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Thread: The creature within

  1. #1
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Arrow The creature within

    THE CREATURE WITHIN

    He stands shirtless in the drifting snow,
    offering a pale pink rose in his left hand,
    unmindful of the thorns that prick his flesh
    causing the ruby drops to stain the white carpet.
    The creature within reaches out jade-green claws
    and parts the venetian blinds of his ribcage,
    to peer with distinct malevolence at the world
    that it viciously hates…

    Pendragon
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  2. #2
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    It was the procession of practically neon colours that got to me!

  3. #3
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    I enjoyed these lines:
    The creature within reaches out jade-green claws
    and parts the venetian blinds of his ribcage,
    to peer with distinct malevolence at the world
    that it viciously hates…

    My creature within is all green. Hah!

  4. #4
    ésprit de l’escalier DanielBenoit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    It was the procession of practically neon colours that got to me!
    Oh yes exactly! It's like a mosiac of color.

    This is quite surreal and an excellent opening:

    He stands shirtless in the drifting snow,
    offering a pale pink rose in his left hand,
    The Moments of Dominion
    That happen on the Soul
    And leave it with a Discontent
    Too exquisite — to tell —
    -Emily Dickinson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVW8GCnr9-I
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGIvr6WVw4

  5. #5
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Thank you one and all. This was written to go with a surreal drawing I had made, which I will post if I can ever find it...
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  6. #6
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    What makes this piece work is that it's actually "about something," as well as the fact that it contains images that the reader can see, hear, touch, feel. Also, it alludes to the worlds of fairy tales and myths and reminded me of "Snow White and Rose Red."

  7. #7
    defying description inbetween's Avatar
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    hm ... a little cryptic ... have to think about it ... makes me wonder
    Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies.

  8. #8
    defying description inbetween's Avatar
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    guess I got it (click link to see picture)
    you mean this
    http://images.google.com/imgres?imgu...a%3DX%26um%3D1

    or perhaps rather that
    http://images.google.com/imgres?imgu...a%3DX%26um%3D1

    I see
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  9. #9
    defying description inbetween's Avatar
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    stupid me .. was actually pretty obvious
    Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies.

  10. #10
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Arrow

    Found it. Without further ado, the drawing entitled, "The Creature Within"
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

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