Is infidelity wrong?

[blazeofglory]

Infidelity is so common today; People in some cultures want their would-be spouse virgin, unsexed and if she or he was already exploited he or she would be deemed adulterated or grimy in point of fact. We want chastity in others whereas we always infringe on the domain. In fact what we call chastity, fidelity are the sets of principles men have framed in the course of civilization through evolutionary phases for there is no such thing as fidelity and infidelity in nature. You may argue that this is obviously manifest among birds, and yet the extremity with which man deals with this not found in bestial communities in point of fact. For, sex is not a subject of debate there, nor any being is charged for violating it. Man however is a funny species and sex or the question of infidelity is so much accentuated in man’s society.
I wonder when man will look at it from a different perspective. I envision when this civilization will be over and a new will pop up with all our codes of conducts redrafted we will take this issue of fidelity and infidelity totally differently in point of fact. This is the other view on it, not in fact an opposite view.

[Michael T]

First of all African Love, I think you need to understand that immorality and disrespect don’t depend on someone other than yourself being aware of your actions. Your whole argument seems to rest on whether or not the person being betrayed is aware of the betrayal that is taking place.

If you accept the meanings of the terms ‘Infidelity’, ‘Morality’ and ‘Respect’ then your argument falls apart. The meaning of these terms do not depend on the person you are betraying/disrespecting being aware of your actions.

Respect denotes both a positive feeling of esteem for a person or other entity (such as a nation or a religion), and also specific actions and conduct representative of that esteem.

Morality can be used either
1. Descriptively to refer to a code of conduct put forward by a society or,
a. some other group, such as a religion, or
b. accepted by an individual for his/her own behaviour or
2. Normatively to refer to a code of conduct that, given specified conditions, would be put forward by all rational persons.

Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant breach of faith or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature.
There are two areas in a close relationship where infidelity mostly occurs: physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. Infidelity is not just about sex outside the relationship, but about trust, betrayal, lying and disloyalty. What makes infidelity so painful is the fact that it involves someone deliberately using deception to violate established expectations within a relationship.

African Love, I end by leaving you the definition of the word you yourself have used often in this thread to describe the actions you wish to condone:

Cheating is an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others, Cheating implies the breaking of rules. The term "cheating" is less applicable to the breaking of laws, as illegal activities are referred to by specific legal terminology such as fraud or corruption. Cheating is a primordial economic act: getting more for less, often used when referring to marital infidelity. A person who is guilty of cheating is generally referred to as a cheat

[Virgil]

I'm really encouraged by the outcome of the vote. With all the moral relativism that goes on in today's world, and especially on lit net, I would have thought the outcome would be different.

[TheFifthElement]

I think Qimi made a good point:

It is wrong. It is disrespectful. I think some people use ist as a "raft" to help them move out of an unhappy relationship.

but I'd add to that not just a raft to get out of an unhappy relationship but also a raft to cope with an unhappy relationship. At its core it is disrespectful, if you've reached the point where you can betray a person's trust then you no longer love and respect that person. Is it immoral? Hmm, I find that more hard to judge. I guess it depends on the circumstances. The 'right' thing to do, it would seem to me anyway, would be to end one relationship before you start another, but I know of people who have had affairs because they fell in love with someone else and no longer loved/respected their husband/wife, but did not want to end the marriage because of their children. I don't think that's necessarily right, but I can understand why people would do it. I think it's not so easy doing the right thing when you're torn between being in love with someone and your love for your children. It's a quandary I've been lucky not to face.

That being said I can't imagine myself ever having an affair, but then I love and respect my husband a great deal and if I was unhappy in one relationship I can't imagine that starting another relationship would make things any better though perhaps that is a lack of imagination on my part. I'm also in the position that I can only be married to my husband because his first marriage broke down (and there was an affair, on both sides - not with me I'd like to point out!) so perhaps that gives me a slightly different perspective on things.

[Jozanny]

I'm really encouraged by the outcome of the vote. With all the moral relativism that goes on in today's world, and especially on lit net, I would have thought the outcome would be different.

I cannot vote, because my answer would be to brake on not being too quick to judge. I did not wake up one day and declare I wanted to be "the other woman."

Life happens to people, and everyone has needs.

[Michael T]

I did not wake up one day and declare I wanted to be "the other woman."

Life happens to people, and everyone has needs.

You did wake up one day with the ability to choose though.

[Dark Muse]

You did wake up one day with the ability to choose though.

Yes!

That is ezactly what I was going to say.

You do not just "happen" to be a mistress, it is a concious choice you made.

One of my favorite quotes

You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave

[Maryd.]

You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave

Great quote. Especially for this topic...

[Jozanny]

You did wake up one day with the ability to choose though.

And that seems easy to you Michael? Try telling a single woman who can walk that you are confined to a wheelchair for life, and see what happens after a while.

Married men were not afraid of me, and I am a human being. Did I mean to hurt their wives? Of course not, and most of the time I stepped out of the picture without ever having been the cause of the problem.

I do not recommend it as a way of life, but I'd take kindness over the routine pain of daily loneliness if the former is the best I could do.

[Michael T]

And that seems easy to you Michael? Try telling a single woman who can walk that you are confined to a wheelchair for life, and see what happens after a while.

Are you suggesting that people confined to wheelchairs require different moral values? Should ugly people have special concessions too?

[soundofmusic]

"Morals" are often set in place to protect the fragile balance of certain societal structures:
Marital relationships often begin to wear when there are financial difficulties, a pregnancy or new child, something temporary; sometimes these partnerships can mend if there isn't an outside force pushing them in the other direction.
There are some people who are not exactly happy in the marital state; but need the security of it, or the status; they often take many lovers, over time, make empty promises and keep the person in limbo.
Ones mate or children may not know that the other mate is having a relationship; but they sense the "drift"...we don't live in a vacuum, everything we do affects the people we are close to.
We are emotional beings, we often fall in love with the wrong people. In order to give a relationship the best chance of survival, keep it as simple as possible. Don't go in while your "friend" is in the midst of a bitter break up, divorce or custody battle. If possible, give them a year after the end of a relationship to "pick up the pieces". Yes, they may find someone else in the interim; they will probably be back!

[Dark Muse]

And that seems easy to you Michael? Try telling a single woman who can walk that you are confined to a wheelchair for life, and see what happens after a while.

Married men were not afraid of me, and I am a human being. Did I mean to hurt their wives? Of course not, and most of the time I stepped out of the picture without ever having been the cause of the problem.

I do not recommend it as a way of life, but I'd take kindness over the routine pain of daily loneliness if the former is the best I could do.

I cannot even bring myself to come up with anything close to a civil response to that.

[Jozanny]

I cannot even bring myself to come up with anything close to a civil response to that.

I don't care Dark, nothing personal.

Marriage, as a state of being, is not always what it is cracked up to be, and happy ones are far and few between, not that they don't exist, but they are rarer than young people would like to believe.

Young people also like to see things in black and white, and life really isn't like that.

There is a tendency on boards like these to bat reactionary labels around like Halloween candy, and I am contrary enough to push back. Even able-bodied women find themselves in situations where virtue is not the better part of valor, and adultery also mixes up the paternity issue. It is good for the species.

That last is cheeky, but I am always willing to consider all parties. No one, Dark Muse, is as culpable as the straight and narrow advocates would like to believe.

[Maryd.]

"Morals" are often set in place to protect the fragile balance of certain societal structures:
Marital relationships often begin to wear when there are financial difficulties, a pregnancy or new child, something temporary; sometimes these partnerships can mend if there isn't an outside force pushing them in the other direction.
There are some people who are not exactly happy in the marital state; but need the security of it, or the status; they often take many lovers, over time, make empty promises and keep the person in limbo.
Ones mate or children may not know that the other mate is having a relationship; but they sense the "drift"...we don't live in a vacuum, everything we do affects the people we are close to.
We are emotional beings, we often fall in love with the wrong people. In order to give a relationship the best chance of survival, keep it as simple as possible. Don't go in while your "friend" is in the midst of a bitter break up, divorce or custody battle. If possible, give them a year after the end of a relationship to "pick up the pieces". Yes, they may find someone else in the interim; they will probably be back!

I couldn't have put it better myself Soundofmusic. You are very wise.

[Dark Muse]

I don't care Dark, nothing personal.

Marriage, as a state of being, is not always what it is cracked up to be, and happy ones are far and few between, not that they don't exist, but they are rarer than young people would like to believe.

Young people also like to see things in black and white, and life really isn't like that.

There is a tendency on boards like these to bat reactionary labels around like Halloween candy, and I am contrary enough to push back. Even able-bodied women find themselves in situations where virtue is not the better part of valor, and adultery also mixes up the paternity issue. It is good for the species.

That last is cheeky, but I am always willing to consider all parties. No one, Dark Muse, is as culpable as the straight and narrow advocates would like to believe.

And I personally have no sympathy for people who make the conscious choice to cheat and betray. There is no excuse for it that I will accept.

If you are in a bad relationship you, you handle it like an adult and you get out of it. No one is saying that is easy, but life is not just about making easy decisions that meet with your instant gratification.

Being that having an affair is something that is completely and totally within my control, I can say with complete confidence that I will never do it, no matter what the circumstances.

It is not something that is just going to "happen" to me, it is something of which I would make the choice to decide to do, and it is a choice I will never make for myself, period!