The Circumference

[qimissung]

It was in the night that I dreamed
And in the dreaming saw myself
Young and golden and free
I awoke smiling at my innocent self
And stepped unthinkingly across
The circumference of that life and this
A rope of evil binds me, breathes
Its excoriating breathe upon my cheek
Inhales my youth and cherished naiveté
Takes it unto himself as if he had the right
To step into my world with his cloven
Hooves and ill-gotten power and take,
And take, and take again, to exercise
His will, his hubris, his misbegotten soul on me
I will survive
I am strong
But this is not what my potters’ hands envisioned
And the little voice that says not this, no, not this
I cradle her to my breast very tenderly now
I wish she could forget

[qimissung]

This was inspired by Prince's poem "In the News Today." It has not happened to me. Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.

[PrinceMyshkin]

It was in the night that I dreamed
And in the dreaming saw myself
Young and golden and free
I awoke smiling at my innocent self
And stepped unthinkingly across
The circumference of that life and this
A rope of evil binds me, breathes
Its excoriating breathe upon my cheek
Inhales my youth and cherished naiveté
Takes it unto himself as if he had the right
To step into my world with his cloven
Hooves and ill-gotten power and take,
And take, and take again, to exercise
His will, his hubris, his misbegotten soul on me
I will survive
I am strong
But this is not what my potters’ hands envisioned
And the little voice that says not this, no, not this
I cradle her to my breast very tenderly now
I wish she could forget
Unfortunately she can’t

I kind of wish you'd drop that last line. The one before it already implies that, notwithstanding which Iim about to post it to "Your Favourite Poems..."

What it describes is so gut-wrenching but laid out with your characteristic lucidity and lack of over-sell.

[qimissung]

Thank you Prince.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I wonder if others would like to compare this with your latest posted poem about the freighter listing...

[hillwalker]

Of the two, this stands head and shoulders above your previous poem (and that is saying something). This begs to be read over and over to grasp the thought processes behind it - and to truly relish the metaphor and language employed.

I can only applaud your efforts and echo Prince's praise.

H

oh, and BTW

line 8 'breathe upon my cheek' - I think you intended 'breath'

[MorpheusSandman]

I dearly love this up until "I will survive", which is where you lose me both emotionally, thematically, and even imaginatively. But that first section is so strong and I love how it splits so perfectly between the dream of youth and age that so viciously sucks all of that away. But I'm curious as to what you were going for with that ending. I'd highly recommend removing that "I will survive, I am strong" lines which really violates the tone of the poem.

[qimissung]

It's about a woman who was raped, morpheus

[MorpheusSandman]

Ahh, well then I'll admit that its intent flew right over my head.

[qimissung]

That's why Prince was comparing my two poems. He thought the other was about a woman who was raped. It is about rape, but not about the rape of a person, and not a rape specificlly, more metaphorically.