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Thread: Snapshots

  1. #511
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: April 1, 2009

    I caught sight of a young man’s face
    at The Mission, yesterday,
    blind with self-pity
    and rage.

    An alcoholic since many years back
    who kept trying
    to try to try to quit:
    booze, or life.

    Volunteers swarmed around,
    eager to talk him out of it,
    as if they, or he,
    knew what it was.

  2. #512
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: 12/Apr/09


    A little girl,
    hardly bigger than
    a half-spent minute,
    bursts suddenly into tears.
    Her father, a lanky Khassid,
    bends down
    and wraps his arms
    practically three times around her.

  3. #513
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: April 15, 2009


    It’s funny
    how you can be out walking
    on Waverley on a bright, sunny day
    and you say “Bonjour”
    to a perfect stranger
    and when he responds “Bonjour
    that second syllable sounds like
    What’s the point? What,
    in God’s name,
    was ever the point?

  4. #514
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: April 18, 2009

    I shall affirm
    the light, the day, this pebble
    that lodged itself in my sandal
    and obliged me to stop
    here
    at this particular station
    of my cross
    to notice this particular
    mild-faced child
    who rests his eyes a moment
    on my face, then carries on,

    having blessed me.

  5. #515
    My mind's in rags breathtest's Avatar
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    Wow you made this poem about such a simple, but beautiful, every day occurrence that most people would not even think twice about. Well written
    'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'. Hemingway

  6. #516
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breathtest View Post
    Wow you made this poem about such a simple, but beautiful, every day occurrence that most people would not even think twice about. Well written
    Thanks very much. It's my ideal in writing these to stay away from anything overtly Poetic, but to record what strikes me as interesting in as straightforward a manner as possible.

  7. #517
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    Snapshots: April 21, 2009

    A cyclist comes tearing up the street
    at a furious pace,
    treats the asphalt as if it were
    continuous with the sidewalk
    and goes racing off
    into unclaimed space.

  8. #518
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    14 May, 2009

    At the café this morning
    I had a more than usually serious conversation
    with young J-F
    who confided in me
    that his deepest wish
    was to live long enough
    to witness the final end
    of all humanity.

    It took all my tact
    to keep from telling him
    what deep sadness
    I thought he had revealed
    about himself

  9. #519
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    I shall affirm
    the light, the day, this pebble
    that lodged itself in my sandal
    and obliged me to stop
    here
    at this particular station
    of my cross
    to notice this particular
    mild-faced child
    who rests his eyes a moment
    on my face, then carries on,

    having blessed me.
    Oh my goodness...
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  10. #520
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ampoule View Post
    Oh my goodness...
    Thank you - both for what I interpret as your appreciation, and for bringing this back to my attention. It was a pleasure both to experience what I wrote, and to write about it...

  11. #521
    Employee of the Month blank|verse's Avatar
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    Too free?

    While you're certainly no idiot, Myshkin (how's the epilepsy?) and have got a good feel for the poetic, I just think some of your free verse writing is too free, in that it reads more like prose than poetry.

    I know there are no 'rules' as such (and you said yourself you wanted to avoid the 'overtly Poetic') but I think that leaves you in danger of not writing poetry at all, just nice prose. You can introduce elements of poetry like rhythm, rhyme and metre without hitting people over the head with them; by being 'subtly poetic' if you like. I think that would improve your writing.

  12. #522
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    I shall affirm
    the light, the day, this pebble
    that lodged itself in my sandal
    and obliged me to stop
    here
    at this particular station
    of my cross
    to notice this particular
    mild-faced child
    who rests his eyes a moment
    on my face, then carries on,

    having blessed me.
    I like all of these, but this is my favorite. I love your living in the present moment, and the moment as a present, and the idea that it is a station of the cross...life does feel that way...and the little child, and his blessing. Keep writning, keep noticing. You have an eagle eye.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  13. #523
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blnk_vrz View Post
    While you're certainly no idiot, Myshkin (how's the epilepsy?) and have got a good feel for the poetic, I just think some of your free verse writing is too free, in that it reads more like prose than poetry.

    I know there are no 'rules' as such (and you said yourself you wanted to avoid the 'overtly Poetic') but I think that leaves you in danger of not writing poetry at all, just nice prose. You can introduce elements of poetry like rhythm, rhyme and metre without hitting people over the head with them; by being 'subtly poetic' if you like. I think that would improve your writing.
    Interesting response, Mr Vrz, and I’m happy to encounter a fellow Dostoievskiite, apropos which it might interest you to know that on another site I frequent my nom de plume is “Alyosha” and that in my own novel entitled A Russian Novel I created a character, Ratin, who was unabashedly based on those other two “Holy Idiots.”

    As for your aesthetics, I respect them, but between what you advocate and the more prosy casual, I’ll continue to aim for the latter. The thread is called “Snapshots” and as any amateur photographer knows, the object of a snapshot is to capture a moment, even if the composition isn’t exquisite, the focal plane should be other than what it is, &c., &c.

  14. #524
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    30/05/09

    A young woman
    with some sort of facial
    birth defect
    paused before crossing
    in front of my car.
    Noticing me
    notice her, she returned my glance
    with an “How dare you look at me!”


    (This poem was stolen from Online-Literature.com)

  15. #525
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    June 6, 2009


    Some mornings are made for loving.
    Into the café steps Lise,
    the short-order cook,
    her ear-length hair
    unaccustomedly carefee
    along her youthful face.
    “You look like a girl!”
    I exclaim, and she feigns chagrin.
    “I don’t want to be a girl,”
    she says. “I’m a woman!”


    Later, at a filling station
    I infer that the attendant is probably an Arab
    or an Irani.
    Keefsaha? I say to him
    And after he has finished: Shukran
    and get a broad, warm smile in return.

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