Is infidelity wrong?

[isidro]

I have an absolutely brilliant idea for persons such as African Love! Let's just throw the whole relationship thing out the window and everyone sleeps with everyone else since there is nothing wrong with it. No one will ever be loyal to you and you cannot expect them to be since you will never be loyal to them. Sure, we throw actual love and commitment entirely out the window but since that takes more effort than many people in this society can muster what is the use considering it in the first place. Order? That is thoroughly archaic.

[Dark Muse]

I have an absolutely brilliant idea for persons such as African Love! Let's just throw the whole relationship thing out the window and everyone sleeps with everyone else since there is nothing wrong with it. No one will ever be loyal to you and you cannot expect them to be since you will never be loyal to them. Sure, we throw actual love and commitment entirely out the window but since that takes more effort than many people in this society can muster what is the use considering it in the first place. Order? That is thoroughly archaic.

LOL that would suit Blazeofglory and African Love just fine, but while the rest of the world goes to the dogs, me and my mate will stick to our old fashioned and apparently evil Christian (even though I am not even one) values of commitment, honesty, and faithfulness.

[Haunted]

You could treat me very well and have an affair, you could treat me very poorly and behave monogamously.

How commendable, to treat someone well while having an affair.

So using this model, it wouldn't be morally wrong then to put this piece of work through a meat grinder? Rest assured that it'll be done with loving thoughts and utmost respect.

[Michael T]

How commendable, to treat someone well while having an affair.

So using this model, it wouldn't be morally wrong then to put this piece of work through a meat grinder? Rest assured that it'll be done with loving thoughts and utmost respect.

Nice one

[Scheherazade]

R e m i n d e r

Please do not personalise your arguments.

Posts containing such remarks will be deleted without further notice.

[blazeofglory]

You seem to be missing my point. If you want to have multiple relationships, there is no reason to do it behind anyone's back, there is no reason to do it in a way that could hurt someone who believes you are committed to just them.

If you want to love more than one person, than be open and honest about it with everyone involved.

It is the lying and betrayal that I am against, the vowing to be faithful to someone and than going behind their back to sleep with other people.

A person can engage in an open arrangement where their partners are aware of the fact that it will not be a monogamous relationship.

But there is no justification for intentionally misleading another person that you claim to love. If you really loved them, you would tell them the truth about your intentions.

As Scheherazade pointed out. It is not the act of sex that is the main issue, it is the act of breaking a given promise to another person.

If you are not going to be faithful, than do not swear a vow to someone telling them that you are going to be.

What you said will be correct in an ideal situation where both partners are absolutely ideal and understand each other transcending of course all conventional values. But realistically such ideas never hold true. People having multiple relationships do it behind their back.

Man is a funny creature. Today you may betray somebody and again tom arrow you can maintain a very close relationship.

In Nepal sexual relationship behind their matrimonial ties is a taboo and people hate them if they keep multiple relationships. But still it often happens as today things are different thru globalization in Nepal.
I know a couple. In that case the husband, though married, has a relationship with a few other women. But afterward he got changed and started maintaining very close relationship with his own wife.

All I want to say conclusively here is multiple relationships are likely to happen today and people understand that things like this are uncontrollable and they know for sure that there is no ideal situation.

Everyone is vulnerable or indefensible. In an ideal situation what DARK MUSE sad may hold true

[Dark Muse]

What you said will be correct in an ideal situation where both partners are absolutely ideal and understand each other transcending of course all conventional values. But realistically such ideas never hold true. People having multiple relationships do it behind their back.

And because people do it, makes it by default right? I really do not get your logic, should murder also be right since in an ideal situation people would not kill other people but sense in reality they do, that means that it should just be accepted?

Or what about rape and child molestation. Ideally these things would not happen, but in the real life they do, so what? We should pardon it?

[papayahed]

All I want to say conclusively here is multiple relationships are likely to happen today and people understand that things like this are uncontrollable and they know for sure that there is no ideal situation.

uncontrollable??? How is that possible? Did the man accidently fall on top of the woman and accidently have sex? I'm not buying it. At every step a desicion was made to cheat. There is no uncontrollable.

[Dark Muse]

uncontrollable??? How is that possible? Did the man accidently fall on top of the woman and accidently have sex? I'm not buying it. At every step a desicion was made to cheat. There is no uncontrollable.

LOL

Thank You!!!!

You are completetly right. It is 100% within a persons control if they have an affair or not.

[Dragon Shadow]

Infedilty is a sin and it is immoral. I believe that if you make a commitment to someone else then you should keep your commitment.
When someone cheats in a relationship not just one person gets hurt (the one who is cheated on) the one who is the other person also gets hurt. The person doing the actually cheating is being selfish and not putting anything in to either relationship that he or she may have. He is only taking.

[metamorphoser]

agree with you, Blazeofglory. Uncontrollable, indeed!

eeh, Dragon Shadow, is fidelity then humanity or responsibility? if blinded by passion and make a seemingly sacred oath believing it would never fail, after knowing it was not ..however trying to keep what it used to, we soar then..

[virginiawang]

I don't really understand why infidelity exists. I will never have my heart thinking about two men at the same time. I will not tell lies in a love relationship. However I will allow the man I love to do whatever he likes beacuse I love him.

[blazeofglory]

LOL that would suit Blazeofglory and African Love just fine, but while the rest of the world goes to the dogs, me and my mate will stick to our old fashioned and apparently evil Christian (even though I am not even one) values of commitment, honesty, and faithfulness.

What percentage of commitment, honesty and faithfulness do you have in your culture? I do not know exactly which culture you belong to? In western culture I think virginity, faithfulness, trust are things of the past in most cases if not in all. I am not much familiar with western cultures but what I glean from books, journals, TV serials, newspapers and magazines and cinemas.

Maybe what you said applies a little bit in eastern cultures; at least ostensibly if not actually. Because primitive or traditional values still exist in our villages if not in our cities where globalization is looming large.

[Dark Muse]

What percentage of commitment, honesty and faithfulness do you have in your culture? I do not know exactly which culture you belong to? In western culture I think virginity, faithfulness, trust are things of the past in most cases if not in all. I am not much familiar with western cultures but what I glean from books, journals, TV serials, newspapers and magazines and cinemas.

Well you know what they say, if everyone else jumps off a bridge does that mean you are just going to blindly follow them?

If crime rates are high in an area should I then say what the hell, and just become a criminal because it is just the thing to do.

I am not just going to follow blindly with the sheep, nor I am going to use that as a basis to justify anyone's actions.

Because other people are unfaithful, does not mean that makes being unfaithful the right thing to do. Nor does it mean it is a practice to adopt within my own personal life.

That is where we seem to differ and fail to understand each other. For me just because everyone else is doing it, does not mean that by default makes it the right thing to do, nor does it mean that I ought to throw my own values out the window and join in just to be with the in crowd.

You seem to think that the whole world should just operate off some sort of peer pressure system. And everyone should just go along with popular trends simply because they are popular, and the very popularity of it, automatically makes it a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

I prefer to think for myself.

[billl]

Blaze, I think that in some ways magazines, TV, etc. reflect what happens among some people, but really the reason for the prevalence of betrayals and scandalous behavior in entertainment (and news, as well) is the fact that people are more likely to read or watch it. It is generally more interesting and juicy than reports of faithfulness.

In the U.S., there are certainly many who have experienced cheating in their relationship, as well as divorce, but the number that think that such things are just fine is much less, I think. In any case, it is far from a universal occurrence, many refrain from temptation, and my guess is that many feel that refraining from affairs is best for them, in the long term. Attitudes will possibly vary from region to region, as well as according to other factors, similar to the village/city situation in your country--but that's just the impression I get, nothing to do with statistics.

I just briefly investigated the statistics online, and it seems that maybe about half of the people in U.S. marriages cheat on their spouse, although some studies offer a much lower percentage. an example list of stats It seems that men do (or admit to doing) it more often than women, with the ratio being (perhaps) 60%men and 40%women. I wonder what percentage of "cheaters" are actually married to "cheaters" as well--I figure discovery and dismissal of all commitment on both sides would probably crowd a lot of the "cheaters" into the same marriage, and thus push this unreliable analysis to something like a slight but solid majority of marriages being entirely faithful. 51%? 70%? I saw one statistic that claimed that 1 out of 2.7 marriages will be affected by an affair. But the whole thing is difficult to analyze with any accuracy. I searched on google: marriage cheating statistics.

Again, I think you are maybe being poetic about human frailty when you are making pronouncements in this thread about how ALL OF US are utterly helpless and can't control ourselves. It seems a striking exaggeration, to me--although sensible resistance to such statements might easily overstate their case as well, in such a blow-by-blow medium as these forums.

I think we have an animal self that we must respect and respond to, but that we also have a higher capacity, and that it is fair to assign blame to many selfish acts that we might commit. In all but the most unfortunate cases, I think it is reasonable for most of us to expect that we and are partners will be in charge of our actions. That is what separates us from animals, of course. We can reflect and try to do better than our instincts might sometimes seem to insist.

Some might have differing opinions about the importance of fidelity, but I think that a secret betrayal and subsequent deception would demean a loving relationship tragically, and that honesty and trust are treasures that need not be dispensed with, if a couple is truly matched for each other.