning issue. Keep away from leprechauns and their pots of gold, that way lies madness.

You fill your hearers with strange invention.

You're wrong there Jocky. Everybody knows he was a Yorkshireman, probably from Barnsley. Look at the Unabridged version of Hamlet-

"Neither a lender nor a borrower be - unless its t' thi sen."

Whereas James the FIRST was clearly a Pontefract lad.

As Xenocrates (Skipton, born and bred) said. I Have often regretted my speeches, never my silence.

Mmm Barnsley, is that where the pigeons fly backwards to avoid getting soot in their eyes ? Neither a lender...... A sound phlisophy, are you sure you have not got Scottish blood in your veins ? James may have been your first but he was our sixth. As to Xenocrates of Skipton, I have read my Thucydides and he is strangely quiet on the matter.

A short note on the wonderful Diarist Samuel Pepys. Libertarian, libertine more like it " Tocanda sa cosa con mi cosa " You can look that one up for yourselves. Gourmet, no gourmand more fitting. Wife, servant and child beater, still he knew how to turn a phrase. Diary... 12th December 2009; Well at least Jocky, you never tried it on with a servant in church. Good old Sam, an icon who makes Tiger look like a choirboy.

[The Atheist]

That is a question that literary historians have been wrestling with for years, the latest thinking is that the dark lady has been mistranslated and should have read as the dark laddie.

That fits well with the theory that it was really Andy Hathaway and the children were adopted.

I wouldn't trust anyone mixing up a hawk and a handsaw.

A short note on the wonderful Diarist Samuel Pepys. Libertarian, libertine more like it " Tocanda sa cosa con mi cosa " You can look that one up for yourselves. Gourmet, no gourmand more fitting. Wife, servant and child beater, still he knew how to turn a phrase. Diary... 12th December 2009; Well at least Jocky, you never tried it on with a servant in church. Good old Sam, an icon who makes Tiger look like a choirboy.

Didn't he write for The Clash?

[gbrekken]

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

[soundofmusic]

That fits well with the theory that it was really Andy Hathaway and the children were adopted.

I recently read that Anne was already pregnant when she married Shakespeare; perhaps she was a "merry wife" and went frolicking on Wm. long absences. Anyway, I believe it is customary for every homosexual writer to have at least two children, right?

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

Be careful, Gerald, some of the blokes are sensitive about their bananas, cherries and nuts

[The Atheist]

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

I like that!

[jocky]

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

The bad mooderators might have something to say about that one. Gbrekken, there are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

I recently read that Anne was already pregnant when she married Shakespeare; perhaps she was a "merry wife" and went frolicking on Wm. long absences. Anyway, I believe it is customary for every homosexual writer to have at least two children, right?

Wrong, Oscar's next door neighbour had two, I have four but it was all done for Queens and country and if you dont believe me just ask Atheist, who comes from the land down under, well at least next door, and he is still part of the Empire, who are under our Queen. As for your terrible charge against Prendrelemick, mooo, baaa, he is not gay he is English.

When I was a young man my dad bought me a leather coat with waterproof pockets. I said father, thank you, but why the waterproof pockets ? He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a strange grin and said, you never know when you might have to steal soup !

[soundofmusic]

Wrong, Oscar's next door neighbour had two, I have four but it was all done for Queens and country and if you dont believe me just ask Atheist, who comes from the land down under, well at least next door, and he is still part of the Empire, who are under our Queen. As for your terrible charge against Prendrelemick, mooo, baaa, he is not gay he is English.

Are you saying that Mrs. Wilde...It can't be...I loved her! Truly, what possible similarities can there be between Oscar and the fellows on this forum: other than wit, broad shoulders and an appreciation for the arts, fine food and drink and intellectual women?

I never said anything about Prendrelemick; you're in fine form tonight. I love the story below...I'm taking it literally.

When I was a young man my dad bought me a leather coat with waterproof pockets. I said father, thank you, but why the waterproof pockets ? He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a strange grin and said, you never know when you might have to steal soup !