Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[The Atheist]

Why not?

English still agree to play cricket matches with other countries' teams, don't they?

Very cool new avatar. We had some orcas in Auckland harbour a few weeks back, which just happened to coincide with the kids having a day off school.

I took a guess at where they would end up while we drove 30 minutes to the water and stopped at a beachfront in an estuary.

Right on cue, about 2 minutes after we arrvied, six of the came into the water right in front of us. They were hunting stingrays and came to within 100 feet of the beach.

Outstanding.

Let me state unequivocably, I take no pleasure in watching my neighbours getting thrashed and humiliated by their criminal anscestors. Some in my country may be doubled over in laughter, but Jocky is above this. Honesty is my watchword.

Mate, I'll drink to your sadness.

Your honesty is touching. It must be hell when Scotland plays England at something, you're heartbroken whoever loses.

Atheist this is just a flavour of what is to come. You had better pray to all the Gods you dont believe in that your lot dont get their asses whipped by Pakistan tomorrow. Mind you, better that than getting humped by your Antipodean neighbours in the final. Life just doesnt get any better than this.

61/2 chasing 233. Very much in the balance.

I have nothing to say.

Just think of that little jug with the ash in it and you'll be fine for the next 10-15 years.

[jocky]

Great Scott; Jocky is back !!
I was afraid my seamstress comment may have been the last straw.

RE: Ozzy - yes, it is true that he soiled sacred ground and was soon followed by the bat head incident. (or was it a chicken head?).

Gilliatt, a piece of sage advice from old Jocky. Read the forum rules, fowl language is not tolerated in this thread.

61/2 chasing 233. Very much in the balance.

Would you believe it you won? I had plans for you this week and they are now in tatters. Atheist if you fell in a bucket of crap you would come out smelling of roses. If you win this tournament there must be hope for Scotland yet.

I have nothing to say.

Silence is golden.

Guys, did I ever tell you about the time I was nearly awarded the Victoria Cross ? I accidentaly shot the company cook. The whole company signed a petition demanding I should be awarded the highest accolade the army could award, even the cook signed it when he eventually recovered from his horrendous injury. There was much deliberation amongst the top brass but sadly it was not to be. What swung it against me was the cook's wife's complaint that I had shot him in the groin and her life was ruined. Gentlemen, there is a fine dividing line between success and failure in this world. Still Jocky V.C. has a nice ring to it.

[The Atheist]

Would you believe it you won? I had plans for you this week and they are now in tatters. Atheist if you fell in a bucket of crap you would come out smelling of roses. If you win this tournament there must be hope for Scotland yet.

Amazingly, we have won this tournament a few years back.

Only thing we ever did win, although I'm told we had a tiddlywinks champ some time ago. I think we did rather well at Scrabble as well.

[jocky]

Amazingly, we have won this tournament a few years back.

Only thing we ever did win, although I'm told we had a tiddlywinks champ some time ago. I think we did rather well at Scrabble as well.

Tiddlywinks and Scrabble should never be underestimated, they are indications of a resolute national identity. Where would the British Empire be without these characteristics ? I digress, you are still not off the hook yet, only victory against the Aussies will redeem you. As to your Orca tale, you might fool Schezherhadze but Jocky is not convinced. I could ask for witness testimony and photographic evidence, but I will not push the issue. Have you heard from farmer Prendrelemick lately? Maybe he saw ' something nasty in the woodshed '

[prendrelemick]

I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.

In the meantime, a traditional Anglo Saxon message of encouragement to our antipodean brothers:-

KERRRMONNNN YOUUU KEEEEWEEEES!

[The Atheist]

Tiddlywinks and Scrabble should never be underestimated, they are indications of a resolute national identity. Where would the British Empire be without these characteristics ? I digress, you are still not off the hook yet, only victory against the Aussies will redeem you. As to your Orca tale, you might fool Schezherhadze but Jocky is not convinced. I could ask for witness testimony and photographic evidence, but I will not push the issue. Have you heard from farmer Prendrelemick lately? Maybe he saw ' something nasty in the woodshed '

I was thinking about you earlier.

In the "why celibacy is good" thread.

I think you provide proof of the proposition.

I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.

In the meantime, a traditional Anglo Saxon message of encouragement to our antipodean brothers:-

KERRRMONNNN YOUUU KEEEEWEEEES!

Yeah!

We beat Aussie every 20 years or so and we're just about due...

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

... What swung it against me was the cook's wife's complaint that I had shot him in the groin and her life was ruined. Gentlemen, there is a fine dividing line between success and failure in this world. Still Jocky V.C. has a nice ring to it.

I was thinking about you earlier.

In the "why celibacy is good" thread.

I think you provide proof of the proposition.

It may be too late for jocky, but it would seem that the cook is now celibate. Not sure which is more humiliating; having them shot off or cremated and toted around in a terra cotta ash urn?

I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.

No wood? No worries! - Don’t forget about that fine substitute we’ve discussed and if the old lady dosn't like it; send her to the woodshed.

[jocky]

I was thinking about you earlier.

In the "why celibacy is good" thread.

I think you provide proof of the proposition.





Mmm, brains or sex. I choose fornication.

[jocky]

Atheist I know you feel like you have been kicked very hard in the goolies at this moment in time, but life has its little consolations. If there had been a trophy for the ugliest looking team in the tournament New Zealand would have won it hands down. I thought I would just cheer you up. Boomerangs cant reach Scotland can they?

[The Atheist]

Atheist I know you feel like you have been kicked very hard in the goolies at this moment in time, but life has its little consolations. If there had been a trophy for the ugliest looking team in the tournament New Zealand would have won it hands down. I thought I would just cheer you up. Boomerangs cant reach Scotland can they?

Mate, if you think they're bad, you should check out our rugby team!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...le5730001.ece#

Is it any wonder that Kiwi women go to UK and come back with British husbands?

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Boys,

It's time you wish me a happy birthday !

The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!
(not sure why it didn't show up on LitNet-must not of entered my B-day on the profile)

I had the old lady fetch me a bottle and some cider.

[jocky]

Boys,

It's time you wish me a happy birthday !

The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!
(not sure why it didn't show up on LitNet-must not of entered my B-day on the profile)

I had the old lady fetch me a bottle and some cider.

Many happy returns Gilliat , P-38s, Bourbon and Cider could get you into serious trouble. Your Missus sounds like a real trooper.

Mate, if you think they're bad, you should check out our rugby team!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...le5730001.ece#

Is it any wonder that Kiwi women go to UK and come back with British husbands?

The website didnt work Atheist but I am more than happy to believe you on this one.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Many happy returns Gilliat , P-38s, Bourbon and Cider could get you into serious trouble. Your Missus sounds like a real trooper.

Thanks a lot jocky and yes she is. That glass was for my father.

Atheist,
Your website made it as far as Texas-quite funny.
Dubya must have had the signal scrammbled as it headed over the pond.

[jocky]

Thanks a lot jocky and yes she is. That glass was for my father.

Did your old man fly one of these things? Hats off to him if he did as they were considered to be aeronautical deathtraps. Lets raise our glasses to fathers, where would we be without them?

I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.

In the meantime, a traditional Anglo Saxon message of encouragement to our antipodean brothers:-

KERRRMONNNN YOUUU KEEEEWEEEES!

Quick spot of the literary connection Prend. Now for the Celtic Scoto message: COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YOUR HARD ENOUGH. I can be found In Papua New Guinea in the Headhunters Tavern.

[The Atheist]

Boys,

It's time you wish me a happy birthday !

The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!

Happy birthday!

The website didnt work Atheist but I am more than happy to believe you on this one.

Hmmm.

Try this: