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Thread: "when the lion lies down with the lamb, lord..."

  1. #1
    Registered User paperleaves's Avatar
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    "when the lion lies down with the lamb, lord..."

    the fuzzy picture on my
    13" rabbit ears television
    displays two eyes and something
    resembling a mouth, whimpering between static coughs
    "happy thanksgiving, Columbus!
    screech
    take a moment
    to E-mail us and let us know
    screech
    what you're thankful for"
    leaving you tucked into the deep pockets of slumber, I
    roll into thick cotton socks and a loose tan dress
    and break open the expensive box of cigars, with
    a cheap cup of coffee on the patio.
    i don't want to waste your time, with a silly catalogue
    of book titles and perfumes
    and dress shoes I've accumulated over the years
    but what I'm really thankful for is you, sprawled over my limber form
    on hot summer nights, the scent of incense and a home-cooked meal
    lingering in the rugged shadows
    between our lips. and I can't forget how sweet
    is the taste of honey in my tea after yoga in the dewy dawn
    the aroma of hope after meditation, the love that I feel when
    the sun shines down on me, and my mama's frail arms
    curling around my pale white apparition
    in the kitchen, when she's cookin'
    for daddy
    even though daddy doesn't kiss her
    anymore.
    i am thankful for the surge of life
    in my legs, when I cut myself shaving.
    a knick on the kneecap, the acid rain,
    the blisters that burn my heels
    when I wear my favorite pumps
    because I'm alive
    I'm alive
    even the sorrow, the desperation, the hope, the joy
    all seem like reasons to smile


    Happy Holidays, Lit Net
    Last edited by paperleaves; 11-27-2009 at 11:17 AM. Reason: misspelling
    "real
    loneliness
    is not
    necessarily
    limited to
    when
    you are
    alone
    "
    -C. Bukowski

  2. #2
    Wild is the Wind Silas Thorne's Avatar
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    Love life. Love this, too. It's beautiful, inspiring. See the pain and smile anyway.
    Wonderful, makes me want to go out and scrawl on the wall with crayons and not care.

  3. #3
    Registered User paperleaves's Avatar
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    Thanks Silas. I like the image of just letting go and scrawling on the wall with crayons. I want to just splatter paint all over my walls and let it all out ^_^
    "real
    loneliness
    is not
    necessarily
    limited to
    when
    you are
    alone
    "
    -C. Bukowski

  4. #4
    My mind's in rags breathtest's Avatar
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    Man i love this especially the last few lines. Wonderful. And why don't you just splash the walls with paint and let it all out.
    'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'. Hemingway

  5. #5
    seasonably mediocre Il Penseroso's Avatar
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    Why not:

    "to E-mail us and let us know
    what screech
    you're thankful for"

    And my only real criticism is maybe try shorter lines. What do you think the longer lines add?
    and somehow a dog
    has taken itself & its tail considerably away
    into the mountains or sea or sky, leaving
    behind: me, wag.
    - John Berryman

  6. #6
    ésprit de l’escalier DanielBenoit's Avatar
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    Just wonderful. A beautiful stream-of-consciousness. Upon reading "the fuzzy picture on my / 13" rabbit ears television" I knew I was in for something good. This poem is idiosyncratic, fragmentary, honest and just perfect.
    The Moments of Dominion
    That happen on the Soul
    And leave it with a Discontent
    Too exquisite — to tell —
    -Emily Dickinson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVW8GCnr9-I
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGIvr6WVw4

  7. #7
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    I love it all, from the first letter to the last - steady in your stream, you wouldn't use a second breath to give it out to us! and my even more preferred passage in it, tender and full of love and beauty, is:
    "and I can't forget how sweet
    is the taste of honey in my tea after yoga in the dewy dawn
    the aroma of hope after meditation..."
    Thank you Paperleaves

  8. #8
    Registered User paperleaves's Avatar
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    thank you breathtest, il, daniel, and bar! dear il, I will definitely look into why I use longer lines. I write all my poems without revision, just pure stream of consciousness, so I use multiple enjambments in order to signify my one extended thought. I think that's what contributes to the lines being so lengthy. I will experiment with shorter lines and see what happens
    Thank you all for your honesty and support--it is why I continue to grow as a poet and post on the forums!

    in loving kindness,
    paper
    "real
    loneliness
    is not
    necessarily
    limited to
    when
    you are
    alone
    "
    -C. Bukowski

  9. #9
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    "Reasons to smile," in my book, begin with this latest of your poems, the smile widens as I reflect on our good friendship, hesitates when I think of your sensitivity to everyeffingthing, some of which is bound to be hurtful, but the smile resumes in confidence as I anticipate your next great poem or PM.

    May I add,
    love,
    Jer

  10. #10
    Registered User cogs's Avatar
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    what i love is the atmosphere your poems give. it's something i can put my mind into, like a tangible fantasy. i love how the last sentiment is thankful, answering the beginning proposition. also, i didn't know if your mother was a ghost. i think you have so much to say, and try to relate all of it at once.

  11. #11
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    leaving you tucked into the deep pockets of slumber, I
    roll into thick cotton socks and a loose tan dress
    and break open the expensive box of cigars, with
    a cheap cup of coffee on the patio.
    i don't want to waste your time, with a silly catalogue
    of book titles and perfumes
    and dress shoes I've accumulated over the years
    but what I'm really thankful for is you, sprawled over my limber form
    on hot summer nights, the scent of incense and a home-cooked meal
    lingering in the rugged shadows
    between our lips.
    I read these lines over and over wishing I had written them. I'm so jealous! Simply wonderful paperleaves!

  12. #12
    King of Dreams MorpheusSandman's Avatar
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    I think I'm going through a mood to where I'm more and more apathetic to poetry lately because you know I'm a big fan of yours, Paper, but this one left me a bit cold. I think there's something about it that's too thematically/tonally incohesive and I think it lacks your usual linguistic richness and sense of mystery I love so much. Hope I'm not being too harsh; I've been really critical of myself lately as well. :/
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." --Carl Gustav Jung

    "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due." --Neil Gaiman; The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists

    "I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" --The Proclaimers

  13. #13
    Registered User paperleaves's Avatar
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    Thank you cogs! It feels so good to hear that! And Sophia, you always have the kindest things to say.
    Morpheus, thank you so much for your constructive comments because they truly do help me in writing my next poem. I take all the gentle criticisms with gratitude, because you are entirely honest and I need that. So don't feel bad about being "too harsh", because you are not!

    in loving kindness,
    paper
    "real
    loneliness
    is not
    necessarily
    limited to
    when
    you are
    alone
    "
    -C. Bukowski

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