Thoughts on a Drunken Eve of Winter's Death

[Mr. Madeleine]

In this piece, I like the light work in the second stanza best. I would have liked to read more about the room, to see it used as object correlative for the drunk narrator. In the third stanza, I like "ocean of liquor"; it may be just me, but I'd revisit "artillery fire" and make it more Navy-like for structural purposes, i.e. to make that whole stanza one of sea imagery. Besides the last stanza which tells me too much and doesn't show me enough, your poem is a pleasurable read. Thanks for sharing.

[MorpheusSandman]

Thanks to Dan and Pen!

I'd revisit "artillery fire" and make it more Navy-like for structural purposes, i.e. to make that whole stanza one of sea imagery.

That's actually an excellent idea.

Besides the last stanza which tells me too much and doesn't show me enough

That was intentional. While I have a great respect for the extra dimension the imagists brought to poetry I don't subscribe to the whole "show, don't tell" philosophy as a paradigm because I think there's a time and place for both. I wanted the more imagistic first half to contrast with the more sober "telling" of the second.