Sitting in the Snow

[Luckey09]

As the grass withers,
And the flower fades,
And the leaves fall in
The cool autumn days,
And the sun cuts his days short,
And night shadows the sky,
And the old men grows sleepy,
And sleeping dogs lie,
And the fruits grow less sweet,
And the warmth leaves your hands,
And the days grow in silence,
And the bird leaves the lands,
I’ll sit under this tree
Till the skies turn back blue,
Throughout the cold winter
Just waiting for you.
And you’ll sit by the fire
Just wishing to know
What kind of fool
Would sit in the snow.

[sovna]

That's lovely. I like the way it flows.
I can picture it all in my head.

[Luckey09]

thanks :]

[MorpheusSandman]

I love it! So simple, so lovely, with such a great emotional complexity between humorous, sadness, and a kind of ephemeral longing that accompanies the changing seasons. Just great!

[Luckey09]

thanks!

[cogs]

i like it too... i was hoping for more clues, like this one:"And the warmth leaves your hands," thinking that she had grown cold to him. romantic, and charming.

[Lokasenna]

That's a really lovely poem. The imagery is so enjoyable, and the structure really complaments the theme. Well done!

[Mr. Madeleine]

A well-penned piece with a good use of anaphora. Some lines are cliché and deserve revisiting, but I like the imagery overall. There's also a nice use of alliteration especially in the opening lines, and I'd like to see more of it and also assonance to make this piece even more musical. Appealing more to the senses of smell, taste and touch would also add to the sensual experience. I think you've got something worth the extra toil here. Thanks for sharing.

[blazeofglory]

This poem is so beautifully written and the circumstances are so well portrayed that it touches the reader first, for there the most important aspect to kind of stroke us is the beauty of the poem, the style in point of fact. I really envy the poet

[Luckey09]

thanks everyone, all comments helpful!