MY EVERGREENS
Oh Holly and my Ivy
Of all the girls I’ve known
When they dress in the Santa gear
They really ring my bell
HAVE A CRACKING CHRISTMAS
I must definitely make sure
Her Christmas sack is full
Then if your dear is happy
Your cracker might get a pull
CHRISTMAS SPICE
Christmas time is very nice
But if I might offer some advice
You can add a spot of yuletide spice
If you indulge in a little festive vice
TIED UP WITH TINSEL
Have a little yuletide fun
Make it deliciously sinful
With your little Christmas hon
Tied up with tinsel
I SAW A FIGURE ON THE STAIR
I saw a figure
On the stair
Wearing red velvet
Trimmed with fur
It was Santa Claus
In my view
With long white beard
And hat askew
But not a Santa
Of familiar build
And no sack was apparent
Generously filled
I thought the figure
To my surprise
Was rather pleasing
To the eyes
And curiously aroused
At the view
Of Santa
In red stiletto shoes
At that moment
At the top of the stair
The coat fell open
And I do declare
This sight of Santa
Left me aghast
Wearing black stockings
And leather Basque
The white beard
Fell to the floor
And then I understood
What I saw
Santa hadn’t brought me
A gift in a sack
Santa was the present
For me to unwrap
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 3
I only want one Christmas gift
It’s the only Christmas wish I’ve wished
I just want to know all the names
Of the girls on the naughty list
SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER
I’ve bought a special gift
For my Christmas honey
It’s a “Santa’s little helper” outfit
And it’s bloody horny
Its red velour with white fur trim
And matching lingerie
It’s figure hugging short and tight
And shows all you’d want to see
I’ve always liked sexy outfits
And this is the best I’ve seen
I’m sure that she will like it
Especially as it wipes clean
CHRISTMAS TURKEY
Laid naked on the kitchen table
White flesh from leg to breast
A Christmas bird to be enjoyed
My table was truly blessed
I set about the job in hand
Getting the bird prepared
And by using all my expertise
No effort at all was spared
Having greased the old bird well
The meaty legs spread wide
And I began to stuff the bird
I was really in my stride
When the bird had been well stuffed
It lay resting on the cooker
Smelling of sage and onion
The bird really was a looker
Then I looked up at the kitchen clock
Panic filled me and I began to fret
I shouted to my wife “quick put you pants on”
Ii haven’t prepared the turkey yet
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